Men: Would it bother you if your wife were the main "bread winner" in the family?

[filfoster]

It's easier to marry your first million than to make it.

Well said. Finding the right woman is probably not so easy, however.

 

[filfoster]

Sometimes, these things happen by force, not choice. My husband has been unable to work for about 10 years due to severe illness. I am the sole breadwinner. Even though, there is no way on earth he could work, I know he finds it deeply degrading. The truth is, I don't make a lot of money, so we make do, but it is certainly tough being a single income family on what I bring home. My husband was in college when he became ill, and if he had been able to continue and meet his career goals, then he would most likely have been the one going out to work, and i would have stayed home. I think that if i made enough that we could live COMFORTABLY on my income, and he CHOSE to stay home and take care of the family, he would be fine with that. But in this situation, knowing that things would be better if he COULD work, and just cannot, is , as i said, is quite degrading to him.

One cannot help but be sympathetic to your situation. This is of course, quite different from the 'fortune hunter' who seeks to be supported by his wealthy paramour.
It is called something quite different in the underclass and usually a shared arrangement without benefit of marriage and the man is often more of a 'manager', if you will. Anyway, the gigilo is a fun office to daydream about. And most of us who think about it certainly lack the means to pull it off.

 

[Gingerella72]

I think the converse is the bigger question: "Women: Would it bother you if you were the breadwinner of the family?"

As the breadwinner of the family, I have to honestly say that it does bother me, but for reasons that require a long explanation.

 

[The Wolf]

I was the main breadwinner when I got married. My wife didn't work for a few months when my first son was born to spend time with him. She worked part time when the boys were little and worked full time. As the boys grew, she went back to school and got a better paying job. Then she worked full time and worked part time. She was now the main breadwinner and I was taking care of the house and kids. It worked out well for my sons in that when they were little they needed their mum but when they were older they needed the father around (which a lot of their friends didn't). My job doesn't pay as much but is flexible which works for the family.
My wife and I have talked about me getting a better job when the boys move out.

Sincerely,
The Wolf

 

[Hunter_aka_Scotty]

No, because my wife IS the primary bread winner in our home. My historical tailoring business really doesn't bring in much income. We couldn't care less who makes more money. What difference does that make to how we feel about one another and what we do with our income? It goes into one bank account and gets used for whatever we want or need. It does amaze me how such a thing can ruin some relationships.

 

[Old Rogue]

If it's good enough for this guy, it's good enough for me...

Onslow! One of my favorite characters from one of my favorite British sitcoms (Keeping Up Appearances). Any other fans of the show ever notice the titles of the books he was reading in scenes where he and his wife Daisy were talking in bed? They were usually heavy-duty physics texts.

And to get back on topic, it wouldn't bother me in the least if my wife made more than me. She's been a housewife and stay-at-home mom (now grandmom) for years. It would bother me if I had to take on that job, I have absolutely no shame in admitting that I could not handle it. I've always told her that it's not my salary, it's our salary; she works just as hard (really more so) as I do to keep the household running.

 

[stevew443]

This May will be our 39th wedding anniversary. In those many years there have been times that I was the primary bread winner, times when my wife was the primary bread winner. We figure that we will do what we can to support each other. At this time of our lives, my wife is making just a bit more than I am. She is freelancing while I have a "real" job just for the insurance that the company offers.
My wife has always been one of those people who define themselves by what work they do, and after so many years together, I think I have finally broken her of that trait. She still wants to work, but she now does not mind so much the type of work she has. She is just happy to have work to do.

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

Well said. Finding the right woman is probably not so easy, however.

Like finding a microbe in a hay stack.

 

[C44Antelope]

My wonderful wife makes a bit more than I do currently, but not by tons and tons. She works for a large company with established pay grades and I work for a non profit and have not had a raise in a while. I'm not complaining. The way things are right now, I'm happy to have the job, raise or no raise. At the time I arrived at the pay rate I currently hold, my wife was 3 pay grades lower in her company - and I was earning more than she.

That said, it bothers me to some degree that she is making more than I am, and I voted that way in the poll. But the truth is, we both contribute to the family and if either of us were suddenly out of work it would be a serious blow.

 

[Widebrim]

^^Bump...

 

[kyboots]

No, because my wife IS the primary bread winner in our home. My historical tailoring business really doesn't bring in much income. We couldn't care less who makes more money. What difference does that make to how we feel about one another and what we do with our income? It goes into one bank account and gets used for whatever we want or need. It does amaze me how such a thing can ruin some relationships.

That says it best. Next month we have our 37th and I would love to stay home and let my wife work outside the house for a change!

 

[Feraud]

My wife and I just celebrated 21 years of marriage. There were years when she earned more. There were the lean years when we had a young child to raise and she was laid off. I was the sole breadwinner and our income decreased but the bills did not. Currently we earn nearly the same amount and my company offers better benefits.
I have peers that have lost a spouse due to death and a friend who is a dad of three young children going through a very contentious divorce. The little things like who earns more doesn't mean anything to me.

 

[schitzo]

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, to stay home and be a house husband would be awesome. Alas i fret this is just another dream that probably won't come true