"So how much do you make a year?" No longer taboo?

[Paisley]

Why not just say, "Please ask me how much I make--it's a lot!"

 

[nobodyspecial]

Not only do I not wish to discuss wages, but I also do not wish to discuss how much I spent on a car or a vacation or a home improvement project and the like. I have a friend who brings up money frequently and it's just something I'd rather not discuss.

 

[Twitch]

Unless one is involved as a tax person or personal accountant it has no relavance in any conversation of good taste.

 

[Barbigirl]

Bad form

completely and utterly bad form to ask, I would never consider asking someone.

On the other had, I am an open book about a lot of things and I just don't care who knows, if someone were to ask I would probably tell them and them tell them asking is very bad manners.

My daughter has been looking into careers recently and telling me how much different jobs make. My telling her how much I make certainly help her put a measure on lifestyle one is able to maintain.

 

[K.D. Lightner]

I would never ask someone what they made a year, not even a relative.

However, oddly, I have been pretty open about what I made on any given job, and have been criticized by a couple of people for opening my mouth and doing so.

I am very fond of telling people the first job I ever had was as a concessions stand worker in a movie theatre and I made 65 cents an hour.

Does that date me?!

karol

 

[pgoat]

I don't ask this.

 

[Decodence]

I tend to downplay what I make. I live very modestly for now given my salary because stick cash away for the future. The added bonus is people don't expect you to give/lend them money if you act poorer than you are. Conversely, I have a friend who severely plays up his salary, position, and overall station in life. I think it comes down to personality type more than anything. Are you comfortable in your own skin, or do you need to put on pretenses on the off chance you meet someone as shallow as yourself who gives a chit.

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

In my particular line of work, or work to be (high powered NYC lawyer! lol) Junior associates are all started at the same salary in every BigLaw firm. So there's no reason to talk about it. Everyone knows how much everyone else in their peer level is currently making, and how much they will make each year with raises and bonuses. So, no big deal to ask/talk about it.

However, when this is not the case, it's rude unless between good friends and in context.

In New York City I find that questions regarding things such as rent payments are common, since it's impossible to find a decent place for a reasonable amount of money. Everyone's always asking in the hopes they will find a bargain and cash in. It might be rude some places but not NYC.

 

[Real Swell Gal]

This is something that was never, ever discussed when I was a kid. I didn't know how much my parents made until after they were both gone and I had to dispose of tax records. It was quite a surprise - I wondered how we ate on so little! But it's all relative.

If someone asked me this question, other than a very, very intimate friend, I'd have to decline with something like "good heavens... a boy has to have some secrets!" It's just no one's flippin business.

Yeah me too. I was brought up that asking how much something cost, bragging about a deal on something expensive or asking about wages was rude and tacky. So I don't think I've ever had the nerve to ask my friends how much they or their husbands make.
When people ask me I just say it's not something I share.

 

[Joie DeVive]

I guess I'm on middle ground here.

Typically, I wouldn't think of asking and find it a rude thing to ask. That being said, I have discussed this topic with close friends, especially ones that are in similar fields with myself or my husband. We have compared notes to see what different companies and different positions pay. I don't care what people make, but the information has been shared in the context of wanting to know if we're getting the going rate, if there's something or someplace better to move into. I've been asked this extensively since we moved in the spirit of others wanting to know how salaries and cost of living compare from state to state.

I don't like it as a typical topic of conversation, but if you do discuss it, it should always be approached with great care, and I think the question is best phrased: "Do you mind me asking...?"

 

[TheKitschGoth]

For me at the moment I've been asking friends that question, along with things like "how much rent?", "whats your mortgage?". Which I'm sure now marks me out as unbearably rude lol But as I'm looking at moving out on my own finally, it helps to know what my friends are doing moneywise, it gives me some idea of how I'll be coping moneywise (or if I will at all)

Of course I only ask friends though, not random strangers.. that would be weird.

I wouldn't see it as rude/taboo unless it was being used as a way of saying "hey, look how rich I am!"

ETA: My friends and I also discuss religion and politics. Actually.. the majority of our conversations would be considered completely taboo. Nevermind, makes life far more interesting, and beats talking about the weather/TV.

 

[lillielil]

I know what all my co-workers make (because I'm the one who enters their salaries in our payroll system), and it makes me pretty uncomfortable. I find it very rude when my friends discuss their salaries. I also don't like it when they discuss religion, because that always involves bashing on some group or another.

 

[nobodyspecial]

Unless one is involved as a tax person or personal accountant it has no relavance in any conversation of good taste.

Happening to be an accountant I get tossed more personal money questions than I care to field, and or overhear conversations at social events. The hard part is biting my tongue rather than telling someone they made a bad financial choice or a bad series of choices. People always ask for advice after the fact rather than before.

 

[pgoat]

ty I find that questions regarding things such as rent payments are common, since it's impossible to find a decent place for a reasonable amount of money. Everyone's always asking in the hopes they will find a bargain and cash in. It might be rude some places but not NYC.

rent questions are not taboo here imo if you know the person well or the question is in context of the conversation, in which case a 'if you don't mind my asking, approximately what do you pay, etc.' But ix-nay on the alary-say questions.

 

[KY Gentleman]

I was raised that it was bad manners to ask such personal questions. I have had several people in the past few years ask "how much money do you make a year?" or even "how much did you pay for your house?". I usually give a dismissive look and remind them its none of their business. I agree with a previous post that salary ranges can be located fairly easily through other channels.

 

[jamespowers]

This is something that was never, ever discussed when I was a kid. I didn't know how much my parents made until after they were both gone and I had to dispose of tax records. It was quite a surprise - I wondered how we ate on so little! But it's all relative.

If someone asked me this question, other than a very, very intimate friend, I'd have to decline with something like "good heavens... a boy has to have some secrets!" It's just no one's flippin business.

I just outright tell them its none of their business. My boss asked me how much I paid for my car. I told him to look it up online. :rage:

 

[Lady Day]

I think one of the crappiest things my Mom ever did was let me know how much she made. She was a teacher, and I dont know why she let me see pay checks and all. Not that I wanted the mystery, but her 'no Im not telling you' would have been good enough for me.

Asking what people make? Its about as crass as asking, "So did you have sex last night?"

LD

 

[kamikat]

I was raised to not ask. One friend did share with me that he and his wife are quite strapped for money. It makes me quite uncomfortable and now I feel like we can't ask them to join us at a fancy restaurant or other high cost activity. I wish I didn't know that they were in trouble.

 

[Hawkcigar]

I work in a large teaching hospital and we had several groups of high school students in for a job shadowing experience last week. After we were finished with the first group, I asked them if they had any questions. The first question asked was, "How much money do you make." I gave him a salary range and he was happy with that.

Working in a state owned university is a little different. Your salary is always available for anyone to find out. The local newspaper goes it one better however and each year publishes an "extra" edition that lists the name of everyone employed by the university and that person's salary. They have also included all of this information, names and salaries, on their website. No privacy in public university life!

 

[Copper]

I work in a large teaching hospital and we had several groups of high school students in for a job shadowing experience last week. After we were finished with the first group, I asked them if they had any questions. The first question asked was, "How much money do you make." I gave him a salary range and he was happy with that.

Working in a state owned university is a little different. Your salary is always available for anyone to find out. The local newspaper goes it one better however and each year publishes an "extra" edition that lists the name of everyone employed by the university and that person's salary. They have also included all of this information, names and salaries, on their website. No privacy in public university life!

As a civil servant, I am in the same boat. My salary, minus a variable but substantial overtime, is published on the net.

My colleagues are all in the same boat, so among us there are often jokes centered on what we make...