The loss of occasion

[Dagwood]

As for dressing, I can’t help but think that part of the problem comes from today’s “role models” – troubled sports stars, grunge singers and barely-clad teenage actors. Consequently, in an attempt to look like their heroes, we see many people wearing tight fitting clothes, sports jerseys, etc. In my experience, by contrast, nicely dressed people have emulated someone similar – their parents, grandparents, Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, etc.

In movies, we rarely see people attending dinner parties and engaging in civilized discussion. It is almost as if people need to be taught how to do these things. I don’t think people have anything against dinner parties, they just don’t know what to do (should I bring wine, what should I talk about, how should I dress, what fork do I use, etc.)

I think that this forum and Classic Style are helping to reclaim this“lost” culture.

P.S. We just had a minor earthquake. Yikes!

 

[Mike in Seattle]

Louis and I want to have marvy little dinner parties, but we are not sure how to make it clear that recipients MUST RSVP so we know to plan for them without sounding like snots. I have decided, though, that I will keep having parties, even if only a few come. I figure that eventually, people will get it.

What I've learned. NEVER put "RSVP-Regrets only" because then you have absolutely, positively NO idea who will or won't show up. I've begun putting "RSVP by noon xx/xx/xx." I usually send out invitations 2-1/2 weeks before, with the RSVP date Monday or Tuesday before a Friday or Saturday dinner party. Shortly thereafter the RSVP date & time, like mid-afternoon, evening at the latest, I call everyone I didn't hear from and, depending who it is, I either ask if they're coming or not, or I didn't hear back so they must have something else on their calendar, we're so sorry they can't make it and we'll catch them another time. The latter usually gets a phone call back pretty quickly with "What? You mean I can't come? I was going to call you..." and depending the mood I'm in, I'll tell them come on over and I'll let lack of RSVP slide this time or that when I didn't hear back I called someone on the "B-List" who readily accepted. That's worked pretty well. After getting cut just once, everyone seems to RSVP yea or nay almost immediately after that. I figure if they don't know better, I'll help them learn.

 

[GeniusInTheLamp]

Now there's a topic I can sink my teeth into.

My family have always dressed well for church. The men wore suits and ties, while the women wore nice dresses or pantsuits. Growing up, that was the norm in the churches I attended. I have continued in that tradition. Fortunately in my church (which follows a traditional style of worship), a suit and tie are required if you're serving Communion and Offering that morning. The minister and the elders also always wear suits. I am also from the school of thought that dressing well for church is a sign of respect and reverence toward God.

This thread reminds me of my days as a radio reporter in northwest Indiana. Part of my job was to cover local council meetings. In a couple of cities, the councilmen looked as if they were going to a picnic; in others (mostly those meetings broadcast on local cable TV), they dressed like bankers. In any event, I always wore a suit and tie (even if those suits were a little long in the tooth - a sure sign of someone living on broadcaster's wages).

 

[Miss Neecerie]

See I guess I thought this thread was about "occaision" and the lack of it, rather then yet another re-hash of the 'nobody dresses anymore'

Admittedly they are somewhat related, but endlessly bemoaning how no one but us dresses anymore, well...I guess I just think its rather futile.

Creating 'Occaision' in one's life, is rather different then just dressing well for the places you already go to. It's creating those opportunities for traditions to start, like a yearly caroling evening at Christmas, or a small brunch for a few friends for a random Sunday morning....

Or even remembering people's birthdays.....

 

[Paisley]

My favorite minor occasion is a pot luck with my best friend. We have dinner and then watch a movie or go to a dance. Dances don't feel like occasions to me because I go so often--it's more like home away from home.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

My favorite minor occasion is a pot luck with my best friend. We have dinner and then watch a movie or go to a dance. Dances don't feel like occasions to me because I go so often--it's more like home away from home.

Exactly! So invite one other person that you know from dancing to join in the pre-dancing dinner....and its a start.

 

[Joie DeVive]

Sorry this is fftopic:

Paisley, you're in the Denver area, right? I have been interested in learning more swing dancing for a while, but I'm new to the state. The only place I've found in the area was the Mercury Cafe. Is this a good spot? Are there others?
I would be very grateful for any guidance you could offer!!
Feel free to PM me!!

Joie

 

[Paisley]

Joie,

Here is a link on learning to dance that might interest you.

Another on dance etiquette.

A link to the Mercury Cafe.

And a link to the Denver Turnverein.

I've also sent you a PM with info specific to the Denver swing dance scene. Don't feel like you have to memorize all of this--people come out to dance knowing very little, and they generally do just fine. Hope to see you there!

 

[Feng_Li]

Miss Neecerie, if more people shared your attitude, I suspect we wouldn't have this problem anymore

 

[BegintheBeguine]

See I guess I thought this thread was about "occaision" and the lack of it, rather then yet another re-hash of the 'nobody dresses anymore'

Admittedly they are somewhat related, but endlessly bemoaning how no one but us dresses anymore, well...I guess I just think its rather futile.

Creating 'Occaision' in one's life, is rather different then just dressing well for the places you already go to. It's creating those opportunities for traditions to start, like a yearly caroling evening at Christmas, or a small brunch for a few friends for a random Sunday morning....

Or even remembering people's birthdays.....

I thought I read it both ways. Actually my first post was about an article I read in Vogue years ago about how even going out for spaghetti was an occasion and the participants dressed accordingly. Since I don't throw much away I will look up the article when I get home from work and see what it says and how much I mis-remembered.

 

[Martinis at 8]

I...even going out for spaghetti was an occasion and the participants dressed accordingly...

As was getting on an airplane.

M8

 

[Paisley]

Exactly! So invite one other person that you know from dancing to join in the pre-dancing dinner....and its a start.

Hmm. I ought to do something for my best guy friend's birthday next month. That could work.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

And please don't mistake my enthusiasm for this whole idea of entertaining to mean that I am doing this all myself just yet.

I moved in December...so just getting started with the 'freinds over to dinner' type things...

But I have plans....oh...do I have plans.....*rubs hands together*

 

[Elaina]

I don't invite people to my home, hence there's no "occasion" to dress, but we do "dress" for dinner. Since I usually wear a skirt anyway, it's not so much a big deal.

Really, I don't leave the house all that often, so leaving IS an occasion.

 

[dhermann1]

Reressing up

When I first started taking ballroom dance lessons, 21 years ago (yike) I was telling my mother all about it. First, I told her I was learning to Tango, and she started laughing so hard she almost fell out of her seat.
But as the conversation progressed, she sighed and said, rather wistfully, "Gee, when I was in college (1937-41) I had several ballgowns."
Point being, there were regular OCCASIONS for wearing them.

 

[Twitch]

I have to wonder if society didn't simply rebell against the previous eras conceptions of dress so that the pendulum swung wildly to ultra casual as the norm.[huh]

I have been the only guy in a suit at various functions I've attended where I thought I should wear one like a funeral or wedding. Of course I dress more casually than I did since I have fewer and fewer opportunities to do so at appropriate functions.

Certainly wearing a tie and usually a suit everyday for nearly 30 years does wear thin though. It's not dressing up if you don the same clothes you wear for work.

 

[Tough Cookie]

I concur with Miss Neecerie--It's up to us to be a good example. I did not grow up in a home where one dressed particularly nicely for occasions, and yet those old standards are better than most of what I see today.

I have also thrown parties where I clearly stated that folks were expected to dress for the "occasion", and when several showed up who disregarded the request--I had a selection of garments to loan them, ready at the door! lol That's one way to do it. Some did take me up on the offer, most didn't, but you know what? I did what I could. I do get very frustrated with the lack of RSVPs, but I don't take it personally.

Suddenly I remember a martini party I threw. Once again, I told everyone that fancy dress was the rule. My dearest friends and their spouses all did their part, and we had a wonderful time. I've had numerous requests to do that again, but I'm going to wait for another few weeks--until the construction in the back yard is completed. After that, it's no holds barred!

 

[LizzieMaine]

The difficult part today is so many people honestly don't *have* special-occasion clothes. That being so, I never really thought it was feasible to impose a dress code at any of the soirees we used to throw. But we *did* make a point of throwing the big party every year in January -- usually on the coldest weekend of the winter -- and counted on the weather to keep the novelty T shirts and Birkenstocks to a minimum!

 

[Warlock]

You have to make your own. In New Orleans a few years ago, I was part of a group who would dress up and go out to dine as a group in different restaurants. The ladies wore full evening kit. Most of the men wore tuxedos and a few, dinner jackets. We would invade French Quarter restauants en masse and enjoy ourselves. It was equally delightful for the men and the women.

There was nothing contrived about this beyond the desire to make dining an occassion. It is true that we enjoyed the appraising stares. The only disadvantage was that people would often ask us where we had come from. It is true that we had sometimes been to a concert or the theatre, but usually we were just dining. We found that it was better to say something cryptic than to tell them we were dressed that way for the pleasure of it. It played to their idea of the exotic. It was always odd to contrast their reaction to a cryptic response, in which case were were "cool," to the response in the former case. There we were either odd or strange, or in one case, we were pronounced to be freaks.

Our appointed host of the evening raised his glass and offered a toast to the freaks. I believe that this offended the person who had offered that unsolicted appraisal. They left saying something about us that was no doubt best left unheard.

 

[carebear]

I don't invite people to my home, hence there's no "occasion" to dress...

Well I understand there's a parking problem, no room on your lawn, and some kind of voodoo injunction going on.