How do you react to intrusive hat price questions and/or unwanted hat touchings?

[Genuine Classic Gangster]

I generally don't find a request to know how much a hat cost to be intrusive. The question is not really about the cost... it's a conversation device used by many men (very few women) to say "I'd really like to know more about this."

That is exactly what I used to think...until the incident described in the OP happened to me.

To the other person's mind, me providing the cost information for my hat was the catalyst that gave him license to speculate, comment, and ask questions about how rich I must be.

In his case, his agenda didn't seem to be so much "I'd like to know more about this," as it was, "I'd like to ferret out the 'good stuff' financial 'scoop' about this fellow."

Granted, his agenda may have started out like you said, and then changed to the one I have stated, once his shock at hearing what he considered to be a very high & very unreasonable number of dollars to pay for a hat got the cogs of his mind turning in a different way.

In any case, I will now avoid giving direct cost information (by using the techniques that others have posted in this thread ) to acquaintances/coworkers just to be sure that awkward situations like the aforementioned one do not happen again. That is kind of a shame for the persons who might in the future ask me about cost just because they are sincerely interested in learning more about hats, but, in my opinion, letting them down is better than giving them the information. To give them the information opens the door that leads to a path that could allow for myself to become an object of petty gossip.

 

[SpeedRcrX]

In France a stranger will never ask that kind of question.

The only people who ask are my friends and people who want to take a closer look are usually connoisseur.

 

[alanfgag]

To give them the information opens the door that leads to a path that could allow for myself to become an object of petty gossip.

Witholding information is not likely to have a more positive effect on negative gossip than providing it.

But you should definitely follow the path that seems right to you.

 

[SHOWSOMECLASS]

How much did you pay or is that a real (Rolex, etc.) My response varies based on who is asking and where I am at the time.

1. I don't remember

2. The answer to that question is on a need to know basis.

3. Their is only one person who needs to know the answer to that question.

4. Did your fiance ask if the diamond was real when you proposed marrige?
No, why?
It seemed like a appropriate response to your question.

5. I could tell you but, then I would need to kill you, Ha Ha ha.

6. I'm sorry but that information is classified.

7. In all due respect, I don't feel comfortable discussing that subject here at work, church, etc.

 

[scottyrocks]

Great questions.

On the subject of cost, I think I would say something such as, 'You know, I've had it for so long that I don't remember.'

As for people touching it, I don't think that anyone has actually reached out and touched it. On the rare occasion that it has been taken off my head, it's always been done by some young inebriated female, whom I look at square in the eye, and then take it back, with a smile and a 'thank you.' If it's already on her head, I grab it by the crown, smooched or not, and take it back, again with a smile. If a woman I don't know asks to try it on, I smile and say something such as, 'I'd rather not, thanks,' as opposed to 'I'd rather you didn't, (thanks).' The former is more general, and the latter is more specific to the asker. I'd rather not get into a discussion on why she, in particular, can't try on my hat.

If someone I know asks to 'see' (why do so many people have eyes in the fingertips?) or try it on, if it's someone I know, I'll usually let them, if it's a female, and that has only happened after a certain amount of alcohol (for her). I don't let men try on my hats. I guess that has to do with perspiration being closer to the surface, and more prevalent, on men than on women.

 

[HudsonHawk]

You could always go ahead and answer any unwanted question, but then add in a loud voice "in fulfillment of the prophesy". That will likely deter any additional such questions.

 

[dh66]

The only experiences with people (grown people anyway, my 3 yr old son is obsessed with them) wanting to touch my hat have been from ladies who have had enough to drink that they believe themselves to be more charming than they really are, and usually that involves not just wanting to touch it (the hat), but to put it on.

My wife is the only person who ever (always) asks about the price.

Sent from my SGH-T959V using Tapatalk 2

 

[scottyrocks]

The only experiences with people (grown people anyway, my 3 yr old son is obsessed with them) wanting to touch my hat have been from ladies who have had enough to drink that they believe themselves to be more charming than they really are, and usually that involves not just wanting to touch it (the hat), but to put it on.

^^This.

My wife is the only person who ever (always) asks about the price.

haha

 

[Qvist]

1: I usually say that the hat was a bit expensice and thats it.

2: At one time a female co-worker took my hat and put it on without asking me as we were on our coffee break and sitting around a coffee table with 5 other co-workers. At first I just holded my tongue but when she started twisting the brim in to a "cowboy hat style", as she referred, I yelled loudly "DON´T TWIST MY HAT!!" and gave her very angry stare. After that she gave the hat back to me immediately. No one has dared to touch my hat since.

 

[jhe888]

A cost question wouldn't bother me.

I can't imagine anyone other than someone quite close to me would consider touching a hat or asking to try it on. It certainly hasn't happened to me.

 

[carldelo]

If I employ that stratagem, and the other person's reply is, "I am just curious," what is my next play?

At that point I would steer the conversation right back to the questioner, e.g. "why, do you like the hat?" or "are you interested in buying a hat for yourself?, really, what style?", etc. The strategy is to make the questioner justify their question. With a little practice, boorish people are easy to manipulate this way.

A perfect answer might be, "I don't know how much it cost, it was my grandfather's, I always wanted it so he left it to me." It's not true, but as somebody already said, inventing a fake answer to a rude question seems justifed.

 

[hatsRme]

I might answer on a "Need to know" basis...

 

[suitedcboy]

1. When I got out of rehab they suggested I take up a hobby. I collect hats. One hat is less than my weekly cost of cocaine when I was using.

 

[TheDane]

I generally don't find a request to know how much a hat cost to be intrusive. The question is not really about the cost... it's a conversation device used by many men (very few women) to say "I'd really like to know more about this." I use it as an opportunity to talk about hats, which I am happy to do with just about anyone at a drop of a hat. The answer is almost always a modest amount, compared to the cost of shoes or jewelry or cars or telescopes.

If someone asked me to touch my hat (they rarely do) and their hands were clean, I would be happy to oblige. To feel a hat is to understand it and to understand why I am such a nut about the old ones.

I do have one dear friend who has, on more than one occasion, come up behind me at a party or event and taken my hat off my head in a gesture of impish affection. It does annoy me. I usually stifle the annoyance, smile and take it back.

+1 That sounds like a very relaxed and sound way to tackle the situation.

People prioritize their money differently, and that's only fair ... a question on hat-prices is a great example. Quite understandable lots of the people around us will find it close to insane to pay $300-1.000 for a headcover, made from dead rodent-shavings. All my life I have lived and worked in Copenhagen, and I have never owned a car or a driver's license for that matter. I walk and ride bycicle, trains, buses and subway - which leaves me money for other stuff ... ie. buying hats. A friendly debate on prioritizing usually leaves all participants a little wiser

Nearly all my hats are vintage. They have been worn by an unknown number of people with unknown standards on hygiene. I trust most people around me have pretty okay standards in that area, so a head more or less doesn't make me shiver. Doorknobs, PC-keyboards and cellphones are serious germ-bombs in comparison - but still it's more likely that choking on a piece of candy will kill me.

I love hats, and I'd like to be a good ambassador for hat-wearing. It's hard to see how I could be that, if I took the hostile position I see some would take. If I allowed myself to escalate a question on the price of my hat - or a wish to feel it or try it on - to be seriously problematic to me, my life would be completely unbearable.

Sorry, but I prefer to concentrate on real problems in life

 

[g.durand]

1. When I got out of rehab they suggested I take up a hobby. I collect hats. One hat is less than my weekly cost of cocaine when I was using.

:eusa_clap

 

[hatophile]

Y'know Stagga Lee shot Billy Lyons because Billy touched his Stetson hat
http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/lloyd_price/stagger_lee.html

 

[TheDane]

Y'know Stagga Lee shot Billy Lyons because Billy touched his Stetson hat

Well, I don't see anything heroic at all in a pitiful character, who gambled more than he could handle losing! Other versions tell the myth in a little different way:

Gentlemen of the jury, what do you think o' that?
Stagolee killed Billy de Lyon 'bout a five dollar Stetson hat
He's a bad man - Oh, cruel Stagolee

Standing on the gallows, Stagolee did curse
The Judge said: "Let's kill him, cause he killed one of us"
He's a bad man - That mean ol' Stagolee

Standing on the gallows, head way up high
At twelve o'clock they killed him, we were all glad to see him die
He was a bad man - Oh, cruel Stagolee

I for one would certainly not like to be associated with a murderous pimp. I still think it would be appropriate to handle the issue in a friendly and civilized manner

 

[Latoso]

As far as unwanted financial questions, I always answer the way my grandfather used to.

"There are two things a man doesn't go around showing off in public, his backside or his wallet."

I cleaned it up a little for the forum. Lol

 

[KingAndrew]

When co-worker (in China) recently asked me about my oxblood Optimo, I laughed and said, "Wow, more than I want to admit." I then showed him the hat up close and talked about the shop and how they make hats custom. He said it looked really nice and didn't seem annoyed at my vague answer. He was, as Alan suggested above, just curious about the hat.

I don't mind answering questions honestly in most cases (I have nothing to hide), but in China prices and paychecks are very different and to talk about the price of anything in America is usually shocking and upsetting to the locals. Although I have certainly seen hats of much lower quality for sale at higher prices here in Shanghai.

Of course, you could always start asking how much some item they are wearing costs. I used to have to do something similar when I worked for a company making yo-yos. People would find out and ask, "Can I have a yo-yo."

"Where do you work?" I'd ask.

When they answered something like the Ford dealership and I asked, "Can I have a car?" the point was made.

I'm pretty tall (6'3" isn't short in the USA, in Shanghai I'm almost a giant), so it's not easy to take my hat off without my cooperation. That said, however, I have had many students who were curious about it and a few who thought it exciting to try to run off with it. My solution was to be good humored and patient, then swoop and get it when the chance arose--sort of playing along.

i often actually invite people to feel my hats for the same reasons Alan mentions, if they are interested, feeling the felt (or panama) helps them understand why the hat is so special to me.

Mostly I get compliments rather than rudeness. And I try to be an ambassador for hat-wearing rather than an uptight old guy with something funny on his head.

 

[Stanley Doble]

The song Stagger Lee was based on a murder that took place in St. Louis on Christmas Eve 1895. "Stag" Lee Shelton and William "Billy" Lyons were drinking in Curtis's saloon. They got into an argument over politics. Lyons snatched Shelton's Stetson hat off his head and refused to give it back. Lee shot him, picked up his hat and walked out.

Lyons died of his injuries 4 hours later. Lee was arrested, convicted of murder, served 11 years in prison and was released.

So, don't go messing with another man's Stetson hat. You never know what might happen.