First Dates

[rue]

If it was me, I would think it was a date, but I'm an old woman and things are different now, so I'm not sure. Maybe some of the younger girls will have an idea..... like C-dot???

I don't know what you should do about the hat.

 

[Edward]

Red roses are dangerous! A red rose means love.
A yellow rose means friendship.
I gave my wife yellow roses (I think three) after a couple of dates. I still send her a dozen yellow roses on our anniversary. For the 26th time this past May.

I'd say these days flowers in general are dangerous, especially roses of any colour. I've recently had to think about this for one reason and another, and my conclusion would be that whatever we might think chivalrous and 'correct', flowers are so loaded with romantic meaning in contemporary society that in the early stages of a relationship or even as an indication of interest (yeah, burned my fingers with that very badly couple Februarys ago) they are best avoided.

Thanks. If all goes well (she said she wanted to, but had to check her schedule), I will be taking this gal out dancing. My only two conundrums are: Does she think this is a date, or am I just going dancing? and should I wear a hat? The salsa club has no coat check.

I never leave the house without ah at on save on those rare occasions when I'm in some form of costume (as in fancy dress) with which it would not fit. If I am headed somewhere that might not have anywhere I can leave my hat (not counting theatre or cinema where I will be sitting with it all night), I simply opt to wear a cap, which can, at a push, be rolled up and tucked into a jacket pocket.

 

[Travis Lee Johnston]

She should know it's a date. If she didn't like you and didn't want to be persued, she'd be finding ways to get rid of you/blow off meetings. Maybe it goes without saying, but wear something lightweight that wont make you super sweaty. If it doesn't feel substantially cold that night, dump the coat all together. If you can wear a hat comfortably all evening while feeling and appearing the same, do it.

 

[C-dot]

If it was me, I would think it was a date, but I'm an old woman and things are different now, so I'm not sure. Maybe some of the younger girls will have an idea..... like C-dot???

If a guy that I don't already have a solid, established friendship with asks me to go somewhere with him alone at night, especially for drinks, dancing or dinner, I assume it's a date. Even if he is my buddy, actually, I would assume he had something romantic in mind if he asked me to go for the aforementioned three D's.

A woman can tell what the occasion is by the way the man asks her.

She should know it's a date. If she didn't like you and didn't want to be persued, she'd be finding ways to get rid of you/blow off meetings. Maybe it goes without saying, but wear something lightweight that wont make you super sweaty. If it doesn't feel substantially cold that night, dump the coat all together. If you can wear a hat comfortably all evening while feeling and appearing the same, do it.

Co-sign! A hat will give you distinction, and if it does get hot, perhaps you can leave it at your table (or anywhere she leaves her purse.)

 

[dnjan]

I have gone to dances back in college with partners when it was definitely not a date. Just someone from ballroom dance class who was also interested in attending a local dance because there was live music. Danced together all evening, but neither of us considered there to be any romantic overtones.

 

[scottyrocks]

Wearing or leaving home the fedora was mentioned. I think that if you wear a fedora, or whatever it is that may put you out of the mainstream, and it’s a part of who you are, then wear it because whomever you wind up with should be accepting of you as you are regarding your harmless habits.

On the other hand, you may find that you are willing to change a number of things for the right person. Personally, I’d want to know as much about a potential partner as possible before getting heavily involved. If that means finding out, for instance, that she wears a feather boa to the supermarket, so be it. I want to know that my potential partner is accepting of me as I am, and I want to know that I can accept her, as well.

Regarding opinions, when asked, I preface with 'Do you want my opinion or what you want to hear?' It always brings to mind Jack Nicholson: ‘YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!’

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Going out dancing is a date for sure. If you have no place to "check" the hat in, leave it in the car trunk locked up until you leave. Enjoy and toss the tango around!

 

[Pompidou]

I have to agree with all the "just be yourself" sentiments. Let's face it - if the fate of the relationship hinges on whether you're seen in public with a hat on, you don't have a relationship worth fighting for even if you hide the hat. Never compromise on being yourself. I went out of my way to get a no compromise sort of hat, and people like that. If people don't like you as you are, well, that's what middle fingers are for.

 

[Crime Jazz Unit]

A small bag of very nice chocolate truffels and a book... if you don't know what she likes to read select one of your favourites. The both fit into a nice small gift bag (don't wrap them) and you can even be more of a Gent by carrying them around for her throughout the night and give them back to her when you have alked her to her door...

 

[Yeps]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. It turns out that this date is not happening tonight as planned.[boo] She had said that she had to check her schedule, and apparently she did have something already (seeing Les Mis at the Kennedy Center), so, valid excuse. She said she wanted to go another time though. Fingers crossed that I can make this happen.

As to the hat, that is purely pragmatic. I generally wear my hats only outdoors, and I don't have a car, so there isn't really somewhere I could leave it while dancing. She definitely already knows me as a hat guy.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

If it was me, I would think it was a date, but I'm an old woman and things are different now, so I'm not sure. Maybe some of the younger girls will have an idea..... like C-dot???

I don't know what you should do about the hat.

(I'm heading straight home and straighten Walter out)

 

[C-dot]

I have to agree with all the "just be yourself" sentiments. Let's face it - if the fate of the relationship hinges on whether you're seen in public with a hat on, you don't have a relationship worth fighting for even if you hide the hat.

In the initial dating stage, a relationship doesn't exist yet. It's a much more delicate time when you want to make your very best impression, and when people say "just be yourself," they're saying "be your best self." Some of your personal quirks should be hidden at this time (but not including hats. )

 

[rue]

(I'm heading straight home and straighten Walter out)

Not THAT old lol

In the initial dating stage, a relationship doesn't exist yet. It's a much more delicate time when you want to make your very best impression, and when people say "just be yourself," they're saying "be your best self." Some of your personal quirks should be hidden at this time (but not including hats. )

I agree

 

[rue]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. It turns out that this date is not happening tonight as planned.[boo] She had said that she had to check her schedule, and apparently she did have something already (seeing Les Mis at the Kennedy Center), so, valid excuse. She said she wanted to go another time though. Fingers crossed that I can make this happen.

As to the hat, that is purely pragmatic. I generally wear my hats only outdoors, and I don't have a car, so there isn't really somewhere I could leave it while dancing. She definitely already knows me as a hat guy.

Crossing my fingers that it happens for you

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Crossing my fingers that it happens for you

Can we say, perhaps, "wedding bells" in the near future?

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I think at some point for married or older people, we may think there is some new rules to come into play when it comes to modern times and dating. I personally do not think this is true, but am open minded enough to respect it if that be the case.

I was wondering if there really is any expectations given when it comes to dating? You know, after the date, who is to call whom? Things like that.

I recall a few times just being a real gentleman and having people that knew the Gal I took out contact me a few days after the date...making comments like "why did you not want to kiss her", and such. You know the drill. But for me, it was my standards and to some degree maybe shyness and a desire to preserve my own dignity. I always had the faith along the course of it all, that things come to each of us in time, and to try to push things one way or another, would end in a horrible bad way.

I was not much of a baseball player in my life, so, the old saying about "getting to third base" was not much in my thinking process, and as such, I think in the long run, I was better off by being careful and a good person no matter who I was out with or what social pressures would be from my "peers"....

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Not THAT old lol



I agree

Rue, you will never be "that old"....

 

[Pompidou]

I think at some point for married or older people, we may think there is some new rules to come into play when it comes to modern times and dating. I personally do not think this is true, but am open minded enough to respect it if that be the case.

I was wondering if there really is any expectations given when it comes to dating? You know, after the date, who is to call whom? Things like that.

I recall a few times just being a real gentleman and having people that knew the Gal I took out contact me a few days after the date...making comments like "why did you not want to kiss her", and such. You know the drill. But for me, it was my standards and to some degree maybe shyness and a desire to preserve my own dignity. I always had the faith along the course of it all, that things come to each of us in time, and to try to push things one way or another, would end in a horrible bad way.

I was not much of a baseball player in my life, so, the old saying about "getting to third base" was not much in my thinking process, and as such, I think in the long run, I was better off by being careful and a good person no matter who I was out with or what social pressures would be from my "peers"....

There are lots of rules, depending on who you ask. It's all a big game. Guy pays for first one, but girl has to offer. Guy waits a day to build tension before calling back for a 2nd. If you're not kissing by this point, there's no mutual interest. Then there's the "third date rule" - girl has to wait three dates before sex to maintain the image of purity. Expect nothing on the 1st and 2nd, but at least come prepared on/after the third. Lots and lots of "rules". How far you buy into them is a personal choice. Lots of the rules can be found by googling 1st, 2nd, 3rd date, etc.

 

[rue]

Rue, you will never be "that old"....

Well, I want to be that old eventually, just not old like that

 

[Travis Lee Johnston]

Rules are meant to be broken. Typically if you don't make a move right away, the girl will lose interest. Remember, she's going to want to do as little as posseble. It's just the way it is. You know what you want, they know what you want, so skip the games. Doesn't mean you have to be a jerk off. You're just being honest and righteous about the persuit.
I'll usually send them a text the next day telling them I had a good time, let's do it again. Or if I don't like them I never talk to them again. It's the same thing in their case. On some level somebody is gonna get their feelings hurt. It's a balancing act of your own happiness and making them like you enough to want to spend their spare time with you. Then eventually move in together and argue about whose turn it is to take out the garbage.