What happened to admiration?

[Chas]

I have come to the conclusion that sincere admiration for others comes from having a fair degree of self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself, it's so much easier to see things in others that you find appealing or good. Lack of self esteem leads to envy.

Following that hypothesis, I could go on and on about why contemporary society has a problem with self esteem.

 

[Flat Foot Floey]

Chas is right. I also think it is a matter of how much you need for yourself to be happy. I NEED my books and my clothes but not a big car.

If somebody else spends a lot on his car I have no problem with showing my admiration...if I like the car (like oldtimers and stuff). I will probably say nothing at all if it's a modern or ugly car. It's just not my cup of tea.
But also no negative comments.[huh]


I mighty show my envy to matt deckards profile picture but... my girlfriend wouldn't like that lol

 

[The Shirt]

I know that my fella works a blue collar job, saves his pennies and doesn't lead an extravagent lifestyle. That being said he worked for years to save to buy a beat up old 66 impala. He poured every extra sent into his labor of love for years. It is beautiful now, his baby. One night at a wedding he left it in the parking lot of a church. Some jerk takes a key and runs it from end to end. No particular reason why. There are small minded people in this world that will resent what you have, regardless of your story. Just the way it is. He always says - he wishes that the jerk knew he was just a working smuck and that this meant another year of sacrifices to fix. Small actions can have enormous impact.

Also - the one compliment he remembers the most, and that he holds dearest, was from a homeless fellow. Came over and started to chat him up and admired the car. The man who in my mind should have every right to resent someone had the sincerest gesture of appreciation. We both aspire to be more like him.

 

[jamespowers]

I know that my fella works a blue collar job, saves his pennies and doesn't lead an extravagent lifestyle. That being said he worked for years to save to buy a beat up old 66 impala. He poured every extra sent into his labor of love for years. It is beautiful now, his baby. One night at a wedding he left it in the parking lot of a church. Some jerk takes a key and runs it from end to end. No particular reason why. There are small minded people in this world that will resent what you have, regardless of your story. Just the way it is. He always says - he wishes that the jerk knew he was just a working smuck and that this meant another year of sacrifices to fix. Small actions can have enormous impact.

Also - the one compliment he remembers the most, and that he holds dearest, was from a homeless fellow. Came over and started to chat him up and admired the car. The man who in my mind should have every right to resent someone had the sincerest gesture of appreciation. We both aspire to be more like him.

Now that really burns me up. I had the same thing happen to my 57 Chevy in college. :rage:
I doubt he would get anywhere with the jerk who did it. They are just small-minded, jealous people. [huh]

 

[Viola]

Audi: Any model - People won't judge you to be cool or uncool.

Aw, Senator, you're so nice.

I'll judge 'em for you. lol

 

[nostalgic]

Hahaha! I have to agree with Viola: as a group they tend to drive horribly (no offense meant to anyone here who may own one )
As far as judgement goes, my fiance drives a mercedes..... that cost him less than my honda. I've really been trying to appreciate what I have and be happy for others who are succeeding, especially now. But I also agree that people's attitudes are a direct result of their self esteem and they can be downright petty. Moral of the story, be comfortable with who you are, what you want, and where you're going.

 

[Talbot]

Matt,

You're asking the question with an avatar like that?

 

[Edward]

Worst drivers ever I saw for appaling roadhog bahvaiour were, almost without exception, driving either BMWs or Lexuses. I guess If I'd spent that much on a car and got one of those, I'd think I'd bought the rights to the road as well.... lol

I'm all for people driving what they want (though equally I'm all for punitive taxes on gas guzzlers, but environmental responsibility is another matter), just so long as nobody expects me to be impressed by their big car. I'm afraid my gut reaction to a Ferrari or anything equally showy is something along the lines of it being a Freudian compensation. It's not jealousy - honestly, you couldn't pay me enough to be seen in a Ferrari - but each to their own, it's just not my taste, and I don't care usually for the kind of person that considers material goods to be the way to impress others. TBH, I have litte or no interest in cars at all; I gave up driving when I moved to London and have access to (reasonably) affordable, (kinda) reliable twenty four hour public transport. A car to me is something i would only consider running as a necessity - it's not, so I don't. If it was, I'd probably be trying to run something older simply because I vastly prefer the aesthetic (it's a rare car produced post 1970 that I care to look at particularly). no interest in running a hobby car, though.

Lexuses in particular.... well, they were Toyata's approach to trying to break into the luxury brand market. They always just struck me as...... an expensive Toyota, but again each to their own. I do appreciate that they aren't as showy as so many of the luxury brand cars which are all a bit...... Beckham.... for me. Now, if you could find me a Ford V8 Pilot, in RHD, modified to take unleaded, with a five speed box, and the ability to best 35mpg, then you're talking.....

 

[JimWagner]

I have to admit that I at least wonder for a moment when I see someone in their 20's driving a $60K+ car how they were able to afford it. First thoughts are always 1) Daddy's money, 2) huge car payment and no other possessions or responsibilities, 3) ill gotten gains. But really I couldn't care less.

As far as receiving admiring comment about my own vehicle, while that has happened it always makes me feel a little uneasy. I just bought it. I didn't build it.

 

[Talbot]

Status anxiety

Did the concept of status anxiety exist in the golden era, or has this been a relatively recent phenomenon?

 

[Matt Deckard]

Matt,

You're asking the question with an avatar like that?

What about my avatar?

And I'm looking at the transition from my youth when I'd hear people saying "boy he's got a nice car" to "wow, what's he trying to prove".

And it is a noticeable difference. People that are well off and many times working hard to get there are often looked at with disdain rather than admiration, or a point to aspire to.

 

[sixties.nut]

What about my avatar?

Matt, It's way too small, and, and, there's a dude in it.lol

 

[LizzieMaine]

Did the concept of status anxiety exist in the golden era, or has this been a relatively recent phenomenon?

It existed in the twenties -- read Sinclair Lewis's novels for pointed satire of it. A depression and a world war will sort of knock that stuff out of you, but it came roaring up bigger than ever during the postwar era. Read the works of Vance Packard for some very eye-opening insights on this question. Entire fortunes were built in the fifties and sixties on the desperate need of working-class people to prove they were actually middle class.

 

[LordBest]

The modern philosopher* Alain de Botton wrote a book and produced a documentary about (and titled) Status Anxiety, it might be of interest. He came to the conclusion that status anxiety is an inevitable by-product of a democratic and egalitarian society and lays out various strategies for combating it.


*Don't let this put you off, he is actually a sensible chap.

 

[Tango Yankee]

Worst drivers ever I saw for appaling roadhog bahvaiour were, almost without exception, driving either BMWs or Lexuses.

I would have thought that honor would have gone to white van drivers.

I guess If I'd spent that much on a car and got one of those, I'd think I'd bought the rights to the road as well.... lol

Don't you buy the rights to the road when you pay for that tax disk that goes in the windshield?

Unfortunately, from a distance the guy in the fancy car who bought it as a status symbol and the guy in the same make/model who bought it because it's a finely crafted automobile look about the same.

I'm sorry to say that I agree with Matt's assessment of how many people tend to react to other's nice things. My own reaction tends to be along the lines of "Nice car!" Sometimes on the inside I'll think "Man, I wish I could afford something like that" but it has nothing to do with the other being able to do so.

Cheers,
Tom

 

[sixties.nut]

Sometimes on the inside I'll think "Man, I wish I could afford something like that" but it has nothing to do with the other being able to do so.

Cheers,
Tom

Who are you kiddin Tom? If I had your money, well I could burn mine!

 

[Speedbird]

I must say I don't believe people's reactions are necessarily jealousy; ... when a "career" meant something (now you're hired and fired on a whim), and a "college degree" wasn't just a piece of paper (because nearly any stooge can sit through classes long enough to get their BA in English...I should know).

Also, consider that within the last 2 years people have actually started struggling with basic aspects of life; i.e. buying milk, bread, paying rent, getting gas, etc.

- it might be fatigue. [huh]

Undertow said some interesting things in his full post (I have chopped it and possibly ruined it); it has resonance. The Australian chap touched on this too. And the lady who said middle class solid professionals are struggling with pension planning in the US. In London, for me this is all ringing very true, and painfully so at that.

Admiration, like courtesy and consideration, is possibly on the wane. Perhaps people are fatigued. The media and internet contributes to this fatigue and weariness and, perhaps, ill-temper. Too many snap decisions, instant judgements and ill-considered opinions. Too many asaults on self-worth and esteem. I think anger and resentment lurks close to the surface in our societies post the banking crisis. I think there will be a considerable period of readjustment and things will get worse before they get better. I am by no means excusing poor behaviours - just offerring a view. I think 'fatigue induced stress' is a part of it.

I am posting this now, wondering if perhaps it is at all wise and any of my business? My anxieties....

What I will say, Matt, is this: I found your blog and business today via your FL signature (not possible even ten years ago) and I think a nice classic motor like a Mercedes 500SL would suit your aesthetic and perhaps compliment your business. As a daily driver, however, perhaps a SAAB might do well. Over here at least, SAAB drivers fall into what is widely perceived as an intelligent, professional and thoughtful group.

Or pilots. So maybe that idea doesn't contribute anything useful at all.

 

[Tango Yankee]

Who are you kiddin Tom? If I had your money, well I could burn mine!

Problem is, as a hat junkie that's where all my money seems to go! :eusa_doh:

My current car is a 2004 base-level PT Cruiser with 120,000+ miles. It needs a bit of attention as the weather warms up to get it looking nice again. I like the Cruiser as it has the styling cues that remind me of the '40s yet it has the comforts and safety features for putting in a lot of miles in each week that you get with a modern car. Right now my '72 Yamaha XS650 is as vintage as I get vehicle-wise. Well, that's not quite true. I have an International Harvester tractor that dates to the mid-60s, I believe. It needs some work on the hydraulics, though. I found that out when I was swapping the bush hog for the blade in preparation for winter.

To drift more or less back on topic I will say that the Cruiser in it's prime got a lot of compliments thanks to the aftermarket additions I installed to make it stand out a little bit. I even found a note under the windshield wiper complementing me on it once! I guess it's not the type of car to generate much by the way of jealousy.

Cheers,
Tom

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

As to why some people might choose to have a fancy and/or expensive car, I'm reminded of the movie Tin Men.

In the movie, set in the early '60s, the character played by Danny DeVito is an aluminum siding salesman who can barely make ends meet but drives a Cadillac. Early on there's a scene where he's arguing with his wife. When she suggests that perhaps he should trade the Caddy for something more affordable, he tries to explain to her that his Caddy is one of the tools of his trade that, in essence, success (or in the very least the appearance of success) is a selling point. That to call on potential customers in anything less would not, in his mind, inspire confidence in the product.

 

[nobodyspecial]

I should watch Tin Men again, that was a great movie.

I don't think envy/status anxiety is anything new. I grew up in a small town where you could drive a nice car (but too nice and people talked negatively about it), you could live in a nice house, (but too nice and people talked negatively about it), and on and on. One year the banker built too nice a house and immediately everyone talked about loan interest rates rising. Human nature I guess.