How to Win Friends and Influence People

[staggerwing]

One thing important to keep in mind about Carnegie is that it was targeted to a generation very different than that of today: the people who were buying and reading the book in 1939 -- and there were millions of them -- were people who were in all likelihood the first members of their families to graduate from high school, and quite possibly the first members of their families even to *attend* high school. The sort of business-world social skills that are taken for granted today did not come naturally to that generation, people often one generation removed from Ellis Island or the deep rural farmland.

A lot of Carnegie's material might seem crashingly obvious today -- but seventy years ago, it was the first time any of this had been put into the popular press.

I read it in 1979, not 1939 and perhaps the material was obvious to most folks, but it wasn't obvious to me. Before reading this book and putting the material into practice, I often wondered why I wasn't "well liked" (heck, I thought I was a pretty swell guy!). Maybe those who came from normal, well adjusted families learned this stuff from parents and siblings, but I missed out on those lessons. One thing I did notice is that the changes I made in the manner in which I relate to people based on the book were subtle, and almost seemed trivial at the time. The results however, were anything but trivial. I will add that based on my day-today life experiences today, it does not appear that many people out there apply the "obvious" principles contained in this material.

 

[katiemakeup]

One thing important to keep in mind about Carnegie is that it was targeted to a generation very different than that of today: the people who were buying and reading the book in 1939 -- and there were millions of them -- were people who were in all likelihood the first members of their families to graduate from high school, and quite possibly the first members of their families even to *attend* high school. The sort of business-world social skills that are taken for granted today did not come naturally to that generation, people often one generation removed from Ellis Island or the deep rural farmland.

A lot of Carnegie's material might seem crashingly obvious today -- but seventy years ago, it was the first time any of this had been put into the popular press.

Agreed. I have read the book and quite enjoyed it. My only concern is that if I'm the only one applying these rules, it seems very one- sided. As in- if I'm too busy focusing on someone else, where's the appreciation for me?! LIke the intro had stated that everyone has the desire to feel important.

 

[reetpleat]

Personally, I have always loved Ayn Rand's, 'The Virtue of Selfishness', because of it's stick in your eye title. Once one actually reads the book and discovers her premise, one discovers the virtue of rational self-interest that underscores her entire philosophy of Objectivism. What a different world (and nation!) we would live in today if everyone understood the concept and practiced it with their neighbors and fellow citizens. It is especially significant in today's economic climate, methinks!

Robert J. Ringer's 'Looking Out For #1' is directly influenced by Rand's work and philosophic writings and gives a modern day guide for dealing with others in a 'value for value' relationship that is beneficial to all parties. It helps with eliminating parasites that have nothing of value to offer from monopolizing one's time and with spotting and dealing with cheaters that would take advantage and defraud.

A good many people never have learned to "look out for #1" and modern society is a pretty good reflection of it - more so now than ever!

-dixon cannon

I liked Looking out for number one. Once you get into the details, you realize that he is only advocating rational as you say, valu for value relationships.

This eliminates three mistakes people make. We can eliminate those who add no value or subtract value from our lives, we can offer of ourselves generously to those in need, but not make the mistake of thinking it is a value for value relationship, and we can stop working towards pleasing others against our best interests, with the idea that it is the right thing to do.

 

[thebadmamajama]

I still consider his work practical, inspiring, and something that this generation in particular takes for granted. It's a book that will never leave my shelves unless to be given (which I have on many occasions) to other people to read. I adore Dale Carnegie and am considering teaching some of his courses in the future.

 

[Ethan Bentley]

I still consider his work practical, inspiring, and something that this generation in particular takes for granted. It's a book that will never leave my shelves unless to be given (which I have on many occasions) to other people to read. I adore Dale Carnegie and am considering teaching some of his courses in the future.

I'm very inclined to agree. I have enjoyed his work.
But "How to Stop Worrying and Start living" was always my favourite.
Some of Mr. Carnegie's work on public speaking is, as one would expect, excellent.
With regards to HTWFAIP, some of the advice is excellent, particularly the stuff about names, but some of it I find a bit manipulative.
My favourite story from the book is the one about the Pullman Sleeper Cars.

Teaching some of his courses sounds interesting; can you please tell us any more?