Clean Jokes

[Benny Holiday]

Thought for the day: if a drummer comes out of retirement, does that mean there'll be repercussions?

 

[Tiki Tom]

Where do you go if you are injured while playing peek-a-boo?
To the I.C.U.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Two female friends meet on the street.

"Hey, my sunshine, good to see you! But why you look so sad?

"Ah, two weeks ago, my boyfriend came for an R & R from the Airforce."

"But isn't that a thing to be happy??"

"Sure, but he brought me a present. But..."

"But what?"

"But it was a bunch of Chlamydia."

 

[Turnip]

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Trenchfriend]

Buying Espresso machine??

Nah, I don't want a coffee, which is faster than me, in the morning!

 

[Zachary]

Buying Espresso machine??

Nah, I don't want a coffee, which is faster than me, in the morning!

Honestly, I don't get this joke even if I imagine it expressed in German …

 

[GHT]

Honestly, I don't get this joke even if I imagine it expressed in German …

My guess would be that Espresso is malapropism for Express, therefore the coffee is faster than the drinker. If I'm right, the humour is lost in translation.

 

[Turnip]

…

 

[Trenchfriend]

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come, they're wild and wet, but when they go, they take your house and car...

 

[Turnip]

 

[BobHufford]

^^^^ That's me being forced to be in the office nowadays.

 

[Tiki Tom]

^^^ That’s my kids when I tell them “pick a major that will eventually lead to your being able to support yourself.” (Poetry majors and Acting degrees, not so much.)

 

[Turnip]

 

[LostInTyme]

I got tired of waiting for my ship to come in.........

 

[Zombie_61]

 

[Turnip]

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Tiki Tom]

If you see a crime being committed at an Apple Store, what are you?
An I-witness.

 

[Turnip]