Responding to public mocking

[Feraud]

I can't get out of my head, the image of a guy on a bike, stopping, stepping off, yelling abuse at a close by vintage dressed person, getting back on bike, riding away.

Absolutely ridiculous, isn't it?

 

[Omne]

To everyone else, I'd really like to hear what is a good thing to say which stops me looking like I've been outsmarted and shows anyone who's nearby that if you make these comments you will come off looking stupid and not me.

My 2 cents. So far I haven't had anything but positive comments on my hats. However, I have worked in hostile environments before and been targeted by members of the public.

What I have found to be the best response is to say absolutely nothing, give them a contented half smile and a brief nod. Then I move on. Many people are kind of stumped and usually I'm well past by the time they figure out something to say. They will absolutely feel like they wasted their time going through all that just for a polite acknowledgment that they exist.

I can guarantee that that response will make them look foolish to everyone watching except their friends.

 

[mercuryfelt76]

Richard: I don't want their blood on my nice clothes. Besides I'd much rather appear witty and un-phased. I used to just confront them with my clearly-working-class accent and let them think I'm a gangsta which used to scare people. But I don't want to meet my match one day. Besides, I'm not really a fighter, I'm genuinely inclined to gentlemanly behaviour. I think I'm going to go with a smile and an air of indifference. However sometimes people really do make everyone turn around to see what the commotion is. It's times like that when I want to show everyone that I'm the bigger man. I think I'm going to use the classic line "bothered!"

Feraud: it wasn't quite like that. He didn't get off and shout, just stopped and loudly exclaimed words to the effect of "what an idiot". Still, had I witnessed it and the vintage-dresser in question had smiled and carried on un-phased I think I would have thought "cool customer".

Omne: Thanks, I think that's probably a good move but it's hard to feel like that when in that situation. I must remember no one likes being ignored when they're trying to look clever.

 

[Seth Hawkins]

Seriously. Just ignore them. Life's too short to waste any of it on morons.

 

[Lastmohecken]

My personal experience is that the older and meaner you look, the less people will mess with you. When I was young, I would sometimes get a rude comment for wearing a hat, or even a pair of cowboy boots, and this in a land where it wasn't that uncommon. But it's really rare that I get a rude comment, anymore, maybe that's because they just think I am excentric or something.

One time, I remember, I was in Hattisburg Miss, at a motel swimming pool, watching my kids, and I was not swimming, just watching over them, and I had a straw cowboy hat on. It wasn't rude, but someone asked me about my hat, and if I owned any cattle, like maybe that was a requirement or something, so I confirmed that yes I did own some cattle. I guess they were nice enough, but maybe just curious. It was sorta werd.

But then again, another time I was in Greenville Miss, looking at a job to bid, and was spending the night in the local Motel with a club. My buddy and I decided to go down to the Lounge and drink a beer or two and maybe get a dance with a pretty girl or two. When we walked in the door, to pay the cover charge, we were told that we couldn't come in there with our hats. They wouldn't let us in. This was totally different from any club I had ever went into in my home state of northwest Arkansas, or Mo, or Kansas even unto this day.

We took our hats back to the room and went back, and got in that time. I don't know what was so special about this stupid little club, but everyone was bare headed. This was Holliday Inn. Well, I guess that was definately not cow country, but even a Fedora or baseball cap was banned, let alone a cowboy hat.

 

[HatsEnough]

I don't know what was so special about this stupid little club, but everyone was bare headed. This was Holliday Inn. Well, I guess that was definately not cow country, but even a Fedora or baseball cap was banned, let alone a cowboy hat.

Maybe whoever ran the thing held to proper etiquette of not wearing a hat indoors?

 

[T Rick]

The mentality that causes people to behave so rudely is little different IMHO than that of those who are or would be bullies. It is a completely selfish, and self centered attitude, one that bespeaks of poor upbringing.

As to comments, if I were to make any, it would likely be on the order of "Pardon me, but you must have me confused with someone who gives a **** about your opinion". Any further comments from them would probably be simply ignored (which yes, could enrage them). If they decided to escalate, I would likely seek a calm exit, as I am one who is pretty well bound to avoid confrontation (as stated by an earlier poster, an armed society is a polite society, and as I am generally armed whenever permitted by law and circumstance-which is most of the time- I am legally bound to seek de-escalation of and retreat from any truly non threatening conflict).

Maybe whoever ran the thing held to proper etiquette of not wearing a hat indoors?

Maybe it was a topless establishment? Okay, poor attempt at humor... I'll keep the day job!

 

[Lastmohecken]

Maybe whoever ran the thing held to proper etiquette of not wearing a hat indoors?

I guess, but they would not even let us carry them in, or leave them at the entrance. I mean it wasn't like this club had that much class.

 

[Kirk H.]

Seriously. Just ignore them. Life's too short to waste any of it on morons.

Good advice. I have not had that happen much, but on the rare occasion that it does I just give them the number two stare..you know the one that lets them know that they are being an idiot and walk off.

 

[monbla256]

I'm glad I don't live where all of you who've had comments do Been wearing hats for over 40 years now and RARELY get a comment one way or another about my hat or my clothes ! Guess I've been lucky

 

[mercuryfelt76]

Mohecken: yes I think I'll just look forward to looking older and more set in my ways. Maybe because I look so young I come across more like I'm going through a rebellious phase - this incident with the bike was in Oxford so he probably thought I was a student. By the way Oxford University is the oldest in the English speaking world, a few people in that place think that makes them special. Anyway I know what you mean about hat stereotyping. If someone wears this hat he's a farmer, if he wears that hat he's a banker... etc. Where I'm from no one gets in any club wearing a hat, except raves where most people wear baseball caps but they're different because they're independently run by underground music promoters. Most clubs in London hate hats as people use them to hide their face from the security cameras everywhere and they don't like that.

T Rick: Yes, it's a form of intimidation and a statement of extreme contempt. I don't think I'll go with the **** version as I think risking a fight with a complete stranger in this day and are isn't worth it. But I do want to convey the message of "I don't care" but then by wanting to respond doesn't that just clearly shows that I care enough to waste my breath on them? Maybe completely silent indifference really is the answer.

 

[Rick Blaine]

There is no polite way to respond to such behavior, other than to box the offender's ears. Unless you are willing to go the distance, ignore it.

Glasgow kiss?

 

[job]

A comment I can take. If it effects my family thats different.

 

[Chasseur]

I posted this in another thread. But my general advice is just to ignore them. It is also hard to predetermine what people will make fun of. If people are on the outlook for people to make fun of they will find it no matter what. You have to find your own balance between what you want to wear and what you feel comfortable wearing (practical considerations like work dress codes, etc. excepting...).

I do not wear vintage suits or dress up everyday, but I wear them pretty often (by Hawaii standards). However, I find it does not really matter what I wear, comments just happen sometimes. For example, I was walking across the street the other day when it was alternating between rain and sunshine. I was wearing pretty normal clothing: button up shirt and khaki trousers (no vintage suit, no jacket, no holywood waist trousers, no spectator shoes, no loud deco tie, etc.) plus a fedora and a folded up umbrella (mind you not doing the Bertie Wooster walking with the folded umbrella as a cane, just carrying the umbrella as anyone would). A group of hair styling students crossing the street with me thought it righteous fun to make snide "Mary Poppins" comments and then one even did a very visable impression of the Charlie Chaplin walk behind my back as I walked across the street.

That just left me at a loss. If an umbrella plus a hat causes that reaction in people, just about anything will. So I've just stopped worrying about it.

Just as an aside, as an American who also lived in Europe for several years and goes back a couple of times a year I generally find Europe much more tolerant of dressing up that most Americans outside of NYC, DC and California. Just my experience though...

 

[scottyrocks]

If I was younger, I might advise a quip. But now, I would probably just tell you to ignore this type of behavior. Out-and-out idiots are not worth my, and presume your, time. And remember, someone that stupid is not going to have his views changed by a clever comeback. I'd allow him to wallow in his own ignorance.

 

[Lefty]

What happened to "sticks and stones"?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, and if you call me a name, I'll tell all my internet friends who will discuss society's downfall.

So there.

 

[danofarlington]

I think that hat wearing is less astounding in the U.S. than it seems to be in the U.K.

 

[Corky]

In Southern California, we recognize this behavior as thinly disguised envy. The appropriate response is "Eat your heart out!"

 

[mercuryfelt76]

What happened to "sticks and stones"?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, and if you call me a name, I'll tell all my internet friends who will discuss society's downfall.

So there.

Sometimes the abuse is more than just verbal and I'm forced into a physical fight, but I don't need any advice about what to do in that situation. What I'm hoping to gain from this thread is a "situation defused" reply, the sort of thing which prevents the situation from escalating further but where I don't seem scared either.

 

[mercuryfelt76]

...possibly something funny?