Well, it's over.

[LocktownDog]

My wife and I have been (what I thought to be) happily married for more than ten years. The past six months have seen us separated with me sleeping on the sofa and still working, scheduling kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc... all the while hoping that I can keep that little spark of romance alive. Last night she told me I was a poison and that she couldn't look at me anymore. She apparently hasn't felt any love toward me in over a year. This crushed me utterly and completely. For I still love her with all my heart. But now we started dividing assets and I have to find a new place to live ... away from my boys (12, 11, 7). They mean everything to me. They also realize that this divorce means a whole lot more work for them, as they will now be expected to do all the chores I used to do. The older two already told her they hate her for this and want to live with me. This only caused her to fly into a rage at me with threats to take everything and not even leave me a share of the custody of the kids.

I feel I've given up. I'm too old to start over. Love hurts too much to try again. I hate living here in the desert and want badly to move back to Oregon. But I also don't know what I'll ever do without seeing my kids on a daily basis. I can't handle much more of this pain, but know that there's a long way to go before I can forget and forgive.

Sorry for the rant. I'm not really looking for any responses or advice. I just needed a little bit of verbal catharsis.

Richard

 

[RondoHatton]

That taste of burnt copper in one's mouth

That is bad news. Good luck to you and the kids.

This has just been one helluva year.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I'm very sorry you are in pain right now dealing with so many life-altering changes. One day at a time- it will get better because you will make it so.

 

[Ron]

Richard,

Sorry to hear the bad news. I've been there.

If there is anything I can do to help, email me fathermoore@livingharvest.org

Ron

 

[Twitch]

Hey Dog, sometimes it just helps to just write it all down. When you re-read it sometimes it seems clearer or better.

One thing for sure is that you will be able to find your post one day in the future and see how things have changed as you can't imagine now. Hopefully you'll smile to yourself cause things will have evolved to a far better level.

 

[Rooster]

Same thing happened to me 15 years ago. I was absolutely devastated, but as time went on it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. You will probably find the same thing as time goes on.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

Seems these kinds of things happen to a lot of people. It will all work out for the best in time like Rooster said.

 

[Nashoba]

I would say that everything will be alright, but that answer is never what any of is want to hear. I will simply offer a >>hug<< and say I am truly sorry my friend.

 

[Miss 1929]

How awful!

I hope that as the smoke begins to clear, the wife sees the sense of sharing custody.
You do have a lawyer, right? You need to be sure that the rights of the kids to see their dad are protected, at the very least!
Best pf luck to you and I hope it all goes smoothly. These things are always so painful.

 

[Rockapin-up]

Best wishes to you Richard. You are never to old to start over.

 

[ShortClara]

I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry. Yes, one day at a time....

 

[Spitfire]

Hang in there. Don't ever give up on your kids.
I've tried it too - if you feel like it, mail me.
Guesse a hug is ok

 

[KObalto]

Yes, you need to get a good lawyer immediately

and at ages 11 and 12, the courts will give great weight to wear the kids want to live.

 

[sweetfrancaise]

How devastating, Richard. All my best to you and your sons in the long months ahead.

 

[Kitty_Sheridan]

Your kids are the most important thing, that and your health, mental and physical.
I could say 'it gets easier' or 'time heals' and it does, but it wont feel like it right now.
take care
K

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

Yes, I hope you're not trying to do this without a lawyer. She is the one who is initiating divorce; *you* are therefore in the better bargaining position for children, visitation, etc. Does it sound harsh to talk of it in terms of bargaining? That is why you MUST have legal advice. What's better, is it can just be a matter to be settled by the lawyers, you won't have to even talk to her again once they're involved.

 

[Barbigirl]

I'm so sorry Richard. My thoughts are with you, I know it is devastating to go through.

 

[Josephine]

I agree, she wants the divorce, she should be the one to get a new place. Get thee to an excellent lawyer right away, and start looking out for you and your kids. I'm very sorry you have to go through this, but good luck!!

 

[carter]

Hang in there. All is not lost.

I've been through this and not that long ago.

I hired a very good attorney and asked for custody of our children as well as the home.

We settled with joint custody with me as the primary custodian which means the children live with me and I have final decision-making authority regarding all critical issues in their behalf.

I also retained ownership of our home.

Don't assume all is lost. It ain't over 'til it's over.

Best wishes in this difficult time.

Carter

 

[Jovan]

I agree with what all have said.

It never hurts to be civil as well. Try to keep a cool head even when she's flinging hurtful things at you left and right. In my experience, yelling back to the aggressor only exacerbates things and makes it more difficult to get the things you want, and need -- namely seeing your own children.

I've been stuck in the middle of a separation and then divorce when I was 16. What works well in most cases from what I've heard is to have the kids go to one parent's house three times one week, four times the next, and vice versa. In my case, I went to Mark's house only on the weekends because he came into my life when I was 10 as the mother's boyfriend, then at 13 as my stepfather. There was no argument about it (thank God), and plus it was closer to my school at my mother's. Anyways, getting back to your situation, try to talk to her about this and let her see the logic in it. Be calm, don't try to be the "better person," and it should hopefully work out.

I speak not as a man who has been married, so take my suggestion as you will. I hope it works out for you.