Clean Jokes

[Turnip]

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Low-voltage current"? Um, um...

AAH, now I remember!! That's, what they always cooked the coffee with, at our main station...

 

[Frunobulax]

Sitting here last night watching Netflix with the wife. I hear the sound of my phone receiving a text, and realize it's coming from the kitchen.

I get up to go see what it is and notice the text is from my wife. It says, "Bring me a Pepsi on your way back."

 

[My Scooter]

 

[Trenchfriend]

Refering to the "One day, when..." jokes.

One day, when women will comprehend, that all body care products and all the SMINK will never eliminate GRAVITY, than economy will finally crash...

 

[Turnip]

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[02 nighttrain]

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife and said:

"Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV.
But hey, I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed, and a large-screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.
So I said to my wife:

"It seems you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife being a very reasonable woman told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house,
driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

[02 nighttrain]

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife and said:

"Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV.
But hey, I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed, and a large-screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.
So I said to my wife:

"It seems you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife being a very reasonable woman told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house,
driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

After careful consideration, i'm beginning my search for that 23 yr old

 

[My Scooter]

 

[Trenchfriend]

View attachment 483053

Rollmops

 

[Turnip]

 

[BobHufford]

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

 

[Turnip]

 

[Frunobulax]

What's the most angry nut?

The pissed-achio!

 

[Trenchfriend]

@Turnip

Don't get it.

 

[My Scooter]

Don't get it.

Pistachio Nuts?​

 

[Trenchfriend]

Pistachio Nuts?​

No, turnip's cartoon.

 

[Frunobulax]

@Turnip

Don't get it.

Pistachio Nuts?​

Nah, he doesn't get Turnip's.

Trench, the woman is complaining the man doesn't listen and the man confirms it by thinking she said something else.

 

[My Scooter]