Helicopter Parenting Raises Dependent Children

[Edward]

True upper class people don't worry about getting into good schools. They get into good schools as legacy admissions. It's the middle and upper-middle strivers and climbers who panic about such things, despite the fact that no matter how hard they strive and climb, the very fact that they have to strive and climb permanently marks them as Not Upper Class. There's a line there that no amount of money and education can ever cross.

Yes, it is a peculiarly middle-class fixation. My folks were (luckily) fairly reasonable about it, but having clawed their way up from the Working Classes, they were very keen that I better myself where possible. In common with my middle class peers in the eighties, it often felt like at least half of my free time was spent doing things "to go on [my] CV for University". From the age of about six. This all becomes even more laughable once you see it from the other side and realise how little the system cares about anything other than academic ability and ability to pay (where appropriate). And quite rightly too. Far too many kids going to piano lessons they hate or in which they are at best disinterested because somebody thinks it looks good on a CV. A lot of kids I knew had a lot of the arts ruined for them as a direct result.

 

[Feraud]

Once in a while there is an article in The New York Times or New Yorker about local moms who obsess about what pre-school their babies are going to attend. These moms seem adamant their infants are Ivy Leage material. Priviate schools exploit these expectations. Here is one example that went to court -
Suit Faults Test Preparation at Preschool

 

[LizzieMaine]

I don't know what's worse, a nursery school that charges $19,000 a year or someone willing to pay that kind of money. I learned to read from billboards, and it didn't cost my mother a cent.

 

[Feraud]

They're flip sides of the same bad coin! Thank goodness the suit was dismissed.

 

[sheeplady]

I don't know what's worse, a nursery school that charges $19,000 a year or someone willing to pay that kind of money. I learned to read from billboards, and it didn't cost my mother a cent.

Here decent daycare costs around $5,000-$8,000 a year per child (five days a week). If that's $19,000 for a full-time (5 days a week) childcare located in a big city, I wouldn't say that's too bad. They certainly make more in the big cities than they do here and everything costs more.

 

[Feraud]

I'd say it's not so much the money but the motivation behind the cash.
My wife and I have always worked full time. We paid roughly 10k a year (in the late 90s) sending our son to a Montessori school. We chose the school due to it's location, educational approach, but mostly the love and care they showed all the children when we visited.
We never treated our son like a commodity but have always had educational and moral requirements for him to meet. Our young man is 18 and in his first year of college. His academic achievements to date are equalled by his personal and spiritual excellence. I could not describe a more wonderful and well rounded human being that I'd want to call my son.
<excuse the rare proud dad rant!>

However there is a difference, and probably a very fine line, between wanting "A Good Life" for your children and going overboard by attempting to sue a pre-school because one cannot purchase the Ivy Leage education the parent never had.

Parenthood is one Life's complicated and sometimes surreal endeavors!

 

[LizzieMaine]

One of my concession kids is going to Smith now, which is about as Ivy League as it gets. She went to small town public schools her whole life, worked two jobs after school every day she was in high school, and still managed to get into a top college -- because *she* wanted to go there, not because of anything her parents tried to do. That's the kind of kid who's going to grow up to be well-adjusted and productive, and won't have to spend years of her future earnings on therapy.

 

[sheeplady]

It's actually apparently much tougher for kids from prep schools to get into Ivy Leagues. Plenty of the big schools don't want to have an entire class made up of prep kids, it goes against their "mission." You stand a far greater chance to get into an ivy coming from a "normal school" (public, not particularly prestigious) with good grades and SATs than from a prep school with good grades and SATs.

Even better if you come from an economically blighted school- particularly if you have good standardized test scores. Kids from the "poorer" schools are assumed to be more motivated and smarter than prep school kids that got the same grades (particularly on things like the SAT). The kids who came from the prep schools are assumed to have gotten where they are *because of* their prestigious education, whereas kids who come from poor schools (inner city, rural, poorly funded) are assumed to have gotten where they are *despite* their lackluster education.

I had the opportunity to sit in on the admissions process at my institution when I was in college as a "student rep" and it was fascinating to see what they weighed.

Now, of course, a strong legacy (but really only with donations) helps too. There's plenty of people who are middle middle class who have legacies at the ivies, so that isn't an automatic card in. But if everything else is equal, a legacy without donations trumps a non-legacy student. (But that isn't limited to ivies either- most colleges do that.)

I'd say it's not so much the money but the motivation behind the cash.
My wife and I have always worked full time. We paid roughly 10k a year (in the late 90s) sending our son to a Montessori school. We chose the school due to it's location, educational approach, but mostly the love and care they showed all the children when we visited.
We never treated our son like a commodity but have always had educational and moral requirements for him to meet. Our young man is 18 and in his first year of college. His academic achievements to date are equalled by his personal and spiritual excellence. I could not describe a more wonderful and well rounded human being that I'd want to call my son.
<excuse the rare proud dad rant!>

Oh, I understand that. I was just commenting that the price isn't much more than I'd expect for a good daycare in a major city. I personally would love for our children to attend a Montessori preschool. Unfortunately there aren't any where we are planning on moving. (Our kids will attend the local public school that is quite good.)

 

[ortega76]

I have a toddler (2 1/2) in a part-time pre-school program run by our park district. It's 3 hours, twice a week. The lady who runs it is a semi-retired teacher with a masters in early childhood development. Basically, she likes teaching kids but not the hassle and politics of the school system.

I've noticed that of the 10 kids in the class, my daughter and the daughter of the other work-from-home dad are pretty resilient and curious. The boys with "helicopter moms" will cry at the drop of a hat. Then again, they're two, so what do I know?

 

[Feraud]

Oh, I understand that. I was just commenting that the price isn't much more than I'd expect for a good daycare in a major city. I personally would love for our children to attend a Montessori preschool. Unfortunately there aren't any where we are planning on moving. (Our kids will attend the local public school that is quite good.)

Of course. Cost is relative to location, income, living condition, etc. I was just adding fodder to the discussion. My wife and I only have one child. It would have been harder to send more than one to a private school.

 

[sheeplady]

Of course. Cost is relative to location, income, living condition, etc. I was just adding fodder to the discussion. My wife and I only have one child. It would have been harder to send more than one to a private school.

And there is quite a difference depending upon where you live as far as the quality of public education. There's some places where a private education is the only way to ensure your child gets a decent education, but in other areas the quality of public education is so much higher than average that private schools don't make much of a difference. I am really pleased with what appears to be quality of education where our child will be enrolled for public school; even though it is quite rural they do well in the state rankings, have a good teacher to student ratio, and they have an agreement with the local community college so students can work on an associates degree while still in high school. There's no private alternatives in the area otherwise, so it's a good thing the public school looks good.