Being called by your first name at work

[Picard1138]

I have a question to pose to the Lounge: do you like being on a first name basis at work?

This especially applies to managers or supervisors in an office setting. I work for my family business in a formal office, and I always found it odd that my father goes by his first name, even with brand new employees. I work under a manager who is many years my senior, and even I feel odd calling him by his first name. I would hope that by the time I'm 50, with 30 years of business experience, I deserve to be called "Mister" in this day and age, but maybe I'm wrong.

Am I just an old curmudgeon stuck in my 20s, or does anyone else feel this way? (The answer to the first part of that question is already "YES," by the way )

Thoughts?

-Max

 

[Atticus Finch]

In my work I'm in court quite a bit and I'm one of the senior members there. In court, we all address each other by Mr. and Ms. and our last names. Of course there is a reason for this that goes beyond mere formality. It is done to protect the integrity of the court record.

When I'm not in court I'm much more comfortable being addressed by my first name. It does not bother me in the least when even the youngest police officer, paralegal or office tech calls me by my first name. In fact, I encourage it. Truthfully, I think I get enough stiffness and formality in the court room and am almost weary of it by the time I get to my office.

AF

 

[LizzieMaine]

My workplace is very informal. I call one of the people on our staff "Lucifer," "Bosko," and "Old Ski Pants" to his face, and they've got some colorful names for me as well. If somebody called me by my last name at work I'd know they were a salesman and I'd chuck them out.

 

[Megan Steigerwalt-Guise]

I don't work right now, but when I did we called each other by our first names since we were all the same age. Whenever I'm talking to someone older than me I always address them by Mr. or Mrs. A lot of people in my age group tend to call everyone by their first names now, but I simply can not do it.

 

[Tomasso]

they've got some colorful names for me as well.

Oh, do tell.

 

[F. J.]

It's *MR*, doggone-it!

I have a question to pose to the Lounge: do you like being on a first name basis at work? [...]

I always address everyone as Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms., as the case may be, and I expect the same courtesy in return. I simply prefer to be called Mr. J— and not F—, but few people in this day and age understand that you don't address people by their first names unless you're close friends or family. I absolutely *hate* it when I receive business mail (regular and electronic) simply addressed to F—.

Now if a superior at work calls me by my first name, the response is always,"Yes, sir." The boss can call you whatever he wants.

 

[gtdean48]

I'm 53, with over 32 years of experience in IT business. If somebody called me "mister" followed by my last name, I'd consider them extreme brown-nosers. I get called just my last name as much as just my first name. Job candidates sometimes start off but I quickly tell them to call me by my first name. In my mid-20's, I called my CEO by his first name, still do today now that he's in his late 70's...software business may be different....

 

[Stanley Doble]

" they've got some colorful names for me as well."

I can believe it.

 

[Yeps]

Right now the only person who calls me Mr. Danley at work is my manager, and he only does it when he's hitting on me. It's kind of sleazy sounding. Half of the staff just call me Stretch, and the other half use my first name.

 

[Mojito]

I refer to all my colleagues by their first names, as does everyone in the institution for which I work. The former Director had excellent lines of communication with everyone - one of the people she was very friendly with was our receptionist, who acted as a conduit of information (she was extremely discreet, I might add, and never inappropriate in what she relayed).

Formerly, when I worked for a cabinet minister, I always addressed or referred to her with externals as "Minister". When it was staff only, she had everyone - including her driver and receptionist - refer to her by her first name.

Australian culture is such that it is often seen as non-egalitarian in the workplace to use a hierarchy of address.

Which can make it very difficult with correspondence, particularly in the academic and arts sphere, when you're writing letters or emails. People refer to themselves only by their name and often don't include titles. In initiating correspondence, until contact has been made I always use a title...and often find myself frantically googling to find out if "Jane Doe" is Ms, Mrs, Miss, Dr, Professor etc.

 

[sheeplady]

In academia it is not uncommon to be called by your title or your position, which in my case is Dr. and used to be professor.

I prefer to be called "Professor" over "Doctor."

I have been in departments where faculty requested to be called by their first name. It doesn't bother me at all.

 

[Bugguy]

Good thread... I'm a sr. hospital administrator and our CEO sets the tone . She's a first name person, so her direct reports respond in kind. Here's where I skew in a slightly different direction. In the presence of strangers, I introduce and refer to her as Ms. xxx. She then has the prerogative of leaving it formal or not. I sort of tee it up for her as a courtesy.

My pet peeve is my various staff addressing physicians by their first name. Its just too casual and disrespects the years of education and status they've earned. A clerk or nurse using a first name in front of patients is wrong - and I address it in my staff meetings. Sure, some of them are jerks; but in front of patients, guests and peers, they're Doctor. In private I'm on a first name basis except for the most senior who will always deserve respect. Maybe its old school, but I know its recognized and appreciated by the physicians. Even if they choose to go informal, in public they get the respect.

For myself, I'm flattered when a 20-something uses Mister. Makes me feel all grown up.

 

[Bugguy]

In academia it is not uncommon to be called by your title or your position, which in my case is Dr. and used to be professor.

I prefer to be called "Professor" over "Doctor."

I have been in departments where faculty requested to be called by their first name. It doesn't bother me at all.

In an academic health center this creates an interesting situation. The MD doctor is highest in the pecking order, but we're populated by plenty of PhD doctors as well. We have doctors with white coats and doctors without and everything in between. In a clinical situation staff and patients can become confused, so we label the physicians by giving them a card attached to their badge that reads "MD". Not to be outdone and in the interest of retaining status, we now have "RN"s. ...and given not all RNs are created equal, we have "APN"s. For me, my badge should read "SUIT".

 

[Gregg Axley]

140 people call me by my first name, but my supervisor calls me "Mr."
Very odd.

 

[Nobert]

Much as I'm attracted to older customs like addressing people formally in the workplace ("Mr. Grainger, are you free?"), it would be very strange to have someone call me "Mr. Neal." That's a form of address I only expect from people who only know me via paperwork...bank tellers, bill collectors, et al. Or some of my sterner teachers in public school.

It might be kind of nice if we had a broader spectrum of appellations to call each other, like in the Russian, where whether you call someone by their last name, their first name and patronymic, or their diminutive implies a whole different relationship.

 

[Atticus Finch]

I'm not sure this is entirely relevant to the discussion, but it seems when people work very closely together toward a common goal, formality and rank disappears. For example, this wasn't typical: "Pilot to bombardier. 2Lt Smith, we are approaching the initial point. I'm now turning control of this aircraft over to you. I'll resume control at the end of our bomb run." This was typical: "Frankie, Dan says we're on the IP in thirty. You've got 'er."

AF

 

[vintageTink]

I prefer for customers to not know my surname; our company has rules against giving it to protect us personally, thankfully.
My coworkers know it but we address each other by our given names. Our managers are informal so we use given names as well.

I use sir, ma'am, and titles unless I know you on a personal level.

 

[Gregg Axley]

I prefer for customers to not know my surname; our company has rules against giving it to protect us personally, thankfully.
My coworkers know it but we address each other by our given names. Our managers are informal so we use given names as well.

I use sir, ma'am, and titles unless I know you on a personal level.

Mrs X.
Better than Madam X.

 

[Virginia Creeper]

My childrens' school seems to be about the only place last names are used. I frequently find myself forgetting the staff have first names, despite them considering us to be on a first name basis with each other (I've known most of the staff for years, and volunteer quite heavily at the school). This leads to some confusion when I'm given a message like "Caroline wants you to stop by the office before you leave," but I've been assured my befuddlement is endearing.

As for me personally, I've never worked for a business formal enough to consider last names to be relevant. I don't think I would adjust well to being addressed as "Mrs. -----." It would make me feel, irrationally, like I had married my father-in-law. Perhaps the area I was raised in has been exceedingly informal for decades, but I recall all my parents' and grandparents' friends preferring to be addressed by their first names, so my exposure to the convention of being addressed by a last name has been somewhat limited.

 

[HudsonHawk]

In an academic health center this creates an interesting situation. The MD doctor is highest in the pecking order, but we're populated by plenty of PhD doctors as well. We have doctors with white coats and doctors without and everything in between. In a clinical situation staff and patients can become confused, so we label the physicians by giving them a card attached to their badge that reads "MD". Not to be outdone and in the interest of retaining status, we now have "RN"s. ...and given not all RNs are created equal, we have "APN"s. For me, my badge should read "SUIT".

Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine and Dr. Howard...