Mother makes child hold sign at roadside...

[Biltmore Bob]

By SEAN MURPHY, Associated Press Writer
Wed Nov 16, 9:42 PM ET



EDMOND, Okla. - Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl a lesson.

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She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."

"This may not work. I'm not a professional," said Henderson, a 34-year-old mother of three. "But I felt I owed it to my child to at least try."

In fact, Henderson has seen a turnaround in her daughter's behavior in the past week and a half. But the punishment prompted letters and calls to talk radio from people either praising the woman or blasting her for publicly humiliating her daughter.

"The parents of that girl need more education than she does if they can't see that the worst scenario in this case is to kill their daughter psychologically," Suzanne Ball said in a letter to The Oklahoman.

Marvin Lyle, 52, said in an interview: "I don't see anything wrong with it. I see the other extreme where parents don't care what the kids do, and at least she wants to help her kid."

Coretha has been getting C's and D's as a freshman at Edmond Memorial High in this well-to-do Oklahoma City suburb. Edmond Memorial is considered one of the top high schools in the state in academics.

While Henderson stood next to her daughter at the intersection, a passing motorist called police with a report of psychological abuse, and an Oklahoma City police officer took a report. Mother and daughter were asked to leave after about an hour, and no citation was issued. But the report was forwarded to the state Department of Human Services.

"There wasn't any criminal act involved that the officer could see that would require any criminal investigation," Master Sgt. Charles Phillips said. "DHS may follow up."

DHS spokesman Doug Doe would not comment on whether an investigation was opened, but suggested such a case would probably not be a high priority.

Tasha Henderson said her daughter's attendance has been perfect and her behavior has been better since the incident.

Coretha, a soft-spoken girl, acknowledged the punishment was humiliating but said it got her attention. "I won't talk back," she said quietly, hanging her head.

She already has been forced by her parents to give up basketball and track because of slipping grades, and said she hopes to improve in school so she can play next year.

Donald Wertlieb, a professor of child development at the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Development at Tufts University, warned that such punishment could do extreme emotional damage. He said rewarding positive behavior is more effective.

"The trick is to catch them being good," he said. "It sounds like this mother has not had a chance to catch her child being good or is so upset over seeing her be bad, that's where the focus is."

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I this Mom's style like her style!

 

[feltfan]

I this Mom's style like her style!

If only your mom had been able to keep you in school, Bob...

Seriously, though, that is hilarious... if a bit sick.

 

[Zemke Fan]

That whistling sound you hear...

is BB lobbing another mortar round into the otherwise staid and quiet Fedora Lounge.

 

[Biltmore Bob]

I believe in creative parenting...



I was taught by the best. My father made DuVall in 'The Great Santini' look like a wimp. I came from a family of six, three boys three girls. My Mom once expressed her displeasure of having to sit on a wet toilet seat to my Dad. My dad made us boys 'apoligize' to the seat for what seemed like hours. We started lifting the seat after that. I once threw a peice of trash out of the car window. My Dad made me get out and police the side of the road for about a mile, while he followed along in our Ford Galaxy 500 on the shoulder. Guess what? I stopped littering. When we boys fought we were sent to the wood pile to work together and chop wood. I've got all kinds of stories like that. I belive that humiliation does work. It worked in the Marines.

 

[Siirous]

Gotta grow up some time, it could have been worse though, she could have made the girl really hold the true sign of the hobo, "Why lie, it's for beer!"

Sincerely,
Rob

 

[Biltmore Bob]

He said rewarding positive behavior is more effective.
"The trick is to catch them being good," he said. "It sounds like this mother has not had a chance to catch her child being good or is so upset over seeing her be bad, that's where the focus is."

Yeah, good luck with that, pardner...

 

[Lena_Horne]

I admit that while the technique might have been a little rough, I all in all agree with the chosen punishment. And I kept thinking to myself whenever some guy called in about how it might damage her psychologically that the American public ought to stop coddling children. You prescribe being nice and sweet to them, while all around ignoring them for great parts of the day and night and generally wash your hands of really trying to get into the grit of parenting.

That scenario would have been the god-given truth if her mother had sat on her tokhis and waited for her daughter to "come around." She just wanted to give the girl a taste of what reality held in store for her if she didn't get her act together. And it seemed to have worked, instilling humility is a necessity in children, who by nature can be some of the most conceited creatures on the planet. (This is not an indictment of all children of course, but those who are allowed to spend their lives believing the world revolves around them and that they will get all the breaks, I myself suffered and continue to suffer from this delusion.)

This story also reminded me of what happened to a sixteen year old (or so) boy who pulled a fire alarm in the subway back around 1946 or '48 in New York. I don't think he was fined, instead the judge implored his mother to give him a sound spanking (over the knee, flat palm-style) and the picture and story was published in the local paper the next day. I think that old fashioned approach would do a lot of children and teenagers good. Perhaps when one gets a greater understanding that not only are your parents supervising and willing to steer you in the right direction, the community at large will notice the slip-up as well. That sounds like a mighty incentive to keep on your toes to me.

L_H

 

[Biltmore Bob]

Humans are born bad, they have to be taught to be good...

I'm a parent, and I don't spend alot of time praising and rewarding my kids for expected behavior. Bad behavior is met with punisment fitting the offense, to include but not limited to a good ole fashioned butt whoopin'. We still live in a consequence oriented society, especially at my house.

 

[Big Man]

My Dad was the principal at Oak Hill School (K-12, about 1,000 children) from 1949 until 1979. The usual "punishment" for most offenses was to give the students a trash can and make them walk up and down the road in front of the school and pick up trash. Of course, "Mr. Brown's paddle" was "feared" by all, but my Dad said that paddling kids was the one thing he hated about the job. He did it, when necessary, but it was a last resort. While Dad was firm on discipline, everyone (and I do mean everyone) knew he truly cared for them and had their best interest at heart. He's been retired for 26 years now and a tremendous number of his former students still call him (and he them) on a regular basis.

 

[Badluck Brody]

It really depends on the kid...

I personally was a terrible student and a pretty bad kid. Uncle Sam ( and some damn good DI's) had to straighten me out. But I think it also has to do with how far the parents are willing to go. Sometimes a little embarrasment will work to break an attitude. Just as long as it dosn't break the kid's spirit.

JMO

Brody

 

[Biltmore Bob]

I needed my sprit and will broken as a child.

 

[Lancealot]

I agree completely Bob. That was the way I was raised you did what was expected, or you were punished the least of which was a spanking. It hurt me much more growing up for me to feel I let my parents down than the spanking ever did. My kids are being raised the same way and almost every time I'm out with them i get compliments on how good they behave and how polite they are.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

*WHACK!*
"Thank you, SIR! May I have another?"
*WHACK!*

 

[matei]

I agree completely Bob. That was the way I was raised you did what was expected, or you were punished the least of which was a spanking. It hurt me much more growing up for me to feel I let my parents down than the spanking ever did. My kids are being raised the same way and almost every time I'm out with them i get compliments on how good they behave and how polite they are.

I was raised the same way, as was my wife.

If and when we decide to have kids - it will be the same for them as well. I know of two brothers that were raised in some mamby-pamby new-age politically correct fashion.

They're both messed up and can't "cope". Jaysus...

I have seen other examples as well. Many of my peers were raised like I was and they turned out just fine...

 

[Baron Kurtz]

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I this Mom's style like her style!

Some good, progressive parenting.

But really, guys. You're defending the beating of children, here. That's right ... beating (those of you who reckon that a good ass whoopin' etc. costitutes discipline). Should your children FEAR you? This is why i'll never have children. I'd hate them to be as afraid of me as i was of my father.

bk

 

[Lion]

Some good, progressive parenting.

But really, guys. You're defending the beating of children, here. That's right ... beating (those of you who reckon that a good ass whoopin' etc. costitutes discipline). Should your children FEAR you? This is why i'll never have children. I'd hate them to be as afraid of me as i was of my father.

bk

To me spanking is the best way to disciplin a child. More modern methods just mess with a kid's head and give them issues. You tell the kid what they did wrong, spank them (not with your hand) and let them know you still love them. Nice, simple and easy to understand.

As to my kids fearing me...Yep. A little fear is good. Fear of my dad helped keep my brother and me in line growing up. When we said "I can't do that, my dad would kill me!", we ment it. Now I don't think he actualy would have, but then I did. Kept me out of a LOT of trouble.

One more thing about more 'progressive' methods of punishing kids. It really bugs me that in todays world, people get all upset if someone psychologicly abuses a criminal, but its seen as good parenting to mess with your kids head. Can someone explain that one to me?

Leo

 

[K.D. Lightner]

As long as a spanking is done with the hand and on the rear end and is not of a long durations, that might be effective in disciplining children in certain situations.

The problem with physical disciplining is that some adults don't know when to stop and children get injured. I saw it a lot in my years of social work.

Many non-profit organizations have parenting classes that can teach parents how to discipline without resorting to violence. That includes special classes for the increasing number of ADHD children -- you could beat them 'til the cows come home and they would still climb the walls. And there was my niece, Jennifer, who, even when she was a tiny 3-year-old, would just look beligerently at an adult who raised a hand at her and would never cry, never let them have the satisfaction of knowing they had hurt her. She just glared at them.


Children learn better from a direct example. As humiliating as the "Will Work for Food" episode might have been, the mother was connecting the punishment to the crime. It was a little extreme, but if her daughter stays in school, maybe it was worth it.

In the County, one social worker visited a 9th grade class armed with lots of play money -- she divided the class in half; half were dropouts, the other half were high school graduates. She then announced to them that the average dropout made $800 a month and handed that side of the room $800 each; she said statistics show the average high school graduate made $1200 a month and so handed each of them $1200. (This was some years ago)

The kids in the room were buying into it, looking at all the "money" they had and probably thinking what they could do with it at the mall. But, then, the SW said, "Oh, you have to pay rent." And they all had to fork over $300. Then there were the utility and phone bills, then gas for the car, and the food bill, then....

You can well imagine what happened -- within a few minutes, the dropouts were broke, whereas the h.s. grads still had some disposable income.

When asked what they learned from it, all of them said, "I'm staying in school!"

karol

 

[Big Man]

Setting an example

... Children learn better from a direct example ...

Well said. As parents, most of us will never know just how much influence our actions have on our children. I feel truly blessed that I had the benefit of two wonderful parents, as well as wonderful grandparents. Looking back, I can see that their actions had a profound influence on the way I try to live my life today, and on how I tried to set an example for my children when they were growing up.

Of course a good dose of "butt whoopin" now and then helps too I still recall my Mother tanning my legs with the fly swatter from time to time. I also recall her reading to me, taking me to church, making sure I had clean clothing, making sure I had food to eat, helping me with my homework, taking care of me when I was sick, playing with me, taking me to the movies, praying with me, making sure I brushed my teeth ...

It all works together, but looking back the good example my parents and grandparents set probably had the most profound, long-range impact on my behavior.

 

[nightandthecity]

I have never hit my children, or consciously humiliated them, or indulged in rewards and punishments for behaviour. Instead I have spent a lot of time with them, I have tried to give a good example, I have only had rules about important things, and I have always explained why the rules are there. My kids are polite, well behaved, thoughtful, and academically successful. Basically children give back what you give them and learn by example, if you use physical or mental violence then they will simply copy it in their encounters with the rest of us. It isn't the nice liberal kids who go mugging old ladies you know.

 

[Michaelson]

You were doing alright until that last line...then you completely jumped the rails.

Regards! Michaelson