Bring back dating?

[carebear]

He has old-fashioned interior decorating motifs.

Very perceptive. The only reason I started posting in this thread was due to misreading the title. At first I thought it said "Bring back decoupage?"

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Very perceptive. The only reason I started posting in this thread was due to misreading the title. At first I thought it said "Bring back decoupage?"

I've always liked your scrappy wit.

 

[Pilgrim]

He has old-fashioned interior decorating motifs.

Perhaps his motives were a bit off-base, and therefore loco-motives? lol

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Perhaps his motives were a bit off-base, and therefore loco-motives? lol

His insanity definitely can derail me!

 

[jamespowers]

His insanity definitely can derail me!

That really depends on the engine he used to get you steamed.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

That really depends on the engine he used to get you steamed.

I was going to report this post but seeing that you're tending bar....

 

[jamespowers]

I was going to report this post but seeing that you're tending bar....

Think loco-motive not dating when referring to that.
And now back to dating the decoupage of human intereaction.

Regards,

J

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Think loco-motive not dating when referring to that.
And now back to dating the decoupage of human intereaction.

Regards,

J

Yes....back to it...

[angel]

 

[Diamondback]

That really depends on the engine he used to get you steamed.

What if he was running on diesel, electric or gas-turbine power? Sorry, couldn't resist--I went through a "railhead" phase back in high school.

 

[carebear]

What if he was running on diesel, electric or gas-turbine power? Sorry, couldn't resist--I went through a "railhead" phase back in high school.

I'm fueled by demon rum, which makes me an infernal combustion motor.

 

[JB]

Wow.

I don't know where to start, but I've just read this entire thread, and I'm feeling really inspired. Please accept my apologies in advance if this starts to ramble.

Yes. Bring back dating and courting. I'm so much better at those than "hooking up" as it was put. I believe having read through all this, that I'm technically dating three girls at present, although I'd never looked at it that way. As there is nothing intimate with any of them, though, I don't feel quite so bad as when I first realised that.

I may be out of society's norm in this, but if I get the right signals through conversation and enough courage to invite a lady out for dinner, I would not expect anything in return that evening - the most I would expect would be a phone call within a week if she wanted a 're-match' so to speak. Further than that I would certainly not force the issue.

For my part, I make it clear from the outset that I intend it to be my treat (after all, it was my invitation to her) which gets the payment issue out of the way early on - if there are any objections, I'm happy to split the check. If I picked up the original, and was then asked out for a second date, these days I would expect that to be her treat, for the same reasons that the first was mine, and only really because the girls I've tended to date have felt that my always paying would be patronising in some way. As many of them earn more than me, I would wholeheartedly agree!

This is in complete contrast to some of my colleagues opinions as to how I should act...

...just get her drunk, man...

I think that this was partially in jest, but sums things up pretty well.

If I believe a lady is special, I will do my utmost to treat her as special and let her know that is the case. Whilst it's true that I generally act in a gentlemanly manner, all it takes is a little more focus of attention.

To revert to the vernacular:- "You guys rule". Great discussion, and very interesting to see global viewponts all coming together with no (OK, very little! ) name calling.

Koop - I particularly liked your 10 simple rules - definite giggles going on whilst I read that!

JB

 

[reetpleat]

While I don't see anything wrong with your attitude, and applaud your feeling omfortable about your choices, I would point out one thing.

It seems alot of guys who rebel against certain modern attitudes do it as if they are trying not to be the brutish cads their compatriots are.

In my experience, women like intimacy just as much as men. And as long as it is not forced or coerced, I in no way feel I am committing a disservice to my date or romantic partner but obliging. Weather it is soon or late, I just take it as it comes.

Not so much speaking of you specifically, but can't help picking up a certain hint on thos forum that buys into the old steriotype. Something I have no use for and do find patronizing and sexist.

 

[ShooShooBaby]

While I don't see anything wrong with your attitude, and applaud your feeling omfortable about your choices, I would point out one thing.

It seems alot of guys who rebel against certain modern attitudes do it as if they are trying not to be the brutish cads their compatriots are.

In my experience, women like intimacy just as much as men. And as long as it is not forced or coerced, I in no way feel I am committing a disservice to my date or romantic partner but obliging. Weather it is soon or late, I just take it as it comes.

Not so much speaking of you specifically, but can't help picking up a certain hint on thos forum that buys into the old steriotype. Something I have no use for and do find patronizing and sexist.

i agree with this.

i've too noticed that a lot of people seem to think that "intimacy" is something that only a guy desires. hence a girl "gives it up" or is taken advantage of or whatnot rather than makes a conscious decision to do something she wants to do.

i've had a variety of relationships. some started as dating as you are all proposing. some started as one-night stands and led to relationships (and in one case, my best friend). some were exactly like traditional dating but with "intimacy" at the end of the night. some grew out of really good friendships. these are all my decisions, and my experiences, i'm comfortable with them, and i don't regret any of them.

the interesting thing i've noticed on this thread is how people seem to think that the whole world except them is anti-dating/courtship. which is interesting, because although mores may have changed since 1950, it doesn't seem that extreme to me. especially since i've been called a huge variety of mean names over the past 13 years or so for my personal choices in intimacy/dating.

dating is all well and good, but it is not the only way to go about doing things, and i'm glad of that! if people want to date and court, that's fine, but i really enjoy the greater personal choices we have today.

 

[Feraud]

the interesting thing i've noticed on this thread is how people seem to think that the whole world except them is anti-dating/courtship.

Bravo! :eusa_clap

 

[carebear]

Well, any given person's perception may be valid without it being statistically true.

If all you see amongst your cohort is (apparent) raw hooking up, and all you see in the media is glorified raw hooking up, it is not unusual, and is very human, to generalize that personal perception.

It's when those (valid but false) perceptions and emotions are allowed to influence public policy that it becomes a problem.


I too think "reet" has a very good point. My joking, but true, comment was "Women are as safe with me as they want to be". But, being older now, I don't do the casual thing anymore, not out of some projected nobility necesssarily, but because it started affecting how I felt about myself.

 

[reetpleat]

I agree that hooking up may affect someone's self esteem. I am not sure if it is due to something innate, or something having to do with their own attitudes about it.

THis would make a big difference as to weather it is a good thing or not. It might be as simple as changing attitude, or it may be something involving our very souls and hearts. Who knows.

Personally, I find it to be less of a big deal to me and the people I date as we get older. Hooking up can still have a lot of weight to a teen, while to an older adult it does not.

There have been times I have asked myself, "what did I just do? I don't really know that person." and feel kind of weird.

Other times i have thought "wow, that was fun." and other times I thnk "that was pretty intense. I hardly know that person but was able to really connect with them." And other times I think "that was great. I really like her and would love to see her again." (the last might be for verious reasons, including I have strong romantic feelings.

Interesting article I read recently. there sis abood about hooking up, how common it has become amongst the kids and how bad it is for them. SOme experts seem to agree, and others say it is overblown hype, or same old same old.

Personally, I suspect that while it might be more common amongst college kids lets say, than in the past, it is hardly like all of them doing a lot of it.

 

[jamespowers]

Bringing a little bit of rounding to this discussion:
http://www.boston.com/yourlife/rela.../13/hooking_up_is_the_rage_but_is_it_healthy/

Regards,

J

 

[herringbonekid]

I agree that hooking up may affect someone's self esteem. I am not sure if it is due to something innate, or something having to do with their own attitudes about it.

i'm amazed the self esteem issue has taken this long to come up (apologies if i've missed it). everyone i personally know who 'hooks up' (or loans their body to a stranger for anonymous sex) has low self esteem problems. and i'm talking about people in their early 30s, not teenagers. but that's just my experience.

 

[reetpleat]

I am afraid I am going to have to accuse you of your own bias here. Although I can't really speak for your own experiences. But from my perspective, I know a lot of men and women in their twenties to forties who have occasional flings and have fine self esteem. What is more, their esteem never suffers from guilt over it. Maybe you just assume they have low self esteem because they do that.

And I would never call it lending their bodies to someone else any more than I would ay the same about a married person. That seems like a pretty loaded description. I would call it sharing a physical connection with another person.

I will admit that young girls may sometimes hook up due to low self esteem, but they also have intimacy with their boyfriends for the same reason. Of course this is not a good idea.

 

[Diamondback]

Well, any given person's perception may be valid without it being statistically true.

Direct hit by the fellow from Seward's Folly! It is a fundamental problem that while our perceptions are the only tool we have to understand our reality, those perceptions are flawed and easily manipulated via skewed or inaccurate data input.

Sorry, I OD'ed on philosophy stuff during my misspent early-Phase 1 college days.