What's Your Favorite Joke?

[Zig2k143]

These are great ones from Henny Youngman and great hints for all you married people out there...

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, a little dancing, a little romance.... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


Here are some more of his jokes since this one got me started trying to remember them:

http://www.basicjokes.com/dquotes.php?aid=1003

Rest in peace Henny

 

[bolthead]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a museum?

Art.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs waterskiing?

Skip.

Hillarious.....

 

[bolthead]

Did ya hear about the guy that walked into the bar with a huge frog on his head? The bartender says, "Where the heck did ya get that thing?" And the frog says, "Eh, it started out as a wart on my backside."

 

[VivianRegan]

Paraphrased from Emo Philips, said during a show in Pasadena:

~~I've never seen so MANY Starbucks before IN MY LIFE...

but so LITTLE reason to stay awake...~~

(It's hard to get Emo's cadence in a post!)

 

[Tommy Fedora]

What happens when ducks fly upside down ?

They quack up !

 

[pretty faythe]

What do you call the electrician with no arms and no legs?

Sparky

hey now....[bad] don't u know we get called that all the time.....

 

[CharlieH.]

A nun joke taken from one of my favourite joke joints-

A drunk Irishman steps out of a pub. The first person he sees is a nun. He runs up to the nun & starts punching, kicking, and biting her. The nun begins to scream, but the Irishman knocks her to the ground. The nun tries to get up, but she keeps getting pummeled. He’s cursing, yelling, & screaming threats at her. Finally, the nun is able to get away from the Irishman. As she’s taking flight down the street, she hears the Irishman yell, “Not so tough, now, are ye, Batman?!?”

 

[Dan G]

hey now....[bad] don't u know we get called that all the time.....

heh hehlol I hit a power line with a chainsaw once... Sparky was my nickname after that too.lol

 

[Joie DeVive]

This one is so old....How old is it???

Alright, nobody else did it, so I have to!

Wanna hear a dirty joke?



A kid fell in the mud.



Wanna hear a clean one?



His mom made him take a bath.


If you are groaning or scratching your head right now, I have done my duty.
So bad, it's........dare I say it............classic!

 

[Diamondback]

@ Joie, #72
*groans*

It's not "old"--the preferred term around here is "vintage"! lol

 

[Joie DeVive]

Ah-ha!

@ Joie, #72
*groans*

It's not "old"--the preferred term around here is "vintage"! lol

Gotcha!! lol

So are you telling me it should be:
"This joke us so vintage........."
"How vintage is it???"

 

[Diamondback]

OUCH!

lol

 

[Mister_Ed]

How does a person who's insomniac, agnostic, and dyslexic entertain himself?

Stays up all night pondering the existence of doG.

 

[scotrace]

Joke threads are always fun.

But my edit finger is tired.