The Decline of Marriage in the United States

[Lena_Horne]

For first time, unmarried households reign in US

by Maxim Kniazkov
Sun Oct 15, 1:02 PM ET

WASHINGTON (AFP) - It is by no means dead, but for the first time, a new survey has shown that traditional marriage has ceased to be the preferred living arrangement in the majority of US households.

The shift, reported by the US Census Bureau in its 2005 American Community Survey, could herald a sea change in every facet of American life -- from family law to national politics and its current emphasis on family values.

The findings, which were released in August but largely escaped public attention until now because of the large volume of data, indicated that marriage did not figure in nearly 55.8 million American family households, or 50.2 percent.

CONT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/afplifestyleussociety

L_H

 

[moustache]

Amazing

For first time, unmarried households reign in US

by Maxim Kniazkov
Sun Oct 15, 1:02 PM ET

WASHINGTON (AFP) - It is by no means dead, but for the first time, a new survey has shown that traditional marriage has ceased to be the preferred living arrangement in the majority of US households.

The shift, reported by the US Census Bureau in its 2005 American Community Survey, could herald a sea change in every facet of American life -- from family law to national politics and its current emphasis on family values.

The findings, which were released in August but largely escaped public attention until now because of the large volume of data, indicated that marriage did not figure in nearly 55.8 million American family households, or 50.2 percent.

CONT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/afplifestyleussociety

L_H

I had a feeling 20 yars ago that this would arrive sometime.But this is an issue that seems to bring out too many social and political questions.So i will stay away from that aspect.But i will say...
it is a crying shame.

JD

 

[Paisley]

In some cases, it is a shame, especially if children are involved. But the single people I know, particularly single women, don't want to get married.

 

[Elaina]

Sad, yes, but after my first husband (which was an abusive relationship) I've lived with every man I married/was engaged to. And it's saved me from being married 4 times instead of 3.

If anything ever happens to this marriage, I won't be married again. I can understand the lack of the marriage vows personally.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

Declinging marriage rates is only a problem if you believe that a happy family with parents (assuming there are kids) married is inherently better than a happy family where parents (assuming there are kids) are not married. To this, i do not subscribe.

bk

 

[Pilgrim]

I think Paisley and Elaina's notes indicate that a very interesting question around this is WHY?

Is it because of changes in lifestyle? Bad experiences in ones' past (after all, there are more divorced people around than ever before)? Increase in gay couples living together (that's a strong indication in the report)? People waiting longer to get married?

Many variables there. but the Baron makes a great point: it's NOT valid to assume that kids are better off in an unhappy married family than a happy single-parent family. However, significant downsides of single parenting are (usually) lower family income and the demands on the parent's time.

 

[Paisley]

I know quite a few divorced people who don't want to get married again. Most of them say, "I was in a bad marriage for [state number of years]. I put up with [adultery, verbal abuse, meddling in-laws, drama, whatever.]. I even got [name illness]. I don't want to be married again."

Some single women I know are older and widowed. They say, "Men my age are just looking for a nurse and a purse."

I, on the other hand, have never been married. I can give you a lot of good reasons I'm not eager to get married:

• I'm not lonely. I think many women get married because they're afraid of being alone.
• I don't want to have kids.
• I don't think of marriage as a status symbol.
• I already have a house, retirement plan, and health insurance. (Those aren't things I'd marry for, but some women do.) Having those things, I have to consider, "Is this man going to keep working after we're married? Is he a spendthrift? Does he come with a mountain of debt I could be responsible for?"
• The men who hit on me are mostly in their 50s. So if we got married, I could work 'til I'm 65 and then start taking care of an 80-year-old man.
• Men my age typically have exes, kids, baggage from their divorce, etc. I know men like this who are wonderful people and may make a good husband for someone, but I prefer a simple life.
• And the big reason: I'm happy about 95% of the time. So for me to even consider marrying someone, he'd have to make me happier than I am now. But married people tend to say how much work the marriage is, how much stress, compromise and sacrifice it is, etc.

All that considered, it just doesn't seem worth my while to take time from doing things I like to spend time looking for a husband. Now, if I happened to meet the right person, I'd consider it. I can see how a good marriage would add a lot to a person's life.

 

[Lauren]

I want to get married, and I always have, but I want to wait as long as it takes and make sure it's the right guy. Personally I don't want to live with a guy before I'm married- a lot of it has to do with my faith. I've also seen how hard it is for some of my friends to go through breakups when they live with their boyfriend- it's like leaving a husband and having to split up pets, furniture, belongings, etc. I like my own space while I can have it- and I know a lot of things can only be known about people when you live with them, but I'd rather chance it, know the person for at least a few years in a relationship, then have a home together after I've gotten married. I'm one of the extremely old fashioned girls that still wants to be a housewife, though- and I really think we're getting to be a dying breed of the American female.

 

[RaasAlHayya]

Another reason quite a few couple have for not getting married is that in many states, if one partner has a big load of debt before the marriage, that debt belongs to both partners after the marriage. Some people don't want to saddle a spouse with that debt, so the marriage may be put off until the debt is paid off or paid down.

I'm not saying I agree or disagree; different strokes for different folks.

--Leslie

 

[Matt Deckard]

If I could only find the right woman to go to work while I stay home with the children and take care of the house.

All I ask is a fast talkin' carreer gal with a pension for money making.

One has to be the breadwinner and the other has to focus on the home. They can share responsibilities in different forms, though generally the focus has to be focussed and not a dual purpose by one or the other.

Anywho... on Marriage and lasting. If you can find woman that can put up with me then marriage in today's society has hope.

 

[Paisley]

If I could only find the right woman to go to work while I stay home with the children and take care of the house.

Some of the female partners at another office of my employer have this arrangement.

I also have a 50ish friend. Some of her successful female friends have live-in, stay-at-home boyfriends they don't marry because they don't want to end up paying them alimony.

 

[Paisley]

Another reason quite a few couple have for not getting married is that in many states, if one partner has a big load of debt before the marriage, that debt belongs to both partners after the marriage. Some people don't want to saddle a spouse with that debt, so the marriage may be put off until the debt is paid off or paid down.

I'm not saying I agree or disagree; different strokes for different folks.

--Leslie

I work at a CPA firm. Part of my work involves divorce cases.

For reasons too complicated to go into here, I would recommend anyone getting married see a family lawyer and get a prenuptial agreement. This protects both parties. Don't do it yourself; a lot of prenups don't hold up in court.

 

[Elaina]

The stay at home dad will be our arrangement when I graduate college. We believe someone should be home, and someone should work. Since I'm the one in school, chances are it'll be me. Right now, I'm the one at home.

I did not live with my first husband. Heck, I wore a white dress down the aisle for a reason. But, life happens, and I refused to be in another situation like that. I just never divorced my second husband until I was 100% sure I wanted to marry again (and it took another live in before I married this one). My religious faith had a lot to do with it. Had I of lived with him, I would have saved a lot of heartache, problems, and abuse. So my why was simply my 1st hubby was a rat *ahem* and 8 years after the divorce, he's still causing my life problems.

I ultimately married my best friend of 10 years. Do we have problems? You bet. They're not that bad. But the fact is we won't divorce. So if he dies, I'm not doing it again. I like men, enjoy them, but I want them to go home when I'm done with 'em. Anything happens, and the space is mine. I may allow you to enjoy my space sometime. I joke about it, but I really don't want to put up with the marriage drama again. While I enjoy being married to my husband now, I also know that there isn't another man out there like him for me. So it's the end of the line. That, and I always wanted to be a dirty ole lady. I like younger men.

I think we each have different reasons for marriage or not. I had such a horrendous experience the first time, I was unable to have a healthy relationship for many years afterwards. I have a friend that pretty much verbatim states what Paisley did. I have a friend that is not interested in men at all, and doesn't want a commitment. I also have a friend that watched her own folks nearly kill each other and she won't get into the state. They vary as much as people.

 

[mysterygal]

This doesn't suprise me one bit. People just don't seem to take the marriage vows seriously anymore. It's no longer a promise for better or worse, since, most often than not, when it does come to worse, the population tends to go for the easy way out and call it quits. Now, as far as abusive relationships go, I'm not saying just keep sticking with it, normally, this type of situation just gets worse not better.
So many people are missing out on the greatest relationship they'll ever have with another human being. With any relationship, there will be ups and downs, but it's the working through the downs that makes the relationship stronger. In marriage, the way it should be is that you always know that you've got a best friend, a partner, that will always be there to hold your hand in this life.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

It's ironic, I think, that here in the U.S., we promote the idea of marriage and are critical of homosexuals for being "loose" and not sticking to committed relationships ... yet when gays do try to get officially married, they're told that they can't. [huh]



.

 

[moustache]

In most states...

any couple (hetero) that live together for a certain length of time are considered common law married anyway.So it doesn't matter if one has the paper i suppose.If the law thinks you are married,then what else is there to say.

JD

 

[Sunny]

I want to get married, and I always have, but I want to wait as long as it takes and make sure it's the right guy. Personally I don't want to live with a guy before I'm married- a lot of it has to do with my faith. I've also seen how hard it is for some of my friends to go through breakups when they live with their boyfriend- it's like leaving a husband and having to split up pets, furniture, belongings, etc. I like my own space while I can have it- and I know a lot of things can only be known about people when you live with them, but I'd rather chance it, know the person for at least a few years in a relationship, then have a home together after I've gotten married. I'm one of the extremely old fashioned girls that still wants to be a housewife, though- and I really think we're getting to be a dying breed of the American female.

It won't be a dying breed if I have anything to do with it. Tally me as one who agrees 100% with you, Lauren.

 

[mysterygal]

It's ironic, I think, that here in the U.S., we promote the idea of marriage and are critical of homosexuals for being "loose" and not sticking to committed relationships ... yet when gays do try to get officially married, they're told that they can't.
[huh]
.

I don't see them as being 'loose', since the few I've met have been very commited to each other. The debate is what marriage stands for, and at least what it's been voted for around here is, a covenant between a man and a woman.

 

[Roger]

any couple (hetero) that live together for a certain length of time are considered common law married anyway.So it doesn't matter if one has the paper i suppose.If the law thinks you are married,then what else is there to say.

JD

I do believe that in these "common law" situations they have to be cohabitating for at least 8-10 years depending on the jurisdiction.

 

[Paisley]

any couple (hetero) that live together for a certain length of time are considered common law married anyway.So it doesn't matter if one has the paper i suppose.If the law thinks you are married,then what else is there to say.

JD

Colorado is a common-law state, but the law is more complicated than having lived together for a certain period. As I understand it, both parties have to agree that they are married, not just living together.

I say, if you want to have kids, if you want to make a life together, if you are certain you want that, get married. It's a commitment; living together isn't. It's a relationship that you and others will take more seriously than being "significant others." It's also a legal contract where you will have a lot more help from the court if things go awry.

It's ironic how couples say they don't want the State involved in their relationship, but when they break up and someone is left with the bills, whom do they turn to? The State--via the legal system.