Inappropriate-ness

[ZombieGirl]

Well, it's become abundantly clear to me that I've gained weight. Aside from the proof on my bathroom scale, I've been asked three times in the last two weeks if I'm pregnant. Now I've weighed this much in the past so I know I'm not crazy overweight therefor I'm attributing it to the small town that we moved to. People notice the little extra weight and they make no bones about asking it seems. Anybody else run into this? Why do they (and they're all nice, sweet, elderly people that I normally enjoy talking to) think it's OK to ask? If I wanted them to know I would tell them.

 

[Puzzicato]

Well, it's become abundantly clear to me that I've gained weight. Aside from the proof on my bathroom scale, I've been asked three times in the last two weeks if I'm pregnant. Now I've weighed this much in the past so I know I'm not crazy overweight therefor I'm attributing it to the small town that we moved to. People notice the little extra weight and they make no bones about asking it seems. Anybody else run into this? Why do they (and they're all nice, sweet, elderly people that I normally enjoy talking to) think it's OK to ask? If I wanted them to know I would tell them.

Yup - I retired one dress because every time I wore it someone would say "When are you due?"

The worst is from one of the clients at work. She has learning disabilities and doesn't really understand appropriate social behaviours, but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better when she says "Are you pregnant? You look pregnant. Your stomach sticks out like you are pregnant".

I think the thing is that everything to do with pregnancy seems to make you public property. People seem to think they can touch you, pass judgement on your behaviour and generally put their 2c worth in, and if they THINK you are pregnant you get caught in the crossfire.

Actually, I was on my way home one night and a man on the train said "Oh please, you shouldn't be standing with one in the oven" and I thought "Really? Would I be this drunk if I were pregnant?" lol

 

[Smuterella]

You might be, enough people are....^

I get asked that when I wear my 50's style Freddie jeans. Meh.

 

[Lola Getz]

Oh my goodness, that is the worst! I used to live in a small town where this one woman used to ask me every time I saw her, "Are you pregnant?" After being mortified the first 3 or so times, I finally started saying, "No! Are you?" She finally stopped.
I always worried that she (and others like her) would ask that inappropriate question to a woman who couldn't get pregnant or had a tough time of it. IMO, that question is off limits.

 

[Foofoogal]

:eusa_doh: I learned my lesson from the other angle. Tried to make small talk when I worked in retail with a lady. I asked when she was due. She threw her items down and stormed out. Scared the bajeebies out of me. I never, ever ask anyone that now ever.

Sorry. It is true though once you are expecting you become public property.

 

[lolly_loisides]

This happened to me once a few years ago. Like everyone else here, I was mortified, but the lady that asked me came up with the best response. When I told her, no I wasn't pregnant, she said, "But darling you look like you're glowing, you look absolutely radiant, that's why I asked".

Good save.

 

[Puzzicato]

That is a very nice save!

 

[LizzieMaine]

I think part of it, too, is that nowadays it's much less common for people to wear actual "maternity" clothes. It was the appearance of the maternity wear, not the bulge itself, that always used to be the tipoff. But now, you see people eight months gone wearing the same t-shirts and tight tops that they would have worn before, and the bulge is the only clue. That and the infantile tabloid media obsession over "baby bumps" -- and I'd love to shoot whoever came up with that phrase -- makes it too easy to for people to draw the wrong conclusion when any pudge is shown.

I miss the days when there were social boundaries about such things. People need to learn once again how to mind their own business.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

The weirdest comment I ever got from a stranger was "I thought you were religious until I saw your tattoos!" lol

Never got the pregnant comment, thank goodness.

 

[roselily]

Ugh, I hate the term "baby bump!"

I go to a very ethnic church, and I started getting the "are you pregnant" questions about 2 months after the wedding. (I had had surgery and put on a few pounds) They honestly don't seem to understand why it is so insulting!

 

[SayCici]

I miss the days when there were social boundaries about such things. People need to learn once again how to mind their own business.

I agree, and not only in the case of (mistaken) pregnancy. It is almost never appropriate to comment on a person's physical appearance (mostly I mean bodies). Because I'm thin people think it must be a compliment to comment on, but it's not okay and makes me really uncomfortable.

 

[bunnyb.gal]

I have an acquaintance who regaled us with the tale of how she was generously offered a seat (more than once) on the train for this reason. Only she wasn't pregnant. Just too many Chicken Cottage meals. She was tickled pink about it. I guess that's what public transport in London does to you [huh] . Or too much fast food. One or the other.

I think I'd take "baby bump" over "we're pregnant", as when uttered by a couple. Eeeewwww....

 

[crwritt]

When we had our retail store, I would see the same customers at least weekly for years on end. From time to time, one or another of the women would start to look pregnant. I always restrained myself from making any personal comment unless they brought it up first, or until I saw an actual infant.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I think I'd take "baby bump" over "we're pregnant", as when uttered by a couple. Eeeewwww....

When I hear a guy say that, my response is always "Really? How's your morning sickness?"

 

[AmateisGal]

I miss the days when there were social boundaries about such things. People need to learn once again how to mind their own business.

Absolutely agreed. :eusa_clap

 

[Amie]

I agree, and not only in the case of (mistaken) pregnancy. It is almost never appropriate to comment on a person's physical appearance (mostly I mean bodies). Because I'm thin people think it must be a compliment to comment on, but it's not okay and makes me really uncomfortable.

Very true. I'm very skinny and people make comments about my body all the time. They think it's absolutely okay and actually a compliment to say things like, "She doesn't eat," "She never gains a pound," "What does she eat?" or "How much do you weigh?" on a daily basis.

 

[Sincerely-Dee]

I was asked if I was pregnant by one of my little sister's friends, being barely 2 month over 18 I was mortified.

I think whether or not you're pregnant it's not a nice question and will make you feel self-conscious. I know that a lot of woman can sometimes battle with how their body looks although they're ecstatic that they are pregnant.

I also think it's rude when a woman is pregnant and people think it's automatically OK to touch their stomach. I've only ever touched 3 pregnant women; one wanted me to feel it, one was my mother and the other one I asked but she was a close friend.

Also, this girl I know was pregnant and showing, which I noticed, but I thought she was just a bit bloated. Later on during the day she told me she was pregnant and was surprised (and I think slightly disappointed) that I didn't realise. I guess it's a catch 22 in some cases.

PS - I also find a guy saying "We're pregnant" slightly strange...[huh]

 

[Land-O-LakesGal]

I was asked last year by a woman I work with if I was pregnant. I responded with no I am just fat any other questions. I hope that got it into her how in appropriate that question was but i am not sure but she hasn't asked me again.

I also find it strange how people assume your pregnant bumps are public property and feel free to tough without asking. That really bugged me when I was pregnant.

I don't think my husband ever said we're pregnant when I was I think he knew I was doing all the work.

 

[ZombieGirl]

Thanks for the support ladies! I've been stewing about it at work all afternoon and I've come to the conclusion that I can't change anyone else's poor manners; all I can do is change how I handle it, so I'm gonna try and let it slide off my shoulders.

To be truly open and honest, I must come clean and admit guilt to committing this particular faux pas myself. However in that circumstance the lady HAD been pregnant. She'd just given birth a week prior. But I learned to keep my lip zipped about it.

And to be fair, these people in my town truly do care about their neighbors. And I know they'd be mortified if they knew they'd hurt my feelings. In fact, I did get a little upset today when that last woman asked and I know she felt badly about it.

 

[Maneki 13]

Yeah, I think it's just a little inappropriate to ask people such questions. I stay away from that sort of thing, because honestly, you just don't know who you're dealing with when it comes to strangers. If they are, there's always a chance they're not really happy with their situation.

The secretary at my workplace gets asked this every once in a while. She actually has fun with it. She's in her fifties and will either respond with "are you crazy, do you know how old I am?" or will say "no, I'm just really, really fat" and start laughing.

She's got 5 grown kids and finds the idea of having another one hilarious.

I've never been asked if I were pregnant, but have had comments made about my hips and don't care for it at all. Unfortunately for me, even when I lose weight, I still have big hips so I get these comments often enough.

Sometimes, it's just comes down to the fact that people don't have manners.