Clean Jokes

[Frunobulax]

Saturday Morning Toons...

Well, in my case, only Herbie is childhood. The rest are my mid-20s.

Wait, this is illegal?!!

 

[Bamaboots]

View attachment 332049

View attachment 332050

View attachment 332318

View attachment 332319

View attachment 332556

Well done!

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[LostInTyme]

Curtis & Leroy bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied,"Well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said,"Can't do that. I went and spent it already." They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule." The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" Leroy said, "We shore can! We don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!" A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said,"We sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898." The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[1967Cougar390]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[LostInTyme]

View attachment 334779

Someone call the Moose!

 

[Trenchfriend]

I still love it!

 

[tonyb]

I sent a coworker a “get better soon” card.

He isn’t sick. I just want him to get better soon.

 

[LostInTyme]

SCIENCE LESSON

Never discount the Doppler Effect, the ever increasing and decreasing pitch of an moving object, nor Pythagoras and his theorem of all triangles that are right, or Newton who discovered gravity and a great biscuit filled with fig.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[LostInTyme]

> Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile
phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and
begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops talking.
>
>MAN: "Hello"
>
>WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
>
>MAN: "Yes."
>
>WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only
$2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
>
>MAN: " Sure, go ahead if you like it that
much."
>
>WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new
models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?"
>
>WOMAN: "$90,000."
>
>MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
>
>WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Kate and
found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're
asking $980,000 for it."
>
>MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of
$900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-
thousand if it's what you really want."
>
>WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you
later! I love you so much!"
>
>MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
>
>The man
hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment,
mouths wide open.
>
>He turns and asks, "Anyone know who owns this phone?"

 

[Trenchfriend]

You know the name of "Christmas Money" in GDR?

"End of the year-Bonus"