The women of Gen Y - why?!

[MDFrench]

Hey all,

I'm really upset, so I thought I'd come to the Observation Bar and unleash my woes on the bartenders and the regulars. Someone grab me a whiskey.

Once again, I thought I had met someone special, and once again, I was figuratively shown the door. I have had talks with friends about this before, the unfortunate troubles that plague the entire female side of my generation. In short, it seems like women want nothing to do with me. I shower daily, I dress well (of course I would, being a member of this forum), I mind my chivalric manners (just like my grandparents and parents taught me), and I know a little about just about everything to hold my end of the conversation regardless of the topic.

But gosh darnit, women literally take one look at me and say, "Good friend," or "Brother I never had." I'm getting tired of it. I am 26, generally clean cut, and I have scruples. Apparently, women don't want that. The women of my generation want skeevy jerks, or they want someone who as described by them, is exactly like me, but they don't want me of course - just someone exactly like me. It's a load of crap and I find myself becoming more embittered as the YEARS go by.

People keep telling me - "Oh, don't worry. They'll get those jerks out of their system and then they'll come calling." GREAT! That just makes me even more angry. They get what they want regardless - all the jerks they can stomach, all the while expecting the nice guy to just wait around, and then they get him too?! Not me. If a girl I liked who burned me for some jerk ever came my way again, I'd be showing HER the door so fast she'd miss me if she blinked.

Sorry for the rant - but I am angry, bitter, and admittedly, lonely. It seems the women of my generation are only interested in jerks with money, Paris Hilton style lives, and nothing of substance.

I don't wanna be 35 years old or 40 and still looking. Why couldn't I have just died in my early 20s in a blaze of glory in a Spitfire over the Channel in 1940? Then this wouldn't be an issue.

Mike

 

[Brad Bowers]

I feel for ya, buddy. Let me buy you a drink.

I went through the same crap, only I'm Gen X. Early Gen X. I didn't meet my wife until I was 31, and had the same troubles you're having until then. No guarantees in this life, but I'm willing to bet you'll run across the right someone in the next couple of years. Not much solace in that, I know.

When I see the kids I teach at college nowadays, I'm just glad I'm not 18 years old again! I don't know what it is with these kids.

Brad

 

[Dalexs]

Hey MDFrench,

FWIW My wife and I were friends for about 4 years (I was 25 at the time,) dated for another 3 years and finally got married.
This goes for a bunch of our other friends that all met hanging out with through the same group.

There is hope!

Dalexs

 

[Andykev]

Gotta go for it!

You got it all wrong. I targeted my future wife, stalked her, followed her, and arranged a meeting, found out who her friends were anc co workers, planted the seed of interest, and connived a lunch date.

We met in November, began looking for houses in December, were engaged on Valentine's day(FEB) and bought our first house in April. We didn't marry until July.

That was almost 15 years ago...........


Lucky me.

 

[Kentucky Blues]

Well, MD, i'd say that it might be a good idea to change your attitude towards a woman who wants you after she dates the jerk.. It's said that you go through alot of wrong people before you find the right one, and you might be the right one, and those jerks they go out with are the ones they go through. Its not like they're deciding to make you wait for a while before they let you go out with them, and sometimes its worth the wait. Basically, don't turn 'em down just because they missed their chance first time around, give 'em a second chance. I'm in a similar boat, can't seem to find anyone. Of course, I'm younger, but still. And a good idea would be to do what I can't seem to do. Get to asking her out before she gets to making good friends. I have faith in ya, if that many people think you're a good friend, there has to be some people out there that'll like that enough to wanna be with ya!

So keep yer chin up, and be diligent! Did I just use the word dilligent right?...

 

[Cabinetman]

Don't beat yourself up or knock the other half. Trouble is, what's good for one is not necessarily right for the other. That is to say, AndyKev says go after it, I say let opportunity present itself. Neither way is better than another. For me, 13 years ago, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend and I wasn't not looking for a girlfriend. One weekend while I was home from college, having nothing to lose and not caring a whole lot about the gain, I asked a girl very nonchalantly about per chance seeing a movie sometime when I was home again. She accepted with the biggest smile I think I had ever seen and I came home again the next weekend.

That was the best first date, and last first date, I ever had. I wouldn't have known it at the time, but in retrospect, I fell in love with her then. Maybe not that night, but definitely by our second date. Maybe it was the first date. Yeah, it was magic and still is.

While cliche has very little comfort, just know that it'll happen for you when the time is right. Whether you "stalk" the girl or let her come to you. Just take a day at a time.

Cab

 

[MK]

I know you to be a good man, mister French. The right girl will know that when she sees it.

I heard it said that it is not about finding the right person....but being the right person. I beleive that is true. The right girl will show up. You'll see.

 

[zeus36]

At the age of 42 now and have tried various behaviors towards women. I find they are most receptive to the guy that calls the shots and takes the initiative in a self-confident way (maintaining manners, of course). If you act like their friend, you'll get treated like one of their girlfriends- - and that's not want you want. Make the decisions and if they don't like it, they'll let you know. Women want to follow the leader, so be the leader. I know it may sound like a psychology lesson where girls want a father figure or "bad boy" image, but it is due to the self confidence those two ends of the spectrum represent. I find asking them something may come off as a bit wishy. Tell them want YOU want and if they are interested, they will follow along. No need to be a jerk about it or competitive, just firm with a nice smile. Once you are into the relationship, friendship will then develop. Tall, dark and handsome really means the strong, sexy, silent type to women which generally equates as the leader to us. Add in humor and they will be in heaven. Of course this is just my own experience……. Hmmmm. Clarke Gable comes to mind.

 

[Matt Deckard]

It is not about finding the right person....but being the right person.

That, MK, is a great quote.

French... Don't give up looking my friend.

The fact that you wrote this with such vehimence shows that you have heart. I have not yet found the right gal for me either, though I like to think that the right gal is also out there looking for me.

Just want to interject one thing. Back in the golden era it was a very very different time. Couples got married at a young age, alot around 18 and most of those that I know of lasted til death did they part. Today many of the couples I know that get married around 18 apear immature and many times divorce. When they hit their thirties they become really ready for a relationship where they can settle down.

I think that couples getting married today at 18 is equivalent of a person in the 1940's getting married at around the age of 13. I feel there is something missing in the maturity of many of todays youth.
Maybe it's being blinded by a fast world that tells everyone that something better is right around the corner and that everyone can be a star; I don't Know. I do know that sometimes people pass on something that might be the best thing in their life in favor of a new thrill that may leave them jaded and yearning for what they once had.

Being a member of the lounge shows me also that you stand out in the masses as a person who carries with him an old time sensability of respect and honor. Don't let it go.

You keep us abreast of your search (for it is an adventure as well) and I shall keep you abreast of mine.

Oh yeah... CONFIDENCE my friend CONFIDENCE!

Joseph C. Brandstetter

 

[jamespowers]

Md, I have seen what you experience for a decade from a friend of mine. He kept telling me these heart ripper stories time and again. Mark is just like the rest of us and he has been through quite a bit and probably quite a few more women.
Now in his early forties he has managed to find someone who he will soon marry. I doubt he ever thought that such a thing would happen either. Now I have to listen to him gush about his new fiance.
He just happened to come by while I was reading your post earlier today. Mark told me to relate his story and tell you not to get disgusted and wall yourself off. It will change and there will be someone to come along just as she did for him. I could tell the complete story but there is not enough room here for all the sordid details of all the trainwrecks he has been through. Man what a mess. As he said: "If it can happen for me it will happen for this guy." LOL
So I fulfilled my promise to Mark and I encourage you to take heart. There are ups and downs. Sometimes you never know what is around the corner. I was lucky enough to meet my wife earlier in life. Things were not picture perfect but after being married for nearly ten years now, I can tell you it is worth the work and wait. Tomorrow can be a whole new day.

Regards,

J

 

[Wild Root]

Well bud, I feel your pain! I’m 26 as well and had a goal of being hitched at 27. Don’t look to good for me. Well after I got frustrated with the opposite sex, thinking the same thing and that I have nothing to offer, I put up a wall. Now, my vintage car gets all my time and money. Hate to say that it’s been more reliable then most skirts I’ve taken out.

I know there is a lack of women that are our age that look for an old fashioned guy. Most want some one that’s really smart or some one that’s very athletic. Well, in many respects they come off to me as shallow. Just because I’m not as hip and trendy with the things of today, I’m not even considered dating material by most girls I come in contact with. Well, I feel your pain and I have felt like just throwing in the towel too many times. I’m single mainly because I choose to be. I have been burned a few times and I don’t care for it. Girls always tell me that I’m not doing enough with my life and I don’t’ like other stuff besides vintage. Well honey, that’s who I am! So, if you don’t like it, then take a fling leap! So, for now I’m not going to get involved.

Sorry; that’s just me. It’s a sensitive subject for me too. Fact is I can’t afford a car and a girl. So, I’m going with the car, less work.LOL

Your friend,

Root.

 

[Retro Grouch]

Setting up another round. :martini: Nobody bought the man a drink since the first reply.

Where are the lovely women of the lounge's opinions?

I've always lived by the admonition "it's better to travel alone, then to travel with a bad partner".

Sounds like your getting some sound advice, so I'll add a different twist. Where are you looking for Miss Right? Bars, health clubs, church, under rocks...? Ya gotta be where the fish are. Some friends have had good luck with internet dating.

Relax. The opposite sex can smell desperation. Try, but not too hard. Sadly, there is no magic potion but "The One" is out there.

Besides, you don't want to be the board's curmudgeon, do you.

Well, that's my two pesos.

Good luck!
Tom

 

[MDFrench]

Yeah, well - I'm no one's curmudgeon. Just a guy who's down on his luck. It wouldn't matter how interested or uninterested I was, the outcome would probably still be the same. I think I've gone past desperate and into jaded long ago.

Thanks for all the advice. It'd be nice to hear from the women here, but it looks like they don't wanna cross the line of fire.

Nice to be able to talk with good people.

Regards,
Mike

 

[jamespowers]

Originally posted by MDFrench
I think I've gone past desperate and into jaded long ago.

That may just work for you.
A friend of mine showed me an old trick once. We were in a bar quite a while ago. He told me to go sit at a table where I could see him. Curious, I did what he said.
He got a hang dog look on him and sat there a little while. Soon a woman came over next to him. He grumbled a bit and she asked him what was wrong.
I listened closer and he said: "Oh, women are all liars."
The woman said "What do you mean?"
My friend replied: "Well, they tell me they like me and they dump me. I am here waiting for a date that said she would meet me here two hours ago."
Her look changed and sympathy came over her face. She said: "Well not all women are like that."
He said: "Oh yeah. Then answer me a question."
She replied enthusiatically "Sure."
"Be honest now", he said.
"Of course I will," she answered
"Will you go out with me then?"
"Sure I would go out with you," she answered quickly.
"Right now?; he replied.
"Sure. Where do you want to go," she answered.
I did not hear the rest but they left and I sat there dumbfounded wondering how he managed to do it without even trying. I suppose I saw The Man that particular occasion. LOL
By the way, they are married today and she still does not know what happened that day. So I suppose jaded would work in the right place at the right time. Just a thought from past experience that I would still find hard to believe if I had not seen it with my own two eyes.

Regards to all,

J

P.S. I hope I did not reveal any secrets that the ladies might find less than above board.

 

[MDFrench]

BLINK...........BLINK

 

[jamespowers]

I think you could pull it off. LOL

 

[MDFrench]

James,

I am going to try that tomorrow night. Get ready for an update in the next few days.

 

[Kentucky Blues]

Originally posted by jamespowers
I hope I did not reveal any secrets that the ladies might find less than above board.

Thats okay, they're ignoring this thread and if I weren't the honest type, I'd probably do that too LOL

 

[MDFrench]

I am the honest type. And guess what - were I to say the same things to someone at a bar - they'd be true, just not necessarily within the same span of time.

"Yeah, she was supposed to meet me here 2 hours and ten months ago. She never did, but I still come here ever so often."

I've been burned so many times in so many ways you'd hear truths from me and swear they were lies - but trust me, I couldn't make some of this stuff up.

 

[The Wolf]

Well I might as well put in my two cents, and fresh drink for you. make sure you have some peanuts to absorb some of the alcohol though.

I've had friends with similar woes. They thought maybe they should act like jerks since that's what the skirts seemed to go for. I've heard the dreaded sentence "I love you like a brother" and other such frustating sentiments but I didn't want to change myself.

It was like high school; I could belong to this clique or that if I just changed how I acted. I didn't want friends that would only accept me a certain way. The same goes for a girlfriend. You have to be true to yourself if you want the right girl.

After my girlfriend had dumped me I didn't have a girlfriend for four years. Finally I met my wife to be and we dated for years before we tied the knot in 1991.

By staying true I still have the friends I had in high school, I'm now friends with my ex-girlfriend and my wife and I still enjoy each others company. Trust me, it gets better.

"Resolve well and persevere"