How to Win Friends and Influence People

[Son_of_Atropos]

A classic from the Golden Era. Just wondered if anyone has read Dale Carnegie's book and if they use any of his maxims?


Description:
Amazon.com Review
"This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, "let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers," and "talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks. --Joan Price --This text refers to the Mass Market Paperback edition."

 

[Paisley]

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most fools do."

And "don't expect gratitude."

 

[miss_elise]

i read it... but nothing stuck

 

[reetpleat]

While it is all good advice to treat people well, I think that he is not that right about it.

People who have friends and influence people are, in my experience, not always kind, considerate, good listeners etc.

In my opinion, people that have a lot of friends and draw and influence people are those who have confidence and feel good about themselves and are true to themselves and their vision in the world. people will respect them and be drawn to them.

Remembering people's names, asking people questions about themselves, etc only gets you so far.

 

[Dixon Cannon]

I've always had a struggle with this work. Although I agree with the sentiment; it would great to win friends and influence people on all occasions and under all circumstances, but it just seems artificial to me.

I've always thought people should be just who they are, acting sincerely in their relations with other people. If we just 'go along, to get along', it seems that any number of bullies would dominate the scene. I tend to 'look out for #1' to some degree, knowing in advance not everyone is going to be pleased.

I would rather transact with people 'value for value' without the artifice or superficiality that HTWFAIP prescribes. No matter how hard we try, not everyone is going to like us all the time, everytime. At least that has been my experience.

Has anyone read 'Looking Out For #1', as well?

-dixon cannon

 

[DeaconKC]

A superb book. I read it the first time in high school and have literally worn out one copy. I use it's principles daily in dealing with people whenever possible.

 

[staggerwing]

I read it many years ago. I was a new supervisor with a handful of employees in a huge corporation. It wasn't going well and the consensus between my employees and my boss was that the problem was...me. It turned the entire situation around. From almost getting fired, I spent 15 years there, and was a senior executive in charge of all international operations when I left to become CEO of a competing firm. Was this book the only reason - probably not, but without it I wouldn't have had the chance to prove my other abilities.

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

Looking out for me was written earlier in Machiavelli's The Prince, I believe.

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

While it is all good advice to treat people well, I think that he is not that right about it.

People who have friends and influence people are, in my experience, not always kind, considerate, good listeners etc.

In my opinion, people that have a lot of friends and draw and influence people are those who have confidence and feel good about themselves and are true to themselves and their vision in the world. people will respect them and be drawn to them.

Remembering people's names, asking people questions about themselves, etc only gets you so far.

I don't follow. So people who are mean, inconsiderate, have poor listening skills, confident and feel good about themselves (egotistical?) earn people's respect and admiration?

Could you give an example to illustrate your point?

 

[PADDY]

This is possibly a book in the writing by the winning FL Team

With a soaring following of 11,000 members now (And rising...), the FL Team are doing something 'very right' here 'right now,' so when it comes to 'making friends and influencing people' it seems that we've got that magic 'old time formula' mixed to perfection

If you want to feel that 'Golden Age' midas touch of success, then you don't have to go any further in your search than 'here!'

And just think, ladies and gentlemen, that as a valued member here 'you' are part of that glorious 'winning team' :eusa_clap

Well Done you Winners!! Let's hear it for TFL...:eusa_clap

 

[Undertow]

As an aside, I've always found that title to be ironic.

I read the book years ago and I do find there are some aspects which are useful. However, I believe the only goal one should have in mind is to "win friends and influence people," rather than, say, world domination.

If you follow the recommendations laid out in the text, you will likely win friends and possibly influence people. You cannot, however, expect to become a person of great influence, or great popularity by the text alone.

The distinction, I believe, is in the fact that you can change yourself but cannot change others (as I'm certain is mentioned in the text). In other words, you can be a good person, you can remember names, you can go out of your way for others, and as a result, you will likely be regarded as a person whose friendship and influence is sought.

On the flip side, it is society, and a healthy dose of circumstance, that chooses you to be a person of great popularity or great influence. Your actions are merely verses written into a much larger play.

 

[ScionPI2005]

I don't follow. So people who are mean, inconsiderate, have poor listening skills, confident and feel good about themselves (egotistical?) earn people's respect and admiration?

Could you give an example to illustrate your point?

I can't say for sure what reetpleat was trying to say with this comment, but my own thoughts on this are that "like attracts like". I think everyday, some people who are mean and inconsiderate attract and make friends with others who are mean and inconsiderate. Unless an individual has low self esteem, or some sort of personal identity crisis, they are going to want to socialize and make friends with those that are like them.

Another thought is that while some individuals may not desire to socialize with others who are inconsiderate and don't listen to them, it may influence and create motivation in the first individual to do exactly the opposite, and improve themselves.

 

[Dixon Cannon]

Looking out for me was written earlier in Machiavelli's The Prince, I believe.

Betcha never read 'Looking Out For #1' by Robert J. Ringer though! Didja?

-dixon 'turtle' cannon

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

I hate to be the lone voice of dissent here, but I find the book kind of patronizing, and the information contained therein mostly self-evident. [huh] I guess we can't all be innately good with people I guess! Like wonderful me! lol

 

[Dixon Cannon]

Personally, I have always loved Ayn Rand's, 'The Virtue of Selfishness', because of it's stick in your eye title. Once one actually reads the book and discovers her premise, one discovers the virtue of rational self-interest that underscores her entire philosophy of Objectivism. What a different world (and nation!) we would live in today if everyone understood the concept and practiced it with their neighbors and fellow citizens. It is especially significant in today's economic climate, methinks!

Robert J. Ringer's 'Looking Out For #1' is directly influenced by Rand's work and philosophic writings and gives a modern day guide for dealing with others in a 'value for value' relationship that is beneficial to all parties. It helps with eliminating parasites that have nothing of value to offer from monopolizing one's time and with spotting and dealing with cheaters that would take advantage and defraud.

A good many people never have learned to "look out for #1" and modern society is a pretty good reflection of it - more so now than ever!

-dixon cannon

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

Personally, I have always loved Ayn Rand's, 'The Virtue of Selfishness', because of it's stick in your eye title. Once one actually reads the book and discovers her premise, one discovers the virtue of rational self-interest that underscores her entire philosophy of Objectivism. What a different world (and nation!) we would live in today if everyone understood the concept and practiced it with their neighbors and fellow citizens. It is especially significant in today's economic climate, methinks!

Robert J. Ringer's 'Looking Out For #1' is directly influenced by Rand's work and philosophic writings and give a modern day guide for dealing with others in a 'value for value' relationship that is beneficial to all parties. It helps with eliminating parasites that have nothing of value to offer from monopolizing one's time and with spotting and dealing with cheaters that would take advantage and defraud.

A good many people never have learned to "look out for #1" and modern society is a pretty good reflection of it - more so now than ever!

-dixon cannon

Intriguing... I'm still working on Atlas Shrugged, only 900 some pages to go. I heard that the book is a good backdrop to today's economic climate.

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

I hate to be the lone voice of dissent here, but I find the book kind of patronizing, and the information contained therein mostly self-evident. [huh] I guess we can't all be innately good with people I guess! Like wonderful me! lol

:eusa_clap I'd expect nothing less from a law student. :eusa_clap

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

:eusa_clap I'd expect nothing less from a law student. :eusa_clap

With a history of devouring Ayn Rand books. fftopic: However, I think that those who blindly follow Rand are mostly anti-social jerks; ask anyone (including me) who has been in Objectivist clubs and social circles. There are usually one or two really great people though. [huh]

 

[dakotanorth]

Friends; a misnomer

This discussion reminds me of the book "The 48 Laws of Power."
Although everything in this book is information, no more, no less, I worry about the use of the term "Friend" in conjunction with power, status, fame, and fortune. By definition this is not a friend, this is an ally.
I also find that often times, these rules tend to contradict each other, in subtle ways.
Plus, let's face it, when you live your life by these types of rules, that's all you see, both coming from you and working towards you. It's hard to be altruistic and manipulative at the same time.

 

[LizzieMaine]

One thing important to keep in mind about Carnegie is that it was targeted to a generation very different than that of today: the people who were buying and reading the book in 1939 -- and there were millions of them -- were people who were in all likelihood the first members of their families to graduate from high school, and quite possibly the first members of their families even to *attend* high school. The sort of business-world social skills that are taken for granted today did not come naturally to that generation, people often one generation removed from Ellis Island or the deep rural farmland.

A lot of Carnegie's material might seem crashingly obvious today -- but seventy years ago, it was the first time any of this had been put into the popular press.