The Wifely Duties

[Philip Adams]

You should ask your Mum if she has a favourite/family cookbook. My Mum had a book that was her Mothers & it's mine now - it's a treasured possession.

My Mother had a favourite cookbook. When she died a number of years ago it fell into the possession of my Father. When it came time for him to move into a care home I managed to find it. Sadly it looked like it had made its way into a pot of soup (or something similar) at some point and was totally unreadable.

Thank heavens for e-bay. I was able to pick up an 'as new' copy. It didn't have my Mother's annotations or the recipes she wrote by hand on loose paper and kept inside but I'm still glad to have it.

It still gets used when I have guests.

 

[Marzena]

People underrate the level of skill that is involved, aswell. Like was mentioned a few pages back, people often wondered what my mother did all day. .

The same people who speak dismissively about housework and women who choose to do it full time typically are very respectful when discussing cooks (in restaurants), cleaners (in hotels) or nannies (in their own houses).

The unavoidable mockery that life will make of an ideology!

 

[kamikat]

In fact, I have. She has a recipe box, which she has some that she bases her stuff off of. She says that she mostly just works the recipe until it's to her liking, so she cannot exactly write it down, as I asked her to.

That's how I work, too, as well as my mom. Instead of giving my boys recipes, I'm trying to get them used to the idea of being comfortable experimenting. I'll show them the original recipe and explain what I've done differently. My older son is a vegetarian and I've told him that since his diet is different than the SAD, it's even more important for him to know how to feed himself.

 

[kamikat]

The same people who speak dismissively about housework and women who choose to do it full time typically are very respectful when discussing cooks (in restaurants), cleaners (in hotels) or nannies (in their own houses).

The unavoidable mockery that life will make of an ideology!

I'm convinced it's because housewives don't get paid for thier work.

 

[C-dot]

Well, we already established that men are the best chefs........

Pfft, I suppose men are the better drivers, too

I wouldn't let on that you can cook better than your significant other or you will have just signed up to do it for life. My father always warned me about helping out too much---how you start is how you end so if you start doing everything then you had better get used to doing everything.

My dad is always trying to help my mum when she's cooking or baking, and she ends up yelling at him to get out of the kitchen. She always said "It's not help unless I ask for it." In this respect, I have become my mother. lol

I'm convinced it's because housewives don't get paid for thier work.

So am I. If you don't make money, you must be a sponge on the taxpayers, right?

Of course, if you do go to work, it becomes a question of whether you make enough money.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And if you do go to work it has to be the right kind of work. A woman who works full time in a sardine cannery while balancing the needs of a family will not be given the same respect as a woman who works in, say, a marketing firm. The former just has "a job," the latter has "a career."

 

[Marzena]

I'm convinced it's because housewives don't get paid for thier work.

I quite agree. I think it is the notion of service our society is having a problem with. A full time wife and mother of conviction does things for her family in the spirit of service, yet this is often perceived as voluntary enslavement.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I need to take cooking lessons from my mother. Nobody cooks like that woman.

When you make something mouth watering, please, invite us over!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

And if you do go to work it has to be the right kind of work. A woman who works full time in a sardine cannery while balancing the needs of a family will not be given the same respect as a woman who works in, say, a marketing firm. The former just has "a job," the latter has "a career."

I have to say, at times certain jobs are not very fair, but not sure where I posted the information, I employ a few Gals to work for me, and as handling the position of what they do, "Project Manager", they are the highest paid employees I have.. I value the expertise that they have handled their job duties, and they beat out a lot of "Male" competition for the positions they have. Both Gals can run circles around any other "Male" employees that have in the past had that position, and I do not pay them less due to their being a Gal, either.

Not all employers are knuckle heads....!

 

[C-dot]

Not all employers are knuckle heads....!

Sure, but depending on how you're employed, you don't feel as secure disclosing your position at a barbeque when someone asks you "And what do you do for a living?" if you're a house cleaner versus a partner at an advertising firm. Humans are unbelievably judgmental.

 

[LizzieMaine]

It's not only that. Consider that the entire "working women's" support culture that's developed since the '70s -- the how-to-do-it-all books, the magazine articles, the TV channels, the support groups, etc etc etc -- is targeted not to "working women" in general, but to upper-middle-class working women, and makes all sorts of assumptions that are predicated on one coming from and living in that background. Working-class working women might as well not exist so far as today's culture is concerned, except in some sort of fantasy-feel-good movie like The Help. The life of the Real Life "Help" is a bit different.

 

[C-dot]

I've never been able to wrap my head around that. As far as I can tell, people are defined by their bank accounts so closely that a limited bank account means limited facets to their character. Nobody is interested in the working class, presumably because they can't afford to be interesting.

 

[Edward]

Sure, but depending on how you're employed, you don't feel as secure disclosing your position at a barbeque when someone asks you "And what do you do for a living?" if you're a house cleaner versus a partner at an advertising firm. Humans are unbelievably judgmental.

Aren't they just. My personal bugbear is how ingrained it is in the culture for people making small talk at parties or whenever to simply ask "so, what do you do?" - as if the very core of my being is encapsulated by my job. I mean, I've heard of the protestant work ethic, but that's ridiculous!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Sure, but depending on how you're employed, you don't feel as secure disclosing your position at a barbeque when someone asks you "And what do you do for a living?" if you're a house cleaner versus a partner at an advertising firm. Humans are unbelievably judgmental.

This is perhaps so very true, but not always the case. I want to state, I started my own "course in life" off, at first when I was discharged from the Military, doing some rather "low" theme work, cleaning toilets and painting house numbers on the curbs. At the time, and even today, I really was proud of what I did. I sort of felt it was "me" being able to do what I had to do and appreciated every moment of it. Perhaps my "humor" in thinking added to it, as when anyone would ever ask me, "what do you do"? I loved being able to look them in the eye and tell them, "I...Clean...Toilets"! Some times while encountering Gals I would have wanted to ask out on a date, would respond fairly negative about my statement of income to them. However, some found out later, the eventual source of income and how happy I was for the work, felt positive towards me regarding that topic. As it became a larger business and my income level went up, I would run into some of the Gals that had nothing positive to say about my "career" choice at the time, and naturally they would then desire to know me more....but all in all, I did meet and have friends socially that had no concerns about what I was doing for a living one way or another.

Perhaps using everything in sort of an "examination" way, if someone puts you down for what you do for a living, they have no class and no place to be around you. I have never frowned upon knowing someone that washed cars for a living over someone that owns a business, the person is the person to me.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

To add a sort of short note, I have always wanted to be a "hobo" for half a year or so, to see the USA via trains or however they roam about, and not have to worry about bills, banks, other people, etc. but I am married and have my own duties now. I think to find success in life, comes from the heart of who you are, how you find your own happiness, and it does not always have to be connected to your bank.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

It's not only that. Consider that the entire "working women's" support culture that's developed since the '70s -- the how-to-do-it-all books, the magazine articles, the TV channels, the support groups, etc etc etc -- is targeted not to "working women" in general, but to upper-middle-class working women, and makes all sorts of assumptions that are predicated on one coming from and living in that background. Working-class working women might as well not exist so far as today's culture is concerned, except in some sort of fantasy-feel-good movie like The Help. The life of the Real Life "Help" is a bit different.

As true as what you say is, I can tell you that the "average" meager working person has talents for what they do, and it can be of a value to others to learn from those that have the talent and traits.

I recall going to a farm in Davidson, Michigan a few years ago. Each family member had chores to do that most would consider dull non exciting work. I found it very interesting to learn how they worked and to observe things I had no clue how to do myself. And many of the skills I have are learned from having "lower paid" blue collar workers show me their skills.

In all fairness, without the "little guy" (or Gal) being a part of the bigger picture, the bigger picture would not exist!

 

[lolly_loisides]

It's not only that. Consider that the entire "working women's" support culture that's developed since the '70s -- the how-to-do-it-all books, the magazine articles, the TV channels, the support groups, etc etc etc -- is targeted not to "working women" in general, but to upper-middle-class working women, and makes all sorts of assumptions that are predicated on one coming from and living in that background. Working-class working women might as well not exist so far as today's culture is concerned, except in some sort of fantasy-feel-good movie like The Help. The life of the Real Life "Help" is a bit different.

Isn't that more of a reflection on capitalism as opposed to modern day society vs golden era society? If working class women had larger disposable incomes then they would have greater representation (in terms of print media, television etc) within the culture.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I think there's something more pernicious at work there, and it goes back to something that affects the modern feminist movement in general. Since the sixties, organized feminism has been steeped in classism-- go back and read Betty Freidan and see just how utterly insular, upper-middle-class-white-college-educated-suburban her whole perspective and agenda was. Women like my aunt, who worked outside the home her whole life, as a longshoreman, as a gas-pump jockey, and as a hand in a shoe factory, were completely omitted from what sixties-type feminism set out to do. And we still see those class-related biases today.

Contrast this with the feminism of the Era -- which worked closely with organized labor in addressing the real-world issues that working class working women faced. Where is the equivalent of such a movement today? If it's around, I don't see it. All I see are articles in the Atlantic Monthly with Sandra Tsing-Loh whining about how hard it is to find a good nanny.

Feminism in action, 1937.

 

[lolly_loisides]

I think there's something more pernicious at work there, and it goes back to something that affects the modern feminist movement in general. Since the sixties, organized feminism has been steeped in classism-- go back and read Betty Freidan and see just how utterly insular, upper-middle-class-white-college-educated-suburban her whole perspective and agenda was. Women like my aunt, who worked outside the home her whole life, as a longshoreman, as a gas-pump jockey, and as a hand in a shoe factory, were completely omitted from what sixties-type feminism set out to do. And we still see those class-related biases today.

Contrast this with the feminism of the Era -- which worked closely with organized labor in addressing the real-world issues that working class working women faced. Where is the equivalent of such a movement today? If it's around, I don't see it. All I see are articles in the Atlantic Monthly with Sandra Tsing-Loh whining about how hard it is to find a good nanny.

Hehe, though access to childcare (and I don't just mean Nannies & Au pairs) is an important issue for all working women with children regardless of class.

Absolutely second wave feminism was dominated by upper middle class white women, but isn't that what third wave feminism is trying to re address (actually I suppose I'm getting a little off topic now)?

I found an article that may be of interest "The Politics of Housework" It looks at how labour laws in The US, Britain & Australia effect the rate of womens participation in the paid workforce.

 

[noonblueapples]

Feminism in action, 1937.

Is there a man being hung in the background ?!?