Dying (and burying) the old-fashioned way

[tuppence]

It's debateable

 

[RBH]

I just stumbled across this fascinating thread.
And I just have to add this...

[video=youtube;0FJNZyhRfA4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FJNZyhRfA4[/video]

 

[ChiTownScion]

The family lore presents this story of the Irish wake of my great grandfather held at home. One of those stories that they never told us as kids, but we learned later in life.

Apparently, as was the custom in the early 20th Century, the men congregated in the kitchen to consume considerable quantities of whiskey: after a while there was an effort by his old drinking buddies to haul the remains of great grandfather Martin out of the casket and prop him up on a chair in the kitchen for "one last round." Common sense however, as voiced by the women of the family, prevailed, and he remained in the casket.

 

[sheeplady]

I want my corpse to be used for science, research, as I am a cancer survivor. This is particularly important to me if I die of cancer, because hopefully they could learn something from it. Then I would like myself cremated, and the ashes spread at our home and a small portion buried at the nearby cemetery. I specifically want my ashes in a homemade box. I want my service to be at our home, not a funeral parlor. I am not sure how all this will go down, but I know that a funeral home cannot make you purchase an urn or pay for services you don't want.

Since it is a possibility I will leave my husband a relatively young widower, I hope in that case he is blessed to meet another woman to spend his life with and raise children with. I want him to be free to be buried near her, in a separate location. I don't like the idea that he feels he has to be buried with me- I would feel that this would be me being a ghost in the relationship. I would feel protected and peaceful being buried on my own near the builders of our house and not at all "alone" without any blood family nearby. I feel a great connection to them for some reason.

I specifically want a home funeral for the reasons mentioned. I want people to share stories and break bread in a place important to my family. I want them to have good memories jogged by being in our home. I do worry that it will place more work on my husband and daughter, but I know I have two friends who will help out and are good at planning and logistics and would do anything for our family.

I also want damned good music and there better be good food too. I have expectations for this shindig.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I've often joked that I want to be mounted in an action pose and set up the theatre lobby, with a hidden speaker advising patrons to "Enjoy the show." I fully intend to haunt the place when I'm gone, because every theatre needs a good ghost, so this would fit right in with my plans.

On another angle, one of the most interesting aspects of how death was viewed in the Era is that it was heavily marketed. Pick up any issue of the Saturday Evening Post, Colliers, The American Magazine, or any other magazine focused to a mainstream audience and you'll find half or quarter-page ads in the black-and-white section for Clark Grave Vaults, the National Casket Company, and Rock Of Ages monuments. This was the first big flourishing of the American death industry, and it really only took this form for a few years -- the early twenties into the mid-thirties -- and then it quietly faded out. You will never, ever see an ad for grave goods in a mainstream publication today. Even the Boys From Marketing are terrified of their own mortality.

 

[Stearmen]

I've often joked that I want to be mounted in an action pose and set up the theatre lobby, with a hidden speaker advising patrons to "Enjoy the show." I fully intend to haunt the place when I'm gone, because every theatre needs a good ghost, so this would fit right in with my plans.

On another angle, one of the most interesting aspects of how death was viewed in the Era is that it was heavily marketed. Pick up any issue of the Saturday Evening Post, Colliers, The American Magazine, or any other magazine focused to a mainstream audience and you'll find half or quarter-page ads in the black-and-white section for Clark Grave Vaults, the National Casket Company, and Rock Of Ages monuments. This was the first big flourishing of the American death industry, and it really only took this form for a few years -- the early twenties into the mid-thirties -- and then it quietly faded out. You will never, ever see an ad for grave goods in a mainstream publication today. Even the Boys From Marketing are terrified of their own mortality.

It is not unusual, to find a 18th Century grave yard, and find the headstones have no bodies near them. When the town grew, they would just dig up the bones, through them in a mass grave, and reset the headstones. When Teddy Roosevelt, sent representatives over to France, to find John Paul Jones body, the grave yard had simply been paved over and built on! They had to tunnel to find his body. Same with Richard III. So much for past generations being more reverent then today!

 

[Matt Deckard]

I'm kinda into the idea of being made up to look like a zombie.

 

[PADDY]

I'm getting buried in the family plot by the sea in County Down. I've also arranged my funeral service as its about 'me' and sadly I've been witness to too many funerals where the Padre/Vicar/Minister could be talking about 'anyone.' I see having all this in place as being a very positive thing

 

[Atticus Finch]

I’ve told Jackie that when I go, I want her to tow my boat to the Cape Lookout knuckle buoy…sit me grinning behind the wheel…set the auto pilot due east…advance the throttle to ahead-half.

And wave good bye.

AF

 

[Chas]

I also wanted to donate my body to a medical school, was it was respectfully declined. So many people do this that there is a backlog of cadavers for them to work on. I would love to have a New-Orleans-style "Second Line" but that won't happen either. Box me up and torch me.

 

[Zombie_61]

My wife and I have no children. As such, I have no idea who will ultimately assume responsibility for the disposal of my remains, so I've told everyone who might be responsible to dispose of my dead carcass in the least problematic and least expensive manner possible. When this body dies, I really won't care what happens to it afterwards.

As for any form of wake, I'll leave that to whoever might want to attend. My only hope in that regard is that it's more celebratory than somber and/or maudlin.

 

[Gregg Axley]

My wife and I have no children. As such, I have no idea who will ultimately assume responsibility for the disposal of my remains, so I've told everyone who might be responsible to dispose of my dead carcass in the least problematic and least expensive manner possible. When this body dies, I really won't care what happens to it afterwards.

As for any form of wake, I'll leave that to whoever might want to attend. My only hope in that regard is that it's more celebratory than somber and/or maudlin.

Yes, but wouldn't it be nice to go out in one of these?


Also, these limos are out there...for the VW lover.

It can all be yours, if the price is right.

 

[Zombie_61]

...It can all be yours, if the price is right.

Aaaaand there's the rub--if my financial luck holds, I'll probably die penniless and end up being disposed of on the state's tab. lol

 

[LizzieMaine]

Well, philosophically speaking, we *all* die penniless. As soon as the pulse stops, whatever we think we own ceases to be ours -- what doesn't go to our creditors goes to somebody else, and it all ceases to be our problem.

I've got a few things I want to go to specific people and those people know who they are, but as for the rest of it, hold a big yard sale and pay off what I owe, and if anything's left, use it to buy cat food for the animal shelter.

 

[PADDY]

Yes...shrouds have no pockets!

But one thing (and honestly, it's VERY POSITIVE!) I'd advise everyone to do is get your affairs in order as much as possible, make a Will and revise it every few years as assets and relationships change and take out insurance to cover your funeral costs (don't leave it all to those left behind). The sooner the better, as you just never know when your time to depart is going to be.

 

[Gregg Axley]

Aaaaand there's the rub--if my financial luck holds, I'll probably die penniless and end up being disposed of on the state's tab. lol

Tab...I hate tab.
Oh sorry, ADD.

 

[Zombie_61]

Tab...I hate tab.
Oh sorry, ADD.

I prefer Diet Coke, but Tab will do in a pinch.

 

[sheeplady]

Yes...shrouds have no pockets!

But one thing (and honestly, it's VERY POSITIVE!) I'd advise everyone to do is get your affairs in order as much as possible, make a Will and revise it every few years as assets and relationships change and take out insurance to cover your funeral costs (don't leave it all to those left behind). The sooner the better, as you just never know when your time to depart is going to be.

Yes, and do your health care proxy and all of that. And make sure that people know about things like if you want to be an organ donor. It is best if you have things in legal documents and make your loved ones aware of these things. I have strong feelings about palliative care and organ donation that run contrary to what I know some of my extended family want. I don't want any problems made for my husband so I have everything in writing.

People around me can fuss all they want but if they want to cause problems all he needs to do is say, "look, she signed this piece of paper." It takes a huge burden off those you leave behind to not have to make the decisions themselves but know they are doing *exactly* what you want, because it is on the page in black and white.

 

[LuvMyMan]

Yes...shrouds have no pockets!

But one thing (and honestly, it's VERY POSITIVE!) I'd advise everyone to do is get your affairs in order as much as possible, make a Will and revise it every few years as assets and relationships change and take out insurance to cover your funeral costs (don't leave it all to those left behind). The sooner the better, as you just never know when your time to depart is going to be.

Extremely good advice. My Sister recently passed away and she had no will. What a mess. While she was in the hospital (and such over the past ten years or so) she had given her "boyfriend" the power to decide medical choices for her in case she could not do so for herself. Well...when she died, after, her remains (cremation) were at her boyfriend's home. Due to his having the "possession" of her ashes, and her having no will, it would cost tons of money to take him to court and try to obtain the ashes from him. Now, he will not even talk to anyone in the family regarding my Sister's ashes.

Then the mess due to no will regarding "probate court".....

 

[LuvMyMan]

I prefer Diet Coke, but Tab will do in a pinch.

They still make Tab soda pop?