First Dates

[sheeplady]

not that im defending them, quite the contrary.

but why would you make a guy feel that way? i guess i dont understand the mentality of Women of today.

These are not nice men. The word "No" means absolutely nothing to these types of creepy men. The only option, in many cases, is to leave or get nasty. When a lady says "I'm flattered but I'm happily married" a gentleman should take that to mean "no" not "maybe" not "yes" and not an invitation to continue to ask, pester, or physically touch a woman.

I have had situations where I have had to leave a place because the pestering continued depite saying directly "I am not interested" and "no" and in one case change my schedule to prevent further run-ins with an individual. It honestly made me very, very, very uncomfortable. I don't think that is making a man "feel bad" or my fault. That is punishing me because a man has no manners and can't understand the word no.

Real gentlemen don't act that way.

 

[scottyrocks]

No.....but if there was, I would plead the fifth.

Good plan.

 

[C-dot]

but why would you make a guy feel that way?

Ok, so the jerk hit on you and you have a boyfriend...tell him no politely and send him on his way. There's no reason to try and damage someone just because you can. That comes across to me as petty.

Oh dear. Let me explain:

When a man comes up to me and says something like "Hello there, you're looking nice this evening, perhaps you'd like to have a drink with me sometime?" I will be very kind to him. Chances are, he will smile and say he is sorry, he didn't know, and we'll probably end up having a friendly conversation. I only lower the boom when this happens:

Him: "Yo, what up hottie. You're the finest piece of meat I've seen in this room. Wanna come home with me?"
Me: "Sorry, no. My boyfriend might object."
Him: "Whatever, baby. He don't need to know - We can just have some fun."
Me: "First of all, I am not your 'baby.' And secondly, I wouldn't go home with you if the world were flooded with motor oil, and you lived in a tree. Got that?"

That guy needed to be taken down a peg because he wouldn't take no for an answer, and I don't particularly like being thought of like a toy. Perhaps, after this exchange, he will think twice about treating another woman like that, or perhaps not. But he isn't going to treat me like that.

 

[Black Dahlia]

Oh dear. Let me explain:

When a man comes up to me and says something like "Hello there, you're looking nice this evening, perhaps you'd like to have a drink with me sometime?" I will be very kind to him. Chances are, he will smile and say he is sorry, he didn't know, and we'll probably end up having a friendly conversation. I only lower the boom when this happens:

Him: "Yo, what up hottie. You're the finest piece of meat I've seen in this room. Wanna come home with me?"
Me: "Sorry, no. My boyfriend might object."
Him: "Whatever, baby. He don't need to know - We can just have some fun."
Me: "First of all, I am not your 'baby.' And secondly, I wouldn't go home with you if the world were flooded with motor oil, and you lived in a tree. Got that?"

That guy needed to be taken down a peg because he wouldn't take no for an answer, and I don't particularly like being thought of like a toy. Perhaps, after this exchange, he will think twice about treating another woman like that, or perhaps not. But he isn't going to treat me like that.

I commend you. Incidents like that happen to me, sadly, often. I think you handled it really well C-dot!
X
BD

 

[C-dot]

I commend you. Incidents like that happen to me, sadly, often. I think you handled it really well C-dot!
X
BD

Thanks doll! Sheeplady is right about the men who don't listen to you when you try to be nice. I've found it's better to stand up to them, because they're less likely to keep going.

 

[Justin B]

Hmm. I don't know, maybe it's just the way I am but something like:

"I've already said no, and I don't appreciate your approach. You might have better luck in future if you'd learn to speak to a lady like a person rather than an object."

Gets the point across and also explains why without being rude.

 

[C-dot]

You're right Justin, but the way I saw it, he was beyond rude to me. Courtesy has already flown out the window, and I'll admit that it's hard for me to be nicer about it when I'm angry.

 

[Black Dahlia]

Thanks doll! Sheeplady is right about the men who don't listen to you when you try to be nice. I've found it's better to stand up to them, because they're less likely to keep going.

Definitely some men don't listen, or take no for an answer, sadly!

Hmm. I don't know, maybe it's just the way I am but something like:

"I've already said no, and I don't appreciate your approach. You might have better luck in future if you'd learn to speak to a lady like a person rather than an object."

Gets the point across and also explains why without being rude.

That would work with some men, definitely.

However...other men...no.
X
BD

 

[Justin B]

The "other men" are where guys like me come in. As you can tell I try to always be polite. I'm also a former boxer and worked security at a club in downtown Atlanta. "Polite" is a euphemism for "take them out of sight before breaking their arm".

 

[C-dot]

I don't think I ever had another man step in for me in those situations. Perhaps that's why I've developed such an acid tongue...

 

[Justin B]

Maybe I'm just special... I will always step in when I see a lady in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe you just need more Texans in Canadia.

(I'm sure Doolittle would volunteer.)

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Maybe I'm just special... I will always step in when I see a lady in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe you just need more Texans in Canadia.

(I'm sure Doolittle would volunteer.)

That can become a somewhat 'sticky' situation....in certain cases.
I remember a long time ago coming to the aide (I thought) of a young lady with her ex boyfriend. He had started screaming at her(I didn't know who he was)...and then forcefully pulled her out of a booth. I confronted him and he became agressive with me. Ending it quickly..he was out on the floor. Next thing I knew..the ex girlfriend was on my back kicking..hitting..and trying to pull my hair out. When the cops arrived she pleaded that it was all my fault..and I had no 'right' to step in. If it wasn't finally for the other patrons I would have been hauled away in the paddy wagon for sure. Sizing up those kind of confrontations can certainly be dangerous in any setting. The cops aren't even always eager to get involved.

 

[Black Dahlia]

I don't think I ever had another man step in for me in those situations. Perhaps that's why I've developed such an acid tongue...

Neither have I. Though in some extreme cases I would have cherished it. [huh]
X
BD

 

[sheeplady]

Neither have I. Though in some extreme cases I would have cherished it. [huh]
X
BD

Me too. Not actually beat the other guy up, but at least step in. More gentlemen are needed.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience HoosierDaddy.

 

[Chas]

^ and ^^

Like that line from "Wild At Heart": "Are you going to provide me with an opportunity to prove my love to my girl, or are you gonna save yourself some trouble, step up like a gentleman, and apologize to her?"

If I don't know the girl, I'm sorry, but I'm not jumping in - I've seen a number of situations identical to the one HoosierDaddy describes. I count myself a gentleman, not a fool. But if it's my girl that is assaulted or insulted, all bets are off.

 

[rue]

^ and ^^

Like that line from "Wild At Heart": "Are you going to provide me with an opportunity to prove my love to my girl, or are you gonna save yourself some trouble, step up like a gentleman, and apologize to her?"

If I don't know the girl, I'm sorry, but I'm not jumping in - I've seen a number of situations identical to the one HoosierDaddy describes. I count myself a gentleman, not a fool. But if it's my girl that is assaulted or insulted, all bets are off.

Off topic..... I love that movie!


On topic.... I can see both sides.


If I feel threatened, I usually grab a nice looking big guy and say "Hi honey are you ready to go yet?" and that usually chases the weirdo off.

 

[sheeplady]

I know I am hopelessly taking this thread off track, but:

The other reason why not to step in during a situation where two people obviously have a abusive relationship is that the victim (woman, child, etc.) will probably get it twice as bad when they leave. Having known abuse victims, when someone points out the abuse, the victim is normally blamed by the abuser for "telling the world" and the abuse increases in intensity.

I once observed a woman throw a young child into the end-cap of a aisle in a department store (much worse than it sounds). I followed her out to her car while acting like I was walking to mine, memorized her plate number, wrote it down when I got to my car, went home, and called the police to report her for child abuse. I've seen children be abused since, but it was in situations where I felt my safety would be threatened if I got more information, so I haven't been able to report it.

If you call the police, the one advantage that a domestic violence or child abuse victim has is that the police can get the adult into a shelter or remove the child from custody. As normal citizens, we can't help strangers to escape the situation, but the police can.

 

[Black Dahlia]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience also HoosierDaddy. And that reaction is very common.

Like Rue, I too see both sides. Chas sums it up perfectly 'I count myself a gentleman, not a fool.' Guess we all need to be careful where, and if, we step in.

I regret not doing something in a situation I saw. It still bothers me to this day!

X
BD

 

[HoosierDaddy]

^ and ^^

Like that line from "Wild At Heart": "Are you going to provide me with an opportunity to prove my love to my girl, or are you gonna save yourself some trouble, step up like a gentleman, and apologize to her?"

If I don't know the girl, I'm sorry, but I'm not jumping in - I've seen a number of situations identical to the one HoosierDaddy describes. I count myself a gentleman, not a fool. But if it's my girl that is assaulted or insulted, all bets are off.

Yep..it can sure happen.
At the time she was siiting with two girl friends..when this guy approaches. She kept saying "No No..and then he grabs her. I though that he was some stranger...idiot..who wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. Little did I know..there were actually two idiots in the equasion...maybe three including me! I learned another one of those valuable life lessons.....:eusa_doh:

 

[HoosierDaddy]

I know I am hopelessly taking this thread off track, but:

The other reason why not to step in during a situation where two people obviously have a abusive relationship is that the victim (woman, child, etc.) will probably get it twice as bad when they leave. Having known abuse victims, when someone points out the abuse, the victim is normally blamed by the abuser for "telling the world" and the abuse increases in intensity.

I once observed a woman throw a young child into the end-cap of a aisle in a department store (much worse than it sounds). I followed her out to her car while acting like I was walking to mine, memorized her plate number, wrote it down when I got to my car, went home, and called the police to report her for child abuse. I've seen children be abused since, but it was in situations where I felt my safety would be threatened if I got more information, so I haven't been able to report it.

If you call the police, the one advantage that a domestic violence or child abuse victim has is that the police can get the adult into a shelter or remove the child from custody. As normal citizens, we can't help strangers to escape the situation, but the police can.

I can't stand child abuse...I'm not talking dicipline or even a spanking...but rough needless obvious madminded 'abuse'.
However..there is also the opposite of that.
My wife and I were standing in the checkout line in Target. A woman pushed a shopping cart into another line next to us. Her child (probably 3 or 4) was in the cart seat facing her. After reaching out and grabbing some candy..or gum from the display near the register..she took it out of his hand and placed it back and said "no..you can't have that". He immediately threw a fit..raised up... and slapped her hard across the face. Her cheek turned red as the smack popped. Everyone nearby was stunned. "I want that..I want that" he screamed..as she just slowly began placing items on the belt from the cart. Then he reached up and slapped her hard again!! She finally lifted him out of the cart and stood him on the floor holding his hand. He raised hell and fought her all the way out of the store. My wife,I..and everyone around us stood in amazement and disgust. Not one time did she try to correct him..but put up with it all the way out to the car..struggling to get him in a car seat..then drove off. Just think what that kid will be like as a teenager. If his parents survive! Ridiculous..!!(Parent Abuse)..!!!