24 Rules For Gentlemen in 2014

[Nobert]

I will cop to having subscribed to the "women are attracted to jerks" notion in my life. Self pity knows know more fertile ground than in the mind of a "lonely guy." Rejection of any kind is a vicious sting that strikes at your very sense of self-worth, and provides a breeding spot for all manner of infectious notions. What can you do... live and learn.

At this point in my life, I'm more comfortable with the notion that most women are not attracted to a guy like me. And it's fine, because some of them are. After all, I only want one.

 

[Guttersnipe]

Dating sites. It is easier for women than men. http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/

I'm not sure how your takeaway from that blog is that online dating is easier for women than it is for men.

If someone is interested in forming a meaningful relationship, having to determine each individual's intentions when the vast majority of responses are likely insincere sounds difficult (and awful!) to me.

 

[cchgn]

I will cop to having subscribed to the "women are attracted to jerks" notion in my life. Self pity knows know more fertile ground than in the mind of a "lonely guy." Rejection of any kind is a vicious sting that strikes at your very sense of self-worth, and provides a breeding spot for all manner of infectious notions. What can you do... live and learn.

At this point in my life, I'm more comfortable with the notion that most women are not attracted to a guy like me. And it's fine, because some of them are. After all, I only want one.

See, I've never understood all that. "This or that kind of guy". All I've ever known is being myself. Now, I've heard alot about what kind of guy NOT to be, so I figured if I just don't be any of "those" kind( sap, jerk, ahole, loser, liar, lughead, wet blanket, shyster, weinie, fake, macho man, neanderthal, mamma's boy, etc), I'll do alright for myself.

 

[cchgn]

I'm not sure how your takeaway from that blog is that online dating is easier for women than it is for men.

If someone is interested in forming a meaningful relationship, having to determine each individual's intentions when the vast majority of responses are likely insincere sounds difficult (and awful!) to me.

Imo, that's one guy's experience. I put NO stock in someone else's experience. I'm not him, he's not me. Regardless what someone puts in their profile, one phone conversation reveals all( if you know what to say). Btw, most sites( like OKCUPID), you take( personality and emotional) tests so they can more closely match folks. Then everyone has "stats". Anyone who's faking or lying gets revealed real quick. The only thing I've found is that women sincerely think they're farther along than they actually are, but all my contacts are positive.

 

[Nobert]

See, I've never understood all that. "This or that kind of guy". All I've ever known is being myself. Now, I've heard alot about what kind of guy NOT to be, so I figured if I just don't be any of "those" kind( sap, jerk, ahole, loser, liar, lughead, wet blanket, shyster, weinie, fake, macho man, neanderthal, mamma's boy, etc), I'll do alright for myself.

Well, that's kind of what I mean. It's the problem when you start trying to paint a picture in broad brushstrokes, which is the best you can hope for if you're going for generalizations. A faulty inductive reasoning can set in: "Oh, that cute girl doesn't want to talk to me, she wants to talk to the guy with the full head of hair who exudes self confidence and is good at small talk."

I'm not expressing myself very well here. A casual reading of the "Handsome Fellas" thread in The Powder Room could confirm what I already knew, that if you take the majority of responses and average them out, I don't fit the "type" that most women are drawn to*. And there's no earthly reason I should. That's the law of averages. When I was younger I could get balled up about that, but one isn't looking for a statistically average mate, one is looking for the right fit. If most women tend to be attracted to a guy who is confident (and I would venture that this is the case), I don't need to be that person. And I'm not going to be, anymore than I'm going to wake up tomorrow looking like Brad Pitt. I was just saying, it took me a few years to realize this. Finally getting a girlfriend also helped. I hope this doesn't come off as too defensive, it's just a long winded way of saying that when I was younger, I was also an idiot. Or more of an idiot.

*And that's on this forum. Say nothing of the many who would take one look at a guy who wears bow ties and suspenders and think, "No way."

 

[cchgn]

Well, that's kind of what I mean. It's the problem when you start trying to paint a picture in broad brushstrokes, which is the best you can hope for if you're going for generalizations. A faulty inductive reasoning can set in: "Oh, that cute girl doesn't want to talk to me, she wants to talk to the guy with the full head of hair who exudes self confidence and is good at small talk."

I'm not expressing myself very well here.

well, it's my experience that you can't look at a girl( or anyone) and KNOW what they like and don't like. They could have just been cheated on and/or dumped by a "Brad Pitt" and have sworn off them, who knows? Alot of girls will be attracted by guys who remind them of their dad.

I should have added in that list of guys NOT to be, self defeatist.

Btw, I've recently gotten compliments on my suspenders and fedora. Imo, bowtie( other than black tie) does have a certain stigma.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I will cop to having subscribed to the "women are attracted to jerks" notion in my life. Self pity knows know more fertile ground than in the mind of a "lonely guy." Rejection of any kind is a vicious sting that strikes at your very sense of self-worth, and provides a breeding spot for all manner of infectious notions. What can you do... live and learn.

At this point in my life, I'm more comfortable with the notion that most women are not attracted to a guy like me. And it's fine, because some of them are. After all, I only want one.

There is an old saying my Husband's Great Grandfather used to say, "don't worry there are more shingles on the outhouse". How that applies is simple to most issues in life. Your last line, "after all, I only want one" says how it really should be.

My Son (from a previous marriage) has had some real issues in life regarding dating and relationships. He seems to think someone else should "find me someone" when it comes to dating. What he does not seem to grasp is that when it comes to finding "the one", you may not ever know how or where it will happen, it just seems to need a "natural order" of things to take place for anyone to meet the right person. The internet dating sites have only caused him more of a negative result for seeking anyone to be seeing or having a real relationship with. I will mention he is now 35 years old.

When I met the man I am married to now, it was not something I was out "looking for" and I can say that none of the popular social media ideals came into play. There was no facebook or any dating sites involved. We sort of just crossed paths, had a simple conversation and liked each other. Fell in love. Got married. The real attraction for me was he is "different" than the average guy out there. Polite, kind, a real man, adaptive, sensitive yet able to take the lead on anything that I would not be able to handle. There is no thoughts about who is above the other, we are not just equals, far beyond that. We both have given to each other as much as anyone could ever dream of giving and do it without having to even think about it...we just "do".

My Husband was single much longer than I was, and I can say he had some following of young women (25 year olds) chasing after him, but he as always, did not allow any of those young gals mess up his life, and would tell them he could only be a friend. Wisdom. What attracted me to him was his personality, how he dressed, that he was interesting, a success but not just from a bank account standing. Achievements. Helpful to all around him and always had a caring heart to go beyond the norm when it came to giving charity.

I have a 23 year old Daughter. She tends to think if she is not "physical" with someone when she meets them, they will not like her. That is NOT a trait or moral standard coming from our home. That is what seems to stem from social pressures and media connections.

Both of my Children had some difficulty getting used to me being married again. However as to the relationship issues, they have observed that in my marriage to Daniel, they have not once seen him yell, curse, lose his temper, or be anything less than the loving kind man he is. In time, they have in private asked me, what seems to make my marriage be so good? It sounds like a complex question to answer but it is not so difficult an answer is actually easy. Real love with the right person. Finding that is a mystery however when you do find it, you know it. Once you know it, you don't have to really even think about it, you just "love", period.

There is no real guidebook for dating or relationships that would cover everything you could need. You would only be reading someone's opinion or what may have worked for them. You have to just be you. Let life happen. Be the best you can and let things come as they will. Some may not agree to this part of what I think, but, I think that the Lord has his hand in some of the things that we have come along in life, if not all of them. If you have a good heart and live a decent life, chances are you will have good things come to you and finding the right person just might be a part of it. Until then, just take life as it should be taken, a day at a time and find what makes you feel good and happy.

I think the 24 rules for being a Gentleman in 2014 are "spot on". As Scotrace started the topic here, I can say from what little I do know of him, he is a top shelf man. He helped me with being "here" as my Husband is still recovering. We all are in some ways blessed to be on the Lounge. There is some good that comes from all of us. It is the attraction for our household being connected to the Lounge....that good part. The Lounge tends to share the good.

For any of you single fellows, I wish you well and hope you find someone worth while, and for us Married folks, well, we already know what it is and understand what you single people are faced with in today's screw ball way. Maybe if you do not look, you will find....that is how it was for me and for my Husband. I know it sounds odd but really, if you are looking too hard, you force what is not natural to take place.

Bless us all, and smile!
Cindy

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

*And that's on this forum. Say nothing of the many who would take one look at a guy who wears bow ties and suspenders and think, "No way."

A woman thinks I am weird because my vests have lapels.

Just to clarify, the link shows that women, really any type of woman, gets a great deal more messages and hits on their profile then men, even "good-looking" men. Therefore, women have more options in selecting the man they want and going on a date. If Roger doesn't work out, I can have Chad, James, or Reginald.

My conclusions from this link are the following: 1) an average guy is not going to be able to join said website and be a picker and chooser (one poster said this has been true since the dawn of time- I agree.) 2) The "attractive" women get copious amounts of messages. Therefore, an average guy is going to have to really up his profile/ embellish/ do something to get noticed by her. Heck any guy is going to have to do this just to get any date just because the women receive so many more messages. 3) Getting so many messages definitely gives a person an ego boost, thinking that he or she is in high demand.

I have no idea what can separate all the average joes.

Norbert stated, "At this point in my life, I'm more comfortable with the notion that most women are not attracted to a guy like me." That is a reality a lot of men have to deal with and I'm beginning to.

Oh, and the ultimate irony for nice guy's/ betas/ and omegas is that they finally think they found the one only to be wrong and as a consequence being cuckolded, having to pay alimony, not seeing their children, fits of depression, suicide.

I wouldn't make light of men feeling sorry for themselves. Men commit suicide at a much higher rate than women. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide

 

[HoosierDaddy]

[video=youtube;-2U0Ivkn2Ds]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/video]

 

[scotrace]

Alimony. In that regard, we are still living in the Golden Era. When a marriage ends, a woman holds every single card, and the system is designed to help her play them out to best advantage.

I'll always hold the door, treat wait staff well, etc., because it's just who I am and to do otherwise would diminish my own life. What sort of woman that behavior attracts isn't on the radar.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

I'll always hold the door, treat wait staff well, etc., because it's just who I am and to do otherwise would diminish my own life.

Absolutely...I couldn't bring myself to do otherwise..and have always been that way.
HD

 

[Gin&Tonics]

I must respectfully disagree with you on some points, Baron.

First I'd point out that if you haven't personally interacted with many of us in a close relationship for a long time, you can't say whether we are or are not decent folk. Maybe the rest of us are too, but you haven't had the chance to discover it. Then again perhaps I read you wrong in what you're saying.

I would also say that while I agree with you that being a "gentleman" may be a facade for some, that is not always true. I've been raised to believe, and indeed do believe, that true character is "who you are in the dark." For me, striving to be a gentleman is merely trying to match my outward conduct with my inward values. I wish I could claim that I always succeed, but I'm as human as anyone else, and ultimately merely a sinner saved by grace, and so I will continue to strive in imperfection.

As for anyone who believes that how much of a man they are is determined by how much sex they have with how many women, I can view them with little more than pity and distaste. What a sad, vapid existence.

 

[LizzieMaine]

As for anyone who believes that how much of a man they are is determined by how much sex they have with how many women, I can view them with little more than pity and distaste. What a sad, vapid existence.

There was a Golden Era word for men like that, a very unpleasant word. I won't repeat it here, but I will say that decent women have only the deepest contempt for that type of man.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I am 23 myself...

I can vouch that back in 1978, as young Marine, traveling the Country and world, it was the same way. You had to "get up and dance" to even have a chance( disco was the craze). IMO, it's still the basic biological female looking for a suitable mate. AFA the guys who get all the girls, then that's testament to their ability to "be that one" women find to be a suitable mate.

What.

 

[Nobert]

What.

I think you're confusing cpdv with cchgn. It's understandable, they look sort of alike, except one has a fountain.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I think you're confusing cpdv with cchgn. It's understandable, they look sort of alike, except one has a fountain.

Oh! Thanks.

 

[ButteMT61]

I think you're confusing cpdv with cchgn. It's understandable, they look sort of alike, except one has a fountain.

:rofl: Now that's funny! I was like WT* too Funny maff.

 

[HudsonHawk]

There was a Golden Era word for men like that, a very unpleasant word. I won't repeat it here, but I will say that decent women have only the deepest contempt for that type of man.

In defense of the young whippersnappers in the conversation...when you're 19 it's hard to think of much else. I was 19 the first time I experienced "manhood", and luckily for me, it was with a woman in her mid 30's. At the time I figured it might be my only shot in life at that sort of thing, so I gave it 110%.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

In defense of the young whippersnappers in the conversation...when you're 19 it's hard to think of much else. I was 19 the first time I experienced "manhood", and luckily for me, it was with a woman in her mid 30's. At the time I figured it might be my only shot in life at that sort of thing, so I gave it 110%.

TMI. Not gentlemanly.

 

[ButteMT61]

In defense of the young whippersnappers in the conversation...when you're 19 it's hard to think of much else. I was 19 the first time I experienced "manhood", and luckily for me, it was with a woman in her mid 30's. At the time I figured it might be my only shot in life at that sort of thing, so I gave it 110%.

I'm not sure if you want to post up details of the best 22 seconds of your life here :rofl: