Ladies out alone?

[St. Louis]

Last night I ventured alone to the Casa Loma Ballroom, a wonderful 1927 ballroom that is mostly still in its original state. The ladies' rooms are straight out of a 30s movie, with vanity seating and slipper chairs.

I went because I very much wanted to hear the band, a local swing ensemble called Miss Jubilee and the Humdingers. I called a few friends, but everyone was either busy or not terribly interested. So I decided to be brave and go it alone. I have to admit I was a wreck of nerves. I'm fine going to museums, concerts, and even restaurants by myself, but this was somewhat different. It's more of a public place and I worried that I'd be the only person there on her own.

I had a fantastic time. I met lots of very friendly people and even took a swing dancing class. Lots of pleasant fellows asked me to dance and in fact another single gal joined me at my table, and even showed me a few fancy steps.

I'll definitely do this again soon. Question to you fine ladies -- how do you feel about going it alone? Does it make you nervous? Do you have any favorite tips for getting over the heebie jeebies?

 

[sheeplady]

I do like to go out alone every once in awhile. It mostly happens when I am traveling. I do love occasionally eating out alone, and I have a little ritual when I do of laying out everything, even if it is fast-food. It's nice to have a meal that's quiet that I didn't have to cook. Haha.

The one thing I don't care for is being hit on when out alone. I wear my wedding band, but it's on my right (medical reasons), so maybe they believe I am divorced. Or I'm not even sure a subset of the fellows who do this care.

ETA: The being hit on is the problem, not that I'm not single and being hit on. I wouldn't care for it if I was single, either.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I go out to eat by myself a lot -- it's pretty much a function and a requirement of my irregular schedule, so I'm used to it. I find that reading a newspaper while doing so is an effective barrier to unwanted conversation, especially when sitting in close quarters like at a counter.

Every now and then I'll go see a movie by myself if nobody else wants to go. Often, given the kind of things I want to see, I'm the only one in the place. Which I'm also used to, given how many movies I have to watch by myself at work.

 

[HadleyH1]

I only like to go shopping for clothes alone. I need lots of time.... I don't need anybody to hurry me!

 

[TimeWarpWife]

Until I was 15 I lived in the country where there weren't any girls my age nearby, so my friends were all at school. I learned as a very young child to find ways to amuse myself, so I don't have any problem going places and doing things alone. Even today I mostly do things by myself.

 

[AmateisGal]

Shortly after I found out about my now ex-husband's affair, I went by myself to see a big band perform at a local dance hall. Some of it was a big middle finger to the ex to prove that I wasn't alone in my house, sobbing from grief (though there were PLENTY of those days), but a lot of it was that I wanted to see the band perform because I like big band and I didn't care if I was by myself or not. I ended up spending the majority of the night talking to this wonderfully quirky elderly man. I wasn't there to dance, so that wasn't a big deal to me, but it was more about going out and doing something I loved despite being by myself.

I think it's really great when you're comfortable with yourself and can do things on your own. I've gone to writing conferences by myself, traveled by myself to England once time (which was quite the experience!), eat out by myself, etc.

Tips, I guess, are to just relax and embrace the experience. You're going out and doing something different which is always scary, but the rewards can often be very wonderful.

Good for you for going out of your comfort zone!

 

[HadleyH1]

Like I said....to the Mall....sure .... to the hairdressers alone, sure.....I would only go alone.

To a an elegant ....very posh Restaurant? Alone? (not talking McDonalds here)

No way.

I've never done it in my life and I don't think I will ever do it.

But that's only me.

I respect other women's opinions.

 

[St. Louis]

That's interesting, Hadley. Sometimes when I'm traveling for work I do have to go to restaurants by myself. I can't afford a super posh one, but if I'm in a conference hotel, then I'll eat in their (usually very nice) restaurant. Oddly enough I don't feel awkward about that. I suppose I assume everyone knows I'm traveling for work & somehow I'm not bothered by it.

Now that you've raised this point I'm going to have to think about this some more.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I've always figured the other people eating in a restaurant are more concerned with what they, themselves, are doing than on what people at other tables are doing. Hotel restaurants, given that their clientele are pretty much entirely made up of transients, probably see more people eating alone than any other type of tablecloth eatery.

I remember eating a very enjoyable breakfast by myself in the dining room at the Algonquin in New York once, and looking around to see far more singles than couples or groups. But we all had Matilda the Cat, who took turns roaming from table to table, to keep us company.

 

[HadleyH1]

That's interesting, Hadley. Sometimes when I'm traveling for work I do have to go to restaurants by myself. I can't afford a super posh one, but if I'm in a conference hotel, then I'll eat in their (usually very nice) restaurant. Oddly enough I don't feel awkward about that. I suppose I assume everyone knows I'm traveling for work & somehow I'm not bothered by it.

Now that you've raised this point I'm going to have to think about this some more.

Please do not change, this is a personality kind of thing....my sister for example would have no trouble at all dinning alone.....but I'm different, I'm more shy in that sense....she has a strong personality.

I admire your kind of character very much, it's just that it's not me.

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

I venture out alone all the time. I learned that I missed so much by not venturing out alone. And I was not a happy lady, I was always saying I wish I could do this I wish I could do that but no one I know wants to go with me. So I threw caution to the wind and pushed myself out there and I am truly super duper happy with my choice.

One great place online if one does not like to go it alone but has no one who is willing to join them is the free website WWW.Meetup.com, one only pays for the events on goes to. There are a lot of groups to join and one will be able to find like minded people to hang out with. I always have so much fun at these meet up groups and get to chat with some cool and very interesting people.

I enjoyed the meet ups I've gone to so much I even created one for my vintage interest. And a guy started a similar group and since he saw how active I am in the vintage/classic car community asked me to take over his group. Plus this guy still has his own voice on his page that he lets me run as well.

 

[MarieAnne]

St. Louis—That ballroom sounds incredible!
I used to venture out alone quite a bit. Now, I'm more of a homebody. I think I still would venture out alone if it weren't for family/household obligations.
However, when I go to the fabric store (two hour drive one-way), I must be left COMPLETELY alone. If I forget anything, or feel rushed picking a fabric, the entire project is marred.

 

[Miss Moonlight]

I used to go out alone often, when I was single. I knew I'd see friends at the places I'd go, and it gave me the freedom to come and go on my own schedule. Now I'm married, and while we tend to do everything together (because I got really lucky and met a fellow who's a ton of fun to be with and has become my best friend), I do still like to get out alone now and then. But I am used to his being a barrier between myself and the inevitable random men who I tend to be approached by. Like some of the others have mentioned. I don't like getting hit on. I used to handle it, but now I just want to say, "Leave me alone for criminy's sake, I'm not here for that!" I'm not even there to be friendly unless I already know someone, which is not being rude, it's just a lot of effort for me. Socialising is not my gift. haha. So I admit, these days, I'm not as likely to go out on my own if there are a lot of people there. For a walk at the marina, or to a museum, an aquarium, those things I'll still do. But an event with music and such alone? I think I'm done with that. Drink tends to make people braver, and sometimes more stupid, and that social lubricant is probably why the hitting on happens in some places more than others. I have never been hit on at the marina or an aquarium.

 

[ClassyMica]

I do a lot of things alone and I love doing them. I feel like it allows me to collect my thoughts and do things for myself. I enjoy not being rushed around and really doing anything I want. Although it can be hard at first to do anything alone I think that the more you do it, the more you appreciate the time you have to yourself, and the more rewarding it is.