Fear of the feminine

[Matt Deckard]

I think many women nowadays have a fear of lookng femenine, or too femenine.

Back in the day societal standards made it very innapropriate for women to dress in traditionally masculine wears, and when they did they, many times womenhad their hair and lips and nails detailed.

Today many of the girls I have know over the years have really had a bit of a fear of dressing femenine. They think it shoehorns them into a stereotype that that won't be able to dhake. They dress to mold in with the public concience, especially in the workplace.

Skirts not worn because they feel it's too femenine, lipstick and nails forsaken.

I know it's harder to keep up appearances when compared to us guys who drag a comb through the hair and a razor across the face and throw on a suit and tie and a hat before we head out the door.

You have the heeled shoes that feel comfortable for 7 steps.

No clear questions here... what are your thoughts.

Are you ladies afraid to be more classically femenine than you feel?

 

[fortworthgal]

I like being feminine. I'm not really afraid of stereotypes, either - but I am very much the type of person who does not care what others think of me. Now - do I feel like wearing full makeup, hair, a dress and heels every day? Definitely not! Some days I wake up and want to wear a burlap sack. lol But I like to think that even on days when I dress casually, I make sure that I look like a girl and not some frumpy androgynous being.

Our lifestyle involves quite a few decidedly non-feminine things - camping, off-roading/4-wheeling in our Jeep, etc. So, sometimes people don't view me as being overly "girly" but I definitely don't have a fear about trying to be feminine in my day-to-day lifestyle.

 

[Tin Pan Sally]

I like to play dress up, always have. Dressing feminine is much more work and sometimes less practical. I think it’s just a matter of convenience. My friends who have had laser hair removal wear dresses more often than those who wax.

 

[JustJen]

No femininity fears here! I also don't particularly care what most people think of what I'm wearing (or of me for that matter-lol). The only opinion that matters to me in clothing is whether or not I like it.

I do work f/t in an office setting and I wear vintage there almost daily. It's nice to look different from the modern (read: media) definition of 'feminine'. Today it seems that rail thin girls with board straight hair tend to have the corner in the market. I'm not knocking them personally but when you walk into a room, they all seem to look exactly the same.

I never fear that I won't be taken seriously or will be underestimated based on what I'm wearing. I have a strong enough personality to ensure that doesn't happen.

For me, femininity is something that can be enhanced with clothing but generally starts internally. Some days I don't feel it no matter what I'm wearing. Other days, it's off the charts. And usually, if I feel good in the clothing I'm wearing, then I strangely become, dare I say it, prissy. I can wear trousers, a men's white dress shirt and a tie and feel just as feminine as when I'm wearing 4 inch platform heels and a great dress.

Of course, this is just how I perceive myself. Who knows what men are thinking???

 

[16_sparrows]

This is me rambling

This is a tough one. I grew up in Miami, FL and went to public school where it was a lot easier for you if you had a tough bark, even if there was no bite to back it up. So I dressed like a tomboy and acted tough because I got things easier and wasn't hassled as much that way.

I started dressing more feminine in college because I learned self-defense and realized you didn't need to have a masculine front if you could lay a man down in one palm heel. Now I'm somewhere in between, depending on how much time I have to get ready and if I'm feeling lazy or not. I tend not to wear make-up, mainly because if someone is going to be attracted to me, I'd rather have them be attracted by the real me and not some mask on my face. Also because it just feels too heavy sometimes.

There is also something very alluring of the tough yet sexy woman, like Lara Croft. They can take care of themselves yet still exude a sexual aura.

I guess in the end I'm not scared of the feminine, I was scared of what kind of trouble looking "weak" would get me (and the female is seen as the weaker, helpless sex). I still carry some of it with where if I know I'll be going through a bad neighborhood to go to a bar I will not wear heels or a skirt so I don't call attention to myself.

 

[Matt Deckard]

Does looking femenine really mean looking weak to you gals?

 

[16_sparrows]

Does looking femenine really mean looking weak to you gals?

Hmm...I think I took myself out of context when I said this. My point was suppose to be that if I'm walking down a dark street in a not so nice neighborhood I feel safer in jeans and sneakers than in a skirt and little heels clicking everywhere. In this particular "dark alley" case I feel dressing feminine acts like a neon sign flashing "mug and/or rape me." But then, I grew up in a crime ridden area so it may just be instilled in me that doing A will lead to B when it may not be the case at all.

Does this make more sense?

 

[Matt Deckard]

No woman wants to look weak in the sense of defensless against an attacker. The classic femenine look of the 1940's isn't that of the tough gal.

 

[Renee]

Are you ladies afraid to be more classically femenine than you feel?

I do sometimes feel quite "different" from other women around me. I like dresses more than pants, and wear them around 95% of the time. People often ask me if I wear them out of religious convictions. Now, there's nothing wrong with wearing dresses for that reason, and I am religious (though there's no "rule" that I must wear dresses only) - but it seems funny to me that wearing dresses only or dresses mostly has now come to be associated with religion. Or that even a casual day dress can get me the comment "Why did you dress up?"

 

[Paisley]

When I dress in a ladylike way, I tend to get more respect. I've had clerks literally come running after me in a store to help me. (The grand outfit I was wearing last time was a lavendar sweetheart tee, ladies jeans--no exposed midriff, wide-brimmed straw hat, silk scarf and sandals. It was ladylike by today's standards, anyway.) It's when I'm in men's jeans and an androgynous t-shirt that men try to chat me up.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Add to "fear of the feminine" a fear of good old-fashioned, sophisticated coquetry. Few diversions are more delightful.

 

[Matt Deckard]

When I dress in a ladylike way, I tend to get more respect. I've had clerks literally come running after me in a store to help me. (The grand outfit I was wearing last time was a lavendar sweetheart tee, ladies jeans--no exposed midriff, wide-brimmed straw hat, silk scarf and sandals. It was ladylike by today's standards, anyway.) It's when I'm in men's jeans and an androgynous t-shirt that men try to chat me up.

This I take offense to for men's sake.

Regardless of the appearance of a lady, I can't use that as a determiner of how
she is treated. I know guys who completely dissagree, though I hold steadfast that I would compromise myself if I changed my standards of treatment because of how you appear.

Dirty clothes and ratty hair, or white dress and a flower in the hair, I will still open the door and offer my seat.

 

[Tin Pan Sally]

"Pretty is as pretty does"

I get more male attention when I'm primped, but not more respect.

 

[Renee]

Regardless of the appearance of a lady, I can't use that as a determiner of how she is treated. ... Dirty clothes and ratty hair, or white dress and a flower in the hair, I will still open the door and offer my seat.

I'm glad you do, because good manners make society run more smoothly. There was an interesting article in The American Conservative magazine a few issues back, by Theodore Dalrymple, about the decline in manners and why they are so important.

But I will agree with the previous poster that many men do treat women differently when they are dressed in a more feminine or dressy manner.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

... many men do treat women differently when they are dressed in a more feminine or dressy manner.

Well, sure. For men who think this way, it's like a brightly wrapped present under the Christmas tree: he'll want to unwrap it first. The whole thing becomes a symbiotic affair: you give the guy eye candy, and he gives you the attention. No surprise there.


.

 

[Tin Pan Sally]

That's what we fear

 

[Marc Chevalier]

It happens.

 

[KAT]

Well, sure. For men who think this way, it's like a brightly wrapped present under the Christmas tree: he'll want to unwrap it first. The whole thing becomes a symbiotic affair: you give the guy eye candy, and he gives you the attention. No surprise there.


.

yeah and girls know and take advantage of the men, cause woman know its hard for men to use both parts of the brain at once
but then the girls wonder why the guy wants more then just to unwrap the present....guys are like kids..they wanna play with the toy after.....

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Until they get bored with the toy, which usually occurs by mid-afternoon on Christmas day ...

 

[Tin Pan Sally]

Then you are left with torn, crumpled wrapping paper...
This is the single most depressing thread ever