any old-school housewives??

[leaette]

i am. hardest job i ever had, but totally worth it. my son is 10 months old.

 

[PS]

I am! While I have dreams about being the perfect 50's housewife...coiffed, made-up, a bit tipsy with dinner on the table at 5........it isn't the truth. This job ain't for me ladies! But it's really been a challenge, living on one income has been at times nearly impossible but like Red said, paying for child care would take my entire check. We are a one car house because we can't afford to maintain two. I am hoping to get part time work this fall. When we have more money from my husbands income for a car. I am working on bachelors in social sciences...........
since my sons Autism is barely noticeable and completely manageable i have let myself feel selfish again something i haven't done for four years and for me, having a job and contributing to both my family and my spirit sounds like the best thing i could do.

 

[nyx]

Being a SAHM is a daydream of mine. But then I wake up and realize that my ex-husband left me with the mortgage. Grrr. Men! :rage:

Honestly, I don't know though. I love my son so much it hurts to look at him sleeping sometimes. I think about spending time with him all day and it seems so wonderful. I get jealous that my ex gets him all day while I'm at work and I miss things, especially since he's growing so fast. But at the same time, I really like the job I'm doing, which has never happened in my working life before. I'm finally getting paid well and getting recognition at work. And when I have my son all day on weekends, I'm exhausted by Monday. I feel like a bad mother for wondering if I could really do it all the time.

If Prince Charming knocked on my door right now, bent down on one knee and offered me the chance to give up my job for a SAHM gig, I'd have to spend a whole month locked in my bathroom thinking on it. I really don't know what I'd do[huh]

 

[ohairas]

I only work out of the home about 15 hours a week, if that. I set my own hours and come and go as I please. Very spoiled! My inlaws watch my 3 year old when I work. If I didn't have them I would stay at home. I couldn't handle him growing up in daycare.

I have a wonderful husband who shares the household responsiblities and doesn't call time spent with his son "babysitting". I HATE that!

Quite frankly I wish I had more time and energy to treat him with the 50's housewife cliches such as bringing him his slippers and a drink. But by the time he gets home after a day by myself with my son, I forget all about it! He deserves it tho, he does work hard. I'll really have to think of something nice to do for him.
Nikki

 

[Joie DeVive]

As a mother-in-law, my mother (along with many others) has found four little letters to be the key to good relations with her children's spouses: MYOB.

lol Exactly!! I have tried, but sadly, she seems to be selectively deaf...! :eusa_doh: lol

Miss Dottie, I hope I can allay at least some of your worries. I worked as a teacher for quite a few years. I can tell you that whether there is a stay-at-home-mom is not the determining factor as to the well being of a child. There are definite benefits, but I've met stay-at-home-parents I wouldn't leave a hamster with, and working single parents with some of the best kids you can imagine. You have to do what works for your family. Every family is different. There are women out there who can afford to be SAHMs and shouldn't because they just aren't cut out for it.

I think that two of the biggest difficulties for working moms are:

1. Guilt over working, which can manifest itself as a lack of discipline and control.
2. Finding good stimulating childcare.

Keep an eye on those, love your kids, and you everything should work out. There were after all, an awful lot of working mom's in the Depression and war years after all. My G-grandma was one of them!

PS. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you on that possible pregnancy too...

 

[roots66]

I've been a housewife for close to seven years now, and while I can't say I don't enjoy my free time, I'm really conflicted about my situation. I think of it as a phase, but after all this time perhaps it's more of a state of being. I didn't plan on it, it just sorta happened. I married a Canadian, emigrated to Canada, and found that it was very difficult to land a job in my field (librarianship) here. Not quite as severe a cliche as, say, the doctor from India who ends up driving a cab in America, but close. I've had a hard time figuring out what else I'd like to do, or indeed am capable of doing. I've taken a few classes here and there in other fields, but have ended up abandoning them all. Even after all this time I can't figure out my sense of purpose, my "right livelihood" as the Buddhists call it...and I have many existential worry-wart episodes over this lack of a calling.

My friends don't seem to judge me harshly, in fact a lot of them congratulate me and think I've got it made...but I do get frequent questions about what my plans are, and it's downright embarrassing to admit that I haven't got a clue! Plus I always feel like I have to apologize when a new acquaintance asks what I do for a living. D'oh!

Someday I'll get over myself and settle for some measly part-time job. Luckily my husband makes a decent living, so it's not an absolute imperative that I work...but it wouldn't hurt to have a little extra scratch around, and I feel very guilty about sponging off him and not contributing to the family finances. Yet in many ways, my joblessness is an asset to our relationship. I'm married to a blind man, and though he's pretty independent, he still requires quite a bit more care and feeding than the average husband. The fact that I've got nearly unlimited time to keep up the house and take him wherever he needs to go does work well for us. We're not planning on kids--his condition is genetic, and I don't swim in the greatest gene pool myself...not to mention I've always doubted whether I possess any innate parenting skills.

I'm the daughter of a HOMEMAKER (she always hated the term housewife) who subscribed to Ms. Magazine, and I myself minored in women's studies but am a voracious collector of midcentury cookbooks and images/lore of midcentury housewives in general, so go figure.

 

[dani]

i stay home with my daughter, do most of the cleaning, and pretty much all of the cooking. every now, and then my husband will want to cook something. i love it, i never thought i would be a stay at home mom, i was always a little wild, was never in the same place for long.

 

[BonnieJean]

Been there--both sides

I've been a work-away-from-home mom and a stay-at-home mom. When my oldest son was born, I went back to work after 6 weeks and put my son in daycare. I managed to juggle my job and home life rather well. (Youth does play into that here too. ) When son #2 came along about 4 years later, it was a lot more difficult getting everyone ready in the morning and managing the household with 2 small children. When my 2nd son turned 1, circumstances changed and I had to stay at home. Hubby thought we'd be on food stamps in a month. He was not very supportive, but knew it was the only choice at that time. I, however, actually wanted to try being a SAHM because I thought my life would be less stressful.

The first thing I noticed, was that my kids weren't sick every month. The pediatrician commented on that when I brought them in for a check-up. He noticed that my kids hadn't been in a while and wondered what was happening. In our situation, daycare wasn't good for my kids' health. Another thing I noticed is that we were able to live on one income--not a wealthy life, but we did manage. And when I started to run the numbers, I was basically working to pay for the daycare! Its been 19 years now and my "baby" will be turning 20 on Saturday and is in the Air Force. I still have my 23 year old at home, but he's working and is looking for his own place. It is darn expensive to be out on one's own these days and seems to be more so than when I was his age. I realize that a lot of women can't stay at home and my heart goes out to them because I remember the guilt I felt when I had to leave my kids at daycare and they clung to me and begged me not to go. But if a woman has the opportunity to stay at home and it is her desire to do so, then that's a good thing. Not everyone is cut out to be a stay-at-home mom and there are a lot of options out there for women.

If I could do it all over again, I would nix the work away from home and just stay home full-time with my kids. (Before I had kids, I never desired to be a SAHM, but my heart changed after I gave birth--some kind of mothering instinct took over.) Currently, I have a couple of small home-based businesses and have thought about going back into the work force, but even without small children, there's still a lot of stuff to do around the house. I've learned how to cook "from scratch", and my hubby enjoys having a home-cooked meal ready for him when he gets home from work. I can sew and run the home rather thriftily. We're both comfortable with our roles and so I imagine I'll probably continue to be a stay-at-home wife.

This has been a very interesting thread.

 

[Helen Troy]

I have earned the nickname "The perfect housewife" among my friends, due to me happily spending one to one-and-half hour preparing everyday dinners, loving to plan the meals a week ahead, baking my own bread, throwing big dinner parties and even trying to grow my own vegetables on the balcony!

But I could never be a housewife for real. I tried once, for a month some years back, when my man had a summer job and I hadn't. Since he was the working bread winner, I thought it only fair that I shopped and cleaned and cooked, having nothing else to do all day. He even handed me househld money every week in small envelope!

In the begining, I loved it. But after two weeks, I found that my whole world had shrunk and my head with it! When I started screaming at my man for not noticing the clean floors when he came home from work, I realised that Icould never be my life. Three more weeks, and I would have become the perfect cliche of the bored, bitter housewife. I can still see myself sitting around in my bathrobe, drinking gin and chainsmoking with my head full of curles that never, ever gets brushed out....

No, that life is not for me. Part-time perfect housewife, though! That I like.

(Right now, when I spend all my time completing my master, my husband is the perfect housefather. )

 

[AmateisGal]

I had the very good fortune to be able to stay home with my daughter after she was born. In fact, I quit my job when I was five months pregnant - probably a good thing since the job was stressing me out, something I definitely didn't need. We also had both my husband's boys at the time from his first marriage (they were 5 and 6 then) so when I stayed home, we didn't have to pay daycare anymore.

I loved it. I loved watching my daughter reach each stage of her babyhood. I loved the free time and the ability to not be tied down to a day job. I didn't mind cooking, didn't mind the housework, because I felt so blessed to be able to be with my daughter. The kids came home from school and I was there, and that was very important to me since my mom was a SAHM when I was growing up.

The first time I put my daughter in daycare was when I went back to school for my graduate degree in history six years ago. And then I felt I had to get a job to pay for the school loans. lol

So now I'm a working mother. My daughter will be eight this year, my stepson 15 (and the other stepson lives with his mom now). They are old enough to stay home by themselves for a few hours after school until I get home. I hate it. I would much rather get off work at 3 p.m., pick them up from school, and be home with them the rest of the day. But that's not in the cards right now.

I am probably the world's worst housewife, though. I hate to cook. HATE it. Luckily, my husband loves to do it and he also loves to clean. When he was unemployed a few months ago, (following a hospitalization for a nasty staph infection), he kept the house spotless. I went to work, he took care of the kids, did the laundry, cooked the meals, etc. It was heavenly for me. So in our case, the roles are reversed a bit. But you'd never know it to look at him. My husband is Tim the Tool Man, down to having "his" garage, tools, gadgets, and oh yes, being very accident-prone.

Now, though, I am wanting to be back home again - but only part-time. I need to be around other people at least part of the time. When I stayed home all day long, I started to get depressed and wasn't very motivated to do much of anything. I think my ideal situation would be to work three days a week and have two days off. I hope to accomplish that someday.

 

[~*Red*~]

In the begining, I loved it. But after two weeks, I found that my whole world had shrunk and my head with it! When I started screaming at my man for not noticing the clean floors when he came home from work, I realised that Icould never be my life. Three more weeks, and I would have become the perfect cliche of the bored, bitter housewife. I can still see myself sitting around in my bathrobe, drinking gin and chainsmoking with my head full of curles that never, ever gets brushed out....

I know exactly what you mean and I felt the same way at one time! When I was first married and went to live with my husband ( I stayed home to finish beauty school and get my license first), it was glorious for the first couple of months...and then I got bored. I was in a teeny tiny military town and getting a job was near impossible. You had to fight all the other military wives, teenagers and the Marines themselves taking second jobs, not to mention the townspeople that lived there. I think that's where my depression started. When we moved back to California, I promptly got a job again and well, that's a whole other can of worms.

Anyhow, it wasn't until I had my daughter that I was able to deal with it better. That's when it became different for me. But I know exactly what you mean.. hee hee!

 

[pin_up_pixie]

I am a single, burlesque dancing, housewife and stay at home mom. LOL. My son has autism and when his dad left I attempted to go back to work. It didn't work so well. So now I am back at home with him, and it seems to be working out well. I can't imagine not being here to take care of him. My mom raised us by herself, and worked, but respects my choice to stay home. I think either is alright, as long as what you're doing makes you happy.

 

[NicolettaRose]

I am a single, burlesque dancing, housewife and stay at home mom. LOL. My son has autism and when his dad left I attempted to go back to work. It didn't work so well. So now I am back at home with him, and it seems to be working out well. I can't imagine not being here to take care of him. My mom raised us by herself, and worked, but respects my choice to stay home. I think either is alright, as long as what you're doing makes you happy.

Wow! Go you! being a Mom, much less a single mom is a huge responsibility!

 

[Etienne]

I have been a homemaker and SAHM all of my married life (34 years!) I loved every single moment of it and would do it all again in a heartbeat. The joy of being there to watch and instruct and enjoy our children brought me deep satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment. I have never once felt diminished, less than, or not equal to anyone! I've been able to put my college education, interests and skills to good use each every day, and now my husband and I are building our retirement home and looking forward to grandchildren! Whoo hoo!

 

[Real Swell Gal]

I would highly reccomend all you stay at homes to have a back up plan.
My MIL lost her husband at 39. It devastated her financialy and because she has no skills shes 60 and working in a factory.
My husband was 15 at the time. We managed while he went to college and he has a good job BUT I make as much as he does and I know I can do it alone if I have to.

ALWAYS have a back up plan.

 

[CherryRed]

I became a SAHM when I had my son 5yrs ago. When he started kindergarten I started looking for work again. Having a history in retail management I got a job in February, but after several weeks I knew that I was not cut out to work in retail anymore. My family is too important to me and we were also juggling one car. Working late nights and never seeing my family is just not for me. So I quit and opened an Etsy shop for the things I had been selling on and off on ebay. I much rather be here, cooking, cleaning and taking care of my family for less money then slaving in a stupid store till all hours.

 

[kamikat]

I would highly reccomend all you stay at homes to have a back up plan.
My MIL lost her husband at 39. It devastated her financialy and because she has no skills shes 60 and working in a factory.
ALWAYS have a back up plan.

This does bother me. I know that as a hairdresser I could never make enough money to support my sons on my own. My hubby insists that there's enough life insurance to help me go to school or get some other training, but I still worry. I'm thinking about going back to school, now that both kids are in all day school. If the unthinkable doesn't happen and I can take my time about getting a degree, my kids will be in high school by the time I finish my degree and I will feel better about getting a full time job.

 

[Real Swell Gal]

This does bother me. I know that as a hairdresser I could never make enough money to support my sons on my own. My hubby insists that there's enough life insurance to help me go to school or get some other training, but I still worry. I'm thinking about going back to school, now that both kids are in all day school. If the unthinkable doesn't happen and I can take my time about getting a degree, my kids will be in high school by the time I finish my degree and I will feel better about getting a full time job.

Yeah it's good to have options.
And I'm not trying to scare anyone here or make anyone feel bad because believe me I support all SAHMs.
I belonged to a group called M.O.M.S Club and over the years I saw moms come and go. Sometimes back to work sometimes to divorce court.
You can't just sit and worry your man might leave. I don't. I'm secure enough in that I guess. But this one sweet lady (truely a lady) had 8 kids with her husband and he left her for another woman, then fought her tooth and nail to keep her from getting anymore than he thought she should have. It was really sad to see her go through that. I think it really broke her. Like her spirit was crushed or something. It was enough to make me realise you always need a back up plan. Hopefully you never have to use it.

I do not regret for one minute staying home with my babies as long as I did.
But one of the things I noticed since I went back to work is that they have become more responsible and more independent. I know that comes with their ages too but I'd like to think it's also because they know I need them to work with us so we can work and give them nice things we never had.

 

[Miss Dottie]

It's so funny. There are many books out there that talk about staying at home v. continuing to work. I'm very impressed with the number of SAHMs. In today's economy it's a very rare thing sadly.

The whole thing is so personal and I think the most important thing is to not judge anyone's decision whether or not it's what you do.

 

[Nashoba]

I left work 2 months before I got married. I have no children as of yet, but I've been a housewife for the last 6 years. I did fall back on my art and I run my own business from home. I don't make huge money but I make enough to support my business and my habits . We don't live in a huge home, we aren't rich, but we aren't by any means poor either. We've done fairly well for ourselves. There are days I miss being in Law Enforcement, but for the most part I'm quite happy.