Powder room Finishing School

[Novella]

I find that the best answer to an etiquette question is usually just plain ol' common sense.

 

[Miss Sis]

Setting a table: fork on the left along under napkin. Plate in the middle. Knife with blade facing the plate. Spoon on the far right, next to the knife. The more courses--the more silverware--but you basically work your way in..

It REALLY bugs me when someone cannot be bothered to set a table properly for you, no matter how casual the meal. And the blade facing in towards the plate is something I have to make sure happens. I have even changed it in restaurants because I can't stand it if it doesn't!!!

Another thing I hate is going to a restaurent and being given a dessert spoon to eat soup. I WANT A SOUP SPOON! They were invented for a reason. Last time I had that happen I asked for a soup spoon and got a blank look. Grrrrrrr

 

[~landgirl~]

Does anyone think that sometimes these things can go to far and become quite obsessive? I mean, yes there are some manners that alot of people could learn - but at the end of the day, alot of people do have to 'make do' in a lot of areas in their life.

For example: Miss Sis, we only have the bog standard dinner set! LOL or were you talking about eating out?

And some people aren't born into a life where certain etiquette is expected, but they do their darn best to learn themselves and can't always get every single detail right!

I think this world is lacking alot in this day and age - and have some very strong politcal views on my own County which I will not go into in here. But give me a time machine and there won't be any more tapping in the Fedora Lounge from me! lol

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

I think I am one of those girls who looks awkward in heels, as it's only in very recent years (months even!) that I've started trying to wear them on a regular basis and I'm currently building up my resistance to foot pain by wearing 2 inch heels most days. My next purchase will be a pair of 3 inch mary jane type things for my new job. But I don't feel that I have mastered the walking. I think it mostly has to be fogriven because how else can you learn but by just doing it? There's ony a certain amount of walking up and down the house you can do!

I grew up learning proper manners and etiquette because both my parents came from more working class backgrounds and always sought to better themselves. My grandad for instance, when he was in the RAF in WWII and onwards, had to learn to eat properly at functions and passed on the importance of good table manners and being well spoken etc. In those days small things like that counted for a lot. Nowadays not so much, but though I fought against my parents as a teenager ("why do I have to use my knife and fork properly, it's only us here!") Now I see other people's (unconsciously, if they have never been taught) bad manners, and it grates on me. Even my boyfriend. I have taught him a lot, even though he is mostly "what's the point!"

I even have a posher phone and interview voice, like I used to make fun of my mum for! But I am often guilty of swearing, burping, wearing jeans and flip flops. I'm not ashamed! The burping and swearing should really stop though.

 

[~landgirl~]

The burping and swearing should really stop though.

Better out then in I say! You might explode otherwise lol

But of course, in privacy is always better..

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Better out then in I say! You might explode otherwise lol

But of course, in privacy is always better..

Exactly! I never do it in public, but I can do what I like at home!

 

[~landgirl~]

Even the Queen has wind - and I am sure she has it on her visits too!

 

[Kim_B]

Even the Queen has wind - and I am sure she has it on her visits too!

This is the greatest thing I've read all week...thanks for the laugh!

 

[Paul]

She also carries a mobile phone in her pocket! and it rings in the most inappropriate times!
Just shown a clip of her on telly with her phone going off.

 

[pigeon toe]

My dad gave me my table manners and my social anxiety gave me my constant politeness! Although I appreciate polite, neat people, I don't think anyone (ladies especially, since we already have a tendency to do it) should sacrifice their own personality to achieve some ultimate level of "social grace".

I love vintage fashion, style, and some of the attitudes, but not everything. When I look at things like how women were trained to act in public in the past, I much prefer the screeching, clomping women of today. At least they are being genuine. All some people need to learn is a little respect for others when out in public -- not a lesson in how to be a Stepford wife.

-- PS. I'm not trying to say that any of you ladies are advocating the zombification of today's young ladies & women, but it's just something I think a lot of women don't realize that things like finishing schools etc, can be society's tools for keeping women quiet and subjugated. Just a thought from your token feminist!

 

[~landgirl~]

She also carries a mobile phone in her pocket! and it rings in the most inappropriate times!
Just shown a clip of her on telly with her phone going off.

Ha ha. The Queen with a mobile phone! Whatever next, an I-Pod?

And pigeon toe, I completely agree with you. I do think we can learn a thing or two from our vintage ancestors, but I am glad I can be myself!

 

[Miss Dottie]

I think it all just boils down to being polite and making people feel comfortable.

My favorite etiquette story is the one about Queen Victoria who had dinner with a visiting sultan who was completely lost in all of the victorian layers of dining etiquette. When the finger bowl were placed in front of them, the sultan grabbed the bowl with both hands and swigged it back. Without raising an eyebrow, Queen Victoria did the exact same thing.

 

[Elaina]

My mom went to finishing school and when I got into trouble I did a stint in afterschool schol for girls (also went to a convent school for a year). We were taught the things in Gloia Vanderbuilt's manners book, and given a copy when we left.

I threaten my son with the book now. "You have the manners of a goat. Do I need to drag my Book out and have tea?" "No, Mommy! I'll be good."

Much of the things in old manners books and schools taught are not modern manners. I have a Miss Manners book from a few years ago and there is a the vast majority that is different. Manners have largely relaxed in recent years, phone calls are acceptable now in lieu of thank you notes; weddings have changed the whole way those are done (and people wonder why I eloped), it is not necessary to host a dinner and sit down: platicware and buffets are acceptable.

Really, I'd like most people to not be barnyard animals in day to day. I'll forgo them actually having polished manners.

 

[Miss Crisplock]

I can see this idea excites people.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Indeed.

Give the PR bartenders a wee bit of time to figure out the best way to approach this and keep things for the Finishing School topics organized...so that It's all clear and neat and tidy.

Feel free to PM if you have specific curriculum ideas or sources.

 

[mysterygal]

Sidebar: One of the things I remember that amazes people is the rule that you do not answer your telephone when you have company over--you are focusing on your guests at hand and any person coming in is an intruder. Cell phones have completely changed the way we communicate, but I still feel it's rude to answer you phone in the presence of someone else you are talking to.

I'm glad you mentioned this! This has always struck me as highly rude to start a conversation on a phone. I do however don't mind if it's a quick, "Can I call you back, I happen to have company over at the moment." .....Another peeve is how people answer their phones! I get the ever wonderful, "Yeah?" or "Speak"....This immediately puts me on edge and makes me want to just hang up on the person!

 

[Paisley]

.....Another peeve is how people answer their phones! I get the ever wonderful, "Yeah?" or "Speak"....This immediately puts me on edge and makes me want to just hang up on the person!

I bet it cuts down on the number of phone calls they get when they have company. (And when they don't.)

 

[katiemakeup]

"You have the manners of a goat. Do I need to drag my Book out and have tea?" "No, Mommy! I'll be good."

lol lol lol lol lol lol

 

[Rebecca D]

I love vintage fashion, style, and some of the attitudes, but not everything. When I look at things like how women were trained to act in public in the past, I much prefer the screeching, clomping women of today. At least they are being genuine. All some people need to learn is a little respect for others when out in public -- not a lesson in how to be a Stepford wife.

-- PS. I'm not trying to say that any of you ladies are advocating the zombification of today's young ladies & women, but it's just something I think a lot of women don't realize that things like finishing schools etc, can be society's tools for keeping women quiet and subjugated. Just a thought from your token feminist!

Very well said. Thank you, Pigeon Toe!

 

[Rosie]

Ah! I was reminded of this thread today as I am currently working with young ladies who have the most horrible manners! I would never say I am the most polite person in the world but, I behave approriately and have pretty good manners. Many of these young ladies don't sit correctly, don't conduct themselves properly and it kind of makes me sad. I think along with provided services to them, I am definitely going to add in my own finishing school like lessons.