The Vintage Suitor

[Zig2k143]

A little background: Several years ago, I met someone at work and we started dating. I quit, but came in every Saturday to relieve him. He'd have never had a day off otherwise. I did this for a month and a half. Never got a word of thanks. For my birthday, I got nothing. For Valentine's Day a week later, I got nothing. So I'm not that eager to take the bit in my mouth for someone again.

Well that guy sucked and you had a good heart... Just don't be put off by doing it for someone else cause they might not act the same way.

 

[Zig2k143]

I used to do my boyfriend's dishes (when he lived with a slob roommate) because he wouldn't and it would gross me out.

I had an X try to keep me by doing everything for me, from wash, to dishes, to cleaning, to taking care of my daughter. But she didn't do it cause she wanted too she did it cause she thought it would keep me...

She was wrong...

 

[Miss Lucy June]

Here's my random 2 cents since I missed so much!

* I wouldn't mind cleaning...but I wouldn't want him to ask me to do it. That would actually tee me off. I would do it just because I know it's something that I do well, and it might help him out.

* I don't know about the whole girl asking a guy out thing. If you do it gals, that's fine, but I want to be asked out by him. And if he's too shy to do the asking, we probably wouldn't work out anyway.

* I don't mind going dutch on a date, but if a guy doesn't pay on the very first date, I might get mixed signals: "umm...is this a 'friend' thing?" I might wonder.

 

[Diamondback]

Here's my random 2 cents since I missed so much!

* I wouldn't mind cleaning...but I wouldn't want him to ask me to do it. That would actually tee me off. I would do it just because I know it's something that I do well, and it might help him out.

* I don't know about the whole girl asking a guy out thing. If you do it gals, that's fine, but I want to be asked out by him. And if he's too shy to do the asking, we probably wouldn't work out anyway.

* I don't mind going dutch on a date, but if a guy doesn't pay on the very first date, I might get mixed signals: "umm...is this a 'friend' thing?" I might wonder.

Well, let's see:
1. Asking a girl he's supposed to have an interest in to clean his stuff? Whiskey Tango Hotel, OVER? I mean, does he have rocks in his head or something? Asking for a little help on a job, maybe, but even then I'd want to keep the real heavy side of it on my shoulders, and then do something special for a BIG "Thank You!" afterward...
2. Could be a problem, unless I know her fairly well before popping the question.
3. I was known in my college paper days, while I was still "on" with the boss, for buying her lunch, and "inadvertently" "forgetting" that the next time was supposed to be her turn until after I had already paid the tab... (Usually, we were doing lunch to get me a little farther out on options for my restaurant reviews. So it WAS still business, see? lol )

 

[Viola]

* I wouldn't mind cleaning...but I wouldn't want him to ask me to do it. That would actually tee me off. I would do it just because I know it's something that I do well, and it might help him out.

Exactly my thought when I heard about it.

"I thought you were for real, and wanted to be my girlfriend!" is not a good way to explain you never do dishes or clean your apartment or YOUR OWN LAUNDRY.
:eusa_doh:

But she fell for it. Probably he's still doing that.

-Viola

 

[SpitfireXIV]

3. Don't be clingy or needy.

no kidding. if i want something that high-maintenance, i'll get a classic italian car!

 

[Lady Day]

Paisley...

What if he's not doing it for your return help. What if he's just doing it cause he cares for you and wants to do it for you.

Sometimes people do thing for others cause they want too not cause they expect things in return.

That whole situation implies expectation, thats the problem. If its a kind gesture, great! But if its not established as such, and he/she does the chore 'expecting' something in kind, then there is the problem.

People are afraid to set those ground rules anyore, and just fly off the tangent with expectation when both peoples views of it can be way off from one another.


LD

 

[pigeon toe]

I've spent many hours in my life cleaning my boyfriend's bedroom, but that's basically because most of the time it's inhabitable! And not just because he's a slob either (though he could use a little kick start to pick up after himself). It's mostly because he starts his day with getting up for school at 5:30 AM and comes home from work around midnight. He just has no time to clean!

I clean his room out of love, and because messy rooms drive me crazy. And I'm a virgo. He's never asked me to do it, and often pitches in (unless I clean when he's not at home or helping his parents do something else around the house). Things are tougher for him than they are for me, so I wanna help out in any way I can.

 

[Lesvinyl]

I think more women should ask out men. This old tradition of the guy always having to is keeping great things from happening.

yeah..I'm sticking to tradition. Such a cop out, but I'd feel sleazy asking a guy out.

 

[Jovan]

Why on earth would you feel sleazy?

 

[Lesvinyl]

Why on earth would you feel sleazy?

It's really too much to get into. It just wouldnt feel natural for me is all. Maybe Ill go get myself some courage and try this asking a guy out thing, just to say I've done it.

 

[Diamondback]

It's really too much to get into. It just wouldnt feel natural for me is all. Maybe Ill go get myself some courage and try this asking a guy out thing, just to say I've done it.

Well, if it's a guy you think you like and it's either that or a "Mexican standoff" situation... just like with "he", "she who hesitates is lost"...

 

[Jovan]

Exactly what I was getting at, DB. It's really unfortunate, because if the guy gets the impression she doesn't like him that way... she'll lose if she doesn't act soon. Moreso, I'm referring to telling one how you feel than asking out on a date, which has also almost always been left up to the man.

I've only been on an official date once and, well, it was pretty awkward. I imagine it's worse when you really know the person beforehand and suddenly, "Hey, dating ritual." I guess I don't get it, and never will. I prefer getting to know the person informally and then saying how I feel.

 

[Diamondback]

Or, ask a geek. He'll either be deeply grateful or cowering in fear...lol (Says one of those geeks!)

 

[GoldLeaf]

The funny thing is, I am a geek. A computer geek, and I play MMORPGs. I just don't look like it. In college I was 6' tall, very thin, great body, and I have a pretty face. I can't tell you how many times I was told that people just assumed I would be a bitch because I looked like I could be a model. ::sigh::

I intimidated the holy crud out of guys. I understood that. Really, it wasn't their fault. Society does such a nice job of putting a certain physique on a pedestal and making a person with that appearance seem untouchable.

I am strong, independent, confidant, intelligent, opinionated, and outspoken. I scare a lot of people, not just men. I take responsibility for who I am. I can't put all the blame on other people. I could project a less strong image, but I don't want to. I am also kind, funny, caring, down to earth, and compassionate. I am an extrovert who strikes up conversations with the clerks at the grocery store. I open doors for people, and help carry stranger's boxes. Bitch or snobby, I am not. Do my clothes, posture and face portray that? Yes, because society has labeled me that way.

I would actually get turned down when I asked guys out, too. My confidence and straight shooting intimidated guys even more. I actually heard "you threaten my masculinity, I can't go out with you." Well, ok, if you aren't man enough to be able to handle me asking you out, then thanks for weeding yourself out so easily.

Most guys I asked out I knew from class or other social situations. Making the suggestion we should get coffee some time was always easy and natural, and coffee isn't too formal. I also would just walk up to guys that I thought were interesting and strike up conversations with them. "Hi, I noticed you from across the room/class/what ever situation applied. My name is Jennifer, nice to meet you." It met with varying degrees of success, but at least I tried

My philosophy: fear is control by an outside force. I let nothing in my life control me but me (within reason). If I am afraid of something, I do it until I am not afraid anymore, and that fear has now lost its power to control me. As a child I was afraid of the dark, so I locked myself in the pitch black closet. Each day I spent 10 second longer in the closet until I learned nothing happened, and I was no longer afraid. I now love the dark.

I also believe: you don't like what you have, stop doing the same old things that continue to get you the same results that you don't like. Force change.

My husband and I met in a ::gasp:: bar. A friend dragged me out because she claimed I spent too many weekends curled up with my books and computers, and I needed to get out. That and I spent the whole day dealing with a sewer that overflowed, so I needed to get out.

My husband plays guitar, and was gigging in the microbrewery/restaurant that night. We struck up a conversation and chatted for most of the night, off and on. We really hit it off (more than that, actually, but that is a long-ish story). I had absolutely no problem saying "We should get dinner some time. Here is my number, call me."

While I thought I made it clear that I was interested, I was taking nothing to chance. He lived an hour from me, so if I didn't make it clear that I wanted to see him again, I probably wouldn't have. Thank goodness, too, because he is my soul mate, my best friend, my dream come true. If I had stuck to convention, I may not have this incredible person in my life.

So, yeah. I am chatty, and I have a lot to say on the subject.

 

[Viola]

Why on earth would you feel sleazy?

Because there are all kinds of assumptions about a girl who asks a guy out, and what she's looking for. At least around here.

-Viola

 

[Zig2k143]

Because there are all kinds of assumptions about a girl who asks a guy out, and what she's looking for. At least around here.

-Viola

Lol I've lived in NYC and Pa.... I don't see that as being the case. I think its sweet now sleezy...

Unless it is coming from a girl who is known to be sleezy.

 

[ShooShooBaby]

bring on the sleaze!



i'm a big fan of whoever asking out whoever.

 

[Jack Scorpion]

i'm a big fan of whoever asking out whoever.

Same here. If I'm doing the asking, I'll probably run into a wall of anxiety and screw it up. If she's doing the asking, I'll look ridiculous falling over myself, but I'll probably manage to say, "Yes."

 

[Jovan]

Because there are all kinds of assumptions about a girl who asks a guy out, and what she's looking for. At least around here.

-Viola

That's sexism. And God knows there are many men asking out women for less than honourable intentions.