Dating etiquette

[jamespowers]

"My fiancee and I went to a little party held by my ex-girlfriend..."

OY! This is one of those lead-ins like: "...and then I hit the bear with a stick." lol lol lol

Or "then I hit the hornet's nest with a stick."
I always made it a point to make a clean break. You would never see me at an ex's party. If we were still that close then why would she be an ex? Just don't make sense to me.

 

[Johnnysan]

Or "then I hit the hornet's nest with a stick."
I always made it a point to make a clean break. You would never see me at an ex's party. If we were still that close then why would she be an ex? Just don't make sense to me.

I'm definitely in the same camp...an old chapter closes; a new one begins.

 

[scotrace]

I still see ex's. Some are close friends. And there are some I have not seen since the Fateful Day that I'd love to know again.

I think it's possible for mature people to remove physical intimacy from a relationship that didn't work as an intimate one anyway, and be friends, because you've connected in a psychological way.

 

[Dr Doran]

Or "then I hit the hornet's nest with a stick."
I always made it a point to make a clean break. You would never see me at an ex's party. If we were still that close then why would she be an ex? Just don't make sense to me.

Well ... in this specific case, she went to Zambia for 3 years on a long-awaited Peace Corps mission. The contract with the Peace Corps had been signed before we met. She needed to do it for resume-enhancement. Her undergrad degree was from a non-top school and she wanted to get into grad school. Also, she also had a strong personal desire to do something about AIDS in Africa. Peace Corps gave her the opportunity to learn Bemba (a local language) and speak on the radio about this plague, organize clinics, and so on. I highly respect this.

But on a general level, I try to stay in touch with exes if they got to know me well enough to become great friends. To me, it is a horrible prospect to lose the chance to talk about the times I had with that person. Like Baty's last line in Blade Runner.

 

[jamespowers]

I'm definitely in the same camp...an old chapter closes; a new one begins.

No need to kick a hornet's nest I say.
I might as well add one that is actually fit for public consumption.
This happened when I went to pick up my future wife for our first date.
I went to the door and brought her to the car and all that. When we were both in, I noticed a tall young guy come out of the house next door and jump into a new BMW. Being as outspoken then as I am now, I asked who the drug dealer was. Answer: "My cousin." Good thing they weren't exactly the best of friends. She laughed.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

I still see ex's. Some are close friends. And there are some I have not seen since the Fateful Day that I'd love to know again.

I think it's possible for mature people to remove physical intimacy from a relationship that didn't work as an intimate one anyway, and be friends, because you've connected in a psychological way.

Exactly. I have an ex where it should have never been anything -but- friends...yet we dated for 9 months.

after a 'get used to it not being romantic' period.......we are -so- much better off as friends.

 

[Dr Doran]

Being as outspoken then as I am now, I asked who the drug dealer was. Answer: "My cousin." Good thing they weren't exactly the best of friends. She laughed.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

That you did not die of embarassment is testament either to your ability to unflappably maintain grace under pressure or ...

 

[Paisley]

Or "then I hit the hornet's nest with a stick."
I always made it a point to make a clean break. You would never see me at an ex's party. If we were still that close then why would she be an ex? Just don't make sense to me.

Me, too. And drinking from someone else's glass or eating from their plate is usually done only between intimates. If I were on a date with someone who did that, it would be our last date.

 

[reetpleat]

Many of my closest friends are my exes. I share a close personal bond with these particular friends of mine and in many cases, they understand me better than I understand myself. I will not tolerate dating anyone who has a problem with this.

I am also fine meeting a partner's exes. However, for those of you who allow this introduction, a couple of things you need to remember:

1. You need to make your partner feel extra special and extra needed prior to and directly following the meeting. They need to feel like they are your love. Give them no reason to feel second best to your ex.

2. Don't let it happen haphazardly. Make sure they are prepared, know what's in store, know what to expect from your ex. Only once have I met someone's ex unexpectedly. I was messy and dirty from roller derby practice and my wrath was stinging. Don't let this happen to you, gents. Make sure she's prepared so she can look good and maintain her "dignity" lol

And, don't assume they will like each other. Cool if they do, but don't go around saying "you will like him/her," or "You guys will really hit it off." No one likes to be told who they will like or not.

 

[reetpleat]

" A man may be forgiven the kiss to which he was not entitled, but never the kiss he had not the initiative to take."


Also, make sure your blind grandfather knows which girl you will be escorting that evening before he is in her presence and assumes it's the other one.

"Say! Is that you Mary?"

"No, Grandpa, this is Joyce."

"Oh."


As my daughter says, "Awkward!"

Brilliant. Is that a quote from some famous wit, or are you the wit that it should be attributed to?

 

[jamespowers]

Me, too. And drinking from someone else's glass or eating from their plate is usually done only between intimates. If I were on a date with someone who did that, it would be our last date.

It would have been my last date as well. I would think of all the wierd diseases that get spread that way and no, I ain't sharin'.
I also have a hard time with idiots who get married and smear the wedding cake all over each other at the reception too though. :eusa_doh: People actually encourage that stuff too. My mother would have killed either of us if that happened at our wedding.

 

[reetpleat]

As long as no one accuses your response as being "too white" (JOKE from other post on other thread). People from various ethnic backgrounds (probably all) would find this an intimacy intrusion.

I don't think it's only a girl thing either. I'd be rather annoyed too. And I'd understand the big deal.

I think men and women take intimacy a little differently. Sharing food or drink is subtle intimacy most men would not notice or care about much. Other things would get a guy steamed, such as maybe a guy physically touching her. I guess women would have a hard time with that sometimes too. Can't think of something that would bother a man but not a woman. Perhaps someone else can.

 

[reetpleat]

Or "then I hit the hornet's nest with a stick."
I always made it a point to make a clean break. You would never see me at an ex's party. If we were still that close then why would she be an ex? Just don't make sense to me.

I think it os both a cultural and generational thing.

Certain people move in certain circles in which it is common and others do not. Younger generations tend to do it more. (be friends with exes)

May have to do with how you view relationships to women too. I have alway found it easy to be friends with women and do not view dating and friendship that differently. Some guys and women I guess see relationships as either or.

 

[jamespowers]

I still see ex's. Some are close friends. And there are some I have not seen since the Fateful Day that I'd love to know again.

I think it's possible for mature people to remove physical intimacy from a relationship that didn't work as an intimate one anyway, and be friends, because you've connected in a psychological way.

Ok Neville, I see you are trying to be friends with everyone again.
Obviously you haven't watched When Harry Met Sally close enough.
I am not willing to give my wife any grief wondering why I would want to be with another woman as a friend when I have her.
The only way an ex would be connected with me still would be in a Fatal Attraction way---NO Thanks. I'll take time spent with my wife and son over an ex any day.
The only things I would remember meeting any of them again would be the reason for breaking up in the first place. :eusa_doh:

 

[Dr Doran]

Ok Neville, I see you are trying to be friends with everyone again. :

PEACE IN OUR TIME.

 

[reetpleat]

Well ... in this specific case, she went to Zambia for 3 years on a long-awaited Peace Corps mission. The contract with the Peace Corps had been signed before we met. She needed to do it for resume-enhancement. Her undergrad degree was from a non-top school and she wanted to get into grad school. Also, she also had a strong personal desire to do something about AIDS in Africa. Peace Corps gave her the opportunity to learn Bemba (a local language) and speak on the radio about this plague, organize clinics, and so on. I highly respect this.

But on a general level, I try to stay in touch with exes if they got to know me well enough to become great friends. To me, it is a horrible prospect to lose the chance to talk about the times I had with that person. Like Baty's last line in Blade Runner.

Interesting alternate topic we have going here.

On the saubject of becoming friends with exes, I find that there is not much point to saying "let's be friends" You either will or will not and plan or intention has little to do with it.

I am close to one ex, partly due to my close relationship to her son.

But it was hard for her because when I was over it, she still was not and I never should have invited her to move in with me at that point. I loved having them around, but it was very hard for her as she was not over me yet.

In the end we are still close and she got an ew apartment and it was a great chance for me to bond further with her son.

 

[jamespowers]

PEACE IN OUR TIME.

With a piece of worthless paper signed by the Ex with an X.

 

[Paisley]

It would have been my last date as well. I would think of all the wierd diseases that get spread that way and no, I ain't sharin'.

Where I dance, I'm sure we all end up picking up the wrong glass and drinking out of it. It's not really the yuck factor for me, but the arm's length factor.

 

[jamespowers]

Where I dance, I'm sure we all end up picking up the wrong glass and drinking out of it. It's not really the yuck factor for me, but the arm's length factor.

The wrong glass?! Definitely the YUCK factor. :eusa_doh:
I'll keep an arms length away from the glass too.

 

[jamespowers]

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

That you did not die of embarassment is testament either to your ability to unflappably maintain grace under pressure or ...

Maintain grace; start the car and move on with a different topic really fast.
"Look over there."