Don't forget your POISE

[ohairas]

Oh if I could change one thing about myself it would be my posture. It's horrible. As much as I try to stand up straight it just does not come naturally, my sister and cousin are the same way. Is it some sort of gene? LOL!
I've tried exercises and special bras... why oh why can't I just do it without thinking about it!
At least when I'm out I always think to stand up straight. But there are SO many teens that slouch these days.

Another thing I can't stand is that is seems women are just trying to be "one of the guys" these days. Walking around in sports teams jerseys and jeans or sweats with their poneytails stuck through a ball cap, drinking a beer and no make up on. What the?????? My husband and I comment on this all the time.

You all are right, it starts in the home. Parents need to teach proper etiquette and boys how to treat girls. Alas, most parents don't have manners themselves these days. I'm afraid for what lies ahead! SNIFF!

Nikki

 

[Classydame]

I love this post. I really love to be a girl. I feel most special when I am wearing a dress, heels and stockings. Being feminine is wonderful! But most of all its wonderful to be able to be who you are. Which can be many different personalities all in one...the cursing sailor, the vamp, the lady, the biker girl, the shy innocent school girl or whatever you want.

I love it when men open doors for me, help me on with my coat and pull a chair out for me. It doesn't make me feel inferior or less than them it makes me feel special!

 

[BettyValentine]

Another thing I can't stand is that is seems women are just trying to be "one of the guys" these days. Walking around in sports teams jerseys and jeans or sweats with their poneytails stuck through a ball cap, drinking a beer and no make up on. What the?????? My husband and I comment on this all the time.

Conveniently, we all get to make our own choices about who we want to be.

 

[lindylady]

I don't know of any finishing schools in the states, but my mom attended one in Switzerland, and it is still open today. I'm not sure if they still balance books on their heads. But, I have heard the stories of her learning how to walk and set a proper table setting.

It is difficult nowadays, it certainly seems that modern shoes are quite noisy. Nothing is worse than walking through a quiet museum and hearing the annoying squeak of a new pair of shoes, or the clip clop of a pair of flip flops.

Especially the flip flops I don't think there is any incentive or self-motivation for women to dress up anymore. Taking pride in one's appearance and carriage no longer holds value as it did years ago. Society has made it perfectly acceptable for both genders to go about town in a ragged fashion.

 

[Girl Friday]

With the holiday season coming up (the one time of year that some women actually put a dress on!) and all the parties that come along with it, I really hate to see a woman dressed up, make up and heels, but they walk like a man.
:eusa_doh:

Or walking with the self conscious slump of shoulders, because actually wearing a dress is so uncomfortable to them, or the constant tugging at a strapless in fear of a wardrobe malfunction.

 

[CanadaDoll]

It's very true, women have no obvious incentive to be ladies anymore, but I do notice, and love the difference in treatment I get from my profs when I am dressed better than most of the student body, they tend to treat me with more patience and courtesy.

 

[Kim_B]

Taking the time to dress appropriately for the occasion shows you really want to be there and care about yourself, but that doesn't mean we can't throw on a pair of jeans every once in a while too! My problem is that I have a business in a small town - if I leave the house looking like I just crawled out of bed, that will reflect poorly on my business. I can only imagine what potential photography clients would be saying! (I shudder at the thought, actually...the people in my town can be down right rude at times!) I don't think there's anything wrong with going to the mall or movies or even dinner wearing jeans and a nice top; being put together doesn't mean you have to dress to the nines!

I think the problem with a lot of girls wearing the clunky shoes (I'm guilty at times, too) is that well made shoes that fit properly are hard to come by, and a lot of times you have to buy a shoe that's a size too large just to get it to fit. I draw the line if it causes me to walk awkwardly, but a lot of girls don't seem to be concerned with that!

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

Conveniently, we all get to make our own choices about who we want to be.

THANK YOU! Let the others make their own decisions. I know this is a fun thread, but the kvetching that goes on on this board talking trash about others sometimes gets to me. It's not very ladylike!

 

[Rebecca D]

THANK YOU! Let the others make their own decisions. I know this is a fun thread, but the kvetching that goes on on this board talking trash about others sometimes gets to me. It's not very ladylike!

I completely agree with you that this sounds like trash talk.

Enforced gender roles are something I can live without; if another person looks at me and determines by my style of shoe, the fit of my dress, or the grace in my stride that I do not fit into their particular social order, then I am much better off for it. I want people to judge me on my personality and principles rather than repressive gender-based etiquette guidelines.

Allow others the freedom you desire for yourself. If you desire little freedom, don't make that anyone else's problem but your own.

As for the bra burning thing, that supposed political tactic is just another myth of the feminist movement. I have never found a single book, '60s feminist activist, or counter activist that has proof of this happening - at least not here in the US. If anyone can prove it happened, that is fine, but otherwise it's not a sound judgement of a valid political struggle.

 

[BettyValentine]

I completely agree with you that this sounds like trash talk.

Enforced gender roles are something I can live without; if another person looks at me and determines by my style of shoe, the fit of my dress, or the grace in my stride that I do not fit into their particular social order, then I am much better off for it. I want people to judge me on my personality and principles rather than repressive gender-based etiquette guidelines.

Allow others the freedom you desire for yourself. If you desire little freedom, don't make that anyone else's problem but your own.

That's exactly how I feel. I'm really glad you guys said this, I was starting to think I was the only one.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

That's exactly how I feel. I'm really glad you guys said this, I was starting to think I was the only one.

You are most definatly not the only one.

Three cheers for knowing that rules and 'appropriate-ness' are all in the eye of the beholder, not the do-er....and guess what...If i chose to do what i want and ignore the beholders opinions....thats my choice.

I am sure we -all- do things that the others would never consider doing or think is bad behavior..etc...I love flip flops and I dont always wear hose.....

I try not to make sweeping judgements based on what I see in others, in return for some of that same consideration from them.

Thats -politeness-....noticing things, but not mentioning them, when it would make the other person feel awkward.

 

[Girl Friday]

I love flip flops!

 

[Renee]

Enforced gender roles are something I can live without; if another person looks at me and determines by my style of shoe, the fit of my dress, or the grace in my stride that I do not fit into their particular social order, then I am much better off for it. I want people to judge me on my personality and principles rather than repressive gender-based etiquette guidelines.

But in real life, people will notice and judge how you are dressed and the way you act long before they get around to your personality and principles, however stellar they may be.

That is why "first impressions" - on job interviews, dates, etc. - are considered so important. People will form an impression of you, however accurate or inaccurate, based on your dress and mannerisms. Hopefully, your outer demeanor will be in sync with the inner one.

There is a Latin saying, lex orandi lex credendi. Roughly translated, this means that the law of prayer is the law of belief. Meaning, how a person worships shows what the person believes. I think this can apply to dress and etiquette, also. How one dresses and acts shows a lot about who a person is.

 

[Girl Friday]

And by the way... actually Vintage...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Zori2.jpg

 

[Miss Neecerie]

But in real life, people will notice and judge how you are dressed and the way you act long before they get around to your personality and principles, however stellar they may be.

That is why "first impressions" - on job interviews, dates, etc. - are considered so important. People will form an impression of you, however accurate or inaccurate, based on your dress and mannerisms. Hopefully, your outer demeanor will be in sync with the inner one.

There is a Latin saying, lex orandi lex credendi. Roughly translated, this means that the law of prayer is the law of belief. Meaning, how a person worships shows what the person believes. I think this can apply to dress and etiquette, also. How one dresses and acts shows a lot about who a person is.

This is all true..

However, if someone choses to act a certain way anyhow, fully cognizant of that, then that is their choice.

We as the 'poised and mannered' ladies we continue to purport to be and want to emulate, should refrain from playing the huge judgement games that happen here on a regular basis.

That is what is being said, not that appearances don't count.

 

[Miss Dottie]

There are a couple of finishing school in the UK - and there was a series on TV a while back called 'Ladette to Lady' did anyone see it? Filmed at Eggleston Hall.

Heh heh! I saw that. HILARIOUS! I think they did an American version too--to give some girl a title as the reward.

 

[Rebecca D]

My grandmother, who was fully educated in so-called etiquette, used to tell me to never date outside of my race. Apparently, even though it’s fine with me, in the real world “others will judge.” I gently told her that those who would judge me on such a thing were in no position to be judging anyone but their painfully narrow selves. I say the same for the poor souls who still harbor particular views that cause them to see the world as a restrictive place where worn-out, old gender roles must never be broken.

And, of course, it’s been my experience that those who are concerned with how the world will judge are the very same folks doing the judging.

My major complaint here is not necessarily the fact that some members of this board tend to attack anyone who doesn’t dress just like them – although I think that kind of talk, like I said earlier, is trash - but my major problem is the forcing of women into a narrow role defined by people who seem to confuse shoes and dresses with womanhood.

Whatever makes you feel like a woman is great, but don’t expect others to view their femininity the same way you view yours. Being pigeonholed is such a drag.

 

[Miss Dottie]

Amen!

RE: Walking in heels--well, it is an art. I was taught to walk in heels in a certain way to help with the clomp-i-ness. Yes yes to the ballet trick of string at the top of your head, etc. But what really helps is if you do a little pelvic tilt--like a model and put the weight of your foot not on the heel, but on the outer ball of your foot.

And my teacher used to say about walking in heels-- "just think light thoughts"--how helpful is that?!?

I guess this is why I save them for special occasions and wear my flats and one inch heels every day, so I can walk quickly!

 

[Lauren]

I love flip flops!

Ditto! I love them too!

And I'm guilty of being "one of the guys" but I know how to dress up if I need to It's like some of you said- it's so nice to be able to choose how we display ourselves. I think if you truly are a lady it doesn't matter what you dress like- you'll still show yourself classy even in a ball cap and jeans.

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

I actually like it when I wear jeans and someone says "wow, you're so dressed down today"! Makes me realize people notice that I try to look nice most of the time!

And there's nothing wrong with discussing poise - I like the tip about putting both feet on the curb before standing up from a car. I just know that it isn't necessary to discuss it at the expense of others. I *hate* when a group of people break of from the average everyday crowd because it is judgmental, then get together and act just like the people they were trying to separate themselves from! I'm no perfect angel, but I try.

(I might talk trash about muffin tops though, I'm only human!!)