Dinner Party Etiquette

[miss_elise]

she wanted to get there early so it would still be light outside... fair enough, but it's nice to ring before hand so that I know... and then her son and daughter wouldn't have been out getting the gas for the bbq and would have been there to amuse her...

plus I have just burnt my hand so i was a bit flustered... put me off my game...

thanks for you input everyone...

paisley, I've just run off a copy of Mrs Post to have a read so at least I may be able to get it right, if no-one else

 

[Dr Doran]

I've known people whose MILs assumed they were welcome anytime. All those people are divorced now.

This deserves to be carved in stone. Brilliant.

Worthy of Wilde.

 

[Paisley]

fftopic:

Good inlaw relations can be summed up in four letters: MYOB.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

she wanted to get there early so it would still be light outside... fair enough, but it's nice to ring before hand so that I know... and then her son and daughter wouldn't have been out getting the gas for the bbq and would have been there to amuse her...

Agreed - she should at least call and say she was, or ask if she could, come early. So...early enough so that she'd arrive while it was light out...which begs the question, was she then afraid to drive home in the dark?

The inlaws, who live 1200 miles south, called one afternoon saying they thought they'd like to come visit for a week or so. "Oh, that might be fun. When were you thinking?" "Well, we just passed Cle Elum so we should be there in probably 90 minutes." Immediately wishing for a freak blizzard to hit Snoqualmie Pass, but knowing in August, it just wasn't going to happen, I said, "Well, uh, gee, what the heck are you two doing up here?" "We saw that show on Discovery last week about Yellowstone being a big volcano just waiting to blow, so we figured if we were going to see it, we better do it now, so we just jumped in the van and head out the next morning...and you know, after a day there, you've really seen all there is to see, so we drove over to Spokane and stayed at the Davenport last night."

Idiots... I seriously considered driving straight to the airport and catching the first flight to Palm Springs.

 

[Paisley]

fftopic:

This is one reason I live in a small house: relatives cannot stay with me. If they want to visit, that's fine. Denver is full of hotels.

 

[J.L. Picard]

Dinner Party

In France, it is considered not polite to arrive more than 15 minutes prior the time you are invited. Good manner would be to arrive 10 to 15 minutes after the time you were invited. If you are more than 15 minutes late, make sure you call to apologize to your hostess...

 

[J.L. Picard]

Dinner Party

I have a friend who is always one hour late...I always invite him one hour early...

 

[MikeBravo]

If anyone arrives early, give them a job or an errand

Either they will be of assistance, or won't do it again; preferrably both

I try to be within 5 minutes after the start date, right on time is a pain because nobody is ready.

For a dinner party does everybody bring a bottle? Wine is the usual, although whether to bring red or white is a tough one for me

 

[Lily Powers]

.......For a dinner party does everybody bring a bottle? Wine is the usual, although whether to bring red or white is a tough one for me

For my friends who don't drink, I bring a pair of handmade taper candlesticks, which one of the local stores sells. I guess I'd describe them as "rustic" looking, as opposed to the very perfect ones you usually see in stores. I wrap a small square of paper around them, tie fabric ribbon around them and stick a sprig of lavender or herbs from the garden in the bow. Just a sweet 'thank you' for the hosts' hospitality.

 

[Dr Doran]

If anyone arrives early, give them a job or an errand

Either they will be of assistance, or won't do it again; preferrably both

"Oh, HIIII! You made it! It's SO nice to see you! You're the first here. Well, GREAT! Would you mind hitting the batrhroom counter with Ajax? get a little in the toilet too -- there's a scrub brush behind it"

 

[Diamondback]

You're an evil dude, Doran--I like it!

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Now playing: John Williams - The Imperial Probe - Aboard the Executor
via FoxyTunes

 

[Carlisle Blues]

Early birds get to hear me curse and then they can walk the dogs...lol

 

[Matthew Verge]

My mother in law is welcome anytime, as are any of the relatives. The only reason they need to call is to check if we're home.

I hope this doesn't lead to a divorce. It'd be a shame to be single because I like my in-laws.

 

[John in Covina]

Tazer the early ones and the really late ones.

 

[Diamondback]

Why waste good voltage? Season those folks' dinner with a judicious squirt of Oleoresin Capsaicin (pepper-spray, to the layman)...

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Now playing: Frank Klepacki - tactics.mp3
via FoxyTunes

 

[Elaina]

For a dinner party does everybody bring a bottle? Wine is the usual, although whether to bring red or white is a tough one for me

It depends on the host/hostess. I never give wine or alcohol, but that is because it is what most people give. If I know them well, I'll give them a hostess apron if they wear them, or a box of fine chocolates, even if I don't know them well at all. If I don't know them well, and not sure if a gift is normal, I leave it in my car, and then it is something like a gift basket, or more often, I send flowers the next day, although if they are arranged in a vase, you can bring them as long as there is nothing she has to deal with. Men are just variations of this and while I generally wouldn't give an apron to him, the only man I know that hosts it does collect vintage aprons and so I make him one for his home every time I go without fail.

All of these are appropriate, but you have to make sure they don't have to mess with it right then, or use it at the party.

I do have one friend where I do make several dishes and bring it. This is not polite at all, except she's an awful cook and can't time anything to save her soul (and she asks me to) and it saves her from having to cook for an hour while we all sit around.

 

[Tomasso]

My mother in law is welcome anytime, as are any of the relatives.

Same here. And likewise, if I happened to show up at their home a half hour early I surely wouldn't sit in the car a twiddle my thumbs. Personally, I've been lucky to have had some very cool in-laws; their daughters were a different story........

 

[Elaina]

Same here. And likewise, if I happened to show up at their home a half hour early I surely wouldn't sit in the car a twiddle my thumbs. Personally, I've been lucky to have had some very cool in-laws; their daughters were a different story........

Heh, I still have a very close relationship with an ex father in law and an ex-mother in law. Their sons are entirely a different matter, but until I moved I had lunch with my father in law years after his son and I divorced.

 

[Missy Hellfire]

I am willing to stand corrected by etiquette afficionados but I was always taught that for formal dining occasions you may arrive exactly on time or up to 10 minutes late; any more than 10 minutes then let your hosts know and apologise profusely for the tardiness. In terms of what to take with you, nice chocolates are always welcome and flowers never go down badly (especially if the hostess likes to watch her figure!).

 

[klind65]

What a gaucherie!

Hello. Yes, I agree, that early arrival was indeed rude. I don't know why "modern" people often don't pracitce consideration. Perhaps they no longer teach the "golden rule" in grammar school.

If one is fortunate enough to have a domestic to see to the guest ( get him/her settled, take wraps and offer drinks) then one is left to do everything oneself in which case an early arrival can be quite the inconvenience. Here are some general rules I follow: Always respond to an RSVP as soon as possible so as to allow the hostess to plan accurately. If the hostess is not at the door to greet you, then you must seek her out and greet her first. Likewise, upon departing, be sure to bid her farewell mentioning how much you enjoyed your stay. For smaller more informal gatherings, it is especially kind and appreciated to arrive with a small token gift of some kind ( bottle of wine, perhaps), and always try to reciprocate later by inviting the hostess to your home or some social event. Lastly, it is essential to send a thank you note as soon as possible after the dinner.

I'd like also to mention that every great hostess makes a point of taking each guest around and introducing him to people she feels he might like. She constantly circulates to be sure that throughout the evening, no one is left alone or bored for long. This requires that she know enough about her guests and be savvy enough to forge propitious groupings. Many hostesses today do not do this resulting in many boring parties and many guests feeling alienated and shy. Hope this helps.
Kind wishes, klind65