Children at Weddings

[Flying Scotsman]

I thought weddings were all about the couple getting married? I didn't think they were all about other family members. So if the couple getting married wants X done a certain way, shouldn't that be the way it's done?

I've seen more dust-ups (minor and major) at weddings because either family or friends forgot that basic principle, and started to think the wedding should be what THEY want.

Some couples may want a formal, adults-only, fancy dinner, cocktails, ballroom dancing...and they should be allowed to have that, without others sneering at them because they don't want children there.

Not everyone in this world is enamored with children...can you guess how I feel about them? LOL!

 

[Paisley]

My dog is part of my family. Wouldn't it be funny if he grabbed the bride's veil and ran off with it, knocked over the cake and barked at the groom? It would be a wedding to remember!

Nevertheless, I will wait until he is invited before I bring him.

 

[Barbigirl]

~

First of all I agree that if a couple truly wants a formal, adults-only, fancy dinner, cocktails, ballroom dancing event with no children there, then their wishes should be abided. I have only been to two of those type events, and they were beautiful but no dancing and both bordered on boring.

That is versus probably 20 weddings that were "we want to share our joy with all of our family, not just the adults" type, including my own in 1990. I happened to be the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family with a total of 13 cousins, I would have alienated a whole lot of aunts and uncles to say "the children aren't welcome" considering how close we all were.

I can't recall any horrific children stories at any of the weddings I have attended (& mind you I am not particulary fond of any except my own.) As for my own wedding, I was so wrapped up in myself and groom I was completely oblivious to anything else happening at the wedding.

I guess my family really falls in line with the teach and expect them to behave very early and there won't be any issues later. When my brother-in-law got married my flower girl daughter got to the end of the aisle and hugged the groom's leg then sat down with me, it was heartwarming and not considered a poor move.

At both my sister's weddings we all danced (including the kids) long into the night and everyone had a great time.

Just my experience...

 

[Feraud]

My dog is part of my family. Wouldn't it be funny if he grabbed the bride's veil and ran off with it, knocked over the cake and barked at the groom? It would be a wedding to remember!

Nevertheless, I will wait until he is invited before I bring him.

What I would like to see is for the dog to catch the bouquet or garter!

 

[Miss Neecerie]

What I would like to see is for the dog to catch the bouquet or garter!

And then the dog would have to get married...which brings us to the Doggie Wedding topic.....

 

[Paisley]

A Word from the Grande Dame

Here is Miss Manners' take on it:

A Childproof Wedding Reception
Wednesday, March 7, 2007; Page C09


Dear Miss Manners:

I will be ordering my wedding invitations soon and hope that you can clear up a question about the proper etiquette for the wording.

I want the event to be for adults, but I have guests coming in from out of town with children. I have arranged for a child-care room at my site, complete with children's food, games, toys, movies and paid child care. I feel that by providing this, it will help those who cannot get child care, cannot afford it or simply live out of town. By providing this, free of charge, of course, I feel it would not be rude to let the guests know it's an adults-only party and that if they bring their children, the child-care room would be mandatory for them.

How do I word this on the invitations clearly enough so they know children are not allowed in the event but cordial enough where they feel the provided care is a generous alternative gesture?

"Mandatory" is not an enticing word to put on an invitation. Nor is it a good spirit in which to issue an invitation. Hospitality requires that you tell people what you are offering them to enjoy, not what you are ordering them to obey.

Miss Manners hastens to add that she does not mean that you must have children attend the wedding, charming as she happens to think that is. Technically, all you need do is to issue your invitations in the names of the parents only; that should be enough for them to understand that their children are not included.

Ha. You know those people, and they will bring them anyway. Or they will wheedle to do so.

So here is what you do: You send separate formal invitations in the names of the children only, inviting them to a children's wedding party that takes place at the same time as the wedding itself.

Note that Miss Manners specified that the invitations were to be formal. No balloons or circus animals, for once. They should be somewhat in the style of the wedding invitations and should ask for the favor of a response. On the families' arrivals, the person in charge of the children should stand at the door to greet them, and bear them off, saying, "I believe you are one of my special guests."

 

[Paisley]

And then the dog would have to get married...which brings us to the Doggie Wedding topic.....

He's old enough to live together without raising any eyebrows.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I thought weddings were all about the couple getting married? I didn't think they were all about other family members. So if the couple getting married wants X done a certain way, shouldn't that be the way it's done? I in no way implied otherwise. I merely stated that the vast majority of weddings I have attended, included kids, and they really are quite harmless.

I've seen more dust-ups (minor and major) at weddings because either family or friends forgot that basic principle, and started to think the wedding should be what THEY want. I have never witnessed anyone trying to make someone else's wedding into what they want, never. If anything does happen, it's usually the "adults" that cause problems, and only because they have consumed too much alcohol.

Some couples may want a formal, adults-only, fancy dinner, cocktails, ballroom dancing...and they should be allowed to have that, without others sneering at them because they don't want children there. Fine. If that's what they want. But who is sneering? Me? I merely stated my opinion based on experience.

Not everyone in this world is enamored with children...can you guess how I feel about them? LOL!
We were all kids once.

I think when I get married, I will invite all kids,... no adults! lol

 

[Feraud]

And then the dog would have to get married...which brings us to the Doggie Wedding topic.....

Canines today are not like those from the "Greatest Generation".Today we have illegitimate pups, unfaithful spouses, and not to mention the divorce rate among the younger crowd.
I long for the old days...

 

[RedPop4]

If a wedding is "their day", then, why invite anyone at all?

 

[Flying Scotsman]

...But who is sneering? Me? I merely stated my opinion based on experience.

My apologies...I didn't mean you, personally. I only meant that there can be a certain "what's wrong with you that you don't like kids" attitude from the Baby Borg generation. Trust me, I've received enough of it...

But I didn't mean to insult you, my apologies if that came out wrong.

Not everyone in this world is enamored with children...can you guess how I feel about them? LOL!

We were all kids once.

HA! I get to cross off one of the squares on my Breeder Bingo card now!

 

[Flying Scotsman]

If a wedding is "their day", then, why invite anyone at all?

Indeed? And if they didn't, that would be their choice, too. And it would be considered uncouth for others to complain about it, would it not?

Here's another of my favorites: "If you're not having any children, why are you getting married?"

 

[RedPop4]

Baby Borg Generation?
Breeders?

 

[Flying Scotsman]

Baby Borg Generation?
Breeders?

Think about it...

 

[Archie Goodwin]

depends on the couple

I truly believe this comes down to the people getting hitched. Some people want to get married on a beach, some in a cathedral, and I heard about one couple who wanted to do it while sky diving. Some people want a very adult wedding, and some would not feel complete without the entire family of every generation being present.

The only hard rule I think matters at weddings is that the couple should get the wedding they want. Of course, as a maried man, I understand my previous statement to mean that the bride should get the wedding she wants, and the groom had better be very supportive, no matter what it does to his credit rating.

P.S. When we got married, it was an adult New Year's Eve party in the French Quarter. We have discussed it, and if we decide to renew our vows, it will either be a big church thing with as many family (including children) as we can get, or we will go to Vegas. I want a Star Trek wedding, and my wife wants an Elvis wedding. I suppose I better start looking for a white sequined jumpsuit.

 

[Elaina]

. I want a Star Trek wedding, and my wife wants an Elvis wedding. I suppose I better start looking for a white sequined jumpsuit.

Sounds exactly like my house. We've opted in Vegas and doing both.

 

[RedPop4]

Think about it...

I'm thinking. But I'd rather you explain it to me, than me get caught up in the stereotypes of my own mind.

They sound rather contemptuous, to me.

 

[Smithy]

I think kids at weddings are fine so long as the parents have brought them up so that they can sit still and be quiet for a period of time.

Those ones that roar up and down the aisle and yell and shout and can't sit still for 5 minutes are dreadful. But it says more about the parents than the poor kids who have been allowed to get away with that kind of behaviour.

 

[mysterygal]

In my opinion, it depends on the age of the child. You really can't expect a child under 5 to sit still and quiet for a whole hour or more. A noisy kid is just disrespectful. It's distracting for the guests and for the bride and groom as well.
With my 10 year old, she's an absolute joy to bring, but she understands what's going on as well.

 

[jake_fink]

I went crosseyed partway through the thread, so maybe I missed it, but isn't the decision to have or not have children at the wedding and/or reception the bride and groom's?

Who cares what we all think.