The Wifely Duties

[Black Dahlia]

I just cannot say what I want...they'd hang me!

Oh...c'mon...you know you want to!

Ha ha

Just need an understanding woman. There's some out there, it's just a heck of a hunt.

Even if they are understanding...well it's not everything. You're a youngin' Tom! Loads of time and all that.

X
BD

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Oh...c'mon...you know you want to!

Ha ha




Even if they are understanding...well it's not everything. You're a youngin' Tom! Loads of time and all that.

X
BD

Yes young opens all the doors....

 

[Edward]

Even if they are understanding...well it's not everything. You're a youngin' Tom! Loads of time and all that.

Absolutely. My maternal grandmother got married at eighteen.... but then she'd left school at fourteen. It's a different world now, where we all have far greater educational opportunities than the average person back in the day, so inevitably we leave education later, many of us, and things like "settling down" happen later on. It's just the way of things. Also, our average life expectancy is... what, maybe twenty years longer than was the case in the Thirties? So there's an element of relativity there too. 31 is a lot more like 21 would have been back in the day. In any case, though, these things are - and should be - different for everyone. Those who marry because they have reached "marrying age" are the ones that set up trouble for themselves, likely as not. I've seen one too many people jump into a very ill advised union because they've hit Twenty-five, they're "marrying age", so they marry who they are with. It being the right time for an individual to take these big steps in life is not remotely the same thing as the right age.

As to the concept of a stay-at-home wife.... Well, in the event that I got married (which may or may not happen: I've not ruled it out, but in my late Thirties I certainly don't feel incomplete as a person in the absence of such a status. If and when the right relationship in which to take that step comes along, grand.... it's just not something to which I have ever aspired for the sake of social conformity or whatever), that would strike me as rather a ridiculous notion for myself. I have never wanted children, nor would I be prepared to enter into a relationship with someone who did. Nothing against those who wish to parent at all: simply my personal choice. I don't dislike kids in general (individual kids, now....), I just prefer cats myself. In that context, I see no point whatever in either partner staying at home all day. In terms of my own experience growing up, my mother left work several months before I was born, and didn't return until after my brother and I were both in school. We were never latch key kids (my folks would have been horrified by the notion) - my grandmother picked us up from school every day. My parents had other friends who went back to work as soon as possible, which worked out just fine for them. I wasn't aware at the time (but am very much so now) just how much my folks sacrificed financially for us. That's the choice they made, though, that until we were in school they'd rather one of them - in this case, it so happened it was my mother; had she been earning significantly more than my dad they may have made a different, equally logical decision, as I don't believe they are wedded to rigidly defined, arbitrary gender role stereotypes. We certainly did well. I also believe (and the research I read on this back when I studied psychology certainly back this up) that we also benefited tremendously from our mother working as we got older, giving us a much more rounded view of female gender roles and the workplace.

All said and done, the lady author mentioned at the top of this thread sounds like a nasty piece of work who considers her views automatically superior to those of anyone else, whatever their circumstances. The real achievement of the feminist movement has been that women (or, indeed, men) should now have the choice of whether to stay home with the kids or to go out to work, and noone else has the right to tell them they are "wrong" over a mere difference of opinion. I'm sure there are some stay-at-home parents who have, unfortunately, been looked down on by others, though there seem to me to be equally as many obnoxious folks in that camp all too ready to look down on those who work. I lean to the view that anyone who is fortunate enough to be able to make the choice, whichever way they go with it, should reflect on how lucky they are before condemning others whose hands are forced by circumstance. I'm pretty certain that back in the day many, many folks simply had no choice at all. Seems to me this debate is all too often influenced by stereotypes of an era that never really existed. [huh]

 

[C-dot]

All said and done, the lady author mentioned at the top of this thread sounds like a nasty piece of work who considers her views automatically superior to those of anyone else, whatever their circumstances. The real achievement of the feminist movement has been that women (or, indeed, men) should now have the choice of whether to stay home with the kids or to go out to work, and noone else has the right to tell them they are "wrong" over a mere difference of opinion. I'm sure there are some stay-at-home parents who have, unfortunately, been looked down on by others, though there seem to me to be equally as many obnoxious folks in that camp all too ready to look down on those who work. I lean to the view that anyone who is fortunate enough to be able to make the choice, whichever way they go with it, should reflect on how lucky they are before condemning others whose hands are forced by circumstance. I'm pretty certain that back in the day many, many folks simply had no choice at all. Seems to me this debate is all too often influenced by stereotypes of an era that never really existed. [huh]

I agree with you about the point being to make the choice, circumstances allowing. I believe the mindset that a woman must be a working woman or a "supermum," otherwise she's backward, is because back in the era (or today's version of it), women were forced into that role, so anyone who chooses it freely is hurting the "cause." Why do these sanctimonious working women have the right to point fingers? Why should anybody in this world be chastised for taking pride in something they choose to do?

 

[Edward]

I agree with you about the point being to make the choice, circumstances allowing. I believe the mindset that a woman must be a working woman or a "supermum," otherwise she's backward, is because back in the era (or today's version of it), women were forced into that role, so anyone who chooses it freely is hurting the "cause." Why do these sanctimonious working women have the right to point fingers? Why should anybody in this world be chastised for taking pride in something they choose to do?

Absolutely - and the opposite choice should be equally respected.

 

[sheeplady]

The idea of women having to balance family and a job isn't a new problem. Perhaps it is a relatively new thing for middle class women, but traditionally working class and poor women have had to work while raising their families for a very long time.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

The idea of women having to balance family and a job isn't a new problem. Perhaps it is a relatively new thing for middle class women, but traditionally working class and poor women have had to work while raising their families for a very long time.

So true. I have no idea why, but when I think of all that it always makes me think about Cinderella!

 

[Edward]

The idea of women having to balance family and a job isn't a new problem. Perhaps it is a relatively new thing for middle class women, but traditionally working class and poor women have had to work while raising their families for a very long time.

Exactly. Far too many people who idealise the past to damn the present have no idea what it was really like.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Exactly. Far too many people who idealise the past to damn the present have no idea what it was really like.

To some degree this is so very true.

In things today that do take place, we are not the same as we had been even a time span of fifty years. Our problems have grown with time and modern advancements that are certainly a part of the equation of life today, versus life back then.

My own take on things regarding the role of a Wife, in my home is that she is the queen, and I will stand by her no matter what. That is my final answer!

 

[jamespowers]

Exactly. Far too many people who idealise the past to damn the present have no idea what it was really like.

It was tough for my grandmother I can tell you that. Back in the 30s, she worked, did all the houskeeping and did all the cooking. On the weekends, she also had the whole family over for dinner---usually on Saturday.
Even her contemporaries thought she was doing far too much. She never thought of it as anything but what she had to do. You don't even want to hear what she thought of today's woman who did far less and still complained.

 

[rue]

It was tough for my grandmother I can tell you that. Back in the 30s, she worked, did all the houskeeping and did all the cooking. On the weekends, she also had the whole family over for dinner---usually on Saturday.
Even her contemporaries thought she was doing far too much. She never thought of it as anything but what she had to do. You don't even want to hear what she thought of today's woman who did far less and still complained.

I'll bet I can guess and would agree.

 

[Black Dahlia]

To each their own as they say!

I'd be more than happy to be a stay at home wife and mom to look after my family and household.

However, I went the career route. And after two university degrees and a diploma...well, I just have to work! Ha ha!

X
BD

 

[jamespowers]

I'll bet I can guess and would agree.

:rofl:

 

[Edward]

It was tough for my grandmother I can tell you that. Back in the 30s, she worked, did all the houskeeping and did all the cooking. On the weekends, she also had the whole family over for dinner---usually on Saturday.
Even her contemporaries thought she was doing far too much. She never thought of it as anything but what she had to do. You don't even want to hear what she thought of today's woman who did far less and still complained.

Absolutely, I think we all forget (whether we bemoan our ot now, or wish we lived back then) just how many conveniences we take for granted nowadays! Inside flush toilet, running hot water, washing machine, fridge..... wouldn't catch me wanting to live without those!

 

[jamespowers]

Absolutely, I think we all forget (whether we bemoan our ot now, or wish we lived back then) just how many conveniences we take for granted nowadays! Inside flush toilet, running hot water, washing machine, fridge..... wouldn't catch me wanting to live without those!

I think she went a little overboard though. The wife never waxes the door mouldings.

 

[C-dot]

However, I went the career route. And after two university degrees and a diploma...well, I just have to work! Ha ha!

Absolutely! I can't imagine not using my diploma and license - I would feel as though I'd done it for nothing.

Here's an interesting related thought: I've heard and read it referred to a few times that many women in "the day" went to college to find husbands. In a fascinating book I read about secretaries, I learned that women went in droves to business schools to become great stenographers, typists, etc. but the ever useful "guides" for these careers pushed marriage as the ultimate "career goal." An article in a 1953 issue of Woman's Day magazine examined this issue in depth - The title was "Do Career Girls Make Better Wives?" (The verdict was yes, so your husband wouldn't have to waste his time teaching you to do math, and you would understand him better when he told you about his day at the office.)

Imagine living with that kind of pressure? As anyone who has seen The Best of Everything (1959) can deduce, the idea must have been that a woman was not complete until she married and had a man to look after.

 

[jamespowers]

An article in a 1953 issue of Woman's Day magazine examined this issue in depth - The title was "Do Career Girls Make Better Wives?" (The verdict was yes, so your husband wouldn't have to waste his time teaching you to do math, and you would understand him better when he told you about his day at the office.)

Hmmmm.....now I know why I had my wife got her BS in psychology.

 

[Gregg Axley]

Mine has a HS degree, but she's very well read and makes up for lack of college by studying a lot of issues we face today. Do I feel we are unequal because I have a degree and she doesn't? No. She's smarter in some things than I am, and vice versa. It balances out.
Especially since she has the patience and I don't.
BTW she doesn't wax door frames either, but she does dust her DVD collection. :eeek:

 

[jamespowers]

Mine has a HS degree, but she's very well read and makes up for lack of college by studying a lot of issues we face today. Do I feel we are unequal because I have a degree and she doesn't? No. She's smarter in some things than I am, and vice versa. It balances out.
Especially since she has the patience and I don't.
BTW she doesn't wax door frames either, but she does dust her DVD collection. :eeek:

Suuuurrreee. We know you want to keep her in the kitchen and barefoot.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Absolutely, I think we all forget (whether we bemoan our ot now, or wish we lived back then) just how many conveniences we take for granted nowadays! Inside flush toilet, running hot water, washing machine, fridge..... wouldn't catch me wanting to live without those!

I have friends who spent the first year of their marriage living in the woods in a teepee. That's too atavistic even for me.