Contacting folks you haven't spoken to in ages

[imoldfashioned]

Maybe you have someone in your life like this?

There was someone I was quite close to but we lost contact 20 years ago (and, oh my, how did I get old enough to be able to say that?). I’ve thought of them fondly over the years and even Googled them to no avail, however, I tried again on Friday and an address came up. I sent off a brief note this morning so maybe I’ll hear from them?

On the one hand I really hope I do hear from them, it would be fun to catch up and see what they’re doing now. On the other hand I have all sorts of silly fears; what if they meant more to me than I did to them? What if they don’t remember me? It’s worth the risk to try and make contact though.

Have any of you had a situation like this, where you were the one contacted or the one doing the contacting? Did it work out well or badly?

 

[Smithy]

I've had a few schoolmates hunt me down and it was nice to hear from them. We'd grown apart with different interests, jobs and what have you but it was good fun for a catch up and a few beers.

I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. Take it as it comes, you might now be as different as chalk and cheese, or it might be like you've never had a period apart. But there's only one way to find out!

 

[s7eng]

I've been on both sides. I sent some letters to old friends and have never heard anything back. I found one friend’s brother online and sent a message for his brother to contact me also with no response.

I had several friends find/ contact me and I really enjoy catching up.

As far as those I have never heard back from, it could be as simple as they don't have time or that they are not where they wanted to be in life. They could be embarrassed at their current situation and not want an old friend to feel sorry for them. (Of course there could be multiple other reasons.)

 

[Elaina]

My dad found his kids his ex wife ran away with after 20 years. They just moved to be closer to them.

I contacted another sister after 15 years.

I'm mental. I have mixed feelings about my situation. On the good side, I DID contact an old friend from HS, and he and his wife and my husband and I go out to dinner once a month. THAT turned out fine. I have another one that I contacted, he's in Iraq and his wife has become a good friend.

 

[Brooksie]

I have a few stories of this nature...

First is unsolved-I have lost touch with my best friend and biggest confidant from truck driving school. I went to truck driving school in spring of 2005 in Fairfield TX, as most of you know I am from Oregon. My friend is from Durant OK, the last time I saw him (was in 2005) he was heading to Houston TX in a 18 wheeler to go to work for his uncle. He gave me his Mom's address in Durant as a way to stay in touch (because he has always been on the road a lot-he uses this address for mail), I wrote to him but I never heard back and I have tried searching for him online. ---- RICKEY where are you???----

Next story is a good one: My best friend and I from the early 90's got mad at each other and went our sepperate ways after about 13 years of friendship. We parted company for about four years we had not heard a peep out of one another. Then out of the blue(a few months ago) she called me up-her life had changed in a big way and she was living in UT. We patched things up and we are still in contact now and she is moving back to Oregon next month.

Next story is not so good: A very close friend of mine from about 20 years ago...we had parted company it was nothing big or bad, just things happen people change. I decided to look her up (she had moved to Idaho) and contacted her, she was very aloof and anoyed that I had tracked her down let alone even contacted her. She made it very clear that she did not want to stay in touch with me. I guess she took our parting as very personal where as to me I took it with a grain of salt, that stuff just happens!

Brooksie aka Lisa

 

[thetankw/ahat]

at my ripe old age of 19 i have many old freinds i think about quite frequently. i had this really cool experience just before summer last year where i was looking for one of my best friends i've had no contact with for the better part of 8-10 years (my memory's a little fuzzy as to when we stopped sending letters to eachother) on myspace unable to find her i gave up hope. less than a week later i get a message from this person named kelly saying something like "are you the jon from andrews air force base?" i reply with with something to the effect of "holy s*** its you! yeah its me how've you been?" she currently lives in boston so the only way for us to meet is for one of use to take a trip cross country. for some reason i've always had this fantasy that she lived in texas or arizona or someplace close like that.

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

I have found a few friends that I lost contact with, and have had a few people contact me.
Luckily, all have worked out well. It's been fun to catch up with people. There are a few people that I have tried searching for, but haven't found. It's surprising to me that this day and age someone actually can't be found.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Long story...

My parents were divorced when I was very young, and I kept in touch with his side of the family until he died...when I was about 10.

My aunt, who always lived off in random places like Turkey, Egypt and Iran and who inspired my world traveller instincts and tendencies...stopped writing to me after he died and the 10 year old me didn't write letters back enough to make people happy.

When I lived in England, I decided to try and find her via the ever popular 'Google them and they will be found' method. And I did actually find her, well almost. I found an email for another teacher, who had mentioned my aunts name on her webpage. I emailed her, explained who I was, and asked if she could pass on my info to my aunt, if she was still in contact with her.

Amazingly enough, this lady actually knew exactly who I was, as she had been freinds with my aunt for many many years.

I now correspond with my aunt fairly regularly and while its slow going on the 'personal issues' front, we have lovely letters in which we discuss books and life. She still lives in Turkey.

 

[Grace]

My best friend from high school contacted me out of the blue last month. We parted on somewhat bitter terms. She called and left a message, and I was astounded! After two weeks, I finally called her back. We shot the shit for close to 4 hours!
My husband finally tracked down his best friend from HS on MySpace, and he's flying out to meet us in Vegas in April, and we're going to visit him in Chicago this summer.
On the other hand-I contacted a few old schoolmates on Myspace. Some of them responded, some didn't. [huh] oh well? What can you do?

Then there was this girl I went to school with who was WEIRD. I mean really, really strange. I spoke to her in class and what not, I felt bad for her, no one liked her because of how weird she was. After high school, she joined the military and while stationed in Germany, she looked me up (HOW?? I still dont' know) and called. I was moritified!! I recognized her creepy voice as soon as I answered the phone, and I pretended to be a 'room mate'. She called a few other times and I didn't answer.

 

[scotrace]

Yes but

When, if ever, is it OK to track down old Significant Others? Is there ever a good reason to do this?

(Other than "you might want to see a doctor...") lol

 

[imoldfashioned]

Thanks for all your responses.

It is interesting, but I would never call someone in a situation like this. I actually had a cousin call me out of the blue and I definitely did not (nay, do not!) want to speak with her so it was very awkward. That's why I sent a note. If they don't want to contact me they just don't answer--no hard feelings and no cringeworthy conversations.

In my instance, the person is just a friend so I haven't got the Significant Other factor in this mix. Don't quite know what I'd do in that situation either, now that you mention it. Guess it would all depend on how the friendship ended. I usually have a pretty good sense of when people have moved on too and I respect that.

 

[GOK]

When, if ever, is it OK to track down old Significant Others? Is there ever a good reason to do this?

(Other than "you might want to see a doctor...") lol

I don't think so. As far as I am concerned all that is past history. If I was remotely interested in what they were doing with their lives, I'd have stayed in touch in the first place. Besides, it'd be unfair to remind them just what they are missing!!! lol

 

[imoldfashioned]

"Besides, it'd be unfair to remind them just what they are missing!"

Ha! Too funny.

 

[carebear]

I think the best way to get back in contact is to make a game of it.

Leave items that should obscurely remind them of past experiences on their porch at night, or when they're at work.

Call and with a garbled voice say things like "I know what you did 10 summers ago" and hang up.

Mail them old pictures with all the faces cut out. That sort of thing.

How fun would THAT be! I'm sure they'd get a kick out of it.



Just kidding.

It's really hit or miss it seems. The few time I've contacted folks from the past their response seemed more to rest on what they were doing at the time (busy, in a fight, needing a lift, etc) than how the friendship was when it ended. If they were in a reflective and relaxed mood, or looking for a distraction, they seemed more amenable to spending the time to catch back up. If they were busy or upset, I was just another claim on their time.

 

[Smithy]

When, if ever, is it OK to track down old Significant Others? Is there ever a good reason to do this?

(Other than "you might want to see a doctor...") lol

You're getting into seriously dangerous territory there especially if it's after some time, and any current girlfriends will not appreciate it.

It's different if you keep in regular contact with the "significant other" from the get-go, but otherwise tread carefully!

 

[ITG]

I had a girl I went to elementary with contact me on Myspace back in October. We got to talking. I told her about a have a scar on my arm from when she and I were chicken fighting on the low balance beam in third grade (she scratched me real good). She was kind of a bully (one of those girls you didn't want to get on the bad side of). I guess I was on her good side as this is what she remembers of me. That little note made me feel kinda good:
"omg ... thats so hilarious that you remember that- because i totally dont remember doing a chicken fight wiht you at [school] - wow.. thats insane
im sorry if i was mean to you and gave you that scar -

i also remember you being the nicest person i had ever met in my entire life - and i thank you
i know i must have been a **** to deal with in jr high but i always tried to be friendly with you
i was hoping to never have to go on sally or some lame talk show as the 'bully' who beat up on kids smaller than me"

Hearing from old acquaintances can be a good thing.