Bring back dating?

[herringbonekid]

Cad:

NOUN: A man whose behavior is unprincipled or dishonorable.

traditionally the cad can behave in the most abominable ways (especially toward women) but he gets away with it because of his charm, wit and style.

 

[Feraud]

Cad:

NOUN: A man whose behavior is unprincipled or dishonorable.

And orders champagne at the best restaurants.

 

[Senator Jack]

NOUN: A man whose behavior is unprincipled or dishonorable.

That's the old definition. I like to think of David Niven in The Pink Panther. He wasn't a misogynist. He just liked to give his women romance.

 

[Novella]

We're mixing up cads with frat boys here. A cad takes a woman out to the best restaurant in town and orders champagne. A frat boy takes her out to McDonalds where they split the check.

Really? McDonalds? I was always under the impression that frat boy = make out and/or hook up, then never see one another again. Although, yeah, a cad is definitely appears classier, more Errol Flynn-ish. Maybe Alfie a la Michael Caine.

The random makeout/hookup scene isn't my thing, it just doesn't feel right. It also doesn't seem like a great way to meet people in any sort of lasting way. Dating would be much better in my opinion, but the dating scene seems a little thin on the ground nowdays. Maybe I'm just frequenting parties of the wrong scene. I would love to get coffee, go to the movies, do fun stuff on a date, but no one ever asks and I'm too big a chicken to ask anyone.

 

[Tango Yankee]

...nor did I mean to suggest that people should simply wait around until someone special falls in their laps.

That's exactly what happened to me! Korea, 1986, during my "welcome to Korea" party-tour of the ville ("Green Bean tour" for those who have been there.) We were in a very small and crowded bar. Rhonda was trying to climb over the table to get back to her seat when she fell and landed in my lap! Her first words to me were "Hi! I'm Rhonda. I'm engaged!"

It's a very long story, but in the end we were finally married three years ago. It seems a bit odd to have been married only three years (and lived together for less than two) and yet sharing memories of 21 years ago.

Cheers,
Tom

 

[Baron Kurtz]

i thought dating was still the norm in the U.S. ? going out for dinner and all of that.... a kind of mini interview to check your date's eligiblity factor ?

or is that just among an older than college crowd ?

This is certainly the way it's done in Lafayette, IN. I never quite understood it, the men end up paying fortunes because of women who want free dinner . . . call me cynical.

bk

 

[herringbonekid]

This is certainly the way it's done in Lafayette, IN.
bk

i always thought we brits could learn a little something from the U.S. way. over here 'dating' tends to have a real stomach-churning vertigo-inducing uneasiness about it. people tend to go straight from meeting to a relationship and skip the 'courtship' phase as it used to be called. consequently dating has been made into a 'fun' game (speed dating... the horror) to take the queasy edge off it and make it 'safer'. why we can't just go for a drink and a chat i don't know.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

Just to clarify:

I'd try dating the old fashioned way. Call for a date, set the time, pick her up with maybe a small gift, dressed nicely, dinner, conversation, maybe a little window shopping. Then take her home and hope to get permission to call again (if all went well).

My question is, how would that be received? Would I be written off as a hopeless dullard? Or - worse! - as "too nice!"

Definitely too nice I'm afraid. Maybe makes a guy look like a pushover, and women don't want a pushover, they want a guy that's more of a challenge.
If a guy comes across as trying too hard to win a woman's approval, he generally doesn't stand a chance. Better to meet each other half way, and win each other over.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

why we can't just go for a drink and a chat i don't know.

the sorry demise of conversation skills put paid to that one . . . Along with the total lack of interest in anything other than TV, video games, and getting smashed . . . The apparent inability to turn off mobile phones for a second . . . the Brits are particularly hampered by an inability to have a sociable drink without going the whole hog and getting the aforementioned smashed (incidentally youthful Americans have this same problem).

I have many more generalisations should anyone be interested.

consequently dating has been made into a 'fun' game (speed dating... the horror) to take the queasy edge off it and make it 'safer'.

This was also taking off in Lafayette when i was there. Put a bunch of people who don't know each other in a room and give them tables at which to sit. Then give them 2 minutes to talk to each other then rotate. There's a basis for a lasting relationship!

bk

 

[herringbonekid]

(incidentally youthful Americans have this same problem).

I have many more generalisations should anyone be interested.

bk

i should have said "learn a little something from the French" instead.

please, generalise away. difficult to get down to specifics without a few generalities to ease the way.

 

[reetpleat]

I guess I differ from many members here. I love vintage clothes and have for many years, I have been a dealer, I love old movies and such, love swing dancing and swing music and don't care much for modern music. But I am thouroghly modern in many regards. I have no interest in living like the past. I have no notions of being david niven, although I might for the right myrna loy. While I love many aspects about the past, I dhave no use for many of the cultural norms of the era.

I have dated, I have hooked up. I have been in long term relationships. I have had hook ups turn into long term relationships. actually more than dating ever did, so I guess I am decidedly pro hook up.

while I think for younger girls, having sex or physical intimacy is not always a good thing because they are often doing it to get intimacy and relationship, so they end up getting hurt. Older men and women are more straightforward and honest about it. I hope. So I think younger girls should be cautioned against hooking up for the wrong reasons.

As far as dating, I would never expect to impress a woman by taking her out to dinner or a movie. If I ever actually have a regular date again, it will be doing something a little more exciting thatn that.

On a last note, we should be careful not to confuse the movies with reality. I suspect there wa a lot more of what we consider modern behavior going on. The movies never have been reality.

Besides, as mentioned, the true hearthrobs of the era usually ended up with a girl in their arms without the whole dating thing.

 

[Senator Jack]

Posted by Reetpleat:
Older men and women are more straightforward and honest about it. I hope.

Thanks, Reetpleat. I didn't want to be the one to bring that up.

Regards,

Senator Jack

 

[Amber DeCadence]

. the Brits are particularly hampered by an inability to have a sociable drink without going the whole hog and getting the aforementioned smashed (incidentally youthful Americans have this same problem).

I used to go for a glass of wine on a quiet Sunday afternoon just to enjoy the peace, but was frowned upon for drinking alone. Having just seperated from my partner of 10 years I must admit this whole thing terrifies me!

 

[Novella]

the Brits are particularly hampered by an inability to have a sociable drink without going the whole hog and getting the aforementioned smashed (incidentally youthful Americans have this same problem).

I'm definitely no teetotaler, but I'm bored with the drinking to get plastered thing. Sure every once in awhile, but everytime you go out? Doesn't the novetly ever wear off?? Drinking until you're gone is definitely a big thing about college age Americans, but at least the university I go to in the U.S. has a late night coffee shop open as an alternative to going out drinking. I've really missed that here (while I'm studying abroad in England). The only things open late near the university seem to be clubs and bars - if you want a quieter night out the only option seems to be to stay home. The (young) Australians I've met have been just as gung ho about drinking, if not more so. Is any of this new enough to have impacted the way people date though?

 

[LizzieMaine]

Older men and women are more straightforward and honest about it. I hope. .

That's all well and good for those who're looking for that sort of thing -- but for those of us who aren't, we run into the whole matter of expectations: the automatic assumption that all any of the dinners and movies and whatever is working toward is, to be blunt, a hop in the sack. I dunno, maybe I'm just too "older," but what's *wrong* with working to build a friendship, a commonality, a relationship before going any further? Or is the world just too fast-paced for that now?

 

[Baron Kurtz]

IThe only things open late near the university seem to be clubs and bars - if you want a quieter night out the only option seems to be to stay home.

wot, no kebab shop? not really a date venue, i'll grant you, but good food and no drink about. just drunk people./

bk

 

[Baron Kurtz]

I didn't want to be the one to bring that up.

me neither.

And i really didn't want to be first to bring this up:

On a last note, we should be careful not to confuse the movies with reality. I suspect there wa a lot more of what we consider modern behavior going on. The movies never have been reality.

I've prodded that horse so many times it'd begun to get me a reputation as a naysayer around here.

bk

 

[reetpleat]

That's all well and good for those who're looking for that sort of thing -- but for those of us who aren't, we run into the whole matter of expectations: the automatic assumption that all any of the dinners and movies and whatever is working toward is, to be blunt, a hop in the sack. I dunno, maybe I'm just too "older," but what's *wrong* with working to build a friendship, a commonality, a relationship before going any further? Or is the world just too fast-paced for that now?

Certainly you have aright to want to proceed that way and surely there are many men and women out there who share your sentiments.

But I object to the whole notion (I don't mean from you) that hopping in the sack in any way prevents intimacy or friendship or some great relationship developing. Nothing is wrong with those things, friendship, commonality. But I don't feel they need to exist before I get intimate with someone.

But don't worry. There are many men who will agree with you, or at least go along with it if they like you.

 

[reetpleat]

I used to go for a glass of wine on a quiet Sunday afternoon just to enjoy the peace, but was frowned upon for drinking alone. Having just seperated from my partner of 10 years I must admit this whole thing terrifies me!

I gues that is a whole different subject. BUt my sister is abeatles fan and has a friend in england who is also. Her friend was going to buy a ticket for a McCartney concert from a tout, then stepped into a pub for a drink, then returned. The tout refused to sell her aticket because she had been drinking alone.

Granted this was in the Midlands. Probably wouldn't have happened in London. BUt it is hard for an american to even comprehend that.

 

[reetpleat]

I'm definitely no teetotaler, but I'm bored with the drinking to get plastered thing. Sure every once in awhile, but everytime you go out? Doesn't the novetly ever wear off?? Drinking until you're gone is definitely a big thing about college age Americans, but at least the university I go to in the U.S. has a late night coffee shop open as an alternative to going out drinking. I've really missed that here (while I'm studying abroad in England). The only things open late near the university seem to be clubs and bars - if you want a quieter night out the only option seems to be to stay home. The (young) Australians I've met have been just as gung ho about drinking, if not more so. Is any of this new enough to have impacted the way people date though?

I always thought the pubs, while serving beer, were more of an all purpose hangout than the bars here. Or maybe that is just because everyone is so used to drinking there that while it is more of a hangout living room extension, it is still about drinking beer all night.