How do you react to intrusive hat price questions and/or unwanted hat touchings?

[racuda]

+1 That sounds like a very relaxed and sound way to tackle the situation.

People prioritize their money differently, and that's only fair ... a question on hat-prices is a great example. Quite understandable lots of the people around us will find it close to insane to pay $300-1.000 for a headcover, made from dead rodent-shavings. All my life I have lived and worked in Copenhagen, and I have never owned a car or a driver's license for that matter. I walk and ride bycicle, trains, buses and subway - which leaves me money for other stuff ... ie. buying hats. A friendly debate on prioritizing usually leaves all participants a little wiser

Nearly all my hats are vintage. They have been worn by an unknown number of people with unknown standards on hygiene. I trust most people around me have pretty okay standards in that area, so a head more or less doesn't make me shiver. Doorknobs, PC-keyboards and cellphones are serious germ-bombs in comparison - but still it's more likely that choking on a piece of candy will kill me.

I love hats, and I'd like to be a good ambassador for hat-wearing. It's hard to see how I could be that, if I took the hostile position I see some would take. If I allowed myself to escalate a question on the price of my hat - or a wish to feel it or try it on - to be seriously problematic to me, my life would be completely unbearable.

Sorry, but I prefer to concentrate on real problems in life

Well said.

 

[Matt Crunk]

The song Stagger Lee was based on a murder that took place in St. Louis on Christmas Eve 1895. "Stag" Lee Shelton and William "Billy" Lyons were drinking in Curtis's saloon. They got into an argument over politics. Lyons snatched Shelton's Stetson hat off his head and refused to give it back. Lee shot him, picked up his hat and walked out.

Lyons died of his injuries 4 hours later. Lee was arrested, convicted of murder, served 11 years in prison and was released.

So, don't go messing with another man's Stetson hat. You never know what might happen.

Now it seems just about every jerkwater town has a bar named "Stagger Lee's". Kind of odd when you think about it - naming your bar after a song about a murder in a bar.

As to the original thread question: Because I buy vintage and second-hand, usually at thrift stores and yard sales, I don't own a hat I've paid more than $100 for, so I don't mind at all telling anyone who asks how much I gave. The finest hat in my collection is also one of my cheapest finds. It cost me less than $4 dollars.

Now touching my hat is a different story altogether. I've yet to have that happen, but am sure I wouldn't deal with it too favorably.

 

[bowlerman]

Florida_Marlin, good thoughts.

I generally don't find a request to know how much a hat cost to be intrusive. The question is not really about the cost... it's a conversation device used by many men (very few women) to say "I'd really like to know more about this." I use it as an opportunity to talk about hats, which I am happy to do with just about anyone at a drop of a hat. The answer is almost always a modest amount, compared to the cost of shoes or jewelry or cars or telescopes.

If someone asked me to touch my hat (they rarely do) and their hands were clean, I would be happy to oblige. To feel a hat is to understand it and to understand why I am such a nut about the old ones.

I do have one dear friend who has, on more than one occasion, come up behind me at a party or event and taken my hat off my head in a gesture of impish affection. It does annoy me. I usually stifle the annoyance, smile and take it back.

Yes, all of the above.

I remind myself that these things, by design, are better survivors than we'd like to admit sometimes when out in public. Most of my friends are also my colleagues, so they know what kind of financial situation I'm in because it's almost identical to their own. The touching... it happens, particularly by summer orchestra camp kids that think it's neat and don't know any better (I try to keep the lighter colors at home on those days if I can help it), and by my wife who occasionally abuses a hat quite intentionally. I still don't tell her what I pay for them, but lately I've tried very hard to sell one to buy one (or usually sell a few to buy one), that way it's a bit more benign.

Touching on Rabbit's post, the "how many hats do you OWN?" question, my answer is "Oh, I'll stop at a hundred" and so far I have yet to hit that number. Success and truth!

 

[Short Balding Guy]

Touching my hat will not occur with my neighbors here in Minnesota as they really are very similar to the stereotypes that Garrison Keiller speaks of in his weekly radio show featuring the imaginary town of Lake Wogbegone. Lake Wobegon is the quintessential, but fictional Minnesotan small town, "where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Choosing to live in Minnesota, USA is a benefit in such matters as others touching a hat or asking price questions. Our culture has traditional values such as never touch unless anything in a store unless you are seeking to buy and giving other folks space and heavens never touching them. If you walk down the sidewalks in any weather, you would never touch another human here in Minnesota. Truly most of the neighbors in my neck of the woods, escpecially those of scandinavian or german descent, when speaking to you look at your shoes-no direct eye contact. My relatives, from Finland, have learned thru their relatives to argue in silence. I can not imagine a conversation with relatives or co-workers when someone would ask "how much does that hat cost?" If they were curious they would begin by offering how interesting it was, and boldly ask where might one find one similar and ask for any suggestions. While some of the above is exaggerated, the nuances of this slice of America mostly rings true.

The MPLS / St.Paul area has been changing do to new immigrants and I have learned some Mong and Somolian phrases and appreciation for their influences. I have experienced these new cultures as being very respectful and could not imagine them reaching out and touching my hat or asking price questions.

I do admit that I am not "hip" and miss any interactions that crowd may have with regards to the topic at hand.

The worls ia a big and varied place. In travels I have had folks touch and ask these questions. I politely decline answering price questions and ask that folks not touch my hat. Almost all times people have complied and been respectfull. Recently, the least respectful folks were actually at the recent London Olympic Games. I suspect the jocularity and leisurely atmosphere changed the mores of the folks spectating at the games.

Best, Eric -

 

[EliasRDA]

SBG,
Very interesting about the difference cultures & about the midwest area. I'm also of scandinavian descent, Swedish specifically Aland Islands, with some irish & scotch thrown in with 2 others. But my dad is pure blood swede.
So thinking back to when I was younger & his family was alive I realize now that the looking down when speaking to ones elders & even sometimes ones peers was very much praticed by these NY swede branch. Let alone the not touching others, heck, to get a hug in that side of the family was rare.

And with my family upbringing in the northeast, youre right in the showing interest in the item be it hat, jacket, suit, car, etc, was to find out more of the specifics without asking about price. Say as in asking about a car one might ask about ride, mpgs, repairs, etc but lord help you if you were so bold as to ask another what you paid for it. Depending on situation & how well you knew the other person you might offer a hint after talking for a while then again you might not. (Side note, all yous in the above are meant as generic yous, not specific.)

Here where I am now, well, suffice to say my upbringing is still strong & if someone I work with ask about money I give them a old real estate agent runaround. Most agents here know how hard we've been hit by the slump & while one may be doing well they understand another agent might not, so talk of finances dont really happen all that often. In one way it sucks to be an agent in a mostly second home market, in some ways its good.

I dont mind talking about things like hats, ham radios, gpsr's, etc with people, I love getting others turned onto things I enjoy, & I'll make suggestions based on what I think you need, not what I think you can afford or not. Course I alsways add the crevat .. YMMV

 

[Phteven]

Florida_Marlin, good thoughts.

I generally don't find a request to know how much a hat cost to be intrusive. The question is not really about the cost... it's a conversation device used by many men (very few women) to say "I'd really like to know more about this." I use it as an opportunity to talk about hats, which I am happy to do with just about anyone at a drop of a hat. The answer is almost always a modest amount, compared to the cost of shoes or jewelry or cars or telescopes.

If someone asked me to touch my hat (they rarely do) and their hands were clean, I would be happy to oblige. To feel a hat is to understand it and to understand why I am such a nut about the old ones.

I do have one dear friend who has, on more than one occasion, come up behind me at a party or event and taken my hat off my head in a gesture of impish affection. It does annoy me. I usually stifle the annoyance, smile and take it back.

Yes. Exactly! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. This is interesting because the exact same thing happens with tattoos. People will often go right to, "Wow. That's awesome. How much did it cost?"

When someone asks me how much my hat (or tattoo) cost, I typically try to engage them in a general discussion. I will say something like, 'Well, it really depends on what you're looking for. You can get an okay fedora for $30, or spend as much as you want."

I've never had anyone want to try it on, other than my kids. My daughter keeps stealing my hats.

 

[dh66]

Yes. Exactly! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. This is interesting because the exact same thing happens with tattoos. People will often go right to, "Wow. That's awesome. How much did it cost?"

Ha!! So true.
I guess it's better than "why on earth would you do something like that?"
Which is pretty much the reaction by a lot of people when they find out how much you've spent for a good quality hat.

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[Matt Crunk]

I second that, dh66.
Though I've never had anyone try to touch my hat, people quite often try to touch my tattoos. It's not uncommon for someone, usually of the female persuasion, to just grab hold of my arm without asking, or try to push up my shirt sleeve to see more of my tattoos. I guess they somehow feel that my arms being fully sleeved in tattoos is an invitation to look. They'll often ask where I get my work, but rarely how much it costs.

 

[bowlerman]

It's not uncommon for someone, usually of the female persuasion, to just grab hold of my arm without asking, or try to push up my shirt sleeve to see more of my tattoos.

Is that all it takes? Later, fellas. I'm off to the tattoo parlor!

 

[dh66]

Sorry to let the train to get off the track, but yeah, that does happen - and it's kinda weird, freaks me out a little. I guess at least they're not trying to grab my hat off my head. Not sure what makes people want to do either one.

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[Brother cavefish]

Nobody has ever really asked me how much if they did I would not care much . (I might be inclined to ask. Things like this don't bother me. ).
They just say I like your hat. Or nothing at all. As far as touching. I don't have a whole lot of touchers I don't go to bars anymore When I did some woman would ask to wear my hat ,i would answer NO

A few times in the past I did but they would go around parading and I would have to fetch it
I don't feel most have the regard for hats As I do , hats are personal

 

[frussell]

In my family, where social rules usually came from a more cowboy culture, touching a man's hat was considered a no-no. You don't mess with a man's horse or his gear, and you don't grab someone else's hat. This was something I heard a lot growing up in Texas, and then later living in California, from old cowboys. That social convention seems to be dying out, and doesn't seem to apply much to the fedora culture. I will admit to bending the rules once in a while if the toucher was attractive enough. Frank.

 

[HeyMoe]

When asked if someone could hold or "see" my hat, I typically respond: "I only trust two people with my hats: I am one and you are not the other" and leave it at that. Typically they will laugh until they realize what I said.

I have also said "Sure, as long as I can hold your wife"

As far as touching my hat, I have had that happen once - by the CEO of my company and I really really respect her so I did not react as I may have if it was a stranger which is to start barking like a dog very loudly (we both work in mental health so it wouldn't have phased her the way I would have wanted it too).

I might add as an edit that I am from an Old School military (AKA brown boot Army) and law enforcement family. I was raised that if you touch someone's hat you damn well better be ready to defend in place because you are about to get your arse kicked.

Also, when asked a question about pricing I always respond with "Why do you want to know?". I have found that if they are interested in hats, they will say something about wanted to get one. Folks who are being nosey will get the idea and those that don't figure it out quickly when I give them the look.