Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now.

[vallettavalentine]

i think each case is different, I now have 4 times had people comment my impending divorce and now separation is common but not for a man, for I was the motherly take care of the home and the kids and my wife was the one who hid her feelings and just snapped last month and went from a very dependent individual to a much more independent but not close to her family now but she is on a lot of prescription drugs and has a personality disorder and austism, so there is a lot of factors. I grew up in a home where all the men older were dead when I was 8 and I was raised by women and it made me different and also I would do anything to keep the family together including putting up with a lot and now she is going to live on mental disability pension and not be with us. my consiense is clear, I have done my best and time to move on, now I have to sell my second house and clean 50yrs of my mother stuff out of the storage rooms and closets, I found ping pong rackets for a table we haven't had since 76, a seat cushion for dads 68 gmc truck, all gone since 76, I need a dumpster . 59lark

I have autism as well (Asperger.) Dealing with people like us can be difficult, to say the least. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you, to keep your own sanity and health intact. You did what you could, and sometimes it's just time to move on. I hope things get easier for you though--certainly no fun.

 

[tonyb]

i think each case is different, I now have 4 times had people comment my impending divorce and now separation is common but not for a man, for I was the motherly take care of the home and the kids and my wife was the one who hid her feelings and just snapped last month and went from a very dependent individual to a much more independent but not close to her family now but she is on a lot of prescription drugs and has a personality disorder and austism, so there is a lot of factors. I grew up in a home where all the men older were dead when I was 8 and I was raised by women and it made me different and also I would do anything to keep the family together including putting up with a lot and now she is going to live on mental disability pension and not be with us. my consiense is clear, I have done my best and time to move on, now I have to sell my second house and clean 50yrs of my mother stuff out of the storage rooms and closets, I found ping pong rackets for a table we haven't had since 76, a seat cushion for dads 68 gmc truck, all gone since 76, I need a dumpster . 59lark

You do what you gotta do, man. I've always struggled with hitting curveballs myself, but somehow I get on base, mostly cuz there's little other choice. Four years ago a set of unfortunate developments had me scrambling to hold on to most everything of value my wife and I owned. I wouldn't wish to go through all of that work (and anxiety) again, but I know I would if I had to.

 

[59Lark]

I have been reading this more and more, some think the pound is where to find love, I agree my chocolate lab is the most loving individual I know, my golden lab wants to protect me and always run back on a walk in the woods with the girls to check on me, and our horse its cranky and its has royal bearing but can fool you with its other side, my daughter laid down in the arena last month on the sand and the horse laid down beside her, imagine that, we are very fond of our livestock as we call them , they make us kinder folks. I hope that my single experience is kinder that some I had read here. Today I faxed through a order for 3 new fedoras, why 3 , when you buy them wholesale you have to buy 3. the next year outa be loo loo 59 lark

 

[belfastboy]

I have autism as well (Asperger.) Dealing with people like us can be difficult, to say the least. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you, to keep your own sanity and health intact. You did what you could, and sometimes it's just time to move on. I hope things get easier for you though--certainly no fun.

My good friend has a son (38 yrs old) with Asperger. He is legally blind, and has a mild form of CPalsey. When she was away I went over to fix the brake on his walker and hang out with him. He is brilliant especially with electronics, computers, cel phones etc. He queried me on my computer/phone/electronic likes and dislikes to which I had little response. Finally in exasperation he exclaimed...."What do you know?"......I replied, "I fixed your damn brake didn't I?". When my friend came home she asked me how it all went. I replied, "I don't think he wants to hang out with me ever again as I am convinced he thinks I am developmentally slow and next time wants you to send over someone smarter."

 

[vallettavalentine]

My good friend has a son (38 yrs old) with Asperger. He is legally blind, and has a mild form of CPalsey. When she was away I went over to fix the brake on his walker and hang out with him. He is brilliant especially with electronics, computers, cel phones etc. He queried me on my computer/phone/electronic likes and dislikes to which I had little response. Finally in exasperation he exclaimed...."What do you know?"......I replied, "I fixed your damn brake didn't I?". When my friend came home she asked me how it all went. I replied, "I don't think he wants to hang out with me ever again as I am convinced he thinks I am developmentally slow and next time wants you to send over someone smarter."

We can be like that--I used to ask other children in school why they couldn't spell words properly, and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why they were offended when I asked them. I wanted to know why. I only found out a few months ago that other people can't see words in their head as they speak, or as others speak (I was hyperlexic, reading at around age 2.) It's not out of any real hatred, just that we don't get how others operate. Being female with AS is different as well, and I went undiagnosed until recently, at the age of 35. My special interest is languages, not really how they operate, but "accumulating" them and using them. My mother is more of the stereotypical hypersensitive Aspie who can hear flourescent lights humming, but I have to have everything exaggerated--more noise, more spice, more everything. This seems like a very welcoming and open community though, and it's good to be here where people are helpful and understanding.

 

[tonyb]

... This seems like a very welcoming and open community though, and it's good to be here where people are helpful and understanding.

Well, they've put up with me for nearly a dozen years now.

 

[59Lark]

my daughter has asbergers and can hear noises I cant while fixing sewing machines and the other day demanded that I take away this one job because the halogen light was flashing and she was afraid of having a seizure brought on by this light. they say marriages with asberger children have a 98percent divorce rate, I say now its 100 percent. I read a lot of people here living alone and being okay with it, but I cant say its for me, after living for so= long with someone who couldn't have a normal relationship, and all that entitles including sex, communication, even standing being touched. here we are almost six months later, the separation is final, I kept my house and business, debt free and she took the spare cash left over from selling the extra house. her lawyer was so mad, she said you could have really gotta so much more, my ex wife said but how is he too look after the kids if I do want you want, oh he would find a way. thank goodness she decided to play fair , I am so unprepared for dating in this modern world. 59lark

 

[Fading Fast]

...my ex wife said but how is he too look after the kids if I do want you want...k

God bless her

...oh he would find a way....

effin' lawyers.



Good luck, my best wishes that things look up for you from here.

 

[2jakes]

I read a lot of people here living alone and being okay with it, but I cant say its for me, after living for so= long with someone who couldn't have a normal relationship, and all that entitles including sex, communication, even standing being touched. here we are almost six months later, the separation is final, I kept my house and business, debt free and she took the spare cash left over from selling the extra house. her lawyer was so mad, she said you could have really gotta so much more, my ex wife said but how is he too look after the kids if I do want you want, oh he would find a way. thank goodness she decided to play fair , I am so unprepared for dating in this modern world. 59lark

Nobody is prepared for dating. I wasn’t.
I’m not much on night clubs or bars for meeting people.
I focused on staying physically active as far as working
out at the gym, cycling, tennis or joining community
events around town helping others.

It was at the tennis courts where I made new friends.
But it can be any sport or hobby. You will find folks
with similar interests. Sharing the same things that
you like with someone who also feels the same is a
wonderful feeling and the chances for a lasting relationship
is greater.

 

[GHT]

The title of this thread: Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now, is most apt when you consider that on the 19th of May Prince Harry is going to marry his American divorcee with the approval of his family, the church and the British establishment. Eighty years ago a similar occurrence nearly brought down the Monarchy. How times change.

 

[tonyb]

The title of this thread: Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now, is most apt when you consider that on the 19th of May Prince Harry is going to marry his American divorcee with the approval of his family, the church and the British establishment. Eighty years ago a similar occurrence nearly brought down the Monarchy. How times change.

I'm waiting for the first royal same-sex marriage to receive the same treatment.

 

[OldStrummer]

Whew. The problem of old threads rising to the top. I started reading the last page, and then went back in time to see what others had contributed to the thread, and almost jumped out of my skin.

You see, I could probably add my own pages to this thread; I'm debating on whether I should contribute or not. I think @vallettavalentine triggered this response. You see, I've been married twice and divorced twice. The last time, my wife turned out to be an alcoholic with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This is much like Aspberger's but is more a social condition than a medical one. Nevertheless, the emotional trauma I experienced at her hands has had its impact on me.

I probably wouldn't avoid another relationship if it came falling into my lap, but these days I'm not looking for one, and have become happily mired in my "go anywhere, anytime, wearing anything, singing whatever and who cares what others think" attitude.

 

[3fingers]

The title of this thread: Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now, is most apt when you consider that on the 19th of May Prince Harry is going to marry his American divorcee with the approval of his family, the church and the British establishment. Eighty years ago a similar occurrence nearly brought down the Monarchy. How times change.

True. But in reality the previous generation that did everything "right" wasn't particularly successful either.

 

[LizzieMaine]

The title of this thread: Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now, is most apt when you consider that on the 19th of May Prince Harry is going to marry his American divorcee with the approval of his family, the church and the British establishment. Eighty years ago a similar occurrence nearly brought down the Monarchy. How times change.

To be fair, though, I suspect Harry is also having an easier time of it because unlike his forebearer, he isn't a Nazi.

Oh, I forgot. Well, scratch that theory.

 

[Edward]

The title of this thread: Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now, is most apt when you consider that on the 19th of May Prince Harry is going to marry his American divorcee with the approval of his family, the church and the British establishment. Eighty years ago a similar occurrence nearly brought down the Monarchy. How times change.

Debatable.... As Lizzie alludes to, the marrying an American divorcee thing was largely a trumped up scandal. The true reason Edward VIII was deposed was his Nazi sympathies, though his choice of mistress didn't exactly help. If anything, Wallace Simpson was even more of a Nazi sympathiser than him. Simpson had been Von Ribbentrop's lover when she first met the future Edward VIII, and it seems the two relationships somewhat overlapped. They are both said to have retained these sympathies long after the war, far past the point when crude naivety could provide a figleaf of defence. The problem for those seeking to get rid of him was that half the British aristocracy were pro-Nazi in the later-mid thirties, and there was also a lot of misplaced loyalty to Edward VIII as King (for all "divine right" had supposedly gone out of fashion with Cromwell). Even staunchly anti-Hitler, pro-war Churchill was oddly loyal to the Crown in this context. Doing something as crass as marrying an American Divorcee, on the other hand, was very outre. The late (as she demanded to be called) Queen Mother was well known for her hatred of Wallace Simpson. There was no issue with her being a Nazi, but having the temerity to be an American (and therefore of the "lower orders"), on the other hand....

I've personally always been faintly amused when the issue of remarriage is spoken of in horror in relation to an heir to the throne, and thus heir to the head of the Church of England. I mean..... are these people entirely that ignorant of how and why that Church got started??

I'm waiting for the first royal same-sex marriage to receive the same treatment.

That will be interesting. I suspect it will receive little comment... provided it's not the direct heir to the throne, given the obligation to produce children to keep the family line going.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I wonder if protocol will permit the title of "Royal Surrogate?"

 

[Edward]

I think on point of constitutional law, it would depend on whether a surrogate child was considered legitimate. I don't hold myself out as an expert to that level on the royal issues (it's all vague enough on the details thanks to the unwritten nature of the British constitution that they can probably fudge it as necessary in practice), but I have a feeling that if they were to hold to the letter of the law, any surrogate child which is the product of one royal parent and a donor zygote might be argued to be illegitimate and therefore not entitled.... I'm sure they'd push something through Parliament to smooth the way for it if it came down to that.

Mind you, they might also find a more traditional way around these things - it's not as if it would be the first gay monarch. King William III (William of Orange, William II in Scotland- yeah, that one) was gay (there is some debate from a school of historians who refuse to accept this, but...); he had no children from his marriage, which is when the throne passed to the Hanovarians. There were several closer relatives than that, but as Parliament had introduced a ban on Roman Catholics taking the throne or even marrying into the monarchy (via the Act of Succession, a bar which exists to this day), they were passed over for the Protestant George I, the exclusively German-speaking start of the Hanoverian line.

 

[scotrace]

We learn, over time, to recognize what isn't working in a relationship, and get a pretty good handle on what can be fixed and what is just a matter of points of incompatibility that can't be fixed. Big lessons for me.
And then you find yourself in a relationship that really works, and with a clear understanding of what needs attention and how to go about it, knowing you can work through most anything together. That's the magic to search for. Lucky me, I found it.
Super happy that this happened last weekend.

 

[Fading Fast]

To be fair, though, I suspect Harry is also having an easier time of it because unlike his forebearer, he isn't a Nazi.

Oh, I forgot. Well, scratch that theory.

I have a vague memory of that scandal ⇧. What was the real story - insanely stupid youth thing or was there something worse there?

 

[LizzieMaine]

From all evidence it seems to have been just a dumb college kid thing, for which I imagine he was whaled out to holy hell behind closed doors by his grandmother.