Manners & Etiquette

[raiderrescuer]

What's your Most Used ? Getting Doors for Ladies, Helping the Elderly Lady across the Street, Tipping your Hat, etc...

Mine has to be Holding the Door Open...especially for the Elderly and the Ladies with Strollers.

 

[Lancealot]

Holding doors open for ladies.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Saying "Thank you!" when a gentleman holds the door for me!

 

[Hiram]

Giving ladies and elders my seat on the bus, followed closely by holding doors, taking my hat off when a lady enters the elevator and—sometimes, when occasion suggests—lifting my hat to ladies.

 

[DiabolicalAngel]

Waiting for ladies to be seated first before I sit and standinding when a lady leaves / returns to the table.....

 

[Tomasso]

It gives me great joy to assist a senior. It just makes me feel good. I really do it more for myself than for them.lol

 

[CharlieH.]

On a regular basis I hold doors open for ladies and I stand up when a lady approaches a bench I'm sitting on.

However, I do sometimes forget to tip my hat. And here's something on the subject - What's a gentleman to do with his hat when he's accosted with a "Kiss-hello"? Better yet, what's the proper way to greet a (female) friend without rubbing cheeks and puckering the lips?
That little thing always gets in my nerves for some reason...

 

[Hiram]

Please forgive my posting the whole thing rather than linking—things have a tendency to move or disappear over time.

From Emily Post:

Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home - 1922

Chapter IV.
Salutations of Courtesy

WHEN A GENTLEMAN TAKES OFF HIS HAT

A GENTLEMAN takes off his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters the elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it on again in the corridor. A public corridor is like the street, but an elevator is suggestive of a room, and a gentleman does not keep his hat on in the presence of ladies in a house.

This is the rule in elevators in hotels, clubs and apartments. In office buildings and stores the elevator is considered as public a place as the corridor. What is more, the elevators in such business structures are usually so crowded that the only room for a man’s hat is on his head. But even under these conditions a gentleman can reveal his innate respect for women by not permitting himself to be crowded too near to them.
When a gentleman stops to speak to a lady of his acquaintance in the street, he takes his hat off with his left hand, leaving his right free to shake hands, or he takes it off with his right and transfers it to his left. If he has a stick, he puts his stick in his left hand, takes off his hat with his right, transfers his hat also to his left hand, and gives her his right. If they walk ahead together, he at once puts his hat on; but while he is standing in the street talking to her, he should remain hatless. There is no rudeness greater than for him to stand talking to a lady with his hat on, and a cigar or cigarette in his mouth.

A gentleman always rises when a lady comes into a room. In public places men do not jump up for every strange woman who happens to approach. But if any woman addresses a remark to him, a gentleman at once rises to his feet as he answers her. In a restaurant, when a lady bows to him, a gentleman merely makes the gesture of rising by getting up half way from his chair and at the same time bowing. Then he sits down again.

When a lady goes to a gentleman’s office on business he should stand up to receive her, offer her a chair, and not sit down until after she is seated. When she rises to leave, he must get up instantly and stand until she has left the office.

It is not necessary to add that every American citizen stands with his hat off at the passing of the “colors” and when the national anthem is played. If he didn’t, some other more loyal citizen would take it off for him. Also every man should stand with his hat off in the presence of a funeral that passes close or blocks his way.


A GENTLEMAN LIFTS HIS HAT

Lifting the hat is a conventional gesture of politeness shown to strangers only, not to be confused with bowing, which is a gesture used to acquaintances and friends. In lifting his hat, a gentleman merely lifts it slightly off his forehead and replaces it; he does not smile nor bow, nor even look at the object of his courtesy. No gentleman ever subjects a lady to his scrutiny or his apparent observation.

If a lady drops her glove, a gentleman should pick it up, hurry ahead of her—on no account nudge her—offer the glove to her and say: “I think you dropped this!” The lady replies: “Thank you.” The gentleman should then lift his hat and turn away.

If he passes a lady in a narrow space, so that he blocks her way or in any manner obtrudes upon her, he lifts his hat as he passes.

If he gets on a street car and the car gives a lurch just as he is about to be seated and throws him against another passenger, he lifts his hat and says “Excuse me!” or “I beg your pardon!” He must not say “Pardon me!” He must not take a seat if there are ladies standing. But if he is sitting and ladies enter, should they be young, he may with perfect propriety keep his seat. If a very old woman, or a young one carrying a baby, enters the car, a gentleman rises at once, lifts his hat slightly, and says: “Please take my seat.” He lifts his hat again when she thanks him.

If the car is very crowded when he wishes to leave it and a lady is directly in his way, he asks: “May I get through, please?” As she makes room for him to pass, he lifts his hat and says: “Thank you!”
If he is in the company of a lady in a street car, he lifts his hat to another gentleman who offers her a seat, picks up something she has dropped, or shows her any civility.

He lifts his hat if he asks anyone a question, and always, if, when walking on the street with either a lady or a gentleman, his companion bows to another person. In other words, a gentleman lifts his hat whenever he says “Excuse me,” “Thank you,” or speaks to a stranger, or is spoken to by a lady, or by an older gentleman. And no gentleman ever keeps a pipe, cigar or cigarette in his mouth when he lifts his hat, takes it off, or bows.

 

[Samsa]

Holding a door wins. I just don't usually have occasion to tip my hat.

 

[CharlieH.]

Please forgive my posting the whole thing rather than linking—things have a tendency to move or disappear over time.

From Emily Post:

Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home - 1922

Chapter IV.
Salutations of Courtesy

WHEN A GENTLEMAN TAKES OFF HIS HAT

A GENTLEMAN takes off his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters the elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it on again in the corridor. A public corridor is like the street, but an elevator is suggestive of a room, and a gentleman does not keep his hat on in the presence of ladies in a house.

This is the rule in elevators in hotels, clubs and apartments. In office buildings and stores the elevator is considered as public a place as the corridor. What is more, the elevators in such business structures are usually so crowded that the only room for a man’s hat is on his head. But even under these conditions a gentleman can reveal his innate respect for women by not permitting himself to be crowded too near to them.
When a gentleman stops to speak to a lady of his acquaintance in the street, he takes his hat off with his left hand, leaving his right free to shake hands, or he takes it off with his right and transfers it to his left. If he has a stick, he puts his stick in his left hand, takes off his hat with his right, transfers his hat also to his left hand, and gives her his right. If they walk ahead together, he at once puts his hat on; but while he is standing in the street talking to her, he should remain hatless. There is no rudeness greater than for him to stand talking to a lady with his hat on, and a cigar or cigarette in his mouth.

A gentleman always rises when a lady comes into a room. In public places men do not jump up for every strange woman who happens to approach. But if any woman addresses a remark to him, a gentleman at once rises to his feet as he answers her. In a restaurant, when a lady bows to him, a gentleman merely makes the gesture of rising by getting up half way from his chair and at the same time bowing. Then he sits down again.

When a lady goes to a gentleman’s office on business he should stand up to receive her, offer her a chair, and not sit down until after she is seated. When she rises to leave, he must get up instantly and stand until she has left the office.

It is not necessary to add that every American citizen stands with his hat off at the passing of the “colors” and when the national anthem is played. If he didn’t, some other more loyal citizen would take it off for him. Also every man should stand with his hat off in the presence of a funeral that passes close or blocks his way.


A GENTLEMAN LIFTS HIS HAT

Lifting the hat is a conventional gesture of politeness shown to strangers only, not to be confused with bowing, which is a gesture used to acquaintances and friends. In lifting his hat, a gentleman merely lifts it slightly off his forehead and replaces it; he does not smile nor bow, nor even look at the object of his courtesy. No gentleman ever subjects a lady to his scrutiny or his apparent observation.

If a lady drops her glove, a gentleman should pick it up, hurry ahead of her—on no account nudge her—offer the glove to her and say: “I think you dropped this!” The lady replies: “Thank you.” The gentleman should then lift his hat and turn away.

If he passes a lady in a narrow space, so that he blocks her way or in any manner obtrudes upon her, he lifts his hat as he passes.

If he gets on a street car and the car gives a lurch just as he is about to be seated and throws him against another passenger, he lifts his hat and says “Excuse me!” or “I beg your pardon!” He must not say “Pardon me!” He must not take a seat if there are ladies standing. But if he is sitting and ladies enter, should they be young, he may with perfect propriety keep his seat. If a very old woman, or a young one carrying a baby, enters the car, a gentleman rises at once, lifts his hat slightly, and says: “Please take my seat.” He lifts his hat again when she thanks him.

If the car is very crowded when he wishes to leave it and a lady is directly in his way, he asks: “May I get through, please?” As she makes room for him to pass, he lifts his hat and says: “Thank you!”
If he is in the company of a lady in a street car, he lifts his hat to another gentleman who offers her a seat, picks up something she has dropped, or shows her any civility.

He lifts his hat if he asks anyone a question, and always, if, when walking on the street with either a lady or a gentleman, his companion bows to another person. In other words, a gentleman lifts his hat whenever he says “Excuse me,” “Thank you,” or speaks to a stranger, or is spoken to by a lady, or by an older gentleman. And no gentleman ever keeps a pipe, cigar or cigarette in his mouth when he lifts his hat, takes it off, or bows.

Well, that certainly helps alot. I thank you *lifts hat*.

Boy... from the looks of it, I've been a bit of a cad all these years.

 

[G. Fink-Nottle]

I always get the door for a lady, whether it's in a building or on a motorcar. I always make sure that I stand behind the lady going up the stairs or in front of her coming down. I go through revolving doors first so that the lady does not have to make an effort to push the door.

Sometimes this leads to amusing situations like when my wonderfully efficient assistant didn't understand why I insisted on going through a revolving door before her. She said that it was out-of-character - until I explained.

It has also led to problems. One evening in a restaurant parking lot, my sister-in-law saw that I opened the motorcar door for my wife, so she expected my brother-in-law to open her door. Well, that didn't happened and they fought about it. Not long afterwards, they were separated and, ultimately, divorced. They may have already been on the brink but my wife thinks the door incident pushed them over.

 

[carebear]

Well, that certainly helps alot. I thank you *lifts hat*.

Boy... from the looks of it, I've been a bit of a cad all these years.

I think you'd technically, at worst, have been a bit of a "bore". Which can be mitigated or excused by non-deliberate ignorance. After all, I'm sure none of us grew up learning hat etiquette from our non hat-wearing parents.

"Cad" to me implies a certain amount of deceitful sexual predation, not simply overlooking points of etiquette.

 

[Lady Day]

I had a gentleman tip his hat to me the other day. Best feeling in the world

I gave him a big smile and a nod of thanks.


LD

 

[Tomasso]

didn't understand why I insisted on going through a revolving door before her. She said that it was out-of-character - until I explained.

Yes, I've been there a hundred times if I've been there once.

And, the first time a woman travels with me by cab she's startled because I'll help her into the cab, close the door and then use the door on the other side of the cab, so as not to make her slide across the seat. They are as shocked by this courtesy as my mother would have been had it not been performed.

 

[Hiram]

I think you'd technically, at worst, have been a bit of a "bore".

Did you perhaps mean to say "boor"?

 

[SWTroopers]

Not long afterwards, they were separated and, ultimately, divorced. They may have already been on the brink but my wife thinks the door incident pushed them over.

I wouldn't sweat it, tell your wife they were already well on their way to divorce if this insignificant event pushed them over the edge!

Marc

 

[carebear]

Did you perhaps mean to say "boor"?

Yes, I did. Thank you.

It looked wrong, but not wrong enough to check up on.

 

[Hiram]

A common error, right up there with then/than and apostrophe abuse.

 

[Matthew Dalton]

I'm not given the oppurtunity to do most of these often, I suppose holding doors open for people is the one I'd use most.

 

[carebear]

... and apostrophe abuse.

I've taken the cure and have been clean for months!