Manners & Etiquette

[RadioHead]

Makes no difference who...

I will hold the door open for no matter whom is behind me when I enter or leave a building; old, young, male, female, indeterminate- even the surly teenagers who don't even grunt an acknowledgement.

I was once walking through a shopping mall and noticed a well-dressed elderly lady standing in the middle of the corridor with one glove in her hand and a matching glove lying about 3 feet away from her. She was looking in a different direction from the glove, so I picked up the glove and handed it to her with "Did you drop this, ma'am?". She told me she had been waiting quite some time for a man to come and pick it up for her, as she believed it was "bad luck" for a lady to pick up her own dropped glove. No matter.

I have begun touching the brim of my hat when I encounter ladies, but so far I haven't had anyone comment on it, so it can't be all that unusual.

For most of my life, men here in the province of New Brunswick did not routinely shake hands with other men, especially those of their acquaintance. Even when meeting a stranger for the first time, handshakes were not de rigueur. From about 20 years or so ago, I noticed that New Brunswickers have joined the hand-shaking community, and I find I now shake hands even with close friends I haven't seen recently.

I enjoy it.

"RadioHead"

 

[Fred G.]

Good post on the etiquette.

I tip my hat to an older lady, though I find that the younger women are not aware of the rules of etiquette, and so think I am being funny.

Funerals: If you're outside and a procession passes by, the hat is removed.

If I am driving, I pull to the side of the road and stop, also remove hat. And make certain my son does the same, if he is with me...

Opening doors for ladies? Always.

 

[Doh!]

I wouldn't sweat it, tell your wife they were already well on their way to divorce if this insignificant event pushed them over the edge!

Marc

There's a nice little scene in Diner where Ellen Barkin's character is waiting for her husband to open her car door for her but he just goes to his side of the car and starts to get in. He looks over at her and says, "What are you waiting for? It's unlocked."

 

[raiderrescuer]

Memorable Manners and Etiquette session...

My most memorable moment of Manners and Etiquette came in South Dakota many years ago...
I went to Dinner with a Gal Pal, Her Fianc?©e and Her Old-Fashioned Parents.
It had iced over and the Parking Lot was a Skating Rink, My friend Eileen had gotten out and almost fell but her Fianc?©e Kurt ignored her pleas for help and headed into the restaurant.
I made my way over to Eileen and her Parents and escorted them in.
Her parents went as far as scolding Kurt for leaving her out in the parking lot and thought that I was just the Gentleman and that their Daughter was marrying the wrong guy.

 

[TommySalieri]

I always tip my hat to a lady and hold doors open for them. It just something that comes natural to me.

But I got laughed at once by two young ladies in their 20's.

 

[Rosie]

I'd liken myself to be a well mannered person, I've been told so many times. I hold the door for anyone who comes behind me. I always say "thank you", "please" and "excuse me". I speak to everyone I come into contact with, especially older people who love this. When speaking to said people, especially if they are older, it's always, "Good morning or afternoon or evening ladies or gentlemen". I address people as Sir and Maam. When riding public transport, I offer my seat to older people and women with children or who are with child. Since I'm very tall, when grocery shopping, I very often get things from the top shelf for shorter people. I bake cookies and cakes for some of the kids in my neighborhood and so I rarely have to put out my osn garbage or shovel my own walk. That's all I can think of right now.

 

[Rosie]

I always tip my hat to a lady and hold doors open for them. It just something that comes natural to me.

But I got laughed at once by two young ladies in their 20's.

How sad. I know this goes with out saying but please don't let that deter you from being the gentleman you are. Many of us ladies appreciate such gestures.

 

[Matt Deckard]

I said it before and I'll say it again. It's Fedora Lounge policy to open doors for the ladies.

 

[Lady Day]

I address people as Sir and Maam.

When I was a kid, I did that as if by instinct. My brother and I both did. I guess it was a Southern thing. Im around a lot of my peers as of late, so that 'habit' has sadly dulled.

LD

 

[Twitch]

Holding the door for anyone, women included, is the most repeated courtesy I perform. It's about the most widespread and easiest thing to do.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

Like many, I hold the doors for those behind me, and "please", "thank you", "excuse me", "sir" and "ma'am" are such an ingrained part of my vocabulary I don't even stop to think about using them - they just come rolling out without thinking about it. Opening the door for anyone getting into my car (male or female), tipping my hat, telling people with just a few items or older than I to go ahead of me in the cash register line, "giving someone my smile when they don't have one" and so forth are just the way I was brought up. But if you want to experience how incredibly rude and insensitive people are, take someone in a wheelchair to the local mall or event at a convention center or the like. Or even a parent with a baby stroller.

After a stroke left Mom paralyzed in her left arm & leg, I took care of her 24/7/365 for the last dozen years of her life. I refused to put her in a "facility" because I knew in that environment, she'd wither and die within a matter of months. Out shopping, more often than not, I'd have to wrestle to hold open the door & roll her in all by myself if they didn't have automatic doors. Frankly, force of habit teaches you to be pretty agile at that sort of thing in pretty short order. But loads of people around and very few would open or hold open the door. People walking right in front of you without looking around. People crowding onto the elevators the second the door opened even though we're first in line and had been waiting far longer than they. Our doctor was part of a local group, and for the last six years, the handicapped button to open their front door has been out of service. Taking her to the hospital for her monthly blood draw, the staff member escorting us from waiting room to whichever lab room would invariably be hurrying along, 10+ paces in front of us, letting doors swing closed before we could get through. One would think medical personnel would be the least likely to do that sort of thing.

And amazingly, it's not just the under 50 crowd. At the flower show one year, we had some old gal probably 70+ basically crawl over the top of Mom in her rush to get to a booth. Actually stepped between Mom's footrests, and put one knee up on Mom's to get past as we're rolling up an aisle. So I say, "Well, gee, excuse us!" and her nasty-toned response was "You were in the way - I need new gloves." "Frankly, you need a hard, swift kick in the ass or a slap in the face a helluva lot more." We had other older folks try to crowd into lines at the register out shopping try to use the excuse, "I'm your elder." Well, honey, I've got someone that's older than you, and she's also in a wheelchair, so I say it's game, set and match - haul it back to the end of the line.

And I've got LOADS of stories about people taking handicapped spaces in parking lots. "I just needed to run in for milk." Really? I must've missed the part of the sign reading "Handicapped with placard...and those needing a quick bottle of milk." Or my favorite - Mr. Muscleboy in his late 20's - "I overdid it at the gym today and my back hurts, so I parked here." "Where's your placard?" "I don't have one - so get over it." "Tell you what - you try lifting a 175 lbs. invalid parent from bed to wheelchair to toilet to shower to sofa to car about a dozen times a day and we'll see whose back hurts." But fate intervened as the local sheriff drove up. Wrote him the $500 ticket. "Hope that makes your back feel better, sport!" quips Mom.

But the ones who were helpful and courteous by far outnumber the rude and ill-mannered. It's like entertainers who can't remember the good reviews but can quote chapter and verse each and every bad one. But at times, you really want to take some of these people and smack them up-side the head.

 

["Doc" Devereux]

I think my most frequently-used example of good manners is not belittling or talking down to those with whom I converse. Good manners flow from treating others with the respect one hopes to receive.

 

[Caledonia]

Please, thank you, holding doors, saying thank you to people who hold doors, helping mothers with buggies, Sir, Madam, generally being polite, passing words with till operators, excuse me, "watch your back" (for repeat 'excuse me' offendors), apologies for being late...

My worst impoliteness is that I am really bad at offering written thank you's, whether it's for a gift, a lovely evening out etc. Very bad. Bad girl.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

I'm good with thank you notes. I have a box in my desk and sit down and dash them off immediately after receiving a gift or whatever the circumstances are requiring one. I wait a few days to drop them in the mail, but I get them done while it's still fresh in my mind.

Another manners & etiquette annoyance. Throwing a party (be that sit-down dinner party or big party or BBQ buffet style) and having people who do not RSVP. Or they RSVP "yes" and don't show or call, or they RSVP "no" and then ultimately show up. It's not that bad for a big party, but for the sit-down dinners, it's annoying. You're holding dinner to a point for someone who doesn't show, or you have the tables set for 12 and an extra one or couple shows up. We've got a breakfast bar where we can seat 2 or 3 which saved us a time or two. But I always hold my tongue and plow along as if it was just how I had planned it because rule number one is you never make a guest feel uncomfortable. At least, according to Martha and Amy Vanderbilt and Miss Manners. Or my mother or grandmothers!

But talking to a friend who is an event planner in So Cal, he said you can really only expect about 50% of the guest list to RSVP one way or the other. Then you have to call those who don't, and then expect a 10% give or take on the day or night of the party. "RSVP Regrets Only" can be disastrous because you assume those who aren't coming would let you know and don't, or invitations are lost in the mail, and you've got food for 30 and only a dozen show.

At times, I think I'm the only one who gets an invitation, checks the calendar to see if there's something stopping me from attending, and then contact the host/hostess to say "I'd be delighted to come - may I bring anything?" or "Alas, I'm scheduled for a lobotomy that morning and have to miss this one!"

 

[Caledonia]

I am cringing myself backwards into a tiny hole I have to admit to the no-show thing, although to save myself, never to a dinner party or small gathering, only the larger party thing. And it's not like I haven't had it done to me, so I should know better. You put me to shame Mike and I will improve!

 

[Rosie]

Uggh! I so don't like it when people do not RSVP. I'm going through that now with a friend of mine who hasn't told me whether or not she will be attending my tea party. My mom tells me to call her but, I don't want to! I sent her an invite, a nice hand written one at that, the least she can do is let me know if she is coming. I've already invited someone else in her place, I hope she doesn't show.

 

[Paisley]

People not replying or not showing up is why I've stopped entertaining anyone except my best friend.

And another thing: Rosie, your hand-written invitations sound beautiful. In contrast, my family invites me to gatherings via my parents. My mother will call me and say, "Nadia's having a birthday party at her house. You're invited." Can't Nadia pick up the phone and call me herself? Am I supposed to buy a present and shlep it out to her house when she doesn't call me on that, or any other, occasion?

And invitations getting "lost in the mail" are really "lost in the clutter."

 

[Etienne]

A friend taught me a nice gesture that I try hard to use whenever I have the opportunity: At many restaurants, the servers will wear name tags or they will approach your table and say, "Hi, I'm Jeff and I'll be your server this evening...". I try to call them by name when I address them and treat them with respect and appreciation. I enjoy building an, albeit temporary, rapport with them and they seem to appreciate the nod to their dignity and service!

 

[Air Boss]

Holding the door is a simple act. You would be surprised at the looks my kids get whe they do so. Another is sending thank you notes. Again, I've gotten calls from friends when they get a thank you from the boys.

One that makes me crazy is the lack of respect shown when our National Anthem is played. How hard is it to stand up, remove your hat, place your hand over your heart and either sing along or close your mouth. Next time there's a sports event on TV, watch the athletes and fans - they demonstrate a marked lack of respect.

 

[Paisley]

How hard is it to stand up, remove your hat, place your hand over your heart and either sing along or close your mouth.

Agreed--why do people hoot and holler as if they were hog calling? The last time I was at an event where the national anthem was played, it was at a polo match, where you'd think you'd see better behavior.