It's all in the attitude

[tonyb]

I've noted several threads in which Loungers chew over the responses they get when wearing their hats. Fedoras, while not as unusual a sight as they were a few years ago, are still uncommon enough to provoke comments. As one who has been a regular hat-wearer essentially all his adult life (going back something in excess of 30 years now) I am all too familiar with the often silly and unoriginal observations that pass the lips of the self-appointed sartorial punditry.
The wags apparently regard fedoras more as costume than everyday attire. Perhaps they have a similar perspective on anything at all out of the ordinary.
And perhaps some hat-wearers come across as though they are expecting the (mildly sarcastic) comments. Maybe they do seem more costumed than dressed. The question these unfortunate fellows should ask themselves is: Am I wearing my hat, or is my hat wearing me?
Years and years ago, I worked with a couple of remarkably overweight men. One was quite self-conscious about his weight (and himself in general), and it showed. He was slump-shouldered and widely regarded as ineffectual. The more mean-spirited among us revelled in picking on him. I must admit that I sometimes joined in the fun that was had at his expense, and I regret, now that he is gone, that I will never get the chance to make it right.
The other guy, who was even larger than the first (he tipped the scales at about 450 pounds, I'd guess), strode into a room and took command. He was good at his work, quick with a joke, enjoyed the company of good-looking women. He made fun of himself before anyone had the chance to make fun of him. In other words, he carried his weight, his weight didn't carry him.
Look, I've never been so delusional as to think of myself as a particularly good-looking guy, but I know I look good in a hat. Hat-wearing has been my habit for so long now that even those who are only slightly acquainted find nothing unusual or remarkable about the hat-wearing itself, although they may offer comment on a particular lid. These days, those comments are uniformly favorable. They are generally of the "nice hat" variety, to which I typically respond, "and that's a nice (whatever) you're wearing today."

 

[vespasian]

I agree totally with the man carrying the hat aspect. Generally speaking when I am at work I am going about my business with a pretty serious purpose and if I go out in the town to do something I'm focussed on it as I dont have time to faff around. I never get comments, probably because I look as if my bite is as nasty as my bark, but the job I do makes one pretty solid and in no mood for having the mickey taken. If I ever do get comments its a behind the hand in passing comment or something just about heard behind the back, the best thing then is just to turn and shake the head and smile. A kind of pitying look.

 

[WEEGEE]

ONCE AND EVER

I recently had a co-worker say to me with others around ....yeah i went through a fedora phase in the 80's...but grew out of it. I said....if you ever
really wore a hat...you would still wear a hat.

 

[tonyb]

It's unfortunate that so many people attempt to make themselves "bigger" by putting other people down. Our culture, sadly, seems saturated with that stuff these days. (Think of much of what's heard on talk radio, for instance.) It seems to me, WEEGEE, that if that co-worker of yours is in need of "outgrowing" anything, it's that "superior" attitude of his. What does he wear? A size 12, maybe?

 

[WEEGEE]

SIZE 12 HEAD

tonyb,


Yeah...a size 12 head with a size 6 shoes...no balance.

 

[Not-Bogart13]

The Good the Bad and the Stupid

I noticed that it was the people I worked with every day that had the dumb remarks about my hats when I started wearing them. They called me Indy, Dr. Jones, "Gansta" and all that. They didn't get it at all, and it seemed to make THEM uncomfortable. But it's co-workers I rarely see, and strangers, that have the compliments. I've been told I look "gussied up" (not a snarky remark in NE Pennsylvania), a "gentleman of a bygone age", and other positive things.
Then there's my friends. They don't seem to get it at all, and I don't think they want to get it. I think it's less the wearing, but that they find it hard to imagine being "interested" in hats. But at least they don't rib me about it.

 

[Bud-n-Texas]

I normally wear a western hat everywhere I go. I wore a dress hat to church a few weeks back. Many of the older crew, admired the hat and spoke of days gone by. Some of the youth thought it was kool, but there is allways 1 in every group that will show their ignorance. He actually laughed and and chastized me and my hat. One of the older members commented, that the only thing the other guy knew about class, was it was something he attended in high school.

 

[Biltmore Bob]

I've been wearing hats for soooo long now...

...that the people in my town wouldn't know it was me without one.

...another Texan, we are gaining on 'em.

 

[Mycroft]

I mean, I feel when I put on my hat, I am just wearing another article of clothing, whenever someone nodices (SP) I like it, good or bad, I like a bit of difference. Also, I am all in favor of confidence as the way one can be successful not putting others down.

 

[Kaleponi Craig]

Tony, I agree it's all in the attitude and that you should wear the hat, the hat shouldn't wear you. If you have the look of confidence, then very few people are going to make bad comments, but they will make good ones. I often get nice comments on my fedora; "Nice lid", "Cool hat", etc. It's only people like my brother in law who says things like, "Forget your whip?", but I know he's just kidding me in fun.

I think you just have to wear your fedora as most people wear their baseball hats, like it's nothing unusual and it just belongs on your head...KC

 

[tonyb]

I'm right with you there, BB

I suspect that, after all the years, if I went out without a lid, what I'd likely hear is something like: "Who's the fat, old, bald-headed guy who kinda looks like Tony but without the hat?"

 

[PutALidOnIt]

I agree that if you look uncomfortable wearing a lid, people can sense it and some of the cretins will take advantage of it, especially if they are naturally inclined to do so. Being a recent convert to lidology, I guess it took about a month to do a 180 from "ooohhh, they're staring because I look different" to "aaahhh, they're staring because I look different. Good; let 'em!".

 

[Russ]

Amen!

I think the best way to handle all hat comments is to assume they were given innocently with no intention to provoke. People just say stuff for no reason. We can smile or even take the joke a step further. If they hum the Raiders theme song, we can smile and hum with them (or innocently say, "hey, I saw that movie, too"). We define the situation by our reaction. Even a truly negative comment can be disarmed by a positive response, and the comment giver will think he was actually complimenting you. And everybody wins.

 

[vespasian]

Theres no doubt a trans atlantic difference too. Sometimes I will look at my traditional grey trilby and think it does look a wee bit cowboy. Its probably me being paranoid but if I think it then maybe others who are not educated in hat differences will think it too. Its probably because the rim turns up at the sides and from the front you cant really tell if its turned up at the back too which is for me decidedly not cowboy. I'll have to post some shots and then you can tell me what you think.
Grey Trilby from hatsonline.com

Brown borsalino custom thats been through more scrapes and is eight years old nearly.

Damned good looking aint I. No? Ok then try this :beer: :beer: :beer: Now Im handsome. Not sure about the christmas lights, think they need to come down now.

 

[Zemke Fan]

Damned good looking aint I. Not sure about the christmas lights, think they need to come down now.

Damned good! But leave the lights and use my 2006 New Year's resolution: "Christmas is NOT going to sneak up on me this year!"

ZF

 

[vespasian]

So good looking Im an advert for all pie eaters! Eat as much as you want folks and you too can wear a scarf to cover up yer chins.

Anyway, does that grey fedora look just a bit cowboy or am I being daft?

 

[Havana]

I started wearing hats in my mid-teens in the 80's. I was very apprehensive at first. People noticed the hats and even though I wanted them to I still felt uncomfortable. I endured my fair share of ribbing, most all of it good natured. After a while, even the people who made fun of me seemed to accept it. I guess they could see that I wasn't going to change. It's been a very long time since I've heard any negative comments from anyone. Most jokesters are acting out of insecurity. If they see that you're not affected, they usually give up quickly. Now I get compliments and questions from both sexes. I even had one guy tell me that he'd like to wear a hat but that he was afraid to. I guess now I wear my hat with confidence and comfort and it shows. Confidence is attractive and now women actually approach me when I'm wearing my hat. It's quite a change from the days when I felt like a clown in a costume. The hat's didn't change. I did. The best comment I ever got was from an elderly lady who called me over in a grocery store parking lot to help her lift a heavy bag into her car. She said she knew I would help her because I was wearing a hat and heroes always wear hats.

 

[tonyb]

I think the best way to handle all hat comments is to assume they were given innocently with no intention to provoke. People just say stuff for no reason.

You're right about that, Russ. Many people (me too, sometimes) DO say stuff for no reason. So it's generally best to assume they're just making conversation. If they mean no harm, take their comments in the spirit in which they were given. And if they do mean harm, don't take the bait.
However, some folks are so self-absorbed that it leaves them clueless. They must be completely unaware of how they are coming across; otherwise, I'm left to assume, they wouldn't say such trite and stupid things. I am quite well acquainted with a fellow who habitually makes comments that offend women. (Occasionally, his remarks border on harrassment.) I suspect that he doesn't really mean to offend, but he does, again and again and again. Sometimes it's enough to discomfort everyone within range of his voice. He thinks he's being funny, I suppose, and sometimes he does provoke laughter, but it's a nervous sort of laughter. I've gently hinted to him that few things are more insufferable than failed attempts at humor, but he fancies himself a latter-day Mark Twain (a further sign of his delusional self-centeredness), so I've come to accept that he's socially disabled and there isn't much anyone but him can do about it. I'm just glad he doesn't wear a hat.

 

[Lancealot]

The best comment I ever got was from an elderly lady who called me over in a grocery store parking lot to help her lift a heavy bag into her car. She said she knew I would help her because I was wearing a hat and heroes always wear hats.

Now that is one of the best compliments I have ever heard. It just goes to show you what a man in a hat can mean to people.

 

[D. Hats]

Does the Hat wear us, Or do we wear the Hat?

Does it matter what type of hat it is?

I can wear a fedora as long as it's tall enough and has a large enough brim, but I don't think I look good in a shallow crown, stingy brim, or in a Derby.
I'm kind of a fat head (7 1/2) and there's a lot of head between my ears and the very top of my head. If I wear a dress hat that has a shallow crown it looks like it's balancing on the top of my head...not a particularly good look.
It's like spandex outfit on a very large bodied person.... something just ain't right about it.