Dinner Party Etiquette

[Miss sofia]

I agree. I was brought up to arrive a few minutes after the allotted time. If i'm entertaining i have no issue with people arriving a little late either, say 10-15 mins, as i then don't have hordes on the doorstep all at once!

I have a friend who is a great dinner party guest, good company, wonderful manners, aside from one little thing, which doesn't bother me particularly but which drives my other friends batty. He will eat all the leftover food on the table quite sneakily, plus he always serves himself the most gargantuan portions . He doesn't chat much while we are eating, just chows down and then helps himself when he thinks people aren't paying attention. To be honest i love him dearly and would never be so petty as to mention it, i take it as a compliment he likes my cooking. But two of my girlfriends who invite him regularly have found it rather rude when he upends say half the dish of potatoes onto his plate. I did suggest perhaps they serve him silver service waitress style, and just keep an eye on him so when he looks to have finished eating, they can perhaps offer seconds to the other guests before he snaffles the lot. It's not really a great dilemma for me as i said, it's just he is a good egg and i hat the fact my friends are starting to find him a bit tiresome for something so trivial, or is it trivial?

 

[Steven180]

I'm with you on either being on time or just a few minutes late. I think that's the accepted norm, at least for the U.S.

Miss sofia; trivial. Although may be slightly rude, your friend is also enjoying your cooking to no end. Who knows how he was brought up or the quality he eats at home or by himself. If it ever becomes a significant event or an issue between your friends it would be beneficial to mention it to him in the appropriate setting. I think he'd probably thank you for pointing it out.

M.

 

[Miss sofia]

I think you're right, as i said it doesn't bother me at all i take it as a compliment really. I have far more pressing things to worry about. It's just my girlfriends both took umbrage, which got me to thinking. I know he was brought up on a farm and indeed still farms, so he has a good, healthy appetite. I would imagine and from what little he has mentioned to me that mealtimes were pretty rushed, a re-fuel and then back to to work, so maybe it's just ingrained in him to just chow down. As i said otherwise he's great.

 

[Steven180]

"Umbrage." Good word!

M.

 

[Miss sofia]

I agree Steven, i take 'umbrage' on a regular basis!

 

[C-dot]

You're right miss sofia, if he was brought up on a farm and still works on one, chances are the man just has a healthy appetite. Good for you for dealing with this "faux pas" so gracefully! My mum and I usually try to make enough food to go around for seconds, but if there is an issue with portions, we serve it ourselves and lock the seconds in the kitchen.

 

[Connery]

I have a friend who is a great dinner party guest, good company, wonderful manners, aside from one little thing, which doesn't bother me particularly but which drives my other friends batty. He will eat all the leftover food on the table quite sneakily, plus he always serves himself the most gargantuan portions . He doesn't chat much while we are eating, just chows down and then helps himself when he thinks people aren't paying attention. To be honest i love him dearly and would never be so petty as to mention it, i take it as a compliment he likes my cooking. But two of my girlfriends who invite him regularly have found it rather rude when he upends say half the dish of potatoes onto his plate. I did suggest perhaps they serve him silver service waitress style, and just keep an eye on him so when he looks to have finished eating, they can perhaps offer seconds to the other guests before he snaffles the lot. It's not really a great dilemma for me as i said, it's just he is a good egg and i hat the fact my friends are starting to find him a bit tiresome for something so trivial, or is it trivial?

I prepare enough food for everyone to eat their share, large or small portions not withstanding. Got to love a man who has a healthy appetite. There are those who have commented about the amount of food I eat, always with a smile. The more formal the event the less I eat. I also bring an apple pie or prepare a dish myself to add to the festivities when I am invited to a dinner party depending on the formality of the event. :hungry:

 

[Miss sofia]

I prepare enough food for everyone to eat their share, large or small portions not withstanding. Got to love a man who has a healthy appetite. There are those who have commented about the amount of food I eat, always with a smile. The more formal the event the less I eat. I also bring an apple pie or prepare a dish myself to add to the festivities when I am invited to a dinner party depending on the formality of the event. :hungry:

I quite agree, i'm Italian so appetite is everything! I think it was more the fact that he didn't offer seconds to anyone and just snaffled the lot that was the real issue. I always prepare lots of food, too much if anything, but then i was brought up to believe there was nothing worse than too small amounts of food to go round at a party.

How nice of you to bring a dish or a pie to a party. I wish more people did that. In italy it is not uncommon for guests to bring pudding and indeed i quite often ask if i can prepare say a starter or pudding if i'm dining with good friends, anything to ease the burden of whichever friend is stuck in a steamy kitchen all afternoon with his/her pinny on! It's also a good idea in these times of economic hardship too, i wish more of my friends would perhaps get into the idea of sorting it out beforehand with the host and bringing say a course each to an informal party.

 

[Miss sofia]

You're right miss sofia, if he was brought up on a farm and still works on one, chances are the man just has a healthy appetite. Good for you for dealing with this "faux pas" so gracefully! My mum and I usually try to make enough food to go around for seconds, but if there is an issue with portions, we serve it ourselves and lock the seconds in the kitchen.

Thanks C-dot, good idea to lock the seconds in the kitchen and serve yourselves!

I don't think i have ever been told i have handled 'anything gracefully' until now. Thank you xx

 

[Connery]

I think it was more the fact that he didn't offer seconds to anyone and just snaffled the lot that was the real issue.

How gauche!!! Either this man needs to be told about his behavior and he adheres to a modicum of common courtesy or he gets the :kick: from the "A" list invitations. At least that is what I would do.

 

[Steven180]

Miss sofia, a note...

You'll have to let us know when you're going to host a dinner party again...sampling your cooking is truly the only way we can fairly judge your poor friend!

I mean, I don't see how we can honestly provide criticism or advocate his actions without understanding what the poor guy was trying to grapple with! Could be the home cooked cuisine was so extraordinary that his epicurious gene got the best of him! I'm sure Connery will happily volunteer to supply the pie!

Have you considered dinner for four hundred...
M.

 

[C-dot]

Thanks C-dot, good idea to lock the seconds in the kitchen and serve yourselves!

I don't think i have ever been told i have handled 'anything gracefully' until now. Thank you xx

I can't imagine why - That is the very example of what the graceful hostess would do. It's very easy to complain about someone (especially behind their back) but you took it in the best possible light and remembered his good qualities. Besides, your evaluation of his behaviour is probably quite true.

For that matter, I would like to be one of the 400 that gets invited to your next dinner

 

[rue]

Me too!!

Miss Sofia.... you are extremely gracious and always have been on the FL, I can't imagine you to be any different in real life

 

[Edward]

I've always given two times, one for arrival and one for dinner - 'seven for seven thirty' is common. Folks then know they can arrive anytime from seven, with my intention being to serve around seven thirty. Years ago, a visiting family member arrived over an hour early for lunch, when we were still all out. Said person proceeded to leave us a note and leave, with no real idea that this was considered rude. If somebody did that sort of thing too often, though, I'd simply stop inviting them, myself.

 

[Miss sofia]

Miss sofia, a note...

You'll have to let us know when you're going to host a dinner party again...sampling your cooking is truly the only way we can fairly judge your poor friend!

I mean, I don't see how we can honestly provide criticism or advocate his actions without understanding what the poor guy was trying to grapple with! Could be the home cooked cuisine was so extraordinary that his epicurious gene got the best of him! I'm sure Connery will happily volunteer to supply the pie!

Have you considered dinner for four hundred...


I'm more than happy if you all don't mind paper plates and jam jars for eating and drinking with! I don't think i have enough crockery otherwise!

Seriously thank you everyone for your kind comments. Actually i conducted a little test and actually invited my friend John round for supper this evening alone. What do you know!! He was the model of good behaviour and actually asked me if i wanted seconds before he polished off the lot, so i can only ascertain he was also a little nervous around the other guests and just got his head down to the serious business of eating. Either that or he is a secret FL lurker and has been reading all this

 

[rue]

lol maybe he is!

 

[Steven180]

Good work, and very nice giving him another chance...

M.

 

[Gregg Axley]

Imitate your aunt. Bite back.

If your aunt isn't available, you could always have a dog, or two that send the message.
Heelers (Cattle Dogs) work nice, I"m on my second one and I'm not disappointed.
They can be trained not to bite, but they can also be trained to "herd" said unwanted guest into the backyard for awhile.

 

[C-dot]

He was the model of good behaviour and actually asked me if i wanted seconds before he polished off the lot, so i can only ascertain he was also a little nervous around the other guests and just got his head down to the serious business of eating. Either that or he is a secret FL lurker and has been reading all this

I'm very glad to hear that! Some people are just a wee bit too shy around groups of people to call above the chatter "Would anyone like seconds?" Plus - here's a thought - Maybe he was a bit worried that the food wouldn't get eaten by the other people, and you'd have to throw it away. My dad has that fear, it's kind of sweet

If your aunt isn't available, you could always have a dog, or two that send the message.
Heelers (Cattle Dogs) work nice, I"m on my second one and I'm not disappointed.
They can be trained not to bite, but they can also be trained to "herd" said unwanted guest into the backyard for awhile.

Sounds like my uncle's Aussie Shepherd. When he was a baby, he would nip everyone heels lol

Interestingly enough about that guy: He doesn't like dogs, and won't go near them. Every time we pat a dog in the street, he loudly complains "It's just a stupid animal, don't fuss over it" to which I always snap back at him . I've watched him a little more closely, though, and discovered that it's because he's afraid of dogs! It makes me miss my Labrador, Casey, even more - She would've been so useful at my parent's house when he comes over!

 

[Miss sofia]

Actually that's a good point, C-dot, i hadn't thought about that!

I think you need to definately borrow a dog, if you ever decide to dine with that odiious man again. A small ankle-biter would do, it could just pop it's head out of your purse and do it's worst!.