Miss, Mrs. or Madam? The demise of Ms?

[Miss Sis]

Personally, I can't stand being called 'Ms'. I'm not married, I'm a Miss. I will remain so until my marital status changes! Perhaps because my father always called me Miss as a child, I got used to it.

Strangely, I'm always getting called Mrs. K....., especially by lovely old ladies and whenever I speak to anyone on the telephone. [huh]

Little old ladies always think I am married for some reason. They start sentences with phrases like 'Do you and your husband...' and one that really makes me laugh 'Your husband is lovely!' (he is lovely, I agree with them, even if he's not my husband!)

 

[Paisley]

Somebody once assumed that I was married and dumped my husband. [huh]

I've never been married.

 

[Paisley]

Unless you're a particularly important client or customer at a business, it probably won't do any good to correct them on Ms., Mrs. or Miss. They may have various databases, hundreds or thousands of customers and staff that changes frequently.

 

[ShoreRoadLady]

I use "Ms." if I'm unsure; if the other person wants to correct me, that's fine. Though I dislike the harsh "zzz" sound at the end of "Ms.", if you say it quickly and softly, it doesn't sound so bad. But in all honesty, I don't use formal titles much anyway. :whistling

The main trouble is, in order to say "Miss" or "Mrs.", you have to figure out whether they're married or not and run the risk of getting it wrong or having someone take offense. "Ms." is just plain easier.

I prefer "Miss" to a degree, but I often check "Ms." on forms, just because I figure it's nobody's business whether I'm married or not.

I still do an internal double-take when someone calls me "ma'am", such as in a store, just because it sounds "old" to me, but it's the handiest term and I don't get offended. And I've used it myself on numerous occasions.

 

[Mojito]

I'm perfectly happy with Ms, and dislike assumptions, particularly in correspondence, being made as to whether I'm a Mrs or a Miss. But then, I tend to make fairly sharp demarkations between my professional persona and my private life. Naturally I try to respect and be sensitive to the preferences of others.

One thing that is difficult, though - I often correspond with members of the public who have sent us in letters about exhibitions, objects etc. Often they neglect to include their title. When you get a letter signed "Mary Smith", one does not want to potentially offend by making an assumption on the writer's marital status.

I also wish that the directors of institutions and other academics would include their titles. I know that we're all fairly informal these days, and once contact has been established I'm fine to go with "Bob" or "Jane", but for initial contacts and responses, I'd like to know if I'm addressing Professor Smith or Dr Lowe correctly. I spend a lot of time googling qualifications or making phone calls to check preferred forms of salutation!

Even many senior naval personnel, both current and retired, seem to be pretty informal about their ranks these days. For formal events, e.g. when writing speech notes, I've had to do some digging to find out whether the lovely RAN figures I know by their first names retired at the rank of RADM, CDRE etc. I've even had to check with Flag Lieutenants about the current ranks of senior serving officers in Canberra.

 

[BinkieBaumont]

In New Zealand it's Muz, Mummy was ever so flattered recently at the local "Dorothy Rouge" store when she was called "Ma'm" in person you can not go wrong witn "ma"m" or "Sir"

 

[jac]

Its Ms. here, and those using Miss & Mrs. are corrected.
Ma'am is respectful without being personal, and thus acceptable.
People make too many assumptions and are overly familiar as it is.

 

[kyda]

I am married so there for I am Mrs, when I was single I was Miss. I was never a Ms as I knew if I was married or not and I get rather irritated when my mail is addressed as Ms when I have clearly stated on all forms filled out that I am a Mrs. As for Ma'm" well I have only ever been called that once and that was a young lad in the ( American) Navy and I told him that I work for a living, not realizing that it was a polite term used in the States.

 

[Joonie]

Oh, to be called "Mrs." I am a teacher and all women at my school, regardless of status, are referred to as "Ms." I love being a "Mrs." and wish the silly sign outside my classroom door reflected that. Perhaps I am lucky that I teach German and am called "Frau."

 

[Mr_D.]

I never understood why women get so many suffix's and men only get one.

Mr is fine for us married or not. Why can't women just have Ms.

But from what I was always told:

Miss = Younger single woman
Ms = older single woman
Mrs = Married woman

 

[Cigarband]

I have waited table and bartended off and on for many years. I have always called all female customers Miss, regardless of age, and have never had a negative reaction.

 

[NicknNora]

I have waited table and bartended off and on for many years. I have always called all female customers Miss, regardless of age, and have never had a negative reaction.

Try calling them Ms. you might get better tips.lol

 

[DC3]

Growing up in 50-60's New England I never heard the term Ms. Later in life I thought it was a carry over of the womens lib movement that died off when women found out that they had been in charge all along. Here in Northern California it is somewhat prevelant still in the academic fields but is losing it's favor. Women are highly confident in themselves and their abilities so the manufactured liberation moniker is no longer needed.....or desired. Miss or Mrs..... Alot like being a Mainer. You either are, or you aren't.

 

[Missy Hellfire]

I'm unmarried and go by 'Miss' and always have. Personally, I've never liked 'Ms' as it sounds like a 'non-word' of that makes any sense?

I rather like being a Miss, I may even stick with it if someone is ever stupid enough to marry me!

 

[Miss Golightly]

I used to be Ms. before I got married and now it's Mrs. all the way!

I used to love when I went to the US back in my late teens and people would call me Ma'am (even other girls the same age as me!) - I thought it was really dinky.

When I was in Hanoi staying at the rather elegant Sofitel Metropole I used to get a lot of "Good evening Madam" - I would hardly EVER be called Madam here (if at all) in Dublin - no matter what kind of establishment I was in (things are way more casual here) - I quite liked it I have to say! So old world.....

 

[Ethan Bentley]

I'm unmarried and go by 'Miss' and always have. Personally, I've never liked 'Ms' as it sounds like a 'non-word' of that makes any sense?

I rather like being a Miss, I may even stick with it if someone is ever stupid enough to marry me!

Yes I know what you mean.

 

[Diamondback]

Yes I know what you mean.

I don't... specifically, the bolded section of this:

if someone is ever stupid enough to marry me!

Miss H., what is it with you ladies underestimating yourselves? In all my years of psych studies, this is one that has always had me utterly baffled, as it's far outside even the scope of "being one's own worst critic" in intensity...

 

[Missy Hellfire]

I don't... specifically, the bolded section of this:

Miss H., what is it with you ladies underestimating yourselves? In all my years of psych studies, this is one that has always had me utterly baffled, as it's far outside even the scope of "being one's own worst critic" in intensity...

You know how Groucho Marx said that he wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member?

There you have my reasoning...

 

[Lady Jessica]

I rather like being a Miss, I may even stick with it if someone is ever stupid enough to marry me!

I was going to say the same thing! Except I think I'll be so pleased in my new status that I'll end up being a 'Mrs.' anyway. I really do like being called 'Miss' though, and when I'm a teacher, I'll make sure all my students call me 'Miss'.

Until I'm married, then I'll probably change to 'Mrs.' but I don't really know until it happens. By then maybe I'll like 'Ms.' best. As for now, I'm a miss. I got called 'Miss Jessica' a lot at school, and I rather enjoyed it.

 

[analiebe]

i am, have always been, and it appears will always be.... a miss.
i too feel that ms. was introduced as part of the womens lib movement (and i certainly do believe in equality of the sexes) but always found it a rather odd, unnecessary and ugly sounding alternative....
being an unmarried, independent and capable gal i am most content with being a miss and have never been insulted at the rare 'madam' i've received in the last few years...