Clean Jokes

[3fingers]

^^^ That Dylan. Deep thinker, but he's sure to be the death of any party.

 

[Frunobulax]

^^^ That Dylan. Deep thinker, but he's sure to be the death of any party.

"He was a quiet boy..."


Sent directly from my mind to yours.

 

[Peacoat]

Mississippi State Trooper pulled Bubba over for speeding.

Trooper: "You got any ID, Bubba"

Bubba: "Any ID 'bout what, Trooper?"

 

[Zombie_61]

M r ducks.
M r not.
O s a r. C m wangs?
L i b. M r ducks.

^ Can you crack the code?

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Father & daughter, obviously

 

[Frunobulax]

M r ducks.
M r not.
O s a r. C m wangs?
L i b. M r ducks.

^ Can you crack the code?

That was one of my grandma's favorite jokes.

 

[Zachary]

That was one of my grandma's favorite jokes.

Still don’t get it, though.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Still very popular in Germany:

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."

George Best

 

[Zombie_61]

Still don’t get it, though.

It's a conversation between two "southern" men while they're out hunting. I'll translate:

"M r ducks." = "Them are ducks."
"M r not." = "Them are not."
"O s a r. C m wangs?" = "Oh yes they are. See them wings?"
"L i b. M r ducks." = "Well I'll be. Them are ducks."

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Steel dunt git how yoo git that translated to that...

 

[Frunobulax]

Steel dunt git how yoo git that translated to that...

Read it out loud.

 

[drmaxtejeda]

It's a conversation between two "southern" men while they're out hunting. I'll translate:

"M r ducks." = "Them are ducks."
"M r not." = "Them are not."
"O s a r. C m wangs?" = "Oh yes they are. See them wings?"
"L i b. M r ducks." = "Well I'll be. Them are ducks."

AB, CD fish?
L, MNO fish.
SAR. CMPN?

My Mom taught me that one. Hadn't thought of it in a while.

Sent from my LG-H870 using Tapatalk

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Read it out loud.

OK..did it. 'Nothing'..must be my Hoosier accent overwhelming what ever in hell you people are talking about. Now forgive me but I must go warsh my clothes and trim the booshes.
HD

 

[Peacoat]

The motor officer who told this to me said it happened to him about six months earlier.

The officer liked to park his motorcycle at the bottom of a hill and use his radar as the motorists were topping the crest and headed down the hill. If they were 11 mph or more over the speed limit, he would flip on his blue lights and motion them over. That way he didn't have to chase them, and he could stay set up and write more tickets.

One day he clocked a young guy doing 14 over as he started down the hill. The officer turned his blue lights on and motioned him over to the side of the road. He approached the car and said to the offender in a friendly manner, "Son, I have been waiting here all day for you."

"I'm sorry Officer, but I got here as fast as I could," the young man replied.

When he quit laughing, the officer put the ticket book back in his rear pocket and said, "Have a nice, day, but slow it down."

I have had several officers tell me they seldom have had anyone talk their way out of a ticket, but a whole bunch have talked their way into one. This guy talked his way out of a ticket with 12 simple words and a quick wit.

 

[drmaxtejeda]

The motor officer who told this to me said it happened to him about six months earlier.

The officer liked to park his motorcycle at the bottom of a hill and use his radar as the motorists were topping the crest and headed down the hill. If they were 11 mph or more over the speed limit, he would flip on his blue lights and motion them over. That way he didn't have to chase them, and he could stay set up and write more tickets.

One day he clocked a young guy doing 14 over as he started down the hill. The officer turned his blue lights on and motioned him over to the side of the road. He approached the car and said to the offender in a friendly manner, "Son, I have been waiting here all day for you."

"I'm sorry Officer, but I got here as fast as I could," the young man replied.

When he quit laughing, the officer put the ticket book back in his rear pocket and said, "Have a nice, day, but slow it down."

I have had several officers tell me they seldom have had anyone talk their way out of a ticket, but a whole bunch have talked their way into one. This guy talked his way out of a ticket with 12 simple words and a quick wit.

Good one!

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[Hurricane Jack]

 

[2jakes]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[GHT]