Mother-in-Law's Scathing E-mail Goes Viral

[Deco-Doll-1928]

The problem is, we don't know both sides to the story. Heidi's side of the story isn't told...there may be a reason, for example, that she is so food centric in her thinking and comments if she's a diabetic. She might also be commenting extensively on her condition as she's anxious about it and wants the family to understand. We're seeing things through the eyes of the mother-in-law, who might be set on fault-finding given she thinks her son is making a mistake.

There are some points which, if objectively stated, would constitute poor manners. Starting eating before others, for example. Others are more difficult to establish - the whole "drawing attention to yourself" and drawing attention to her diabetic condition. Who knows - the girl might be nervous or self conscious. I'm sure I've made poor impressions on people like that, and it seems this future MiL might inspire such a response. And then there is the future MiL's own poor behaviour...implying that the girl is a gold digger - "One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie."

If the couple are paying for the wedding (and by the implications of the email it seems they are, as she suggests they plan something "befitting their income"), then her comments on the her parents' financial situation are in poor taste - particularly as the girl's father has come out and indicated that one reason they weren't able to contribute more is that they had both lost their jobs and were struggling at the time. The comment about the castle wedding is rude - castles are perfectly acceptable venues now, as are stately homes, and host many such functions.

The entire tone is unfortunately pompous ("accepted by the wider Bourne family"), and full of rather nasty little digs such as the comment about the girl being a candidate for "Ladette to Lady." It's a shame that any helpful or constructive criticisms she might have had are conveyed in such a way - it's hardly likely that opinions and observations expressed like this can be taken as anything rather than an attack, particularly when you're telling your future daughter in law that it's unfortunate your son has fallen for her and that you pity him.

She obviously really felt she needed to convey all this to Heidi - I think it should have been done either face to face or in a much more polite, constructive letter. As for forwarding the email...I actually don't blame Heidi for sending it on to her friends (whoever let it go viral was doing her a disservice), as I can well understand being so shocked and taken aback that I'd want to turn to my friends for advice and for a shoulder to cry on. The girl was, according to her father, quite devestated as the letter was sent three times in one day just as she and her fiance had put a deposit on a house.

Telling someone you would appreciate them showing nice table manners and offering some constructive suggestions on what to do is one thing. Telling the woman your son loves that you pity your son and that it is "unfortunate" he's marrying you is another.

But, again, we don't know the full story. Caroline might be a pompous, priggish, judgemental cow and Heidi a sweet, spontaneous girl who is nervous around her, or Heidi might be a lazy little gold digger only interested in social climbing and Caroline a delightful woman who has been driven to desperation. Or, more likely, the truth is somewhere in between.

I agree completely with everything you said!

I think it's also in poor taste to post the letter to her friends in the first place. Classy ladies do not do that!

 

[Smithy]

Heidi sounds like a complete drip who'd wipe her nose on the curtains and the mum-in-law an uptight old prude who's still annoyed that little Freddie didn't marry Davinia from the tennis club.

 

[sheeplady]

I think I figured out what I would do myself if I was the future DIL.

I'd print out several copies of the email and keep them someplace safe. If my mother-in-law apologizes, then I will destroy them.

If she continues to act this way or is antagonistic, I keep them. Sooner or later she is going to need a favor. Probably a big one. When she asks, I/ husband say, "We'll see what we can do, and we'll let you know." Then I take a copy of the email she sent before we were married, put it in an envelope addressed to my dear mother-in-law, and send it to her. She'll have the answer to her favor.

 

[C-dot]

Heidi sounds like a complete drip who'd wipe her nose on the curtains and the mum-in-law an uptight old prude who's still annoyed that little Freddie didn't marry Davinia from the tennis club.

Do you write novels? You should

 

[LizzieMaine]

It's only a matter of time before Heidi/Freddie/Carolyn fan fiction appears.

 

[Puzzicato]

Interesting twist that dear Freddie has just started a wedding planning company! Claims this is not a publicity stunt...

 

[Tomasso]

This really isn't a story until Donald Trump chimes in.....

 

[C-dot]

This really isn't a story until Donald Trump chimes in.....

And administers a good firing.

 

[Deco-Doll-1928]

Or gives them a second chance.

 

[Drappa]

The step-MIL sounds like a narcissistic, toxic woman and there is absolutely no way the girl could have dealt with it in a way that would have made things better between them. Everybody has annoying relatives, but that doesn't mean you need to send them aggressive emails correcting all behaviours you disagree with, especially if they are in fact adults. People who think they are better than others and need to convey this at every opportunity usually have a whole lot of issues beyond just being rude.

I have a friend who is getting married soon, and she had a similar experience with her future MIL, though it was not done in writing. They have since become friendlier, but she admitted that she will never fully trust her MIL and that it broke something that can't be recovered.
I feel confident in saying that if my MIL had attempted anything even remotely close to Mrs. Bourne, my husband would have ceased speaking to his mother, and I would have done the same if my parents had embarrassed me and humiliated the man I love in such a way.

 

[C-dot]

I feel confident in saying that if my MIL had attempted anything even remotely close to Mrs. Bourne, my husband would have ceased speaking to his mother, and I would have done the same if my parents had embarrassed me and humiliated the man I love in such a way.

OT: You're awfully lucky. I've had two pretty bad experiences, and both "men" eventually went running home to mommy.

Freddie Bourne's catering company is called Mise-en-Bouche (how clever). If you Google search for it, the website link will take you straight back to Google UK.