Men: Would it bother you if your wife were the main "bread winner" in the family?

[1961MJS]

Hi

You know, I know of a couple (not well). She's got a PhD and works quite a bit. He is her age or a year older (40-45 somewhere I guess) and she works, he golfs (boy toy). According to my friends that know them well, it's finally getting old after 20 plus years. I haven't seen either of them in 15 years, but there's one data point I guess.

later

 

[MikeBravo]

When we married in 1992, myself and my wife were earning about the same as each other. She soon outstripped me. That was fine - we had money, so what who earned it? When our daughter was about three my wife was offered a great job but it involved commuting. So I cut down my hours and dealt with more child duties so she could concentrate on her career. The gap between our incomes has grown every year since then. I now earn less than i was ten or twelve years ago. But strangely, it seems like i have more money!
I have never felt bad about her being the main breadwinner. Marriage is a partnership in which we are equals. I do the housework, she does the career job. The real benefit is that the dynamic in the family means that I have a very close relationship with our children. That has to be a good thing.

P.S. One other good thing: My wife pays for most things in our house, leaving me free to spend my money on shoes, ties and scarves!

That's a sweet setup!

Women were well off in the old days, not having to go out and work, just stay home and look after the kids.** I think they are starting to suspect they made a mistake with this equality thing.

Career schmareer. Who needs the hassles? So, my answer to the question is "No way!" Wouldn't bother me in the least.


** Of course, I know life isn't that simple or easy, however if proper training was given at school (home economics anyone?) with cooking, finance, above all organisational skills it would be much more bearable.

 

[Edward]

Many men define themselves as: you are what you do. So there will be some that won't consider the idea of a wife as the main bread winner as a good thing because it would undermine their self image as a man.

Perhaps because "traditionally" it has been the husband who has earned more (for various reasons). Also, it is the woman who bears the children and who in the past usually "nurtured" them while the husband was working, so there is that psychological aspect of, "She's done/doing her part, now I've got to do mine."

So essentially we're back to "this is the way it has always been" and the fragile male ego? Sadly, I think that's probably true. I can't think of any other reason yet.

 

[ortega76]

I work p/t in a metal shop. My wife is a nurse, former CPA. I am primarily a stay-at-home dad. I love being able to raise our daughter and spend time that many fathers do not get to spend. Marriage is a partnership. Do I look at having things easy? Nope. Raising a kid is hard work. So is making the house run. I have a good temperment for it. I roll with the punches and don't get too worked up about little things. My only complaint is a lot of the stay-at-home moms I run across have a real antipathy to the SAHD's.

 

[Widebrim]

I think the converse is the bigger question: "Women: Would it bother you if you were the breadwinner of the family?"

I think both questions are of equal value, and it would be good to ask the ladies their opinion (perhaps in another thread).

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

So essentially we're back to "this is the way it has always been" and the fragile male ego? Sadly, I think that's probably true. I can't think of any other reason yet.

Because a majority of modern women don't care how much a man makes.

 

[MisterCairo]

My wife earns more than I do, and has for about four years. I couldn't care less, and in fact wish she could could go higher in pay (she's a teacher and has maxed out) without having to go into principalship or admin (crazier hours).

 

[nice hat dude!]

Hey I'll jump right in and be the chauvinistic male,doesn't bother me if I'm a kept man(wish that was the case)I could see how it might get the ladies a little upset if hubby stays home though?

 

[ortega76]

Do women mind being the breadwinner? I can tell you my wife has expressed some concerns with the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. On the other hand, while a wonderful partner and parent, she has shown slightly less patience with the child raising aspect. She just gets flustered when our toddler gets crazy. I tend to have a higher threshold for toddler shenanigans.

 

[nice hat dude!]

Do women mind being the breadwinner? I can tell you my wife has expressed some concerns with the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. On the other hand, while a wonderful partner and parent, she has shown slightly less patience with the child raising aspect. She just gets flustered when our toddler gets crazy. I tend to have a higher threshold for toddler shenanigans.

Off topic and none of my damn business(say so if needed),if your avatar pic is of you what's the patch?

 

[Seb Lucas]

Hmmm. Well my wife was my boss - which is how we met. More money and more power... Didn't bother me at all. I did go off and get another job later and now earn more than her, but I don't give a fig. Relationships shouldn't focus on money. And I've never let money cramp my style.

 

[the hairy bloke]

She is. I stay at home and look after The Hairy Offspring. Fine (pretty much) by me.

 

[ortega76]

Off topic and none of my damn business(say so if needed),if your avatar pic is of you what's the patch?

Ha! It's not me. It's a shot from the early 60's, taken on the streets of Chicago's south side. The patch says "Outlaws Chicago".

I do like motorcycles and I do love my city. I also ride, but I currently have a Suzuki SV 650, a naked street bike that looks nothing like a Harley. Not much of a Harley fan, to be honest. My love of streetbikes is one of my modern habits intruding on my retro-love. Though I do love metric bobbers. CLassic styling with engine technology from this century (and that ain't a bad thng when it comes to motorcycles).

 

[Pompidou]

I'd welcome the situation. I'd never quit my cafe, so there'd be some tough questions should child care ever become an issue. My hours are pretty much whatever I want them to be, so I doubt we'd have any problems. That, and anyone who marries me marries the business, so there'd be few surprises.

 

[nice hat dude!]

Ha! It's not me. It's a shot from the early 60's, taken on the streets of Chicago's south side. The patch says "Outlaws Chicago".

I do like motorcycles and I do love my city. I also ride, but I currently have a Suzuki SV 650, a naked street bike that looks nothing like a Harley. Not much of a Harley fan, to be honest. My love of streetbikes is one of my modern habits intruding on my retro-love. Though I do love metric bobbers. CLassic styling with engine technology from this century (and that ain't a bad thng when it comes to motorcycles).

Thanks for the reply just was curious.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

A very interesting question to say the least. My Wife is my life partner, lover, best friend, and a very sharp woman. There is no room in our relationship for being "petty" about income issues. When we first met, I had more money and a higher income level than what many would even begin to believe, a very successful commercial building company and a manufacturing company. I afforded the opportunity for her to not work at her job which she at the time made $84,500.00 salary working for State Farm Insurance in their corporate offices, and had 17 years at that company. I, myself, was racking in an average yearly income of more than $11,000,000.00 The economy started to fall apart, I have developed MS and have suffered serious injuries falling at a job site, busting myself up fairly much, gave myself a double hernia among the many broken bones, have had a few serious heart attacks, and have had to allow the business end of things fairly much dry up.

So as how things go in life, she decided to put her talents to use and contracted doing work from home and adds to our available income each month. Our home budget and business budget comes to about $4,500.00 a month, we moved to a new location providing more "space" as we now have my Wife's 90 year old Mother living with us, and we have a great deal of personal property and belongings and moved to a home that was a rent with option to buy, and we decided to pay cash and own the home and purchased two new cars as the ones we already have are getting into the 450,000 miles range of being worn out. We own more than one home but the home up north is not close to my medical health care providers and the other home is on an Island, so we have had to be more or less, "trapped" in the area we now live in due to my health concerns.

It was a no brainer for my Wife to desire to work, and working in our home makes it nice as we can share time daily. Is it hard on me to have this situation, to some degree yes, like a few other fellow loungers, the "Man" of the house at times has a part of his ethics or fiber if you will, to want to take care of what his thoughts and personal belief systems are, including paying the bills and being a provider. Maybe not all men feel that way, but some of us do. We would deep down inside always prefer to be the "bread winner"....but when things get sort of "tuff", I think it is a pure blessing that a Wife can handle things and be the bread winner when need be. For me, maybe not anyone else, but for me, love has no boundary and a marriage is to be based upon love and your trust in one another. Does it bother me? No. What does bother me is my medical concerns. When the issues of my health are resolved and I am back on track so to speak I will relish making the better income in the family and allow my Wife to be afforded to not work any longer. She can freely not work any more or continue what she desires to do with her time. Neither of us goes without our needs and we make sure that the "wants" department gets a visit daily, too!

I have to state for the record also, my Wife finds me more "fedora hats" for me to own than I do and she hunts for items for me every day, including vintage clothing and shoes. I may do some "shopping" myself but more than likely she has the "finds" more than I do. My Wife has spent some many hours reading things here on the Lounge and thinks most of the lounge members are fantastic decent people. We have felt that way about the Lounge, for a long time. Good example of how it goes in my household, she see's the hats from all the hat makers such as Mr. Art Fawcett, and comments to me she knows I have wanted a custom hat for a while, so...lets save the money and order you one. We communicate with a few loungers that rave about how wonderful the hats that Art makes, so that is our goal. Blessed? I think so. Not just for the hats or vintage clothing or anything a person could buy or sell, but by the wonderful relationship we share together and also from the friendship of fellow lounge members.

 

[filfoster]

My dream was to marry a wealthy hieress and help her spend her money. Instead, I work for a concern that facilitates others living this same dream. Oh well, so near...and yet....so far. It has given me a useful perspective that it often does not work out as planned.
I am quite happy with the bargain I made 31 years ago, and who knows? Maybe she'll win a Powerball jackpot and decide to let me stay home.

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

My dream was to marry a wealthy hieress and help her spend her money. Instead, I work for a concern that facilitates others living this same dream. Oh well, so near...and yet....so far. It has given me a useful perspective that it often does not work out as planned.
I am quite happy with the bargain I made 31 years ago, and who knows? Maybe she'll win a Powerball jackpot and decide to let me stay home.

It's easier to marry your first million than to make it.

 

[Doc Smith]

When I was finishing up graduate school, we both largely lived off the advances my wife had negotiated for her first three-book contract. Since then, her income as a midgrade genre author has declined a bit (along with the publishing market), while mine has improved. Still, every book or series is a lottery ticket -- you never know if it'll be the next Harry Potter.

So, if the bucks start rolling in, I'll be delighted to be the Nick to her Nora Charles. Not that I'd quit the day job -- it's too fun!

 

[olive bleu]

Sometimes, these things happen by force, not choice. My husband has been unable to work for about 10 years due to severe illness. I am the sole breadwinner. Even though, there is no way on earth he could work, I know he finds it deeply degrading. The truth is, I don't make a lot of money, so we make do, but it is certainly tough being a single income family on what I bring home. My husband was in college when he became ill, and if he had been able to continue and meet his career goals, then he would most likely have been the one going out to work, and i would have stayed home. I think that if i made enough that we could live COMFORTABLY on my income, and he CHOSE to stay home and take care of the family, he would be fine with that. But in this situation, knowing that things would be better if he COULD work, and just cannot, is , as i said, is quite degrading to him.