Ladies prefer...

[HepKitty]

As you say, politics are a reflection of core values and that's why that matters. The religion thing is different because an atheist and a christian actually have opposing views on the fundamental nature of reality itself and that is trickier to overcome. Having said that I do have a few very good friends who are christians and we manage to muddle through. But a really close intimate romantic relationship is much harder.

I remembered something else essential - I cannot bear helpless men who don't know how to cook or do a load of laundry, it's a massive turn-off for so many reasons. So the ability to keep house would be preferred!

Also, I love a bit (or a lot) of grey hair (if the gentleman in question has hair).

religion can be tough because of the lack of proof in any one way but strong beliefs, but if the values are the same, people who truly care to make it work should be able to do so

helpless: I'm with you sister. if he can manage on his own before me, having me in the picture should NOT negate any survival skills. not that I shouldn't help by any means, it should be a joint effort. if I can work at a good job (which I do), and still help around the house and cook, then so can he. if he can't manage on his own to begin with, I won't be interested in teaching him that's for sure lol

 

[Paisley]

fftopic: Means it's a part of who I am but not all of it--while I may be calculating and even downright ruthless (up to a point, anyway--there's a hard-and-fast line I will not cross) about achieving my goals the flipside of the coin is that I will do my best to make sure that those affected by the situation are suitably compensated.

Not requesting advice specific to my situation (other than maybe how to put the issue on the table in a manner to avert it becoming a Showstopper), just looking for signs of hope for those of us who have long lists of character-flaws, aren't exactly happy about the situation and are trying to change it--as I've mentioned elsewhere, from my profiling work it appears that, in a supermajority of cases where men have succesfully turned back from The Wrong Side, the love of a good woman was a key piece of their success, whether having it to draw on for strength or the pursuit of it as motivation.

To answer your question, no, I wouldn't try to help someone solve significant emotional problems, for some of the same reasons that therapists aren't supposed to be too close to those they treat: potential for abuse and manipulation on both sides. And if someone is having their hand held and ego stroked, there isn't much incentive for them to improve.

That said, Diamondback, assuming you've been honest in what you've posted here at the Lounge, I think you make too much of your problems, which I see as personality quirks (some of which I share). Everybody is flawed, everybody has at least a little baggage, everybody has been disappointed in love. This is normal. There are hazards when you go out among people, but there are hazards in leading too insulated a life.

Now this dude has some problems.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

He certainly does, but on the same note I feel the female response was slightly too harsh.

Something else I look for in a man is one that does not mind my ambition to be a housewife (looking after the cleaning, cooking and finances) and a mother and will in fact support me in doing so. Many men I've met think it's being "lazy" to want to be those things, but I'd like to see them try to look after the house, food, finances and 3 children and call it being lazy

 

[CherryWry]

Physically: broad shoulders, cheekbones that can cut paper, full lips, and intense eyes (color not important). The ability to look comfortable in either a t-shirt and jeans or a great suit. Voice is also important. I'm decidedly drawn to the geek-sexy.

After that, he has to show that he's intelligent, playful, and values relationships and experiences more than posessions. Sensuality matters. Dark humor and a hint of devilishness appeal to me. I love a willingness to take calculated risks. He should try to solve problems on his own, but be willing to ask for/accept help if he realizes he's in over his head. He should know who he is and what he wants and be able to articulate those things clearly.

 

[swinggal]

- Intelligent
- Funny (I like spontaneous people with a crazy SOH)
- romantic
- kind-hearted
- stylish
- worldly
- loves to learn and travel
- taller than me or same height
- passionate about the things he likes
- similar values and ideals

I do like a man who dresses well and I love the vintage look, but it's hard to find around here.

 

[Miss Peach]

his thighs have to be bigger than mine
__________________

AMAZING

Something else I look for in a man is one that does not mind my ambition to be a housewife (looking after the cleaning, cooking and finances) and a mother and will in fact support me in doing so. Many men I've met think it's being "lazy" to want to be those things, but I'd like to see them try to look after the house, food, finances and 3 children and call it being lazy

Bravo. I won't go into my diatribe and get this way off topic...so I'll leave it at a giant BRAVO

 

[HepKitty]

- Intelligent
- Funny (I like spontaneous people with a crazy SOH)
- romantic
- kind-hearted
- stylish
- worldly
- loves to learn and travel
- taller than me or same height
- passionate about the things he likes
- similar values and ideals

I do like a man who dresses well and I love the vintage look, but it's hard to find around here.

spontaneous, YES!!!

well all in your list except the same height thing, I'm too short for that

 

[Widebrim]

I'm married to whom I prefer, but I will describe him anyway

Tall (all my boyfriends have been over 6 foot)

GOOD HAIR (every single one of them had good, untouchable hair!)

Dark hair and pale skin

Long facial features

Good style

Good taste (exactly like mine!)

Good taste in women (this is important to me. My hubby's ultimate crush is Jane Russell and he *loathes* Maxim-type women!)

Originality and creativeness and the ability to see past BS (hence his aversion to Maxim chicks).

Sense of humour and a childlike personality.

Sometimes a bit of sarcasm and smart-a$$ery will win my heart (hence my huge crushes on Billy Haines and Peter Serafinowicz).

BRITISH!!! They are different than American men and I prefer them.

Supportive of me and my obsessions with various odd things.

Glasses! Used to be mad for glasses, but I can give or take them now. Hubby still rocks the 60s glasses.

Appreciation and understanding of history -- even the "un-PC" aspects of it. I can't put up with a crybaby. My hubby re-enacts SS and doesn't have a racist bone in his body (and he's part Jewish!) People who cry about that or jump to conclusions need to get away from me.

Good taste in music.

He doesn't have to be the smartest guy on the planet. Lord knows I'm not the smartest gal!! I just like a goofy guy who will make me laugh. Seriousness and pseudo-intellect are turnoffs.


One thing my hubby is not is whimsical. He likes to plan things whereas I like to do stuff on the spur. That's where we don't match up, but that's ok lol

Amy Jeanne, you have a great list! I can relate to all of it, except the hair and British part...

 

[Widebrim]

Something else I look for in a man is one that does not mind my ambition to be a housewife (looking after the cleaning, cooking and finances) and a mother and will in fact support me in doing so. Many men I've met think it's being "lazy" to want to be those things, but I'd like to see them try to look after the house, food, finances and 3 children and call it being lazy

I'll be on the next train from L.A. to Epsom.

 

[metropd]

- Intelligent
- Funny (I like spontaneous people with a crazy SOH)
- romantic
- kind-hearted
- stylish
- worldly
- loves to learn and travel
- taller than me or same height
- passionate about the things he likes
- similar values and ideals

I do like a man who dresses well and I love the vintage look, but it's hard to find around here.

IMHO, This is the best list of qualities I have ever heard from a lady to look for in a man. :eusa_clap

 

[Edward]

- taller than me or same height

I see height listed as a desirable quality in a man a lot... from whence does this come? Is it simply viewed as being a 'manly' characteristic, the average man being taller than the averaged lady? I've never been turned down myself on grounds of height (at five-ten I'm taller than most women), but I never did quite understand why it matters to so many folks. I certainly wouldn't be at all phased by a lady who was taller than me. [huh]

 

[kamikat]

I see height listed as a desirable quality in a man a lot... from whence does this come? Is it simply viewed as being a 'manly' characteristic, the average man being taller than the averaged lady? I've never been turned down myself on grounds of height (at five-ten I'm taller than most women), but I never did quite understand why it matters to so many folks. I certainly wouldn't be at all phased by a lady who was taller than me. [huh]

In my experience, shorter men have issues with height. I'm quite short myself, 5'1", so generally speaking most of the men I dated were much taller but I did date 2 men who were considered short, 5'6" and 5'7", respectively. On our first date, the 5'6" man asked me to change my shoes before we left my apartment. Even in high heels, I wasn't as tall as he was. The 5'7" man constantly remarked on my height and how much he liked that I was small. I don't care how tall the man is as long as he doesn't care either.

 

[kamikat]

As someone else round here said recently, I fired my hair just before it quit. I dread to think how little of it would grow back if I left it to its own devices, but I'm pretty sure I caught it just in time.

My husband did the same about 3 years ago. When I was helping him with the initial shave, I cried, but now that I look through the pictures, he looks so much better now with it all gone. I am now a firm believer in the shaved head rather than hanging on to the last hairs.

 

[Puzzicato]

I see height listed as a desirable quality in a man a lot... from whence does this come? Is it simply viewed as being a 'manly' characteristic, the average man being taller than the averaged lady? I've never been turned down myself on grounds of height (at five-ten I'm taller than most women), but I never did quite understand why it matters to so many folks. I certainly wouldn't be at all phased by a lady who was taller than me. [huh]

For me having a man who is taller and broader than me makes me feel all dainty. Which is remarkable and pleasant at my size. I come over all unreconstructed and Stepford when I have to reach up to kiss my husband.

My husband did the same about 3 years ago. When I was helping him with the initial shave, I cried, but now that I look through the pictures, he looks so much better now with it all gone. I am now a firm believer in the shaved head rather than hanging on to the last hairs.

I have been encouraging it, but the boy isn't having it. He thinks he'll look like a thug and no one would hire him (he's an IT contractor).

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I see height listed as a desirable quality in a man a lot... from whence does this come? Is it simply viewed as being a 'manly' characteristic, the average man being taller than the averaged lady? I've never been turned down myself on grounds of height (at five-ten I'm taller than most women), but I never did quite understand why it matters to so many folks. I certainly wouldn't be at all phased by a lady who was taller than me. [huh]

I prefer a tall man. Over 6 feet. I'm a bit of a "big" girl (not "fat", think Jane Russell or "amazon"!) and I've always been bigger or as big as a lot of guys. I like a big guy to make me feel smaller and, yes, dainty!! I am the reverse of the short man with a "Napolean Complex" I guess. lol I've gone out with PLENTY of LOSERS who would actually say to me "I prefer smaller girls." I did develop a complex from it, I guess, but now that I'm married to a man whose ideal woman is Jane Russell I am way more confident about my size!

 

[Amy Jeanne]

Amy Jeanne, you have a great list! I can relate to all of it, except the hair and British part...

Haha! Don't worry -- I mentioned elsewhere in this thread that I also love a receding hairline and I'm the only gal I've ever known who digs this. I ABHOR hair transplants. Just let it fall out -- looks MUCH better. I *love* large foreheads (must be the "long face" thing) and a receding hairline just adds to this!

 

[Smuterella]

I really wouldn't have a problem if a fella wanted to wear my jeans - I used to have a serious weakness for skinny andro types and the last chap I dated wore ladies blouses and heavy eye makeup.

I really don't have a type these days though- of all the relationships I've had only one was with someone I had really fancied before starting to date. For me its definitely more about personality and that click you get with someone.

I do have a series of absolute nonos though, in terms of personality and lifestyle (no vegans/vegetarians, no sports fans, noone heavily religious to the point where they want me to be involved in that aspect of their life, noone who wears sportswear outside of exercising, no early birds, noone who "doesn't read books", noone who has or wants children....this list is endless)

Oh, and after dating a string of penniless artists I'm looking for someone who can pay their way, I'm sick of paying for all the meals, all the drinks. :rage:

 

[Edward]

I have been encouraging it, but the boy isn't having it. He thinks he'll look like a thug and no one would hire him (he's an IT contractor).

Maybe back in the early 80s, but, hells, when even fey David Beckham dabbles with the shaved look, it's certainly lost the 'hard man' image.

 

[Miss 1929]

Taller than me
Handsome
No facial hair (it just bugs me)
Receding hairline OK (I find that sexy, high testosterone you know)
Sexy foreign accent
Loves to dance, eat, drink, make love, play music
Enjoys the vintage dress-up lifestyle
Sensitive, liberal, feminist but still super manly
Can fix anything, and does
Kind to others
No addictions, vices in excess or weird phobias

Sounds impossible? Not really, I married him! I'm so lucky.

 

[HadleyH]

I like heroes.

Strong men, men who risk their lives for others.... men who are not afraid of anything... that is what i find the most attractive in a man. Always have always will!

All the rest comes second.