Mother-in-Law's Scathing E-mail Goes Viral

[4spurs]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2mujNA7CRk

Ernie K Doe has this covered . . .

 

[C-dot]

Mrs. Bourne appears to have taken leave of her tiny mind.

Or perhaps the carrot that is lodged in her rear end is blurring her judgment?

As said, Heidi's side of the story is not told here, and I tend to think Mrs. Bourne is employing gross exaggerations... Any mother-in-law who would stoop to write an email like this would. If she doesn't like you, she will shine a negative light on everything you do. (An ex's mother once complained that I insulted the cleanliness of her house when I laughingly remarked that her son never replaced the tissue roll in his bathroom.)

 

[Puzzicato]

You do not start before everyone else.

Okay that one's a given.

Although again there could be extenuating circumstances - I've been at meals where everyone has their food and I have picked up my fork, not realising that it is a grace-saying household and I needed to wait for the blessing. And also if she is diabetic and needs to eat she really needs to eat and possibly can't wait until the last person finishes pottering about.

But seriously, *who gets married in a castle???*

This is England - lots of the castles and grand houses etc have been converted into function centres and hotels, and even those that still have families in residence rent out some of the big halls for weddings because they have to find ways to make them pay. I'm going to a wedding next year in a very fancy house. The couple who are getting married aren't particularly wealthy and the wedding won't be particularly flashy, it's just a nice venue that is a convenient location for both of their families.

 

[Shangas]

Again I find myself agreeing with Puzzi. What you say is true. Circumstances might be such that an exception would have to be made. As others have pointed out, we don't know the events that transpired and we don't know the 'other side' of the story. So we can't make a balanced judgement. Taking that quote from the email at face-value, "You do not start before everyone else" would seem to imply that she went first. As in first-first. As in she was the first person to snatch up her fork and dive into the food. If that was the case then perhaps yes, MiL was somewhat justified to be miffed, but if she'd waited for a bit and then went in and got her own food, I fail to see how that's construed as being rude.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

Depends on the situation. If the food is hot, and it's going to take a lot of time for everyone else to get theirs (I admit this is more of a situation encountered on restaurants) it is surely the height of stupidity and lack of grace towards the chef to allow it to go cold?

You do not start before everyone else.

Okay that one's a given.

 

[hatophile]

I suspect the Mother-in-Law wrote this in a haze of anger and frustration, as many of us have probably done as well. Unfortunately, she did not stop to consider the consequences, when she may have benefited from taking
a less drastic course to "correct" her future daughter-in-law. And, as has been pointed out, the poor son is in the middle of this mess.

 

[I Adore Film Noir]

If Mrs. Bourne was the lady she thinks she is, she would never have sent the email.

 

[Shangas]

Missus B. complains about her future daughter-in-law's lack of "ladylike behaviour", but is it acceptable for a 'lady' to lash out in an email like this?

 

[Zeropositive]

This has to be one of the best viral emails I have ever seen of late... Just the tone in it makes me want to cring for the poor bride to be...

 

[sheeplady]

Diabetics who take insulin need to know what is in dishes in order to calculate their insulin (if they take insulin). The same dish made with slightly different ingredients changes how much insulin you take. You take too much insulin, you can go into shock and die. If you are faced with unfamiliar dishes, particularly culturally different dishes (not sure if this lady was), you have to ask questions, because you have no basis on which to estimate.

The next part is a little personal, but I have food allergies. I am telling this not because I want to bore you, but so that people can understand what it is like in the eyes of someone who has to monitor what they eat. You have to assume that everything has something you cannot eat in it. I normally try to inform the person in advance of my allergies when the trip is planned and a delicate reminder on the first day. If there seems to be confusion/ forgetfulness I try to take the host/cook aside privately before the meal to ask about each dish.

An allergic reaction is uncomfortable to me physically and it's just embarrassing for the host and me. Occasionally, I have had people omit things in the dishes they made. Some of this is due to lack of knowledge about allergies, some is due to forgetfulness, and I have to assume that some is just meant to embarrass me.

At the worst, I have sat down to meals where there is nothing I can eat safely on the table. I have been told that my substitutes are "disgusting" in front of other guests. Sometimes there is pressure at the table from the host for me to just try something.I have had my allergies publically aired in such a way to suggest that I am a lier at the dinner table. I have actually resorted to hauling my own "emergency" food with me whenever I travel.

Now, I do have to say that the vast majority of people are understanding. But after having had a few really bad experiences, I know the warning signs of an environment in which I am likely to be physically hurt. If I face an attitude that I believe may threaten my health, I have to be more assertive. I've probably been rude, but I'm still alive.

Finally, the way the mother-in-law should have dealt with this is through her son. And it should have been put nicer than that- have some tack lady.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Missus B. complains about her future daughter-in-law's lack of "ladylike behaviour", but is it acceptable for a 'lady' to lash out in an email like this?

Is it acceptable to then turn that email into a viral joke? Something tells me that family's troubles are just beginning.

 

[JimWagner]

Maybe they'll get a shot now at a reality tv series.

 

[Miss sofia]

I think the woman has shown herself to be an insufferable snob. (Hyacing Bouquet MK11)! In launching such a vitriolic attack on the poor girl she has shown herself to have just as much of a lack of class and breeding as her future daughter in law. I do however empathise with her over her future daughter in laws lack of manners. I can see her point of view, but any lady, and is stress the word lady here, would have pulled the poor girl to one side and perhaps given her some gentle guidance, or even a stern talking to in the drawing room, what ever it would have taken to set matters right and not starting attacking the poor girl and her family using such an impersonal method of communication such as an email. Anyhow people with class never openly talk about money, nor others lack of it, that's a dead give-away.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

Meow!

For all her airs and graces, London-born Mrs Bourne began her 35 year career in horticulture on market stalls in north Devon.

I would imagine that Mrs. Bourne is exactly the sort to be obsessed with family pedigree. It appears the underlying source of contention could be that Heidi can boast of a more distinguished family background than the venerable Mrs. Bourne. And given Mrs. B's own background, this gives the golddigger accusation an interesting dimension. Takes one to know one I suppose.

 

[Pompidou]

Sending the email viral is probably the best way to preemptively defend herself against future problems against the mother-in-law. It lays a context for all future problems to be judged by the world, a context where Mrs. Bourne is in a poor position for dishing out criticism. If the bride can do so much as just keep quiet and embrace the victim role, she'll win. Everyone can sympathize with the story of a young couple in love and due to marry, with an evil in-law trying to ruin the whole thing. If the story remained private, Mrs. Bourne's authority in the family would've meant the bride stood no chance. By sending the story to the world, her youth and sympathetic position leaves her untouchable against even a thousand old curmudgeons.

 

[Hawkcigar]

That email makes me wonder if any woman will ever be good enough for Freddie!

 

[angeljenny]

I wonder if the mother-in-law had tried to talk to her future daughter-in-law before.

I wouldn't like to receive such an email myself but at the same time, if I were making a terrible fool of myself or my family, I would want to know what I was doing wrong and the correct way to act in that situation.

 

[Tango Yankee]

The writing's on the wall

I find it somewhat amusing that the woman goes on about the lack of handwritten thank-you notes, yet sends this vitrolic missive via e-mail. Shouldn't it have been handwritten and sent through the Post? Just wondering...

Cheers,
Tom

 

[sheeplady]

To be honest, if I was sent a note like that I would be so amused that I would send it to my girl friends. In the sense of, "See, I told you she was this crazy. " If I actually wanted to mend fences, I'd probably send it to my friends in order to discuss what I could do to fix things. I would expect them not to send it on to others, or at least to take our names out if they did- that's just polite.

The whole "be kind to your kids, they pick your nursing home" is true. I see a very shoddy nursing home in that woman's future.

 

[Fletch]

Obnoxious self-righteousness is quite fashionable these days, so long as you can spin it as blunt honesty.

Politeness is honored mostly in the breach. It's much more assertive to b!tch about others' lack of it than to embody it in word and custom.