Inappropriate-ness

[Miss_Becky]

You're not alone in your frustrations!!

JUST the other day, my boyfriends' dad actually came up to me (in front of everyone, mind you...5 people in the room) and TOUCHED MY TUMMY!! and said "do we have a baby in there?" I was shocked at first, thought he was joking and I looked at my boyfriend and (nervously) laughed. I said "Oh, no there is no baby in there....I wish I had that as an excuse for being fat..." I made it into a joke, but I was SOOOOOOOOO embarrassed, then pissed off. :rage:

It's just so rude to me. What he (and everyone else) doesn't know, is that I have been trying to get pregnant for the last 10 months and nothing so far...so the week that he said that to me, I also had my mother (and Grandmother!) asking me about a baby, my sister asking me when I'm going to have one, dealing with another disapointing time-of-the-month, trying to lose weight and then my boyfriends father saying that to me! UGH, it's frustrating for sure..

I am so perplexed as to how people can just come out and say something like that outright...just insanely rude and inconsiderate.

 

[ZombieGirl]

It's particularly rude when it's family (OK so he's not technically family but I think it counts). Not only did he disregard your feelings but he completely disrespected your right to privacy. If you had been pregnant it would have been your right to choose the time and place to reveal it to the family. I hope your boyfriend gave him a stern talking to afterward.

 

[HepKitty]

I also find it strange how people assume your pregnant bumps are public property and feel free to tough without asking. That really bugged me when I was pregnant.

I always threatened to break fingers if anyone touched my belly w/o permission. fortunately for the world, I never had to make good on that threat

I suppose the truly wicked response to such an inconsiderate question would be to burst into tears and start wailing about how you had just lost the baby two days before... if that doesn't teach someone, there is no helping them at all. hope this doesn't offend anyone here though

 

[Land-O-LakesGal]

I always threatened to break fingers if anyone touched my belly w/o permission. fortunately for the world, I never had to make good on that threat

I suppose the truly wicked response to such an inconsiderate question would be to burst into tears and start wailing about how you had just lost the baby two days before... if that doesn't teach someone, there is no helping them at all. hope this doesn't offend anyone here though

Hepkitty thats evvviiilllll!

 

[HepKitty]

Hepkitty thats evvviiilllll!

why thank you it should do the trick though, shouldn't it?

fftopic: ok I can't take all the credit for this one. so I had nose/sinus surgery and went to work w/ cast still on my nose. well had to check on computer that was in a room full of doctors so of course one had to ask what happened. I didn't even open my mouth to answer when some other doc said "well that's what happens when you mouth off to your husband." no one made a sound. later on was telling the story to one of the heli mechanics and he said "you should have started crying and spouting off about how cruel your husband is and that he beats you all the time but he'll kill you if you go to the police." which of course cracked me up. but I think that's why this occurred to me... blame the mechanic!

now I'm tempted to pad my belly to see if I could pull this off...

 

[palespider]

im a bit apple shaped so i get the comment a lot if i pay attention to what im wearing. My regular come back is "Nope, just fat" and look them square into eyes and they realize most of the time how rude it was.

 

[Veronica]

im a bit apple shaped so i get the comment a lot if i pay attention to what im wearing. My regular come back is "Nope, just fat" and look them square into eyes and they realize most of the time how rude it was.

Exactly ^^. My favorite answer too.
Now, I am having fun of it.
But I remember a very heartbreaking moment when I was taking the plane to go on "holidays": I had been through a TA the week before and de facto lost my first baby. We were flying away to try to change our minds and heal...
When the pretty stewardess came back to our sits, and looking at my stomach, asked me in front of everybody if I was "The Pregnant Passenger on this flight"...
I think I may have burnt few brain cells because I mubled something weird.
Never felt so alone and mortified.

 

[Miss Golightly]

I miss the days when there were social boundaries about such things. People need to learn once again how to mind their own business.

I have to agree - when I was expecting the one thing that I got so sick of was people talking about my "bump" - no one would opening talk about your breasts, legs or behind but for some reason because there's a baby in there it's open season for all kinds of comments. I hated people commenting on the shape/size of it - it felt really intrusive. I couldn't wait to leave work on maternity leave so I wouldn't have to get a running commentary on it every day.

For me my pregnancy was a special and private time for me and my husband but these days we are living in a TMI culture where no one seems to have a filter on their thoughts/comments - everything is discussed.

My friend couldn't get her head around why I was so bothered but she said "It's probably because you are so old-fashioned and 1950's...." She meant it in a nice way though!

But I have to agree also with hating the phrase "We're pregnant" -Yummy Mummy is another phrase that melts my head - that phrase just grosses me out - it's so unwholesome and creepy.

 

[Puzzicato]

I think part of it, too, is that nowadays it's much less common for people to wear actual "maternity" clothes. It was the appearance of the maternity wear, not the bulge itself, that always used to be the tipoff. But now, you see people eight months gone wearing the same t-shirts and tight tops that they would have worn before, and the bulge is the only clue. That and the infantile tabloid media obsession over "baby bumps" -- and I'd love to shoot whoever came up with that phrase -- makes it too easy to for people to draw the wrong conclusion when any pudge is shown.

I miss the days when there were social boundaries about such things. People need to learn once again how to mind their own business.

I have read that specific maternity clothes and drawing attention to being pregnant were a product of the post-war baby boom. Were they around before that?

 

[Miss_Becky]

Thanks Zombiegirl...well I was extremely angry, and my boyfriend didn't think it was that big of a deal, guys don't really have to deal with the "pregnant" questions, so they don't know really what it feels like.
BF doesn't get along with his father because of his over-opinionated, rude behaviour, so it was surprising to me, not so much to him, he's used to it. We won't be going over there again anytime soon.....

I have NEVER asked a woman if she was pregnant, and if I wondered about it, I would ask someone else's opinion and or/gossip I guess if you want to call it that...but NEVER to a woman's face, it's just too personal and really NONE of anyone's business.

I think someone needs to bring back the old fashioned Etiquette class.

 

[CherryWry]

Many people also seem to think it's ok to criticize folks for their decisions about whether or not to have children. I hate that people frequently ask when my husband and I are going to have kids, using a tone that suggests there's something wrong with us if we choose not to bear offspring. For all the inquisitors know, we've already started trying and have met with failure. I find it incredibly inappropriate.

On the flip side, my cousin knew she wanted three kids by the time she was 30, and when she was pregnant with her third child people would say, "You're having another one? So soon?"

Grrrr.

I never ask women if they're pregnant. Ever. And on the few occasions when someone has asked why I haven't asked, my response is, "I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me."

 

[ZombieGirl]

My cousin and his wife are having the same problem: Trying unsuccessfully to have kids and being bombarded by questions from the family. Just crank up the dial on that, his younger brother and his wife just welcomed home their first daughter, and his youngest brother and his wife are expecting in October.

 

[Puzzicato]

I never ask women if they're pregnant. Ever. And on the few occasions when someone has asked why I haven't asked, my response is, "I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me."

I say "I am far too self-involved to notice. Sorry"

There is one woman at work currently on her second stint of maternity leave, and both times by the time she has told me she has been very large and I have been appalled with myself for not having noticed!

 

[Miss Golightly]

Now, having just had a baby 6 months ago the question I now get asked is "Would you go again?" - I hate that phrase - go where exactly? [huh]

 

[Miss Sis]

I have read that specific maternity clothes and drawing attention to being pregnant were a product of the post-war baby boom. Were they around before that?

You do see sewing patterns from the late 30s for maternity outfits, which are always illustrated with very slim don't-look-in-the-least-bit-pregnant models! lol.

I haven't ever seen any maternity patterns pre about 1937 in style. Perhaps they did exist, but I've not seen them.

Also, I *hate* it when a man says "We're pregnant". I always want to say "Why, surely that's physically impossible?"

 

[Miss Scarlet]

"We're pregnant"

*yucky* *yucky* *yucky* *yucky*

 

[Kiri]

Originally posted by CherryWry
Many people also seem to think it's ok to criticize folks for their decisions about whether or not to have children. I hate that people frequently ask when my husband and I are going to have kids, using a tone that suggests there's something wrong with us if we choose not to bear offspring. For all the inquisitors know, we've already started trying and have met with failure. I find it incredibly inappropriate.

On the flip side, my cousin knew she wanted three kids by the time she was 30, and when she was pregnant with her third child people would say, "You're having another one? So soon?"

Grrrr.

I never ask women if they're pregnant. Ever. And on the few occasions when someone has asked why I haven't asked, my response is, "I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me."

On the flipside you were taking about, a family friend of ours is expecting her 5th child. At their church a woman came up to them quoted something in the Bible about a man and his wife should live in wisdom, and then told her straight to her face that she's making a big mistake. My mom and I were completely shocked. It really hurt our friend, as she was already struggling a bit as her youngest is not quite 1. The pregnancy was unexpected but of course still looked forward to with great joy, and to have someone shove that in your face! I could not believe it. I would expect a stranger to have more courtesy much less that so called Christian!

 

[TimeWarpWife]

I believe I Love Lucy was the, or one of the, first TV shows to actually show a pregnant woman. But, it certainly wasn't referred to as "pregnant", but expecting. There was also a time when pregnant women were discouraged from appearing in public once they started showing. I made the blunder once of asking a woman if she was pregnant and she wasn't, I'll never make that embarrassing mistake again.

 

[Miss Golightly]

I believe I Love Lucy was the, or one of the, first TV shows to actually show a pregnant woman. But, it certainly wasn't referred to as "pregnant", but expecting.

I've often wondered when the first clearly pregnant woman made an appearance in mainstream movies - I remember watching Leave Her to Heaven and the Gene Tierney character (who was pregnant) was looking at herself in the mirror and saying how horrible she looked - I think she was supposed to be well into her pregnancy and her stomach was as flat as a board!

 

[LizzieMaine]

Pregnancy was dealt with delicately even in radio serials -- they didn't even use the word "expecting" to denote a pregnancy. The tip off that a baby was on the way was when references started to be made to a character's "condition" -- as in, "You shouldn't do that *in your condition.*"

A bit much, perhaps, but I'd still prefer it to random belly-thumping from strangers on the street.